Raccoon Residue and Selective Deafness

I saw a small raccoon "sleeping" on the white dashes between lanes last Tuesday. He slept there undisturbed for a full 24 hours, then someone did not swerve around him and, well, I'm pretty sure you've all seen what roadkill looks like after several encounters with vehicles.

For some reason, maybe because the little guy was so cute lying there.. he really did look like he was asleep, little paws curled up near his face, eyes closed... it's really made me feel sad to drive by there twice a day and see how much he's diminished. There isn't a lot left of him now, and it makes me feel melancholy.

I find myself looking for him on the way past when he's on the opposite side of the road... and trying NOT to look at him when he's on my side of the road on the way home.
I also turn off the vents/roll up windows.
Because he's been lying out there for a week.

Now I suppose I could draw some sort of parallel between the bits of raccoon scattered about the roadway and how I'm feeling about a certain issue that I can't discuss here, but what would be the point?

You'd only be getting the raccoon half of the story, not the story about me trying someone to listen to me.
No.
Not to listen.
To HEAR me.

I'm morally certain there's nothing wrong with the ears of anyone I've talked to, but it sure feels like they really don't hear me.

I guess I should look at it as stretching.
No, wait.
EXERCISE!
An exercise in futility.

I should be in a lot better shape than I am with all the jumping to conclusions, exercises in futility and leaps of logic.

Once again, toying with the idea of a journal somewhere... not even necessarily online.

Just not connected to this one, not connected to me in any way so I can get some of this stuff written down. Not for any real purpose except that I find that when I DO write stuff down, I don't fret over it as much. It's almost a compulsion to mull it over. And over and over and over until I have to take something to derail the crazy train so I can sleep.

It's not a huge issue. It could BECOME huge, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm wrong. Get that? I'd rather be proven wrong on the issue. I will even publicly SAY, "I was wrong." if it turns out that way. So send thoughts my direction that I will BE wrong. I'd love it in this instance.

Please. More sugar.

I know you've all read the lists out there about what PMS really means.

Some are geared toward the 'I hate males' thing... PMS= Putting up with Men's Shit..
Plainly, Men Suck...

Or the 'I hate everyone' model... Pass My Shotgun.. Potential Murder Suspect...

Well, yeah, there are lots of lists out there.
I've decided today on my final answer, though. It's up there at the top.

Please. More sugar.

I have the munchies in the worst way. I want sugar. Cookies. Salt. More sugar. Sleep. More sleep. Can NOT get ENOUGH sleep.

And most of the symptoms of actually, er, riding the cotton pony... except the actual appearance of said pony.

And it's starting to annoy me.

And could things get going on a Friday night? Or a Saturday morning? So I can go to work on Monday in a different frame of mind?

Oh hell no.

And one other thing.

WTF is the deal with changing the time on me again?

Only the people who "represent" us (hahahaha) can change it.

Maybe PMS means Politicians May Suck.

Just say Yo!

Most of the people who read this blog don't know me personally, although there are a few of you out there who do. I'm reminded of that occasionally, even though most of my local friends who read almost never comment.

So when one of them lets me know she's been reading, it sometimes surprises me.

After the post I wrote here about wanting to find a way to exercise that does not make my feet hurt and the intimidation/anxiety factor involved with the idea of me taking a Yoga or Pilates class, one of those local friends emailed me.

"I'd be happy to teach you," she said.

So I thought about it.
Hmm.
Be taught by an expert?
In a non-intimidating environment?
She's not judgmental.
She has patience.
A sense of humor.
One on one instruction to make sure I am doing things right and won't injure myself?

So of course I agreed.
I went over there yesterday morning at 8:30 and had my first lesson.
It's not easy, but I did not expect it to be.

I am having a little bit of trouble with my left foot, but that's not unusual and it won't keep me from functioning. I think that it will probably help me in the long run, since when it hurts, I stop what I'm doing. And it gets stiffer and hurts easier the next time. So doing this will help stretch the tendons and whatever else is causing me the trouble, I think.

I'll be going twice a week in some weeks and once a week in others. This week, only once, but I plan to practice as much as I can remember of what we did yesterday.

I can remember my dad doing Yoga in our teeny little living room when I was a teen. He had a book, and exercised about three evenings a week with it. I still remember the results he got, and how good his back felt for the few months that he did it.

I feel hopeful that it will be something I can continue doing, really.

Thanks, N.

I'm a vegetable.

You are what you eat, after all.

I am eating differently.

It's been four weeks now, although it was not a New Year resolution to 'lose weight'. My desire for changes of all sorts (painting and redecorating, decluttering, writing a little in my book, a really big house cleaning) seems to come in cycles.

I actually feel it building up, and I dream of it, think about it at odd times during the day and start to plan whatever it is a month or so in advance.

Sometimes the day arrives and I don't pay attention. I don't seize the moment and all that drive and impetus I've built up drains away, leaving only guilt and angst in its place. Then, I do NOTHING about whatever it was for months. My desire to change my eating habits just happened to coincide with the New Year this time. (well, a week in)

I'm tired of how I look and how I feel. I don't do things that I used to enjoy because my body is holding me back.

I have no idea how much weight I've lost, but I know I have lost some.

My clothes are fitting differently and there is less of me to wash in the shower. (sorry about that last, for those of you who are visual... it ain't pretty)

I won't be stepping on a scale for a long time, either. The number on the scale isn't the point, at least not for me. The number in the waistband of my jeans is quite a bit more important, and how I feel is another indicator.

I need to figure out a way I can exercise that doesn't cause me so much discomfort that I quit and don't go back.

The exercise bike in our living room is literally a PAIN IN THE ASS. The seat is hideously uncomfortable, and not replaceable.

Because of my feet, which have bothered me off and on for years,(even when I was NOT FAT my feet hurt thank you very much) I have trouble figuring out exactly how I can exercise on a consistent basis.

My feet are getting worse. I get quite a lot of relief from chiropractic care, but I don't have that done every day.

The pain doesn't ever go completely away, unfortunately. Sometimes my feet wake me up at night. They hurt so much I'm surprised that no one can hear the deep low notes of their throbbing.

It sucks, but it's not unbearable, I mean I can do my regular stuff most of the time... I just sometimes take a few aspirin for a day or two until it subsides a bit. In the general scheme of things, sore feet is pretty far down on the list of bad stuff, ya know? I do hobble around a bit after I've been driving or sitting for any length of time, but it passes.

But I can't walk too far or run at all. Doing aerobic exercise that involves bouncing up and down isn't possible, either.

Running is also a problem because of the nasty spell that was cast upon me by the Boob Fairy.

I won't be too detailed here, but I will tell you that I have to custom order my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and that they're not anywhere close to the 20 dollars or so that most women have to pay.

Last time I bought some, I got three and it was well over a hundred dollars.

While looking at bras online, I found some silicone cushion things for my shoulder straps. I had never known such a thing existed, but I'm THRILLED that I found them. They fit under my straps, don't slip, and after they're warm, I can't even tell I'm wearing them.

I have permanent grooves in the muscles up there. I've only been using the pads for about a month, but the grooves are starting to heal a bit. This can only be good. It's far less painful to wear a bra all day, too. And just so you know, going without a bra while out and about is not an option.

(at our CPR class the other day, the instructor told us that
infant/child/adult CPR is now performed at the same anatomical location on each person... directly between the nipples. I refrained from raising my hand and asking how CPR performed in the vicinity of my navel would be beneficial, but the thought did make me snort a little. I had to pretend I was coughing. Yes, I'm a little juvenile at times.)

I finally resigned my Curves membership because I haven't been since I broke my foot in June , and was paying for, well, nothing. The left foot healed badly, and one of my toes is now turned. There's a large space between that toe and the next one, too. As near as I can tell, I broke two toes and one of the other bones on the top of my foot. It's hard to explain, but trust me, you don't want to see a picture of my toes. Who wants to look at hairy peanuts with toenails? I didn't listen to my man and go get checked out when it happened, and of course now can't afford to go have whatever damages that are fixable fixed.

My feet have been pretty bad off and on, (Lately more on than off) and I decided I could no longer afford to keep the membership going 'just in case' they got better. I may rejoin in the future, who knows?

I have considered an elliptical trainer, thinking that it might not be so hard on my feet. I'm watching the ads to find one that's not 30 miles away and not 300 bucks. I also watch the stuff at Goodwill.

The water aerobics class was fun and non-threatening, (there were many women of different sizes, and everyone was nice... plus I got to see Tami on class nights) but it just got over too late for my family. We run on short sleep rations too often for me to do it on purpose.

I've considered signing up for a yoga or pilates class, (so I can learn to do things the right way without injury to myself) but I am just not comfortable taking my accordion-pleated middle aged body in sweats to a class that I know will be filled with teeny little women in form fitting leotards. They will all look at me and shudder. I'll feel bad. Worse than I already do. I am just not that masochistic.

If you've ever been where I am, you totally get that. If not, well, good. You don't wanna know.

So meanwhile, I continue to eat stuff that's good for me. I haven't eaten so many fruits and vegetables in years. I feel pretty decent.

In a month or so, I'll let you know how it's going.

So now I figure you can either say, 'wow, now that's encouraging and I'm ready to make a similar effort', or, if you're already all skinny and buff, you can say, 'wow, I'm sure glad I don't have to deal with that.'

Either way, almost anyone can probably relate to something from my journey.

I'm an equal opportunity blogger, you see.

Once again...

I'm working the morning shift for someone and I'm not sitting here when this posts.

She called me early last week to ask if I'd take her morning shift because she and her hubby were going away for the weekend.

I sure hope all these people I fill in for remember it with appreciation and are willing to help me out next time I need a bit of time off.

I found out last week that I am going to be working this summer, but I'll be getting a bit more time off than I did last year. Between a trip to my parent's house, taking Lyssa to camp, and making a bit of time to sneak off with Eric for a night or two, I'll be missing a few work days.

So I'm keeping track, folks. Everyone I've helped out will be expected to return the favor.

Today is our Girl Scout meeting. One of the parents has planned the meeting and will be handling things, which is a lovely break for me. I appreciate it when I can sit back and watch, and maybe help around the edges.

I've decided not to sign up for the water aerobics class next term. If the time were an hour earlier, I'd be there.

I plan to ask the instructor about it, but I doubt it will change. As much as I've enjoyed it, it's goofed me up on my three times a week workouts at Curves. I'm too tired to go the morning after the water class... just not enough sleep. I do go on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and then to the water class those evenings, but can't seem to fit that third per week workout in.

I haven't given up, but progress is so slow. I know there are things I can do to jump start it, but not sure yet that I want to change what I'm doing.

I considered trying Atkins for a couple weeks, but I felt so crappy on that diet that I dismissed the idea.

I'll stop rambling now and go to bed. It's 9:30 on Sunday night... ain't technology amazing?

I know a lot

About weight maintenance.... and if I ever manage to lose another ounce, I'll be able to make the scale stand still forever.

Because that's what I'm doing.

It.
Doesn't.
Move.

You Put Your Whole Self In...

Yes, even your head.

If you don't put your head under water, you're still going to get your hair wet.

That's why you should bring shampoo to your water aerobics class. I did not. But Tami did. As always, she was generous.

Everyone in my family liked the scent. When I came home from my class and hugged everyone, they all commented on it. Every time I emerged from sleep a little during the night, I could smell shampoo.
And aside from being sort of floofy this morning, my hair looks pretty good. Shiny. I think going to bed with wet hair had something to do with the floofy-ness. (funny... Blogger does not think floofy-ness is a word. Shows you how much they know!)

It was really an excellent workout, too. I've never taken a class like this, and did not know what to expect. It seems that most of the participants have taken the class before. Many of them knew each other. Not one of them was a skinny person, which added to my comfort level.

I really enjoyed the class, but I'm a little bit sleepy this morning. I think I went to sleep a few minutes before eleven.

I wasn't freezing when I drove home, either.

So, I will call it successful. I would never have gone alone.
I'm so glad to have a friend who will do crazy things. :)

We'll see if it makes the scale move. I'm still stuck at 20 lbs lost.. I know parts of me are shrinking, because I can see it, and for the first time yesterday, someone at work commented, but that damn scale... argh.

I am not giving up, and I'm really not focusing on numbers, but it would be nice to step on the scale and see a different, lower number someday soon.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I signed up yesterday for a motivational online weightloss... er, thing. There are options to post on message boards (who has the time?) and a place to keep track of calories etc. I haven't explored all the options on the site, and probably won't. It was a whim that led me there in the first place.

This morning, there was an email for me about "when the scales don't budge." How timely.

There was a long explanation about building muscle and how to monitor the changes I'm experiencing. (Retired pants, for example. I have several of them, and most of them fit now.)

I'm not exactly lamenting over the number, because I am seeing changes. But it's difficult. I expect the 'reward' of a smaller number on the scale instead of focusing on the real reward of feeling better. I really do feel good, at least this time around.

I've read so many times that one cannot "diet" and stay successful. My own experience bears this out. I have lost weight in the past by eating in some pretty strange ways.

A few years ago, I ate the way the late Dr. Atkins told me to. To give him credit, he was right about some things. I found out for sure that it was sugar that was really whacking out my system.

I lost weight when I wasn't eating sugar. However, I also wasn't eating fruit or bread. I could not go to the bathroom. Atkins recommends all sorts of nutritional supplements and psyllium husk so you can poo. I lost quite a bit of hair. (it's back now)

Well, my thoughts on a diet that causes one's hair to fall out (unless you balance things a bit by taking bunches of chemicals) are that the diet is A: not healthy and B: not something one can do over the long term and remain healthy.

There is some research out there to suggest that it's not very good for your brain to keep it carb-starved, either. Since this is MY blog, and I have already read that stuff somewhere, YOU look it up if you're interested.

I can tell you this, though. I did not sleep well on Atkins, I had some strange dreams, and for most of the time on it, I didn't feel all that swift mentally.

You know that rush you get when you're starting to lose lbs? I have it this time, but on Atkins, I never got it. I lost about 40 lbs while adhering to the plan, but I felt sort of crappy the whole time.

I do not feel crappy this time.