Weakened Shenanigans and the Mom Report

Spelled it that way on purpose. 
In case you wondered.

It's been 13 years since my knee got wrecked working for those ungrateful assholes at Champions, a division of KinderCare. 

They don't take care of injured workers, instead they hire attorneys to avoid taking care of the people who work for them. I had to get a lawyer because otherwise, I wouldn't have been helped at all, like a couple of former co-workers I could tell you about. My god. Criminal mistreatment. 

Toxic to work there on almost every level. All they seemed to care about is how much money they could make to keep the shareholders happy and how to crap on their employees. 

They restructure every few years, spending millions. I have been told it's to get out from under the lawsuits filed by people who have been discriminated against. 

PSA: Don't work there. Not for any division. They're monsters. 
I would never leave my child(ren) or grandchildren in any KC facility, either.

So I had the knee surgeries, but by the time I could get someone to listen to me, the damage was done. The ACL graft didn't take and within a year or so, there was nothing but bone inside both knees.

And having been gaslighted (gaslit?) by several doctors by then, and more or less by my own lawyer I resolved to just live with the pain and decided against pursuing a knee replacement later on. I am just not willing to go through any of that again.

But going through the amount of pain I have on a daily basis isn't a great deal of fun. In case you wondered. Add to that my arthritis in my ankles and other stuff going on and I have to assume that my warranty has expired. My back hurts. I take Excedrin, although under the maximum amount. I'm not trying to blow up my liver.

It's exhausting. 
That's worse than the discomfort, really. 
Perpetually wiped out is not a fun way to live.

I have other things going on as well, but that's enough.

Lots of people have it worse. I'm still able to work and do the laundry. Although I need breaks during those things. 

Anyway. This weekend Lyssa and Mason were here to do some dyeing. 
They went out to breakfast with Eric and I stayed home and got ready to mix dyes and found the things I needed for our projects. They were here until around 1, then we had to go do the grocery shopping. By the time we were finished with that, I was finished, too. Then I moaned and groaned and made barky noises every time I had to get up and walk around, lol. It sucks, but it's also humorous. Both of us are barking these days. Amazing how fast 'someday getting old' catches ya!

I had been wanting to try some reverse dye, which is just using bleach to discharge color from a garment and then dye those sections a different color. I have a chemical called Bleach Stop that you're supposed to use after bleaching because otherwise the chlorine in the bleach just keeps breaking down fibers. Your shirt or whatever you're dyeing will end up with holes in it. Not what you want after putting in all that work.

I wasn't happy with the results of the discharge dye. 
An aside here, every couple weeks I see a query on social media asking for information about how to remove bleach stains.

Sorry Charlie, those aren't stains, those are spots where the color died and you'll never get it back. 

So today I tried re-bleaching the black t shirt. It did lose a bit more color, but still not enough that I can over-dye and have the new colors actually show up. A bit disappointing. But since I ordered the long sleeved shirts to wear under my work tees, the way the shirt turns out isn't that important, no one will see it.

I also tried a new design under ice, so it will be tomorrow or the next day before the ice melts and I see how that turns out. I still have dye (A LOT of dye) so I'll be doing a couple more shirts, one gigantic big men's shirt for sleeping, one blue that I don't like so I'm adding a spiral and using black and a different blue on it. 

Eric cooked for me this weekend, so that means I get to do the dishes tomorrow. I have to work a couple different days this week and have an invitation to go out to my school in a couple weeks for setup.

It's amazing how fast summer went by. There are two more weeks of summer camp, I packed the supplies for this week on Wednesday of last week, and will get over to the office this week, not sure which day, and pack the last order for camp.

I've been collecting new ideas for projects and crafty stuff all summer, as well as some things for kids to do with their parents during our open house/family night thing.

I have a small but hopefully sturdy foosball table for Eric to assemble. When I worked for the Y, they purchased one for the school I was unceremoniously dropped into and when he put it together, he put wood glue in every single screw hole. It was holding up beautifully after a full six months of use. I did try to teach them to treat it carefully, but they were used to the ignorant dipstick who'd been in charge there and didn't have the habit of trying to keep stuff nice. They did pretty well, often a few explanations are needed, but the kids start explaining it to other kids and eventually, it works.

I started my October order for work, too.

Meanwhile, the house, while better, isn't great because every thing I do has to be done  a little bit at a time because EVERYDAMNTHING hurts. I get up, work for 10 minutes or so, then my back hurts or my knee or whatever and I go back to sitting.

Haha, I'm fine. Everything is fine.

I called my mom twice this week. (We also text most evenings)
She sounded a bit better tonight, more with it than she has been. 
I hope she continues to improve, I know she's had a big fear of living years after her mind melts, the way her mother did. 

She has an advance directive and has given it a good deal of thought. I'm proud of her for that, my dad never did it and it caused some worry about whether or not she'd done the right thing when he stopped eating and she said no IV nutrition. His brain was basic oatmeal by then, she didn't want him to linger in that state. All of us agreed with her.

But she's been very confused since the fall until we spoke tonight. She definitely sounds better than she has.

I know that general anesthesia is not good for elderly people, that the body doesn't process things the same way and that cognition is affected, sometimes permanently.

The biggest obstacle to our conversations is something I would not have thought about. She's in a nursing home, not assisted living. That means many of the residents there are ill. She said that she hasn't really met anyone to converse with, that most of them are not doing well cognitively.

Her neighbor across the hall has a monitor that goes beeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeep 24/7.

Mom can't hear it. She *is* wearing her hearing aids, but I guess the frequency of the beeeeeeeps is either above or below her hearing range, so she isn't affected by it. I sure as hell wish I weren't.
So our conversations are very short.

Also, even though she says her hearing aids are in and that the staff there charges them every night, she's constantly saying, "Hwut?? Hwut??" to me. I have to (loudly) repeat nearly everything I say. It's annoying but it's funny, too. I could see it being a comedy sketch on some show or another. 

I do a lot of shout/reapeating inane information that would be better via text message.

Tomorrow, one of my last days of summer freedom, I'll finish the dyeing and put alllllll the stuff away again. I enjoy the creative process, and am always happy with the results of my efforts, but it's a gigantic pain in the ass to clean up afterward.

I'm excited to see the shirt that's in the ice, though. It melts slowly, distributing the colors like a watercolor painting. I learn from each new project, so if this one isn't great, the next one will be better.

With that, I'm off to bed. I got up at 4, again at 6 and couldn't get back to sleep. I feel like a lump. A tired one.

Zapppppp

Back in 2009 I had rotator cuff surgery.
Well, rotator cuff and bicep reattachment.

I'm sure you've heard about how painful shoulder surgery is. I'm here to tell you, everything you've read about it is meaningless compared to the actual critter.
Although the pain has long since faded, and the scars are tiny little white lines, the memory of the agony will probably never go away.

The ACL replacement was worse.
I've never felt anything so horrible.
For weeks.

Of course they didn't listen to me when I told them it wasn't right. By the time I got someone to listen and do an MRI, it was too late.

Part of my hamstring was taken to form a new ACL. Big old holes drilled in my knee, an extra large calcium based screw was added, none of it worked.

The graft failed.

Now there's nothing but bone in both knees.
No cartilage in either one. The right knee had to do a whole lot of extra work while I was laid up and recovering, and that one's been operated on, too.

I've been walking around on ruined knees for ten goddamn years.

I still send wishes that are literally dripping with hatred to the fuckfaced asshole work comp lawyer  (aka the man in the smeg-colored suit) and his ship of morally bankrupt fools whose job it is to shit on injured workers. Of course it's just my opinion that he is a fuckfaced asshole. He may actually be the Mother Theresa of work comp lawyers.

Can you imagine? Their only job is to further harm people who have already been hurt. They work really hard at it and they make a metric fuckton of money.

They make their living hurting people.

Much like politicians.

So yeah. I hurt all the time. I'm not alone, I know.
Many have it much, much worse. I'm grateful that I can still work and do stuff.

But right now, it's windy. It often is out here in the mouth of the gorge.
I'm not terribly fond of wind, it agitates me for some reason.

Also, when it's windy, my pain levels are much worse. Not enough aspirin and other stuff in the universe on some days. And if it's under 40 degrees and windy, it's really bad.

Even that is interesting, though. You know how I always say that everything is educational, right? It really is.

Which is why I have developed this theory.

You know your body runs on electricity, right?
You're nothing but a big battery.
Several interesting articles out there.
Google was helpful in my little search.

From this article:

Electricity is everywhere, even in the human body. Our cells are specialized to conduct electrical currents. Electricity is required for the nervous system to send signals throughout the body and to the brain, making it possible for us to move, think and feel.

So, how do cells control electrical currents?

The elements in our bodies, like sodium, potassium, calcium, and magnesium, have a specific electrical charge. Almost all of our cells can use these charged elements, called ions, to generate electricity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had months of physical therapy for both of those big injuries.
One of the more interesting and least-painless parts of therapy involved the use of a thing called an Acuscope.

It was explained to me briefly pre-surgery, and a couple weeks later after I'd been sliced and diced, the topic came up again.

Shawn, the PT guy, wheeled a big cart into the treatment room, plugged in the machine and asked, "Do you remember how this works?"

I told him that the human body runs on electricity. And that healthy tissue has a very specific electronic signature. When you hook up the acuscope, the electrodes that are attached where the healthy tissue is pick up that signature and mimic it in the injured tissue which is between the other electrodes. The idea is that the injured tissue will electronically change while the correct frequency is applied and eventually heal, hopefully faster than it would have otherwise.

He stared at me.
I thought I'd said something wrong or incredibly stupid.
So I said, "What?"
He said he had therapists on his staff that wouldn't have been able to explain it so well.
Apparently that was intended to be complimentary.

I do think the Acuscope was helpful in the healing process.

Okay, so back to my theory.

Have you ever seen a video of a big spark jumping between someone's hand and a vehicle door? Or a spark in the middle of the night when you're adjusting your blankets and you've built up a good static charge without even knowing it? Or, have you done it on purpose? My Aunt Jeanne and Uncle George had shag carpet back in the 70s and every time my brother and I were there for a family gathering, we stayed in our socks and chased each other around trying to zap.

When the wind blows here, it builds up a great deal of static. Getting into your car can be an adventure. At my school, the static came indoors. Our concrete floors were full of electricity. My larger rugs, when I was rolling them up, would often shock me. I could feel my hair standing up, and when I stood the rugs up to make sure the roll was tight, the static would discharge rather painfully through one of my big toes and into the floor.

So I think the static and other stuff generated by the wind plays holy hell with my body's electrical field. Which causes me more pain in my knees and other parts of my body. Mostly knees, though.

So this week is supposed to be warm and windy.
Guess I'll be hobbling around a little more than usual.

I ought to be glad the electricity leaves my hair alone.

It's been __ days since the last incident

I'm fine.
How are you?

I got up for work on Monday morning, did the usual shower and all that stuff, and grabbed a sweatshirt off the back of my chair on my way through the kitchen.
I turned on my left leg to grab my keys and there was this.. pop behind my knee.

It hurt, but not in a debilitating way, so I headed out the door.

Drove to my school, a commute of about six minutes. When I got out of my car, I almost couldn't walk. My knee hurt SO MUCH in the back! Oh my goodness. I walked very slowly into the building and to my little room. Where I sat on one of the wheeled chairs the entire morning.

When I returned in the afternoon, I brought my cane.

On Tuesday, I was still using the little wheeled chairs to scoot around the room a bit. Set out a project, some Goldfish and little orange slices in juice at the snack table, got out the LEGO rug and the book cart.

Our custodian had done the floors in there during the day, so I was paying close attention to the mess around the snack table. When Hayden dropped one of his crackers on the floor, I wheeled over to grab it.

Leaned forward in my chair, the chair tipped all the way forward and dumped me on the floor.

There was a collective gasp from the kids.
A lot of, "Are you okay?!?!"

I was. Except for the pinkie on my left hand. Not sure how I managed it, but I broke a blood vessel in the knuckle so it got ugly and discolored right away. But I was fine. No residual soreness. I was able to get right up, too.

Bizarre.

As I write this on Thursday night, my knee feels a lot better, too. I was able to dispense with the cane today. I told Eric last week that something felt funny in the back of my knee, too. I have had a cyst inside there once before. It was taken care of during one of the knee surgeries. I'm wondering if that's what was going on this time, too.

::shrug:::

There is a ton of stuff going on work-wise.

I'm pleased to announce that because of Fluffy's meddling and the avalanche of support from my families, my program will be running year-round starting this coming school year.

No more traveling to crazy and out-of-control sites, I'll be running things MY way at MY site.
We have a new contract with the school district.

I keep meaning to actually catch you up, but then I have this training or that in the evening to go to (finally done with those thank goodness) and then other shit going on... so yeah.

How's life in your world? 

What I Really Think

Q: Where do vampires go to learn to suck blood?
A: Law school.

I haven't had anything to say about the work comp shit lately.
Unless I forget something, this will be the last full post about it.

I reserve the right to complain whenever I want to, though.

Of course I still am living with chronic pain and a broken and permanently damaged knee*, it's often full of water, too.

And I'm still just.. gobsmacked at how horrible the whole thing was.

*Damaged until I choose to have it replaced. They try to keep you going years and years and years on the ruined joint, as a replacement only lasts about 12 years. It's gonna be a long road. Much longer than the 5+ years I've been on it already. Thanks, you fucking assholes.

I had never had occasion to look into the whole sordid work comp business before all this shit happened, you see.

Now that I have, I'll tell you and anyone else who is hurt at work, GET A LAWYER. Do it first. In fact, it might be a good idea to research work comp attorneys now, just in case you ever are injured at work. That way, you know who to call. That will take one thing off your plate, and believe me, that's a good thing.

I am not completely thrilled with my choice of attorney, but could have done worse.

Although I think her intentions were good, there were things my attorney did not tell me.
A lot of them.
That lack of knowledge ended up being detrimental to me, because if I knew then what I know now...

I think this is due to the fact that all she does is work comp and takes for granted that people know things that they do not.

And because she's too busy. Too many cases and none of them are personally important to anyone but the person who's been injured and his or her family. There is no one looking out for your best interests but you. No one cares how much pain you're in, no one is going to listen to you unless you yell really, really loud.

Trust me on this.

I will be sending her a letter to try to explain what it would have helped for me to know.

Sort of as a public service for the next person who gets hurt on the job and doesn't know what really happens.

That they're about to be slammed with even more pain and suffering and humongous piles of bullshit. That the attorney(s) who work for the comp insurer (and the comp insurer) don't give a fuck whether you're hurt, what you need, how they can best help make you whole again. All they care about is doing whatever they can to avoid taking care of your injuries in the first place.

In addition, they want you to just take it.
Say nothing.
Go away, be quiet.
Suffer in silence, as it were.

The opposing attorney didn't like me speaking up on my blog.
They started reading it quite early in the proceedings.

It wasn't long before they subscribed via email to avoid showing up in my stats, but I knew they were reading.

The conventional wisdom about knowing your audience and writing for them was not lost on me. ;)

That post kept me from having to attend still another redundant exam.
Idiots.
Left hand, meet right hand.

The comp attorney made vague rumblings about libel. There were comments about me 'badmouthing' my employer.
Which is a complete crock of shit.
I have taken great care not to do that.
I am invested in my program with all my heart and not a small amount of my own damn money.

Is it a perfect company?
No. It's a large corporation, and there's a great deal of left hand not knowing what right hand is doing, but it's not a bad place to work.

I think for the most part, they do a decent job with benefits etc. It *is* hard to be heard, because peons can't talk to anyone, but that's kind of okay, too.

I'm out on my own little island, hanging out with my kids and doing my job. Getting paid to play.

I think Mr. comp attorney was projecting... I'm sure he's not much fun to work for.

No reason for me to say bad things about my company.
My company doesn't take care of their injured workers anyway.
Instead, they've hired an insurance company who doesn't take care of them.

I'm sure once they've handed off to the insurer, they don't even know what's going on. That's why you hire someone else to do things... so you don't have to. Right? Oh, they might get a very sanitized update now and then, but they don't really *know*.

If I ran the world, though,(or at least my own company) I'd assign someone from the company to monitor work comp cases and make sure the people who work for me are being taken care of properly.

And if not, find out why. Make things right.

Anyway, those fucking humanitarians and statesmen of the ever-popular putz and assbite Inc. didn't like me talking about MY injuries on MY FUCKING BLOG. They didn't like the scrutiny and honesty about what was going on and what was being done, er, NOT being done for me.

If me telling the truth was detrimental to them... if the m.i.t.s.c.s was so afraid that one small blog, out of millions of small blogs would shine unwanted light on his operation, then maybe he should consider changing the way he does business.

As for libel, he'd have to prove I damaged his reputation (oh good god... seriously???)
And that I somehow affected his earnings.
Again, nope. The only damages were the ones done to me.

And if the things I wrote about were true (they were, to the best of my knowledge) there *is* no libel anyway. He knew/knows that. He was just doing the standard intimidation that has helped him and people like him be the flowers of humanity they are.

I chose to remove his name from my blog because I was sick and tired of that asshole.

I found even the act of reading his name abhorrent and disgusting.
Like stepping in dog shit.

I didn't want him here anymore.

But gee whiz, I can't imagine why he didn't like me writing about what was going on.

The tens of people who read my blog would never have need of his services, and if a simple google search by someone who was considering retaining him found my blog, why, wouldn't that be to his benefit?

So when I made the decision to scrub the shit off remove his name from my blog, it was for me.
Not him.
He can rot in hell.

I sent a letter to my attorney. Told her to feel free to send it on to him. Instead, she sanitized it and sent him a condensed version.

I've always been sorry about that, I thought he should have seen the whole letter. My guess is that he's still paying some poor asshole to monitor my blog, so perhaps he will see this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear My Attorney,

I received your recent letter in which you passed on the requests made by whosit regarding my personal blog and the comments about libel and/or other possible legal action.

As a public figure who earns a living by doing his best to make sure injured workers aren't compensated for their on-the-job injuries, I'm sure this isn't the first time whosit has been recognized for how splendidly he functions within those parameters.

As the injured party in this particular case, I have gone through and will continue to suffer extra years of pain and disability due in part to his efforts to help the insurer avoid covering my injuries in a timely manner.

I can't imagine why he finds it odd that I don't appreciate his help in keeping me from the care I deserved.

Partly due to whosit's efforts, I will eventually have to have my knee replaced, when if I'd been listened to by my doctors and they hadn't been repeatedly pressured by the insurer and their lawyers to close my case, it may have been possible to salvage my knee.

Nothing I can do about it now.

The irreversible damage to my knee and my mobility is now just another fact of life. It affects nearly everything I do, actually.

I can't imagine how anyone could feel good about that.

But strictly as a courtesy, I have done my best to remove his name and the name of his law firm from my blog.

If one searches my blog now, they will find whosit and his law firm renamed, some old posts changed, and some sections sanitized.

I know my employer is aware of my blog.
In fact, I have discussed it with my employer at great length on several occasions over the past few years.

There are many reasons I have never mentioned the name of the company I work for or our location, and never connected my own name with my blog.

Most of those reasons have to do with the privacy and security of the children I care for, but I also love my job.

The heroic efforts I've put forth to continue working through some horrendous pain probably show that in ways that words cannot.

I don't care if they want to monitor my blog until Hell freezes over.

If instructions for craft projects, stories about the children I care for, and occasional pictures of my family or my artwork are interesting enough to him to continue paying someone to read my blog, then by all means they should feel free to do so. It will add to my tens of readers.

Finally, I may have overlooked something. If I didn't catch all the posts or mentions of whosit or his firm, I will immediately remove those things if notified.

That is much more than was necessary.
And shows far more courtesy to him than he has ever shown to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And from the other letter I sent to her...

I received the copy of the letter you sent to whosit regarding my blog.

I may have removed his name and references to his firm, but I will always  wonder how someone who hurts people for a living feels okay about it.

I'm sure he thinks I was sufficiently intimidated by his blustering and his thinly veiled threats about libel to remove his name from my writings.

Not so.

He'd have a hell of a time proving I damaged his reputation. If anything, someone trying to decide whether or not to hire him to represent their company would be pleased to see how devoid of humanity he is.
That cold-hearted lawyer stereotype exists for a reason.
I enhanced his reputation.

And let's be realistic.
About 20 people a day read my writings.
18 of those are repeat customers.

I'm simply... weary. Ready to dismiss him from my universe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And with this post, that's my plan. Obviously the constant and unrelenting pain I have will cause me to remember him from time to time and send out a wish that everyone he comes in contact with will treat him exactly as he deserves. And I know that hurting people does eventually come back and bite you in the ass... I'm sorry I will probably never know when that happens.

Okay. On to better things. I'd mention them here, but I don't want to taint the good things in my life with even a hint of the filth that's surrounded me for the past 5 years.

Shopping and Soap and Really Happy Feet

First, sorry for not keeping up better.
Spring break may be over, but there's always something to be either getting ready to take to work or bringing home from work or organizing for work.

Tomorrow, for example, I am taking a car full of pool noodles to work with me. I will cut them in half and on Tuesday afternoon, the kids will be able to build the world's biggest marble run in the cafeteria.

I've been planning it for awhile, I think they'll love it. I'm looking forward to seeing what they come up with. Life is busy. About to get busier, the school year is winding down, meaning it's time to figure out this year's tie dye week, start closing down my site for summer, consolidate all the stuff I've collected for summer already, clean this, do that.

Of course things never really slow down, do they?

It's all good, though.
You already know I love my job.
I've certainly fought hard enough to keep it.

Yesterday morning, Eric and I were out the door a little after 8. We needed to visit our local Sprawlmart, which is a task best accomplished early in the morning. Seems that a lot of the crazies sleep in or at least aren't out and about that early.

We had to be out of there a bit after 9 so I could stop by my soap lady's house. My one luxury is Calendula soap. Lightly scented without the harsh chemicals and paint thinner that makes my old lady skin feel like sandpaper. I don't know how many bars I bought. I called her from the car to let her know I was on the way, she is dog-sitting and right now there are seven in her house. She doesn't like them charging the door, so she met us at the curb. I pulled up, handed her two twenties, and she handed me a paper bag. It occurred to me that it would probably look funny to anyone watching, but I don't actually care that much about how things look.

If you were to see the shoes I wear, for example, you'd know.
Men's shoes with tie dyed girly laces. I'm going to need to dye some more soon, too.

I have mentioned my big chunky orthotics before. $400.00 worth of custom orthotics have helped my feet feel better than they did in years. Pronated ankles and no understanding of anatomy contributed to some pretty serious foot pain, necessitating the manufacture of the things I must wear in my shoes at all times.

Actually didn't notice it for awhile, thanks to knee pain replacing the foot pain. Apparently your body can only feel one horrible pain at a time. Since my knee isn't right and won't be until I get the knee replaced, something I am putting off for as many years as possible, the knee pain pretty much rules every waking hour and many hours when I should be sleeping.

Feet feel pretty good, although it's time to visit the podiatrist again. My shoes are wearing unevenly at a pretty fast pace. I'm walking on the outside of my feet and I have no idea why. In addition, there's something odd in my right foot that locks up and causes an amazing amount of pain at unpredictable times. Makes it a lot of fun to walk long distances (like in airports) without having to stop and wait for it to slack off a bit.
Happened when I came back from Phoenix.
Fun.

But I have to wear only certain types of shoes. Okay *a* certain type. I wear men's 4E mesh shoes, usually New Balance, as they seem to fit best. The footbed in a woman's shoe isn't deep enough to accommodate the orthotics.

So yesterday, we went to Big 5 sporting goods. It was early, about 10 AM, not long after they opened. There was one kid working in the shoe department, and he was trying his best to find a specific boot in a specific size for a customer. Making phone calls to other stores to see if they had it. He was busy. I understand that. I was waiting patiently. Then an elderly lady and her about-my-age daughter came to the shoe department, followed by a family with three kids. A store manager came to the back of the store to help 'whoever was next' and the "gentleman" with the family tried to say he was next.

I didn't allow that to happen, saying, "No, I was here first. And those ladies," gesturing to my left, "were here just after me."

The guy who'd tried to say he was first let his children smack the price checker electronic thingy, climb on the tables and racks of shoes and run around the back of the store like little beasts while they waited. They actually left after about 10 minutes, bringing peace to our little corner.

The manager apologized to me for the wait. I assured him that the wait wasn't an issue, I could see that the kid was trying to help the other customer, but that I didn't like someone trying to jump ahead of me.

After trying on three different pairs of shoes, painstakingly putting the orthotics in and trying each of them out, I was about to give up. Asked him if he had anything else in 4E, preferably mesh.

He presented me with a pair of shoes that actually fit, although at $59.99, it was more than I had intended to spend. I asked if he had another pair of them, though, because it *is* so hard to find the right fit. He did. And I've never had anyone do for me what he did next. He said that they'd been on sale last week. And that if I wanted three pairs, he would give them to me for the $39.99 sale price from last week. And would give me a 10% off coupon as well. I ended up with three pairs of shoes that fit for $107.00 and change.

So my feet are happy.

I have a post fermenting... it's about foster care kids and compassion. I'll try to manage it this week while events are still fresh in my mind.

And that's it. Off to finish the laundry. Or fight it to a draw for now.

Posting may be sporadic this week, Tami. Don't be alarmed. Lots going on. A lot of busy-ness.

Okay. Washing.

Weather we like it or not...

It's been raining this first week of Spring. Until today, when the sun came out and it was completely beautiful. Makes me wonder if the other 360 days a year that I have to endure the Oregon weather are worth it. ;)

I have had an interesting break with the kids. The usual mix, some who understand rules, some who are pretty clueless, kids with attitudes and meanness, kids who don't know to come tell someone if there are bad things being said/done. Yes of course we monitor, but it's not possible to catch everything that goes on.

Different projects every day, outdoor or gym time, lunch and conversation. I am doing the midshift, meaning I am not up at 5 and not at work until 6 PM.

I really can't believe it's almost Friday. Definitely looking forward to the weekend, although it hasn't been that bad at work.

Worst thing, I think, is that standing for extended periods of time causes my knee to fill up with water. It fucking hurts like hell is a little uncomfortable. Keeps me awake at night, unfortunately.  Not much I can do about it at this point.

I still need to get the big truck into the DMV to update the registration. I'm pondering doing it tomorrow, but if I don't manage it (Fridays aren't a great day to do government stuff, usually) I will drive it to work next week and go to the DMV that's closest to where I work. Almost never a line at that one.

Tomorrow is supposed to be another wonderful weather day. I will be calling the dermatologist, the podiatrist and the imaging place. Weird thing on my face, right foot has an... issue, and it's time for the mammogram. Doesn't that all sound exciting?

Yeah, to me, too.

Off to fold the last load of laundry and tuck the sheets back into the bottom of my side of the bed. They keep coming out, I think because I throw the covers off and on and off and on and off and on all damn night.

I'm going to the dollar store in the morning on my way to work to get some more pool noodles. I have some at my site, but there aren't any at our break program. I split them lengthwise and the kids can use masking tape and marbles and make huge marble runs.

Fun for them and keeps them occupied.
Okay. That's it. I need to go do some exercises to get the water out of my knee a bit and a hot shower.

Three Days and Electrical Theory

I don't have to work on Monday. School is closed (MLK) and there aren't a whole lot of kids coming to the breaktime program. I told them I was quite happy to take that day off.

My knee is feeling worse than usual this week. I will appreciate the extra time of not moving furniture, chasing kids, hauling extras out of the back room, answering the door, taking kids to wash hands and to the gym and outside and all the other things I do in the course of a day at work.

It's been very windy here this week, which really affects my knee.

I have this theory.

On the surface it probably sounds nuts, but in discussion with the few people I've talked to about it, they agree it makes sense.

First, you have to go back in time with me a little. One of the pieces of equipment at the original place I went for physical therapy is called an accuscope. Not sure why it's called that, it's not a scope. Don't know about the accu part. :)

Shawn explained it to me briefly the first time he used it, and he continued using it each time I had an appointment.

It is an electrical instrument. Depending on which area is being treated, a conducting gel is applied to the skin. When I was having my shoulder treated, I held a metal cylinder in my palm while the gel went on my shoulder/bicep. The end of a roller type thing (think ultrasound) was then moved over the skin of my shoulder and upper arm. I felt very little sensation of electricity, but noticed a great improvement and a lessening of pain for a few hours after treatment.

Here's my understanding of how it works. Your body is a battery, basically. You generate your own electricity. Healthy muscle/skin tissue generates an electronic signature that's different from wounded or unhealthy tissue. The accuscope is designed to take the signature of a healthy part and mimic that in the wounded part, prompting the injured tissue to work on generating the proper signal.

Medical science doesn't really know how it works, but it does.

The TNS unit I use does something similar. That also provides some relief to me.

Now here's the thing.
When the wind blows here, it generates a great deal of static electricity. Touching your car or the metal handle of the screen door or brushing your hair or wearing anything that's been around wool or polyester in the dryer can cause a hell of a shock. Last night when I got up to pee, I pulled the blankets back in the dark bedroom and actually saw a big blue spark when I did.

There was a guy on the news a few years ago talking about the small explosion that happened when he went to pick up an almost-empty gasoline can from his driveway and the electricity built up in his body caused a huge spark, which ignited the fumes. He survived with singed clothing and a healthy respect for gasoline. :)

So I think that when the wind blows and gets all that static charge built up, it messes with my personal electric field and causes my knee to go from painful to really painful. When the wind dies down, the discomfort dies down, too.

Strange but true.

So it's time for my evening wind-down. Hit post, draw a little bit, and go to bed.
I'm looking forward to spending the weekend with my man and Monday trying to dump more ballast from our overwhelming supply of amazing crap filling the house.

I have 17 kids!

I stayed at work this evening to watch the program put on by the 2nd and 4th grades at our school. Not because I particularly like being crammed into a gymnasium full of perfume and sweaty people with crappy manners, but because I know that it's meaningful to the kids to see me in the audience.

It gives us something to talk about when we all hang out together the next day, too.

High points included me getting to the gym early so I could sit on the top bleacher and have a place to lean back. The old fart in front of me evidently thought my knees were a place to lean back. Over and over. Without apology. Without even appearing to notice he was rubbing on me. I realize he doesn't know that I'm living with a knee that isn't right. That the fucking thing hurts all the time. But still... no concept of personal space? DUDE!! GET OFF ME!!!

I considered telling him that until he introduced himself, he wasn't going to be allowed to sit on my lap. Instead, I rolled up the little blue program for the concert that one of my kids brought to me, and made a sharp little point on the end of it. Then, I positioned it next to my knee, carefully not sticking it out any further than my knees and waited. I didn't have to wait very long, he leaned back and got poked in the shoulder. He jumped a little, but otherwise didn't react. The third time, he got the "point". HAHA. He stopped leaning on me.

The woman who sat next to me was doused in some sort of perfume. Eau de Urinal Cake, I believe. Argh. I think she also ran into a bucket of plaster or something. Or maybe she's a clown. I don't know.

But I did enjoy seeing the kids singing. I had a total of 17 kids in the program as well as a seeing a few who aren't currently enrolled but have been in the past. I got a lot of hugs, which made me smile.

When the 2nd graders performed, there was a little boy smack in the middle of the front row of the risers who smiled broadly and applauded every time the audience did. He was so delighted that he just couldn't control himself. Adorable.

Both grades sang a song that had sign language, and they were very well-rehearsed with it. It was very sweet to watch and left me a little teary. I realized that the kids who were 4th graders when I started this job are now in their junior year of college. Or if that's where they went after graduating, anyway. And made me think of how fast time really goes.

I put away my whole program this evening because the cafeteria was going to be full of 2nd and 4th graders. And I thought about the teachers who are overwhelmed with the sheer numbers of children trying to keep them from climbing the walls and messing with my stuff and decided I should put the stuff away.

That will make our morning interesting, but we'll manage. Always do.

So there's my report for the evening. I am running behind on my blog technically, although you ARE still getting a post every day. Tami.

How to talk and talk without saying much of anything. You'd think by now everyone who reads here would know that. Because I digress. And ramble. How are you doing?

I do have things to write about.
Some of them are even interesting.

But I get through the day and then I sit here and I'm tired and I don't feel like trying to put everything in writing and make it make sense.

My knee hurts. It's not any worse. Certainly not better, which is reasonable.
A torn up knee, a repair that didn't work, and a bunch of assholes who wouldn't listen/bunch of assholes who goddamn knew and didn't give a flying fuck.. yeah.

I am not a praying person.
If I were, I would pray daily that everyone involved in not taking care of me would suffer the same injuries.

I still do not understand how anyone involved in hurting someone who was already hurt can live with a clear conscience.

When you're in a filthy, immoral business, why, that makes you a filthy, immoral asshole, doesn't it?

Won't be too much longer before I can completely dismiss them from my universe.

The weather is changing. It's fall, which is probably why the changes. :) We were able to get outside and play this afternoon between breaks in rain showers. The boys weren't thrilled when I told them they needed to stay off the grass. Too much mud to track in all over the spotless cafeteria floors and my rugs. They managed to run around and have fun anyway. We stayed out for about 40 minutes. A year ago I would have been chilly, but I'm now dwelling in the land of hot flashes, so I appreciated the cool breeze and the occasional errant raindrops.

Work is busy. My program has grown quite a bit this year, and evidently is about to grow a bit more. I have had a few people inquiring and my manager tells me that she has a couple new enrollments for next week.

My morning program is huge.
It's actually larger than the afternoon program most days.
I have no idea why.
I mean, I know why people like the program and why they bring/send their kids. What I don't understand is why mornings are so busy.

It works out okay, Lyssa comes with me and helps mornings and I have my other assistant in the afternoon. Except this week when they moved my assistant to a couple other sites, so Lyssa is working with me instead.

This week we're going to be working on haunted houses. We're starting with paper bags. I'll try to remember to post some photos of their work. Stopped at the dollar store this evening and picked up some glow in the dark snakes to add to the supplies. Hopefully the kids will enjoy creating their scenes.

The campaign shit continues to be more annoying every day. The campaign signs everywhere, the piles of slick mailers that show up in my mailbox, the ads on TV. It's all crap. Smoke and mirrors and designed to make you think your vote matters. It doesn't. Don't waste your time. It doesn't matter who is elected. They get whatever they want handed to them, you get shit. And lots of it.

Whatever. Best thing to do is not get drawn in. Be above the madness, so to speak.

Anyway.
Bed.
I'm not currently appreciating the chilly weather in the house and will love getting under that electric blanket here in a few minutes.

Blog Break

Remember that talented six year old? He's a sculptor, too.

Can't tell you...

About my weekend plans as I'm pretty sure you don't care about dehoarding and if you did, you'd be over here helping!!

About anything of importance.

All is well.

Tami, we need to chat about Monday. I'll call you this weekend. Or text you. Or email you.

Our local firefighters came to talk to the kids today. They extended the ladder on their truck (105 feet!!) and one of them climbed onto the roof of our covered play area and got all the playground balls down. They tossed them to the cheering kids. Quite entertaining.

I'm very ready for the weekend.
I'm tired, slightly crabby and just all done with work stuff for now.
And my left knee hurts.

My knee hurts. My head is a little sunburned despite the judicious use of sunscreen... when I remember to do it.
Those memory lapses may be the problem.

Did I mention my knee hurts? Well, if I didn't, let this be official notice.
It hurts.

I guess that's to be expected since I've been walking around on it for the better part of five years without an ACL and it's all bone and no cartilage inside.
I bet yours would hurt, too. :)

I'm going to take a blog break, too.
If I have anything exciting to tell you, I'll stop by and leave a post, but I have too much other stuff going on right now to be tied to a daily post.

Yes, I know. Unheard of from someone who's been blogging almost every day for the past seven years.

Work is much more pleasant with the extra help I have when needed, some of the, hmm, busier kids are either on vacation or not attending right now, and some of the others have actually managed to internalize some of the rules and it's not quite as crazy as it was. In addition, we're on the downhill side of summer, and I'm grateful.

Can't wait to get back to my own site where most things are familiar and I know where to put my hands on anything I need in the back room.
So if you're worried or wondering what the hell is going on in the next month or so, feel free to email me.

I'm AmiMental. And you can find that @gmail.com

It's a lovely, cool evening. It's going to warm up again next week, but not too badly. And the forecast says cooler weather at night. I can definitely go for that.

It's a month until Matt and Amy's wedding. I'm excited about the new chapter in their lives. I am so glad they found each other. Matt said when we talked this evening that he hasn't gotten ANY RSVPs, and is starting to wonder what the hell is up with people.

So if you got a wedding invitation (I think that would be about three people who read here) RSVP!!! They need to plan!!

Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Or next week.
Or month.
Whenever I get back.

I don't kneed any more of this shit...

Had my 'impartial' exam this morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, seriously.

I did tell him that the knee on the right works perfectly, and that "If you do that again I will kick you."
He didn't do it again.

I can tell you that my knee is a lot more sore this evening than it would have been otherwise. I'd like to be finished with all this stuff. It's been nearly five years since I was injured in the first place. Ha... and in the second place, too.

In a strange twist of fate, I will be opening at work tomorrow-which-is-today morning. I (yes, really) volunteered.
I will get up at 5. Get dressed and go to work. Open and talk to parents and kids and smile and be cheerful.

When the rest of the group heads out the door, I will run to the grocery store and come home and probably take a nap, as I usually do when I'm working a split shift.

Then, about the time everyone shows up back at our summer site, I will head back over there and be the smiling face that hangs out with kids until parents come to pick up.

The field trip involves walking. A long distance. And I can't do it.
::sigh::

That's it. Time to hang up my wet bras so I can wear a dry one tomorrow morning. I know, you don't need to know that.
But you do anyway.

Can't we just be DONE????

If you've been with me awhile, you know about the work comp shit I've gone through for the last almost five years.

The company I work for doesn't handle work comp claims in house, instead handing off to an insurance company who doesn't take care of injured workers unless they have to.

Insurance companies aren't in business to help people. They're in business to make money. If they pay claims, they aren't making money. So instead of just taking care of the things that have happened to me doing my goddamn job, they have fought nearly every step of the way.

My integrity has been questioned, they've suggested practically from the beginning that they'd take care of things if I'd quit my job, they've dragged their feet and refused to pay money they owe me. There are still two payments they owe (the judge at the last hearing awarded me a small sum) and I still don't have that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This week I have another mandatory closing exam.

I've had I think five? for the same knee.

I have never lied about my injuries, I have done everything I was supposed to do, I have worked through some horrendous stuff, not wanting to let my kids down. It's called a work ethic.

I have been in more or less constant pain for nearly five years.

Hell of a way to run a railroad.

Gotta hand it to me...

Got through most of the dyeing in the last couple days.
Of course I didn't get through it unscathed. I took this photo this morning. My hands are a lot worse now. :)

I do wear gloves. But from time to time I have to pull them off and of course that's when I end up putting my hands on something with dye or helping a kid bag up an item or grabbing a cleaning rag to wipe up a spill.

The soda ash solution I use to soak the item in before dyeing it is 'mildly caustic', meaning that my hands now feel almost exactly like sandpaper.

This would be awesome if I could stand behind me and rub my back. Seems like my back always itches under my, er, restraints. (Ha, I wonder what kind of people would show up here if I made this blog searchable on Google or whatever... one more reason to keep it semi-private. :) )

I also have a really great split in my right thumb.

But the kids are ecstatic. They did pillowcases and t shirts. One of them wore his creation to school today and all the other kids in his class were envious. It generates a lot of excitement in the school when we do our annual tie dyeing.

I don't do it because of that, I originally did it because I knew they'd love it and it would be fun for them. But the amount of effort and planning it requires is at least four times that of any other little activities we do.

So I'm glad it creates a buzz, because I really would like to see my program grow. I'd still do it anyway because of the fun, of course.

Tomorrow I only have a couple more shirts to help the kids with, then we're officially done for the year.

I have to admit I'm glad to have it over with.

So I'm heading to bed with a sore knee and glad that tomorrow is my Friday... no school on the real Friday, although I will be working since we have a meeting that morning. It's a summer planning meeting. Can't believe it's creeping up on us so soon.

Okay. Going to go shower and rub lotion into my poor hands.

Settlement?

We have sent an offer of settlement to the comp insurer's attorney.

I have never been motivated by money in my life aside from in the most logical way... I work so I can pay the bills. There is a rather large part of me that hopes they will either say no, we don't want to settle, let's go to hearing on the 17th or that they'll come back with such a low offer that I can laugh at them and say 'you and the horse you rode in on, buddy'  and we'll go to hearing on the 17th.

I've had long exhaustive conversations with everyone who knows anything about work comp and about my case in particular.

Evidently going to hearing would not be in the opposing side's best interest, but you know, that hasn't stopped them yet. They have lost every time there's been conversation with a judge, and they'd lose this time, too.

Had the system just taken care of business the way they were supposed to in the first place, this would have been settled and over a long time ago.

If we go to hearing this time, I am ready.
And I will be heard.
Isn't that why they call it a hearing?

I didn't understand last time. Didn't understand the procedure, didn't know what sort of opportunity to speak I'd have, didn't know much of anything about it. This time I do.

I am prepared.

I am ready to talk about asking everyone involved with my case for help and how I've been treated.

Ready to tell the judge about many things that have occurred.

I am absolutely ready.

Being able to tell a judge exactly what's gone on would be cathartic for me and provide me with immense satisfaction on a visceral level.

So like I said, mixed feelings.

At this point, I don't know what will happen. And I mostly don't care. Either they'll settle or I will finally get my opportunity to say what needs to be said.

I am glad that money isn't what motivates me, as my indifference toward it causes me to be able to have a clear head. To be thoughtful and analytical without the craziness.

If I can pay the electric bill, and I have gas in my car so I can get to work, my needs are pretty much met. Oh, and the internet. That's fairly important.

But I have those things now. :)

Anyway, if nothing else, this has been quite instructive. I've learned a lot about all kinds of things.

Now I'm heading off to bed.
I have been sleeping pretty well since I got past the insomnia after being so sick, but did the reflux thing last night. I'd prefer not to do that again for awhile.

Tomorrow I'll tell you a funny story from Thursday's program. No school Thursday or Friday this week. We combine all our programs at one location. It's a lot of fun to connect with kids I see only occasionally and to get to know ones I haven't met before.

I love my job. :)

It's shocking!!

Today was full of wind.
At Crown Point, which is about 20 minutes away but wayyyy uphill, winds were measured up to 107 mph!!

That means that down here it was only like 75 or so. Lights flickered a bit. Wind howled all night and all day. It woke me up and bothered me so much that I had to put my earplugs in to be able to continue sleeping.

Now I've always hated wind anyway. A small breeze in the summer to cool underneath my hair on the back of my neck, that's nice. A gust of wind that blows crap into my eyes and my hair into my mouth and puts an electrical charge on the car? No.
No I don't like that.

Wind makes my knee hurt more. I know that sounds weird on the surface, but I've actually given it some thought. You and I, we're batteries, basically. Our bodies generate their own electricity.

And there are people who swear by magnets and other things that disrupt that field. I can't tell you if magnets work or not, haven't tried them.

But the TNS unit I got after the ACL-replacement-that-did-not-work-and-has-caused-me-a-whole-fucking-lot-of-agony-for-going-on-4-years seems to help a bit.

Not a lot, but some. And that's another way of disrupting the electrical field in my knee.

So my knee has been a bitch all afternoon. More of a bitch than usual. It's not that chilly out. So even though it sounds weird, I think the wind has had something to do with it.

We'll see. When the wind dies down Tuesday afternoon, I'll hope that my knee starts feeling a bit better. Right now, it's not feeling all that great.

What did you do with your weekend?

I was boring. I did dishes and laundry and domestic stuff.
I changed the bed, something I like to do every week, but usually manage to do every two weeks or so.

Put the new electric blanket on the bed. My old one was tired and not working very well anymore. Time to retire it.
Matt came over Saturday to go hiking with Eric, and ended up staying for dinner. I cooked tacos. 
Sunday I made a pot of chili. Cornbread.
We went grocery shopping. I loaded some boxes in the car flat and can't wait to fill them up with crap from my site that I'm not ever going to use. I am tired of the mess, tired of not being able to put anything away, and tired in general. It will be easier for me to get stuff done and be a little more organized.

My attorney's office actually called yesterday (Saturday) and that really helped with peace of mind over the weekend. I'm glad I didn't have to spend the weekend worrying over legal shit.

I have done a fair amount of reading over the weekend, too.

And I'm sure you'll be shocked (just like I was) that when the ACL is torn, there is a lot of degenerative effect in the knee joint. Evidently spending the last four years walking around on a torn ACL has done exactly that... ruined my knee.

Now what I am is mostly angry.
And I'm ready for a fight.

It's probably a good idea right about now not to piss me off.

I'm almost angry enough to be irresponsible and start firing off letters and emails in various directions. A whole lot of 'fuck yous' are in order.

I'm keeping a list.
Those letters will go out.
Of course the people who don't care still won't care after they get a letter from me.
That's fine.
I am still going to say it.
I plan to make as much noise as I can.
Eventually.

Told ya.

I've been saying it since July of 2010.

The knee isn't right. Still hurts.
Still isn't stable. Still hurts. Still isn't stable. I may have mentioned that it hurts. Grinds. Pops. Hurts.

I said it to medical professionals. I said it to my family. I said it to my friends. I wrote about it on my blog.

When I said it to the doctor who performed the surgery in the first place, he explained to me that I'm fat. And that I have arthritis. (a word here about arthritis... you can translate that into 'ordinary wear and tear' and assume that a huge portion of the population has some degree of it.)

I tried.
I did.
I said, "I know I am overweight.
I know that I have arthritis. But this isn't that."

By the time I got to the third or fourth word, his eyes had glazed over. I could hear him thinking. I've stopped listening, why haven't you stopped talking? You're fine. I did a great job. Go away.

By the way, he did that same thing with regards to the tear in the meniscus of my right knee and I ended up getting another surgeon to fix it.

In the deposition I read, Dr. Slice and Dice said that the tear 'was not obvious' to him.

It sure as hell was to me.

I told Dr. Pain that it still hurt. He was sympathetic but sort of shrugged. He couldn't overrule an orthopedic surgeon, after all.

I talked and talked and talked.
And then I was written off.

On September 13th this year, as I was reaching for something under a table, a bigger kid walked by and tripped over my extended-behind-me-for-balance left foot, which twisted my knee and added another layer of pain to the pain that's been constantly there since the surgery.

I'm glad to have had an adult witness, unrelated to me.

Because the man in the smeg colored suit! And his thundering herd of Ass Clowns!!

I waited a week before seeking medical attention although I filed an incident/accident report right away.

Knees are.. weird.
And sometimes they heal up just fine.
Didn't happen.

Went to Urgent Care to have it checked. They had me come back once a week for three weeks. I finally balked the third week when the nurselike person suggested I change into my shorts (again) so the doctor could see my knee (again).

"No. I need to go to an orthopedic doctor and find out what's going on. There is nothing this doctor can do for me at this point except prescribe pain medication."

So the doctor came in, we chatted, I told him who I wanted to see.
I had received recommendations from a few people about a particular doctor, and the appointment was made for me.

I saw him in mid-October. He spent about two minutes with me, I was xrayed, he spent another three minutes with me telling me the xray showed zero cartilage left in my knee, told me I needed an MRI, have a nice day, schedule a follow up with the front desk, see ya later, bye bye.

Had the MRI.
And Monday of this last week, I saw the doctor again.

There is no cartilage in my left knee. It's all bone on bone. And the ACL repair? The thing I went through that caused me more agony than anything else I've ever had done to me, including the rotator cuff repair and bicep reattachment that's supposed to be 'the worst'?

The ACL graft didn't take.

I have been walking around on a torn ACL for four years. It's not a wonder there is no cartilage left in my knee. It's not a wonder it hasn't stopped hurting for all that time, not a wonder it still wakes me up at night.

Where do we go from here?

Well, I have been in contact with my attorney.
This certainly isn't over.

I won't be writing too much about the legal aspects as we begin another round of the shit on the injured worker game.

We've already learned that the gang of sharks weren't averse to trying to get me fired from my job by using my blog. I'm sure they haven't changed. And if they're not already reading it again, they will be soon.

So wish me luck. I could use some.

Fragglements

Or maybe 'frazzlements'.

This and that.

Talked to my attorney this morning. She advised me to go ahead and fill out the intrusive questionnaire, telling me that work comp inc and everyone associated with them already have that information anyway. The purpose is to find out if I'm a liar. You'd think by now they'd know.

I requested paperwork be sent to me to designate my current attorney to be my representative for the new injury. We talked briefly about the different possibilities that could occur with this case and moved on.

After more than four years, the other two injury cases are now officially closed. Oh, they still need to pay some medical bills, and I will be getting some reimbursements from hospitals etc, but the eternal paperwork and bullshit is over.

I'll get a bit of settlement from both cases. I will not be rich when I get those checks, but I will be able to pay off some bills. It's never been about money anyway.

It will be a relief to have the stuff over with. I think it's appalling that it took so long for the wheels and gears of the fabulous shit-on-the-injured-worker machine to stop grinding along, but I have to say I've learned a great deal from the experience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Molly* was mad again when she got there today. She was running in the hallway on her way to program and accidentally tripped Brody*. He fell down and then he yelled at her.

She came in, sat down next to one of the carts and put her coat over her head. As the rest of the kids came in, they glanced at her curiously. Ariana*, who is really very sweet and nurturing and tries to take care of everyone, was worried and tried to talk to her. She was roundly snubbed, which hurt her feelings a little bit.

I said, "Leave Molly alone, you guys. She needs time to sit for a few minutes. She's fine. Go play."

In about 15 minutes, Molly came to talk to me, face red and blotchy from crying and embarrassment and said, "I was bad, I made Brody fall down!"

So I explained to her that she wasn't bad, had simply been careless. I said, "You didn't try to make him fall down, did you?"

When she said no, she hadn't, I said, "Then stop worrying about it. I heard you say sorry to him. He doesn't seem angry with you at all. Go ahead and put your coat and backpack away and find an activity."

The rest of the afternoon was good. And when I told her it was time to clean up, she didn't offer any arguments. I'm sure it's a temporary lull, she will try to revert to the same behavior again, but right now anyway she will do as she's asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you know what scratch art is?
I have some squares of heavy cardboard with a black surface coating. One takes a stylus or other type of little stick and scratches off the black to reveal bright colors underneath. Some of the ones I've seen are really great. It takes a lot of creativity to do one.

But for some reason, a lot of the kids like to scratch off ALL the black. It reveals a shiny, colorful rainbow surface, but it's nothing special. I can't figure out why they do it. Doesn't matter, except I hate spending money on craft projects that end up wasted, at least in my eyes.

I don't harass the kids about it, though. I've just made a note somewhere in my head not to spend budget money on them anymore. They're not cheap.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I planned some activities for next week about bats. 'Tis the season and all. They really are fascinating little creatures, and the kids are always interested in things that make their moms go, 'eww.'

I have a couple cute projects for us to do, which will make most of the kids very happy, especially one of the little guys, Brandon.*

He asks me every day, "What's the project?"

I always feel bad if we don't have one he likes. And sometimes we don't have time to get to them. But he enjoys making things with his hands, so I am sure he'll enjoy these.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last, speaking of projects... remember the apple experiment? I 'retired' the apple slices this morning, but not before I took a photo of one set. Can you tell which one was handled with unwashed hands and which one was handled by the same child after washing with antibacterial soap? The slices are two weeks old in this photo. It's a dramatic lesson, and the kids won't forget it. But it makes them smile, too. Best way to learn. If you ask me. :)

I absolutely do NOT kneed this.

While I was cleaning up this morning and putting all my stuff away in the back room at work, I spotted a wooden block under a table.

I walked over to the table, and standing on my right leg, bracing with my left, extended my body sort of under the table to get the block. And a kid who was walking through the cafeteria to get breakfast, intent on food and friends veered my direction, caught his foot on my left foot, violently wrenching my knee and almost making me fall down. If the table hadn't been right there, I would have fallen.

As it was, I had to sit for about five minutes on the bench and grit my teeth and make a real effort not to let the tears of pain that were welling in my eyes run down my face.

Oh. And yes.
The bad knee.
The one that's never been the same since the surgery to repair the ACL.
The one that's swollen and warm this evening.
The one that burns like there's a hot coal in it.

I can't even tell you right now how pissed off I am.

It wasn't the kid's fault, he was just doing what he was supposed to do, walking, not running, not being unsafe in any way. He just veered my direction at the same time I leaned down.

He apologized profusely, embarrassed to death. I reassured him that he hadn't done anything wrong, that it was okay, and that I was just fine. (A small lie in a good cause.)

I'm not "just fine" tonight, although I have hopes that resting it a bit this weekend will help. I will do some gentle PT exercises designed to reduce the fluid buildup, take aspirin and vicodin as needed, and hope like hell that I don't have to call and report it on Monday morning.

If it still hurts on Monday, I will report it and go get it checked out. And I will call my attorney first thing if I do.

I did not say any bad words in front of anyone at the school during my work day. But inside my head, every step? "shit shit shit shit shit."

Left hand, meet right hand...

I got a letter today telling me that the 'manditory' (yes, that's really how they spelled it in the letter I got before this one) closing exam with the surgeon who operated on my knee in December 2011 has been canceled.

I wonder if they figured out they were about to pay for an exam that had already been performed at my request by Dr. Pain.

Department of Redundancy Department!!

I swear these people have no idea what they're doing. All they know is that they don't want to pay for medical care for injured workers and that it doesn't matter what they have to do to avoid that.

I'd be really interested in a cost accounting. How much money they've spent trying to avoid taking care of me properly vs how much money it would have cost them to just do the right thing in the first place.

Think about it. Simple, straightforward meniscus surgery. About 5 grand, give or take.

Instead of that, they wanted to argue about it. Exams here. Exams there. I know that due to a clerical error, I was sent the payment check for one of the 'impartial' examinations I was forced to submit to. Five grand.

I have lost count of how many examinations I was forced to attend. Litigation fees. Time wasted in court and on piles of paperwork.

I've spent most of the last three years in pain. Things still hurt. I am considering asking for another round of physical therapy/acupuncture for my right knee. They have to provide it if I need it.

If they'd just taken care of me in the first place, so much could have been avoided.

The thing I'm most angry about is the 10 months I spent walking around on a knee that was torn up while they denied it. And while I don't ordinarily wish bad things on people, I would definitely feel a sense of poetic justice if everyone involved in trying to shit on this injured worker spent 10 months with knee pain. I'd even volunteer to kick them in the knee to get it started.

Just line those assholes up.