Tossing Stuff

Is it just me?
I don't like waste.

When I was growing up, we always ALWAYS had too much month at the end of the money.

It's hard to save up when every dime is spent before you even get your paycheck, ya know?

And if you don't know, consider yourself fortunate.

So my mom wasn't a smart shopper anyway. Lots of stories about that. Every time I think about all that kinda stuff I get aggravated. I have issues from the years I spent wearing two pairs of pants and two shirts that had to be washed all the time. Ugh.

And the little town where we lived had ONE grocery store. It was then (and still is) overpriced. Their excuse was 'the shipping charges' but after spending about 12 years in the shipping/warehousing/inventory control business, I can tell you that's not really accurate. They're price-gouging assholes, they have a LOT of money and they have been ripping off the population of Grant County, Oregon for one hell of a long time.

The people who own that store are big people in the town hierarchy, so they've been able to vote against any competition. About 12 years ago, Safeway was exploring the idea of opening a store there, but the store owner's position/influence on the town council stopped that from happening.

So groceries are ridiculously priced now and they were then, too.

Mom always bought the smallest shampoo, laundry soap, toilet paper, paper towels. You get the idea. We ran out of things all the time.

She saved margarine containers and foil and all our old sheets and towels for rags. We wore our socks until they were rags, too. There were tons of little thrifty things we did.

She came to visit me once when Eric and I lived in Southern California. We didn't have kids yet, and both of us were working. When I went to the store, I bought BIG packages of stuff. The 'large economy' size according to the labels.

She went to the store with me while I did the week's shopping and was quite concerned about it.

"Why are you buying the large size? There are only two of you!"

It bothered her a lot. I did the math for her, explaining how it actually saved me money in the long run, but it was so weird to her after her decades of buying things like sample sizes that it left her feeling very odd. I know I wasn't able to convince her.

Ah well.

But some of that cheapskate behavior rubbed off on me. I used to save the small remnants of foil from the end of the roll in case I needed a small piece for something, like the end of a chicken drumstick or to divide up a pan with two different kinds of stuff in it. If there was a little bit of the silver polish left in the bottom of the tub, and it was crusty and dried out, I still kept it in case I needed to polish a bracelet I hadn't worn for months or my grandma's clip on earrings, the only pair I wear.

A tiny bit of window cleaner in the spray bottle but not enough so I'd buy a new bottle or a refill but the other one sometimes didn't get used up and I'd have four under the sink.

My big one was shampoo/conditioner. I buy big pump bottles of it. It stops pumping when there is still a bit left in the bottle, though. So the little bit was stored under the bathroom sink until I got around to getting out the big funnel and turning the bottle over into another bottle.

I figured it out once, it was something like 'buy 12, get one free'.

The amount of time I spent messing with it, wiping up the inevitable spills, making room for another bottle and another bottle until I finally managed to do the emptying, balancing it up on the edge of the sink in the right position and then waiting a couple hours for all of it to empty... well, that amount of time was ridiculous.

I ended up saving a total of about five dollars in a year. Not enough to justify all that work. So this last summer when we did the big cleanup, I finally gave myself permission to throw the shampoo bottles away when they stop pumping.

It was incredibly difficult to do that.

The big purge we did over the summer helped me change my way of looking at things, but it's still hard for me to just... act. To immediately go through the mail. To put things AWAY, not down.

It's time to do some cleaning again. Part of it is Mason and Alyssa. They have little space to call their own, but the overflow is starting to take over the living room. They are going to box some things up and put them in the shed, now that I've taken my boxes of stuff for work out.

I have to get things under control again, it was really nice for the month or so that it lasted.

Do you have clutter issues? Do you hold on to shit you don't need for a long time?

Please tell me I'm not the only one with issues.

Cleaning and Transient Synovitis

When Matt was just a little guy, probably about a 15 months old, he had a cold.
Stuffy nose, little fever, bit of a rash.

He was never terribly ill, and after three or four days, seemed to be recovering fine.

But as we were hanging out about 7 one evening after he seemed all better and Matt was chugging around holding a stuffed bunny in one hand and a plastic hammer in the other, he suddenly started crying and, hm, lurching across the room, very obviously limping on one leg.

I freaked out, of course. It was a Wednesday night, which was the night of extended hours at the clinic, so I called them immediately. They asked about fever and other symptoms, and told me that if he didn't get worse or have something else happen, to bring him in the morning.

I took him to see Dr. Eastman (still one of my favorite doctors EVER) the next morning. Matt was walking better by then, although he had a little pain when his little leg was manipulated it was much improved.

We discussed his recent illness and the doctor explained that often, after a viral infection the hip joint could become inflamed and that it usually worked itself out in a day or two. He called it Toxic Synovitis, but it seems the preferred term is Transient according to my exhaustive research here at the computer. 

He was correct.

So when it happened to me a few years later, I didn't worry a lot, and in a couple days it worked itself out.

I've had it happen twice more over the 29 years or so since I first learned about it, although a cursory consultation with Teh Google tells me it's probably not transient synovitis but possibly septic arthritis since the former isn't usually found in adults.

Don't know, either way it hurts.

I have some anti-inflammatory pills that I've never taken before, I finally got sick of limping and lurching around this afternoon and took one. It didn't seem to help my hip much but it sure did a number on my stomach. Been burping up acid for 7 hours or so now. Blech.

But I'm proud to say that I managed to do some cleaning today even though I'm limping around like a granny. I even broke out the cane from the 2010 knee surgery. 

About a month into the whole lockdown/shutdown of the entire damn universe, I read "I always used to say that if I had uninterrupted time, I'd get ____ and ____ done. Turns out, that wasn't the problem."

Yep.

I've been mostly home since March 13th and although I have accomplished some things, there are many more crying out for my attention.

I never get caught up on the laundry, I guess no one really does if we have to be honest.

So I have this list of things that need to be done. It's not a physical list, it's all in my head as so many interesting things have been and always will be, sometimes for my own protection.

I read a couple weeks ago that one should either type or write up a list of things that need to be done and then the person should cut the list into tasks and toss them in a container and pull one out as needed. A task might take two hours or four hours or eleven days... doesn't matter, just pull one out when you get one done.

The idea has its attractions, but I find that making a list is just another task  I really don't want to bother with.
::sigh:::

But I do have plans for tomorrow. I have to run to the grocery store and to the craft store for three paint colors.

I found two more paintings I really want to do and who knew one would need so much yellow ochre?

One more pitch here... try it.
It's easy and fun and don't you need a new hobby?
I mean, go watch this video. Looks easy, doesn't it?

So I'm going to bed. It's after eleven here, and I'm usually asleep or close to it by now. I'm hoping not to whine every time I turn over tonight and that tomorrow I won't be doing the whole limping and ouch-ing thing.

How are YOU doing? It's been a week since I checked in.

How ya doin'?

Weather is a little overcast and rainy.
Sun breaks.
It's been dry today, although a couple times some serious black clouds came to threaten me.

It was personal, I think.

They were looking right at me through the North facing windows in the momcave.
Glowering.

I didn't let them stop me. I went outside and took out the trash and the recycling. Put the returnable cans and bottles in the trunk. Noticed that more bulbs have started to send out green.

Came back inside where I am currently taking my 5th? 6th? trip through the Grimm Universe and making lentil soup. Actually making soup stock, some will go in another pan and I'll make split pea soup out of that batch. For me. I like lentils, but split pea sounds good tonight.
 The house smells yummy, smoky and hammy and garlic-y and there's bread baking.

I tried watching a couple other things, you know, a little escapism, but even the far-fetched Independence Day was too stressful for me. Seriously.
I'm fine.
Just stressed out.
I know I'm not alone.

One of my friends shared a link this week that I thought was worth passing on.
It talks about how we're all feeling and helps put it in words.
It's long but I think it's worth the read.

So on the good side of things, even the phone spammers seem to be taking a break. The only calls I've received on my phone have been personal.

But the spammers are still spreading shit on FB.

My mom, who believes that if you say ORANGE realllly slow it comes out GULLIBLE, dutifully passes on every single stupid thing she gets. Remember Jenna Tull?

She never even questions it. Now I suppose one could argue that an 80 year old woman who can operate a smart phone and spends a great deal of time on the internet isn't doing too bad, and you'd be right. But she still hasn't learned that not everything you read is true.

So I got this via messenger today.

Be careful: I got a message from you or it shown on your wall here.. Please tell all the contacts in your messenger list not to accept friendship request from Andrea Wilson. She is a hacker and has the system connected to your Facebook account. If one of your contacts accepts it, you will also be hacked, so make sure that all your friends know it. Thanks. Forwarded as received. Hold your finger down on the message. At the bottom in the middle it will say forward. Hit that then click on the names of those in your list and it will send to them THIS Is REAL
That settles it.
It says right there, 'this is real'.
Can't argue with that.

In other news, I have figured out how to get YouTube on my new TV.
This is whole new rabbit hole.
I love the 'True Facts About' series.
(link is NOT suitable for all audiences but I find this series hilarious and you should watch it... really. Go right now and watch that if you're in a place where you can listen without offending anyone with inappropriate for work language)

Thanks to effin' Microsoft's latest update which I never have a goddamn choice about, they just foist it on me,  I lost the sound on my computer.

I have tried all.the.fixes.
ALL of them. Looked at a bunch of videos on YouTube, too. Doesn't matter. Can't seem to get the sound back. It pisses me off, not that there's much I can do about it.

I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was able to access YouTube on my TV instead.

Here's the thing, though. I have an almost-new sound bar that I can't make work. I think I bought it in November? I bought the optical cable. I read the instructions. I have tried different things until I am almost screaming in frustration. I have invented four different swear word combinations that have never been known to humankind before.

I have hooked up video games and sound bars and DVD players and all kinds of things and never had an issue before.

So there has been swearing.

My latest effort took the sound I wasn't getting on the soundbar from the TV and made sure I can't get it from the DVD player, either.

I've been staying in, which is good. No one can hear the swearing.

I signed up for a take and make kit to paint a picture, I pick up the packaged supplies tomorrow and do the class on Monday online.

I'll show you the finished product if it's not too embarrassing.

I caught up with laundry today, cleaned off the kitchen table again, found a bucket for my cleaning rags.

I haven't been sleeping well. I got up with Eric this morning at 4:45. I went back to bed right away after he left for work, but I had a hard time getting back to sleep. I finally drifted off and our neighbor's chickens came and visited the yard right under my bedroom window. The rooster is starting to look more and more like a good possibility for chicken soup, that asshole never shuts up.

So that's most of the news from Casa Mental for Thursday.
You know, if everyone stayed in for a month or so, this shit would be over.

I need a hobby.

I've been working a bit around the house.
A lot.
Every day this week.
A lot.

Started on Monday with the back bedroom. Matt came over and helped me sort things to send to Goodwill or throw out or take to work or whatever. Get the stuff out of the house that I'm not going to use.

I have been continuing with the cleaning.

And I realized part of my problem is that I need a hobby.
*A* hobby.
I have 37 of them.
I need to narrow it down.
I need one hobby. Or maybe two.
I have Sculpey clay and tools for working it, although I rarely (never) use them.
I keep thinking that I will try making a few little things.
So I haven't been able to part with the supplies.
Since I have them. And don't want to go buy them again. But I am not using them. So far. I keep telling myself to get the stuff out and try it.
So I made a deal with myself. If I haven't used them by the end of the year, I will toss them all into the Goodwill box. I should add that the majority of the stuff came from Goodwill in the first place. I don't buy things like that at full price.

Drawing supplies. I use the hell out of those, but I have a lot of paper that's been drawn on. Some things I am fine with recycling, but there are things I have kept because of the whole inspiration thing. So I have the paper stacked in a couple places now instead of everywhere in the house.
Paper and pens and pens and pens and paper and paper.
Colored pencils.
Crayons.
Markers.
Tie dye stuff.
Bins of it. Bottles for the dye. Little jars with different colors in them. Plastic bins with white 'blanks'. When I find a shirt that might make a good one for dye, I get it. It's definitely time to stop that. I have way more than I will ever need.


I have a ton of things for work. All my Dr. Seuss animals and their little wooden bench they sit on. Toys. Books. More toys. Kid art stuff. Craft supplies that I've been hoarding for ages.

Time to get rid of a ton.
And get a hobby.

I have a new assistant.

Alyssa is back to work.

That's the best news of the week in my opinion. I've missed having her there.

I have a very sweet assistant who's been with me since March of last year who was anxious to cut her hours a bit. She asked to stop working mornings in September, naming an October 10th date as her 'final' morning shift.
She's a full time college student and needed more time to devote to homework as well as the fact that she drives about a mile further than I do each way. I don't mind the 8 miles to and from, twice a day. Haha... it's why I make the big bucks. (that last was sarcasm, by the way... the people who do the actual work don't make much in the way of hourly wages. My real compensation is the insurance. Good thing, since after it's been taken out of my wages, there isn't much left.)
Due to a crazy hiring process with our company, Lyssa's application took more than a month to go through. I've heard that before. Instead of making the process more streamlined, they've further complicated it until it's truly amazing that anyone still wants to work there by the time they actually get hired. If I were desperate for a job, I certainly wouldn't wait until they managed to process my app.

I have had a series of assistants out there at my school. All of them have been nice people, most of them a lot younger than I am. I have not had one who wasn't good. They have been good with the kids, punctual and reliable. Helpful. I've been fortunate, some of the horror stories I've heard from other site directors has made me appreciative.

But none of my other assistants have been as good with the kids as Lyssa is. She just has the knack. She can see what's going on in a situation, knows when to intervene and what to say. Sometimes a situation escalates quickly, and you sort of have to get a feel for what might happen. It's easier to act than to REact, if that makes sense. Stop it before it really gets started. She's good at it, which makes my job easier.

And the kids have missed her so much. Many assistants have come and gone, and sometimes they express regret over one moving on, but with Lyssa, they have never forgotten her. They ask about her constantly, and have said so many times how much they miss her. She understands them so well and is so approachable for them. The kids who hadn't met her were filled in by the ones who had, and several of them expressed the wish that they'd been in my program when Lyssa was still there.

She wanted to surprise them by returning to work, so I didn't tell them she was home. She started the application process while she was still in North Carolina. At the beginning of the week this week, she was still 'somewhere' in the process.

And Tuesday afternoon, literally 20 minutes before I was ready to leave for work, our manager called and asked if she could come in. She hadn't eaten, there were some other issues going on and she didn't really feel up to it, but she said yes.

It was so much fun to see the looks on their faces. She got a lot of hugs.

The next morning, the morning kids were just as happy to see her. Jennifer was particularly pleased. But she reacted in a funny way. She saw Lyssa and blushed. And then she was so flummoxed she didn't even go talk to her at first. It was very cute.

Of course she's back to her usual bossy self now, telling Lyssa that her dog weighs 450 lbs and arguing over the fact that the game is called Chess, not Chest. "It sounds the same, so it is."

But I'm so pleased to have her back.

If she wanted to pursue a career working with children, she'd be pretty good at it, that's for sure.

Meanwhile, I am lucky to have her there.

OK. Shower and groceries and baking and cleaning on tap this weekend. Laundry. Drawing some pictures. Trying to finish so I can set up my art area in the back bedroom.

Domestic stuff.

During this next week, there is no school. A prospect which pleases me greatly.
I am off work completely on Monday, and work some short hours on Tuesday and Wednesday. Matt and Amy will be here for dinner on Thursday. That means I need to do a lot of cooking between now and then, doesn't it?

Good thing I like it.

Cleaning up

Still working on it. It would be too embarrassing to really delve into it, but it's a lot of stuff going out the door.

Eric pointed something out to me last night that sort of changed the way I'm sorting through things. He said that most of what I have, although it cost some money, it didn't cost a lot of it. And that if I needed something, I could either ask my manager for it or go look at Goodwill or whatever. And that if I wasn't going to use it in the next month or two, I should just toss it. For some reason, that made a lot more sense to me than looking at everything and thinking it over.

The entire back of our big truck is full of stuff to donate this week, and I will be filling a few more boxes for the next couple days.

It's really difficult for me to get rid of things. One doesn't have to look too far to figure out why. I hoard clothing and craft supplies, mainly. Two things that were in very short supply during my childhood. Although that really shouldn't make a difference to me since childhood was such a long time ago, it still does.

Funny how stuff sticks with you.

But the more I toss out, the better I'm feeling. And the more eager I am to get rid of the extra crap in this house.

Fossils

Digging through the stack on the kitchen table resembles an archeological dig.

I went back in time all the way to December, which is when I placed the red tablecloth with all the reindeer on it.

Now I've gone through all the mail, old and new. A bag went to Eric. He shreds while he watches television. The rest of the stuff goes out to the recycling bin on the back porch. Trying to decide which tablecloth I want to look at for the next six months.

Every time it gets piled up like that, I always tell myself I won't let it happen again.

And of course, every time, it does.

Another symptom of hoarding.

I hate opening the mail. I hate going through all the ads and sorting out what needs to be shredded. I hate having to respond to things. (Those of you who are still waiting for me to send you a Christmas card are probably going, 'uh yeah'.)

Since we have company coming soon, it had to get done. I find that's generally when I decide to get my shit together, really. When it's no longer avoidable.

My mom and dad will be here in a couple weeks. At the most inconvenient time possible. Bigot Jr. will be graduating from high school. For most kids, it's a milestone, but for this kid, probably a little stepping stone instead.

Bigot Mommy will no doubt insist on micromanaging his life, making sure he goes to only the best school and getting that piece of paper. She's an educational snob who truly believes that unless a person has that paper, they're beneath her.

I'm glad I still have my parents, and I love them. But it's a lot easier for me to love them from a distance. I don't like many of the things they believe, and I don't like hypocrites. Good times ahead for sure.

But I'll be sitting at a clean kitchen table when they visit.

The more I do...

The more I see stuff that needs doing.

I've been going through clothing, stuffing what I can no longer wear into bags to send to Goodwill, which is where I got most of it in the first place. The pants I have on right now aren't exactly falling off me, but when I need to take them off, I don't have to undo the button or zipper. As soon as they're washed, I will be sending them to Goodwill.

I've been making decisions about what needs to go and what needs to stay, but I find it really hard to do.

I know why it's difficult, but even knowing the reasons behind my difficulty getting rid of things sometimes doesn't help. So I allow myself a small pile of things to reconsider while I'm going through a larger pile of things. I may have to look at a garment or whatever it is more than once before I get rid of it, but eventually I get through the stack.

There are two large bags in the trunk to be dropped off tomorrow morning on my way home from work.

I grew up not having enough to wear. Wish we'd had Goodwill when I was a pre-teen and teenager. :) I have been hoarding clothes for many, many years. Once in awhile, I get a little crazy and toss a bunch, but then they start to stack up again.

At any rate, today was a day of progress. I'll be changing the bed here in a few minutes, which means it will be a nice relaxing night of sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can't taste anything. I can't smell anything. Aggravating. Means I need to save the last of the thin mints I'm hoarding in the freezer until my sense of taste comes back. I can't imagine anything more wasteful than eating thin mints and not tasting them!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the local news websites this weekend are multiple references to the Dorchester Conference. This is a gathering of Republicans here in Oregon. Lawmakers and other people who think they're hot shit. They get together and discuss ways to be elected/try to figure out why they lost the last election.

And every year, they miss the point entirely because the Republicans are obsessed with what's in my pants and who's allowed to touch it.

They don't want girls touching my girl parts.
They don't want me to marry a girl, either.

And if I get pregnant because I have sex with a man, they don't want me to end that pregnancy.

None of those things are anyone's business but my own, of course. And they consistently sabotage their own efforts to be elected/electable/have any shred of credibility by their strange obsession with people's sex lives and their compulsion to regulate us and legislate their brand of morality on everyone else. Worrying about what's in our pants.

I'm pretty sure the Republicans would be ecstatic if women just... sewed it up.

Idiots.

The Democrats are a bunch of fucking morons, too.
They're okay with any combination of sexes, as long as they can take our money. They seem to have a lot of trouble with reading comprehension, starting with the Constitution of the United States.

The only reason they get elected is because the Republicans suck worse than they do. It's not because they're doing a good job or because they have anything to offer.

Every time I read about something like the Dorchester conference, I wonder why the assholes running things are so out of touch with real people.
It's 99% money, of course.

It would leave me with a bad taste in my mouth except I can't taste anything. At all.

I bet I start feeling better long before either major political party pulls their collective heads out of their collective asses, though.

Cleaning up my act

It's been one of those days when I just felt... industrious. Unusual for me. And so easy to just sort of ignore that feeling of needing to get things done and read/computerize/mess around doing not much instead.

This time, though, I ignored the urge to veg and did some things that I needed to do.

Our house was supposed to be a two bedroom house. That's how it was built. The former owner turned the garage into a family room, and the living room that was at the other end of the house became our bedroom. Eric built two walls to turn it into a bedroom. Without drawing you a picture (I'm a shitty artist anyway) it would be hard to explain, but even though there are a couple hanging rods, we really don't have a closet in there. It's been a pain in the ass for a long time.

So today I took most of my clothing and put it in what used to be Matt's room. Closet and shelves and stuff all full of my clothes now.

I had a lot of unfolded laundry to catch up with, too. And hell, a lot of dirty clothes. I had a recliner in the corner of my bedroom, and that was sort of the place I threw stuff that I thought I might wear again as well as stuff I couldn't put away because of no closet/drawer space. It was piled pretty high.

So I dug that out. Then moved the chair to the living room. We were gifted with a recliner and sofa a couple months ago, and needed another one in the living room. The sofa, while it looks nice and is pretty, is one we sink down into. Easier to get up from the recliner, especially with glass knees. Now I can be comfy when I sit in the living room with the fam. Lyssa has been hogging the sofa anyway... being all crafty and making things. I will post some photos for you later in the week, she's done several things lately.

So I did nine loads of laundry today (rugs and sheets and stuff as well as clothing) dishes, folding and hanging and folding and hanging and washing... I managed to read a little (I'm reading House Rules by Jodi Picoult... she's a very good writer, worth reading. She's wonderful at developing characters and making you care about the bad guys as well as the good ones.)

I ate some leftover bbq beef sandwich. I think leftovers are one of the best reasons for making them in the first place. After the beef sits in the sauce all night it tastes even better. If you ask me. Which you did not.

I found time to play on Facebook a little bit, talk to my imaginary friends online, and I even had time to go to the bathroom.

I also added a little disclaimer to the bottom of my blog. I hope it covers everything. If you think of something I didn't include, leave it in the comments for me. Wanna make sure I cover everything, as I am about to start talking about a totally fictitious job. Not mine, of course.

Dehoarding

So. Much. Paperwork.
Been going through a ton of it, looking for the title to our old car.

Which is still sitting in the driveway, but only until I find the title.
Junkmycar.com will pay me for it. And come get it.

A replacement title is 77 bucks... something I can not afford. And I know that I have ours, I just don't know WHERE. So we've been having a shredding party. There will be more shredding. And more sorting. And more shredding.

The house is a mess. Which is a complete understatement. I sometimes get motivated. And I say as I fall asleep, tomorrow will be different and I will get up and take care of some things.

And then I wake up and see everything that needs to be done, become completely overwhelmed and end up doing... nothing.

My work hours will be a little different this week, which may help me have time to make a few phone calls, maybe pay some bills.

You know. Do something. Why in the world have I saved all this PAPER???

I really need a wife.

Eeek! It has legs!!!

I was sitting here at the kitchen table minding my own business this evening when I detected a teeny bit of movement on my right shoulder. At first I thought it was my hair, moving. Then I looked down. It was a centipede.

It wasn't a very big one, and was sort of wispy, but I didn't want it ON me. So I tried to flick it off with the corner of the cardboard I was using as my drawing surface under the tangly thing I was working on.

Flick, flick. Look. Nothing. Check floor. Nothing. Shit. It's probably in my hair!

So I called Eric in from the living room while I was taking off my jacket, then my shirt. I wanted him to check to see if I had a centipede on me. So what did he do? Looked down inside my bra to see if there was a bug in there. Um. No.

Then I saw it coming out from under the heater next to the table here. It was dragging a tail of dust and debris, so evidently it had fallen down into the heater and snagged a bit of stuff on the way back out.

The centipede is now living outside, where he belongs.

I spent some time cleaning in the kitchen today. Made sure there is no food under the microwave or the coffee maker, that there aren't any little bits of sugar or whatever on the counter. Smashed some ants. There was nothing on the counter after that until I fixed dinner. Then they started coming out again. If nothing else, it's forcing me to clean up after myself and everyone else.

::sigh::

And everyone in town is out of boric acid, evidently there is a big ant problem. Ha.

So tonight before bed I am taking a bottle of tea tree oil and smearing it along the edges of counters etc. If head lice hate it, it seems like ants wouldn't like it either.

I wonder if I put some down my bra if it would keep animals away.

Stay tuned.

Today's post shows up!!

Still in the depths of defrosting the freezer. HOLY CRAP what a pain in the ass.

And you can tell me that if I don't wait so long the next time, it won't be such a huge job. You can tell me that every six months it *should* be done.

Go ahead and tell me that.
It won't do you any good, but it might make you feel helpful.

So far, I have poured almost boiling water on my feet, jumped (almost) out of the way, and ended up pouring most of it on the floor. Where there were containers of powdered laundry soap, packages of toilet paper and paper towels,and a case of beer in a cardboard package.

I had in mind to just do this, even though Eric said he would be glad to help.

The man does ENOUGH. He cooks. He cleans. He works. In fact, he's out working today in COLD damn weather. And we have kept a fire going all day so we'll be warm.

That's made a lot easier because instead of the usual location for the wood stack, he filled a wheelbarrow and parked it RIGHT next to the back door so all I have to do is open the door to fill our little woodbox. I don't have to go out in the cold.

He did that on purpose, solely for my benefit. One of the little things he does all the time to take care of his family.

I am so full of appreciation for the amazing man I married. He has put me above himself for a very long time.

But I think next time the freezer gets done, I might ask for help.

OH MY GAWD.

Eat My Dust!!

Everyone's been on a cleaning spree around here. I'm sure if you somehow were to look at my house from space you'd see a dust cloud of biblical proportions rising up.

I am not sure what prompted this sudden industriousness, and I find myself hoping it leaves as quickly as it got here, it's sort of a pain in the ass, but it does give me a couple interesting yet quirky things to write about.

For example, did you hear me swearing today? After dusting here and there, shaking rugs, doing two or three loads of laundry and sweeping the kitchen, I was breaking down a cardboard shoebox I'd found in my room. And decided to do a nice paper cut across the lower part of my left thumb. I did not notice the paper cut until about five minutes later when I suddenly developed this crazy-mad itch on my left thumb.

My hands were filthy and I'm sure that was the reason it was itching so badly. So I scrubbed the hell out of my hands (I had to take off three other bandages to do it) and put some polysporin and a bandage on the new cut and re-covered the old ones. I'm not extremely accident prone lately, seriously, but because of the dry weather have developed some splits on two of my fingers near the upper part of the nail, and last week I decided to rip open the fingertip on my wedding ring finger with a staple. Occupational hazard. And no. I did not report it to work comp. ;)

I found some stuff I want to set aside for my mom from the things I'm discarding, and a ton more that will be going to Goodwill. Where most of them came from in the first place. :)

We grocery shopped, bill-payed and watched a movie. I did laundry. More laundry. And more laundry.

We had a couple dinners, a breakfast or two, slept in a couple times... weekend-y stuff.

Eric did some shed organizing, hauled some things out there for me, added oil to the car, watched some football... more weekend stuff.

Lyssa has done an amazing, deep down and ruthless cleaning of her bedroom over the last couple weeks, de-cluttering and getting rid of things. Putting the rest of us to shame, really.

So I have made a dent in some of the millions of things I have to do/get rid of, and it feels good. It also feels incomplete, and I wonder if I will get back to it in a timely manner or it will become a source of stress as I fail to get back to the things that need to be done as I have so many times before.

Procrastination and avoidance seem to be two very strong influences in my life.

What's YOUR Zen?

For me, it's a number of things.


I enjoy the whole tie dye thing, I like doing little crafty things, and of course my new obsession, Zentangle. So new that Blogger thinks it's not a word. :)


I did a lot of cleaning today. Not really a zen thing except it does make me feel good when I can SEE progress. I was telling Eric that we can't even properly call it 'decluttering' anymore, we officially have to say dehoarding, anything else is dishonest.


But I did get many bits of several things done.


It occurred to me as I was starting it all that there's NO way to get it all done at once. And because things are all tangled together, stuff on the table that belongs here and there, only I take it there and discover something else that needs to be moved before I can leave item A... well, there's just a lot.


So I figure if I just do... something. And I did. I worked about four hours today and got some things done that have been making me crazy for awhile. Funny though. Still feeling crazy. :)


I guess that eventually I'll get enough done that at least one project will be manageable?


I also rinsed out the last of the dyed stuff. I am thinking I'll issue sunglasses to anyone required to look at this shirt, but it is sort of summery, don't you think?

Of course there are underwear and socks to match.

more Zentangle experimenting... Eric calls them 'a waste of ink' but I see him with his glasses on, studying them. :)

Doesn't matter anyway, I'm doing them for me. And learning with each one. Plus, they really are a zen sort of thing, my mind just sort of goes 'ohhhhmmmmm' while I'm drawing, and I'm reluctant to walk away from one I'm working on.

Cleaning

I spent most of Sunday afternoon trying to get through the drift on my kitchen table in between loads of laundry.

I did seven of them.

The table was an overwhelming task, and it got to the point where I just didn't want to think about it. And kept piling shit up.

Stuff from my attorney was in the pile. Pay stubs. Physical therapy notes. Stuff for work. Wrappers from migraine pills. Crumbs. Scraps of paper. An embossing system I got at Goodwill that I want to take to work but don't have a place for. Some shirts I got for my mom at Goodwill that need to be boxed up and sent. Chargers for phones and headsets and MP3 players and computers.

My house is cluttered. As I said before, I totally understand how hoarding happens now. I'm sure that if I continue to just sit back and not think about cleaning, I'll eventually end up in a house with little pathway through the stuff and they'll have to knock down a wall to haul me out when they find me dead at 98.

So yeah. Worked on that. Isn't done yet, but is a lot better.

It's like an archeological dig. I can tell you which month stuff came from as I go through the layers. Sad but true.

Had several paper bags lined up.
Recycle.
File.
Comp Shit.
Trash.
Goodwill.

And wore my reading glasses. Opened envelopes. (and am I the only person who gets pissed off because they put just enough shit in the envelopes of junk mail that you can't just stick it directly into the shredder? Nooo, you have to open it. Go through it and toss some of it into the recycling. But the part with your name and all the numbers? Shredder. And it gets old, especially if you're like me and let shit pile up.)

Shredded a great bunch of stuff.

I probably would have mostly finished the job on Sunday evening, but my imaginary friends were online and I wanted to talk with them. So I woke my computer up (note to self, you get a LOT more done when your computer is off) and chatted until 8:40.

Which is now. And I'm going to go to bed on time tonight so I don't waste that extra bit of sleep I got over the weekend.

Off work on Friday. The day of the nose cam.
Ugh.

But I have made a deal with myself that I am going to work on the table for at least a half hour every day until it's done. Looking at it, I'm guessing it won't take more than another hour.

Then I need to start thinking about the filing cabinets in the bedroom. They need to be cleaned out so I can file things. And maybe stop letting shit pile up.

Okay. Bed.

Digging through the trash...

The kitchen table was starting to get away from me again.

Taking on a life of its own. There were stealthy rustling noises coming from under a pile of papers, and the thought that I was harboring wildlife that was evolving into something ugly and frightening crossed my mind more than once.

So after sleeping until noon again, I started cleaning it on Sunday.

It's scary to admit that there are uncashed checks in the mess, receipts for groceries bought two months ago, grocery lists for those same groceries, gum wrappers and toothpicks and cell phone chargers and medications and reading glasses and advertising circulars and credit card offers and vitamins and supply catalogs from work...

Well yeah.

And every time I get it cleaned off, it looks so nice and is so nice to come home to that I promise myself I am NOT going to let it get that way again.

But then I do.

I know that if I got an extra large shredder, one of those that will shred CDs and slice bacon... and parked it at my end of the table underneath, that would help.

It pisses me off when a credit card company sends me an offer to shred and I have to open the envelope and take the fake credit card out and pull off the adhesive off and fuck with it for five minutes just to shred it.

If I didn't even have to open the envelope and could just shred it as it comes in the door, I think I'd have fewer things piled up.

I've gone to online billing/payment for most things. That helps cut down on the amount of crap that comes in the mail, too.

But it still piles up. And I lose stuff underneath it all, end up having to shuffle through stuff, mixing it up even worse.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, then count yourself lucky. Smartass. However, those of you who are even a tiny bit like me... what's your best suggestion?

Messy Table

Do you have a place in your home that catches all the crap as you walk in the door/out the door/walk by?

I do. (actually I have about 14 places like that.. arrrghhh)

The kitchen table is the worst for me. I get it all cleaned off and it lasts for a week or so. Then, I start piling up mail that needs to be shredded and Girl Scout cookie orders and receipts that need to be filed/recycled/shredded and stuff from the cabinet that I took out to get at something in back and just left there. Occasionally there's a pile of clean socks that needs to be put away. Two boxes of Christmas cards that keep migrating around the house and really need to be put in the Christmas stuff and stashed away for another year. There are books on the table. I finish reading one at work (we read every afternoon for 20 minutes as a group) and I bring the book home... and leave it on the table.

I once took a course in Time Management. The instructor had a little story of a person who got stomped by elephants because he was busy stepping on ants. The idea, of course, was to tackle the big stuff first, then deal with the smaller things.

So why am I sitting in front of the computer instead of taking the hour or so I have before I need to head for work to clean the elephant..er, table?

I'm not.
I'm going to go clean it right now.
Stay tuned for more bits and pieces of my really exciting life.

History

I've been cleaning. Shredding paper. OLD paper. Recycling what doesn't have to be shredded.

Can someone tell me why I have kept so much stuff I don't need?

I file it away NEVER TO BE LOOKED AT AGAIN. Then, when we pack up and move, I still have it. Now, I am not packing up to move any time soon... at least as far as I know. (I'd rather go through labor.) But after the work I've done this week, the next time we *do* move, I will have a lot less paper.

Was the Rancho Music Association (community theater group in Southern California) a blast? Oh yes. I have many fond memories of my time with them. I also had whole page photo layouts from the local newspaper there, all yellowed and deteriorating now. I had clippings about the plays we did and various interesting things about the cast.

The last time I performed with them was 1986. More than 20 years ago, just before I was pregnant for the first time. Some people don't ever perform because they're inhibited. I quit performing because I was inhabited.

Other old newspaper clippings. Lots of them. Letters I wrote to the editor of our small town paper. Stuff I cut out of magazines. I am not a recipe clipper... I would have had 300 boxes of stuff if I were. I did have some coupons, though. One for Neosporin that expired in September of 1987. There's a handy item! I had a diaper coupons, too. A buck off a newborn pack of Huggies! Since my last baby has been out of diapers for about 11 years, I can't imagine why I would ever need that coupon. Besides, when she was a baby, there were 66 diapers in a newborn pack of Huggies. What is it now, 48?

Found lots of stuff Matt did when he was homeschooling for the first few years. We generated a lot of paper then. I have his report cards from K and 1st Grade in public school, too. He played well with others, and was a 'leader' but he needed to understand that talking to people while they're working doesn't help them succeed.

Alyssa's old art work. She didn't do as much stuff on paper for 'school', but she can go through plain white paper as fast as an entire classroom, I think. There were hundreds of Lyssa drawings in my files, I have narrowed it down some.

I kept a few of these things, including little bits and pieces that eventually will go into their scrapbooks, like the little laminated paper tennis shoe with Matt's name, address, and telephone number on it. He had to wear it on his backpack in K, that's how they knew he walked home after school. He told me awhile back that he used to look at the exits from the playground, think about how well they were watched (not very) and want so badly to escape and come home. ::sniff::

I found my savings passbook from my 1st savings account. In Colorado. In 1978. Why did I still have it? I do not know. There hasn't been any money in it since 1980.

I found a caricature of me that was drawn in 1984 at Knott's Berry Farm. It was still in its Knott's bag, and I'm pretty sure I didn't look at it once since then.

I found folded up shopping bags from our trip to Disneyland in 1996. Why did I still have those?

I found photographs and birth announcements from old friends. Many of the babies in those photos have now reproduced and are living all over the place. They grew up. I am not in touch with their families. Why did I still have those pictures?

I am dusty, tired of standing in front of the kitchen table and sorting stuff, and tired of listening to my poor old shredder wheeze its way through the stacks of stuff it's being forced to chew and swallow. It will eat about 12 pieces of paper before it sticks in the 'on' position and I have to whack it.

When I am all done with this mess, I am going to buy a new one, and retire this one with honor. Perhaps plant flowers in it?

On the good side. I now know where the title to our vehicle is. I now know where to find our insurance policy information, our latest bank statements, and our marriage certificate.

Not that anyone has asked for it. I think they take a look at the two old people with two big kids, a geriatric old dog and a bad attitude, and figure out we're married. Ha.