Dear Big Fish,

The only changes I've made to this letter involve the removal of people's names/company name.
I sent this in late March.
And I met with the guy for two hours.
Two friggin' hours. I told him in person about Twatwaffle using the bathroom WITH CHILDREN.
About her swearing in front of children.
About her eating food from McDonald's and bringing in Dr. Pepper and candy and walking around eating in front of children.

About being horrible and mean to a couple kids and putting her hand up in the face of school staff personnel and saying "I'm done talking to you!" when they have the nerve to ask her not to dump paint in the bathroom sinks.

About running into a parent at her school whose child had been in my care during the summer. (I was dropping off a tie dyed shirt for her, actually. Did it over Christmas because I learned that Mary never got a shirt. I'm dedicated that way.)

Mary attends the fabulous Twatwaffle's school but not her program because Mom told me there was 'no way in hell' that she would ever put her child in 'that woman's' care.
Fluffy is still the manager. But she is also running another district now along with ours. We almost never see her or Fluffy Jr. We just get emails. Lots and lots and lots of fucking emails.
Twatwaffle is still abusing children with impunity because Fluffy covered her ass.
What a bunch of shitty human beings.

When I told him near the end of the conversation (MY priorities are in order, whether theirs are or not) that I was not happy about the pay inequity, he said, "Well, we need to get people in the door." What he didn't say with words was, "We don't value you or the other people who have worked so tirelessly to make our programs great. Shut up, you peasant."
To which I answer... this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apologies in advance for the length of this missive.
I've just finished writing it. I have more to add, but I have other things to do today.
I may follow up with more after we've had a chance to talk, although I think almost everything you need to know is either here or you've already heard it from Sunshine or Carey.

I subscribe to the 'why use 10 words when 400 is so much more expressive?' school of thought. (This document is about 3,200 according to the counter... sorry.)

In addition, writing things down helps me keep my thoughts in order and sometimes is a much better way of saying what I mean, particularly when I feel passionate about the issue(s).

The trick isn't to get me talking, the trick is to get me to stop.

And right now, clarity and purpose are sitting in front of me, telling me that it's important to get this right.

As a team, we let things go on too long a couple times before.
Hoping things would change and/or being afraid to speak up.
I decided that's not going to happen this time.
I will speak up.
I will advocate for what's best for children, and I will not allow the things that are detrimental to our kids to continue.

I will not sit quietly while the things we've worked so hard to accomplish are tossed aside as if our efforts over the past decade are meaningless.

What I do is important to me. The children I spend so much time with are my number one priority when I am at work.

From finding the exact color of construction paper for a craft to explaining Cartesian divers to a child to sweeping the floor after snack is done, I attach equal importance to every aspect of my job and give each task the care it deserves.

And my program grows and children are happy, parents are happy, the school is happy, I earn money for the company and everyone wins.

To do less would be wrong for me.

I bring that same dedication to our break and summer programs. I'm not alone. We have some amazing people on our staff, and without our efforts, the reputation of our programs in our community would not be what it is. We are justifiably proud of what we do and how we do it.

This school year, I've been increasingly uncomfortable with the direction we're heading as a team.

Oh. I phrased that incorrectly.
We are no longer allowed to work as a team.

I started to worry in August when Fluffy abruptly told Sunshine that she was taking the snack ordering off her plate, which is a euphemism for 'I am giving your extra hours to my friend'.

She gave the task to Snippy, one of the personal friends she'd hired over summer.
Sunshine was doing the job just fine. And the penalty for doing the job, and doing it well for several years was to have it handed off to someone else. 

It's worth noting that every snack order has had at least one thing wrong/missing/messed up all year. We didn't have those problems when Sunshine was dealing with it.

It's frustrating.

The blatant favoritism shown to the friends Fluffy has hired (to the detriment of us and our programs) is only part of the problem.

I believe it's imperative that you understand what's going on with Twat Waffle.

This is a person that I would not, under any circumstances, leave my child alone with.

The more I learn about her, the more I hear about how things are going in her program, the more I hear about her interactions with her school staff and parents, the more I see her in action, the more uneasy I become.

This is not a stable or calm person, and the hair trigger frankly scares the hell out of me.

It's worth noting here at the beginning that I first met TW at our fall training. We were in the same group of about seven people, tasked with listing what we thought our job description was. To list everything we could think of.

I was writing as our group fired words at me.
One of the things I listed was the weekly activity plan.
She told me, "Write, 'curriculum' on there."

I explained to her (or rather attempted to after putting a / and 'curriculum' on our paper after the words activity plan) that the activity plan is part of our weekly curriculum, that we write it up and follow it.

That sometimes we plan things that aren't 'curriculum' and do many activities that aren't in our books.

She gave me a look that would blister paint at 40 yards and talked over me.

"Have you ever been a classroom teacher?" she demanded.

When I admitted that I had not, she informed me arrogantly, "Well, *I* was a classroom teacher for seven years. *I* know what curriculum is and how to use it."

"They" say first impressions are important.
They are right.
I find that my instincts are usually correct.
The implication that I was just one step up from a moron was quite clear.

Sometimes I've adjusted my first impressions of an abrasive person in a more favorable direction. In this case, though, I may have underestimated just how caustic and unsuited for her job TW really is.

She was seriously obnoxious the entire afternoon. Between the snotty tone from Peaches (the way she talked to all of us, both individually and collectively was patronizing and condescending) and the rudeness of TW (who knew something about every single topic brought up and was quite happy to let the rest of us know ad nauseam) the afternoon was possibly a little less fun than I'd hoped.

That's sarcasm, by the way.

There will be more.

An afternoon in 'training' for a job I've done for almost 12 years isn't my favorite way to spend my time in the first place.

But being required to attend, then having a brand new co-worker and a then person in a supervisory position treat all of us with disrespect was just the cinnamon and sugar on the toast of the day.

In keeping with the new precedent of giving priority to her friends, Fluffy informed us in December that TW would be in charge of our break program.

I questioned Fluffy about this via email. 
She said that she'd 'offered the program leading and that TW was the only one who'd stepped up' but that is patently false.

NONE of us were asked to lead. None of us were offered the extra hours, the tasks associated with planning a break program or an opportunity for input.

We were not asked for our ideas. Our team, the people who have built the strong programs and made every endeavor a collaborative effort and a success for more than ten years, was completely dismissed.

Result? The fun things our kids have learned to expect in addition to the curriculum at break programs didn't happen.

We weren't important or even necessary to the program.
Everything was planned for us without our input.
We were just... widgets.

Discouraged doesn't even come close to describing how I felt then and still feel now.

The fun and creativity (the theme days... for example snowed in, winter sport day, ornament day) that we bring to every break program was missing.

Some of the kids even asked me about it.
They have come to expect the extras.
The fun.
The enjoyment we get from seeing their happiness. The ability we all have to meet each child on his or her level and help them enjoy their time with us.

Our programs have traditionally been happy places for the children. They are offered many constructive choices on how to spend their time and they thrive.

I am not the only person worried about the efforts to turn our programs into classrooms rather than learning zones. This is not what our parents want, not what our children want, and not what sets us apart from the other programs available.  

In answer to, "Why didn't we have ornaments this year?" I said lightly that we were 'doing some different things' this time.

Disappointment on the faces of 'my' children is one of the things I dislike the most.

We have always been able to follow the curriculum handed to us for break programs. It's not complicated, and without exception, all staff is capable of looking at the book, presenting the ideas to the children, and doing the projects with them.

Of course that hinges on supply procurement, planning and timely delivery, something that we haven't managed to have done correctly since Georgia was still here.

When I was finally able to meet with Fluffy near the end of January, I asked why we suddenly had someone who, until this year has never done our job, telling us how to do it.

I told her that I found it insulting that not only was she placed over us, but that TW feverishly looked through the com log and interrogated staff to see if we'd done it her way the next day.

I simply have no idea how we've always been able to do our jobs without being micromanaged by TW.

The break program was completely generic. The care for the whole child, the sense of fun, the camaraderie between us... all conspicuously absent.

All the amazing contributions we bring as individuals were completely left out. The creativity and teamwork that sets our programs apart wasn't wanted or appreciated.

One of the activities of our break program, making a reptile journal, was done one morning before I arrived on site. About fifteen minutes after TW left, I noticed several of the kids in a little huddle near the blocks,  having a discussion and looking toward me.

That usually means one of two things. Either they're talking about something inappropriate and don't want to get caught so they're monitoring me, or they want to do something that one of the other staff has told them they can't do and they're thinking that now that we've had a change in teachers, they can get away with it.

Hoping for the latter, I approached the group.

"What's going on, guys?"
After a nudge and a couple, "No, YOU ask her!" one of the bolder kids asked hesitantly if they could make one of the reptile journals 'now'. I said, "Of course, why not?"

"Well, that other lady said that we already had our chance and because we didn't do it, it was too late."

Later, I heard from Carey that TW had said to them earlier that if the kids hadn't done the project that it was just too bad, their chance was over.

This is not how we do things.
These are seven and eight year old children.

A break program is exciting for them. A new school, new surroundings. Lots of new things to play with. New friends. A break from the usual.

There is so much to do and so many different new people to do things with!

To a person who has experience in working with children, it should not be surprising that they're like... little butterflies. Fluttering around and enjoying themselves. That's one of the things I love so much about what I do.

Since our activities are always to be offered as choices, it seems a bit overbearing (a euphemism for power tripping) to tell a child they missed their ONE chance to utilize the supplies provided for that purpose to make a simple project.

And it was simple.
A minute of my time to help them assemble it, and a good half hour to 45 minutes of their time having fun with it.

Exercising their creativity, enjoying the collaboration with each other, learning together and sharing ideas. Making a project they were happy with.

So I helped four kids make their reptile journals. When some of the other children noticed what was going on, they approached me and asked if they might make one, too.

There is no excuse good enough to have refused that opportunity to the children. I find it appalling and shameful that one of us felt so strongly that her agenda was much more important than the joy of children.

I'm glad I was there to help mitigate the disappointment.

When we met in January, I told Fluffy that I was concerned about some things I'd heard about TW, that I did not appreciate the way she'd behaved during the break program, and that I still wasn't sure why she was placed above all the veteran staff, in control of the break program.

That she was abrasive, rude to children, rude to staff and behaved inappropriately during program.

And with a shrug, Fluffy smiled and said, "I've never seen that."

I wanted to make sure she understood what had gone on and how I felt about things and she completely shut me down.

When I question things and phrases like 'I don't understand why there's an issue' are tossed out there, it makes me angry.

I'm not resistant to change or unable to learn new things.
Everything I do in my job is done for the benefit of the children I serve.
My priorities are in order.

So, nothing was done.
As far as I know, none of the issues that concerned me were addressed.

Twatwaffle seems to now be the default setting. The standards we've worked so tirelessly to set for our programs are now in the hands of someone who's so enamored by the idea of herself as a teacher and being in control that she forgets that the learners are the larger, more important side of the equation.

We are no longer placing children first.

Our experience, expertise and enthusiasm are no longer welcome, it seems.

Changes that are beneficial to our kids and programs are fine.
I welcome them.

Changes made so that certain people receive more clock hours and control based on friendship are inappropriate and detrimental to us all.

The blatant favoritism that's been exhibited since August is unprofessional and harmful to much more than morale.

That favoritism has caused us to operate outside our license on at least one occasion.

In the written curriculum handed to us for winter were instructions to cut up fruit for a fruit snake project. 

Once again, our school program is not a "center."

We don't have access to a kitchen and we don't have the supplies or the sanitation required to do some of these activities.

The issue has been brought up before, with similar results.
No one listens or does anything about it.
It's just... shrugged off.
As if it isn't important.

This time, the book called for a 'sanitized area in the kitchen' for this to be done, but I learned that most of the fruit had been prepared in TW's home, in her personal kitchen.

When I asked Fluffy about it, she said that she figured that since TW "had done foster care, it would be okay."

No.
It is not 'okay'.
It's a direct licensing violation.
Taking short cuts and doing things that are against the rules has never been a part of our programs.

I'd really like to go back to that way of thinking.

I happen to think our license is important and that the rules exist for a lot of good reasons.

The few things TW had not cut up earlier were being prepped when I arrived, and I saw her lick her fingers while doing so. Not just once but at least three times.

Not only is that disgusting, I know I don't have to tell you that if children had become ill, regardless of the source of the infection, anyone scrutinizing the program could have really caused us some problems.

During that same break program, our curriculum book contained a directive to 'ask parents and families for egg cartons.'

This is also against our license. Egg cartons cannot be sterilized for our use.

Due to the small but possible exposure to Salmonella, it's simply not allowed under state licensing guidelines. This was also brought to Fluffy's attention by more than one of us.

Someone should have known this before publication.
If the curriculum planners don't know what the state licensing guidelines contain, then our company needs someone who does know advising them.

The supply list that wasn't sent out to us until last Thursday for a program that was due to start on Monday (do you have these items at your site?) asked for toilet paper rolls.

Those are another thing we're not allowed to use under our license.

This afternoon, I received an email informing me that all staff will be required to fill out an application to work over summer.

After all the years we've put in, all the expertise we have contributed, all the hard work, we have to apply for a summer job?

At the very least it's insulting, and judging from the favoritism exhibited this year, our summer program will be staffed by Fluffy's friends and those who did not speak up about the issues we're dealing with.

We have EARNED the right to keep our jobs over summer.
This is completely unacceptable.

It just gets better and better.

You'll notice that I have not addressed the Craigslist ad/ wage inequity yet.

Here's the thing.
Money has never been what motivates me.

I'm very aware of the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic value...
caring for children is not about the income, it's about the outcome.

But rewarding the people who've stuck around and worked through some really amazing (that's another euphemism) conditions by hiring new site directors, paying them a better hourly wage than the people who have spent more than 10 years doing an outstanding job and then giving them a bonus for staying the next 2.5 months?

You know, completing the school year, which is what the rest of us have done for years?

That does makes a difference.
Doesn't change my lifestyle, of course.
But it stings.

Oh sure, one can always use the door.
It operates both directions and a person can simply... walk out.

To be honest, that was my first reaction.
To just walk out.
I don't know anyone who appreciates being treated with disregard/disrespect and I'm no different.

But after serious reflection I decided that it's not about what kind of person signs off on something like that.

It isn't about what kind of person you are.
It's about what kind of person I am.

That said, you know my work ethic.
You know how dedicated I am.
You know how well I do my job.

You had to know that at least one of us would see that ad.

So it's a low blow.
A couple dollars an hour doesn't make a huge difference financially.
But the symbolism?
Well, that's important, now isn't it?

Thank you for your time.

Learning at Lunch with Friends

Had lunch with Sunshine and Carey today. Sunshine had a birthday this last week and her partner set up a lunch date for the three of us.

We met at noon. I had to walk a couple blocks, but it was fine. I am wearing shoes on both feet now, although I have to loosen the right one, it's not too bad. It did not hurt me to walk that distance. Both in the larger sense (It wouldn't hurt you to get more exercise, you know...) and in the regular sense. It did not cause me pain to walk.

Carey is now working for a different branch of the company. The difference is night and day. She is being treated with the utmost respect, she has gotten a raise to bring her pay to scale with the highest paid people on our side of things, and she's very happy. She gets 40 hours a week, which she really wanted, and things are going well.

Also working with Carey in the same little branch is Karen. Karen worked as my assistant for quite awhile. She transferred to the other place earlier this year, but not before Fluffy offered HER the top of the pay scale to take over as site director at another school. That particular school had Shelley, a site director who was doing fine, but Fluffy didn't like her. So Fluffy started a campaign of harassment and finally drove Shelley out. She offered Karen a starting wage that's higher than what many of us make after years and years and years of service. No, it's not fair. Yes, I know life isn't fair. But fuck.

I got a raise this paycheck. A whopping 40 cents. Bringing me to within a dollar and 20 cents of the hourly wage she offered to Karen as a NEW SITE DIRECTOR.

I happen to know that she's paying one of the male site directors that amount as well. Which puts it in a whole different category. When you're paying men more than you're paying women to do the SAME JOB, you're in legal trouble if someone wants to pursue it.

I'm not at all certain that someone doesn't want to pursue that.

I resent the shit out of having to be the one to leave.
Fluffy needs to get the fuck out.

Even though I have to say my feelings about lawyers are pretty similar to Shakespeare's, they do have their uses. I may even call someone.

Or maybe I'll get a job somewhere and be able to just tell her to fuck off.

But I will be sending some emails up the line.

Fucking jerks.

Peremptory Orders from the C.O.C.

Got an email this afternoon.
Rarely has so much bullshit been compressed into one email.

First, the Jr. version of Fluffy, even though I don't like her at all, is fairly normal and not terribly obnoxious in person.

She is relentlessly and artificially cheerful when she sends out emails, though.
There are always exclamation points!!!!
A lot of them!
Sprinkled around.
Kind of like adding salt to enhance a dish and accidentally dumping three times the recommended amount!!!

Perky!
Annoys me on so many different levels.

She begins by calling us 'Team!!'.
Which starts things badly for me as we are NOT a team.
We used to be a team.
But not now.
Not anymore.
 

Many of our long time senior staff have either been forced out through a pattern of harassment or have quit in disgust over the chickenshit tactics of Fluffy and her minions. Those of us remaining know exactly what has happened, what's been said to those people, what Fluffy and her little group have done to them. She doesn't seem to realize that people communicate with each other. 

Since Fluffy turned into such a piece of crap, TEN dedicated people have departed. Ten! In one year. You'd think someone would take notice. But Fluffy is nothing if not an excellent liar. Makes me sick.

So I wish Fluffy Jr. would just fucking stop pretending that everything is cheery and exciting.

I can't imagine who she thinks she's fooling, we all know what kind of people they are. They've demonstrated it quite adequately. Treating people with blatant disrespect and allowing abusive assholes to work with children.

Protecting those assholes when people who care about kids stick their necks out and report it.

So when you send out your mass email, just state what's going on in a straightforward manner.

Stop acting like we don't know what an asshole Fluffy is and what a posterior-smooching moron you are.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way...

We are hereby commanded to attend MANDATORY trainings. Two of them. Actually 3. First one is the CPR/1st Aid class. I don't mind attending that one, my certification expires at the end of the month and I don't want that to lapse. I cannot be alone with children if my cert isn't current. Every time we have to take CPR I fervently hope that I never, ever am put in a position of having to use it. The idea of something happening to a child horrifies me. As it should. I pay close attention at those classes.

So my CPR class is on the 15th.

Then, the evening of the 26th of August and the morning of the 27th, there will be a total of 12 hours of training. MANDATORY! And because they don't give a shit about making it accessible or convenient to 3/4 of us, it's all the way across town in a district far away.

Drive an hour to sit in a six hour training on a Friday afternoon into the evening. Drive home, which will take about an hour. Drive back. Another hour. Then sit there for eight hours on Saturday. We won't even be home 12 hours before we must be back at the location for the second half of the tedium.

Training us for a job we've been doing a long time. We're going to learn about:·         The NEW hidden company name Curriculum!!
·         Licensing Training from State Licensing  – one of hidden company name licensors from the State
·         Review of Ages & Stages
·         NEW Interest Areas!
·         Engagement & Communication – How YOU own your site!
·         UPDATED Positive Guidance and PBS!!
·         And More!!

Oh sure. WE own our sites.
Sure.

If I have already found new employment, I won't have to go.

And of course Twatwaffle, that abusive pile of crap, will be in raptures over new curriculum because she wouldn't know a teachable moment from a peanut butter sandwich. She is very much a top-down kind of person, willing and able and with a proven record of treating children badly. She is very happy to be the bossy type, trust me. Only someone who isn't terribly bright allows themselves to be ruled by a curriculum. So I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, she's rather thick. Not very likeable. Of course my opinion of her is colored by what I know about how she treats children. So no matter what else she does, I hate her. Anyone who is mean to a child is a person not worth a shit in my book.

I am going to send an email to Fluffy Jr. and ask if we could move the training to our downtown office. It's still not ideal, but it would be more fair for everyone. We'd all be commuting about the same distance.

All of the stuff that's pissing me off wouldn't be upsetting me so much but I am angry. I'm angry about the wage inequity, I am angry that they're such shitty people, that they have harassed so many people right out the door, that they pretend they care about the people working there.

We were doing a wonderful job. As a team. Every person who had the same priorities was included in the planning and in the summer hours and considered an equal. We were all there for the same purpose.

And now all that is gone. I wouldn't be sane if I didn't harbor some resentment.
I think I have more hurt feelings than resentment, though.

I actually care about a J.O.B..
Not that it matters to the Cavalcade.

More 'getting thoughts in order'

Feel free to skip this post.
Although I've always written for myself, I have been glad that it's entertaining and/or informative for other people, too. So there will be a few of these posts because I need to get it written down so I can refer back to it as needed.

I've never been able to keep a journal for more than a week or so. This blog has been going for almost eleven years. In reading back over things, I find that the things I've written help bring me clarity in a lot of ways. So for that, I thank myself.

If I've managed to entertain people and make new friends, well, that's a bonus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in March I decided that things had gone on long enough.
The last time we had to contact our big fish, one of the very first things he asked me was why I had waited so long to contact him.

So this time, I didn't wait. I actually only waited a couple months. Fluffy had done a decent job for her first year. I still can't believe the ogress person she is now was the same person who started as our manager the year before. What a horrible manager. And a nasty person. I can't think of any redeeming qualities other than she doesn't smell like perfume when I see her. But lots of people manage that and I don't hate them.
Haha.

I've been perusing the jobs available out there for a person of my qualifications.
EVERY company currently posting ads is paying more to START than I make now. With health benefits.

It's still not about money, though.
It's about respect.

And I allowed them to treat me disrespectfully from March until the end of the school year because I don't work for the company. I work for the children. I was not going to walk out on little people who depended on me to be there for them.

So they paid out bonuses to people who had only worked for the company for three or four months. Paid them a bigger hourly wage to start than I'm making after 12 years.

It's still not my first choice to leave. Change is hard for a lot of people. I'd say I have a triple dose of that myself. The idea of starting over is hurting my heart quite a bit, really. With the anxiety I have and the emotional attachments I have formed with my kids and my school and the parents and, well, everything except management and their management and the people getting rich off my hard work. I am not attached to them... well, it hurts a lot.

Knowing the staff at the school and considering them friends. Knowing every bit of my routine and how to handle just about anything that comes up. Having my designated back room to keep all my stuff in. The idea of going in and taking the things that belong to me out.

And not seeing my current kids anymore. People don't leave my program often, and it's usually because they either move away or the child ages out and heads to middle school. We form bonds. Those families care about me, I care about them, we have a great working relationship. I have what they call 'legacy kids' meaning some families have sent three or four different children through my program as they've grown. There is no bigger sign of admiration and regard than that and I'm honored by their confidence in me.

But. The protective mom person in me is horrified and appalled and disgusted that there are people working directly with children who shouldn't even have any contact with them.

These are people I would not leave a child with. People who work with children and treat them like crap are being well-paid and treated with deference by our manager.

I followed procedures. I talked to my manager about the issues. She dismissed them. Shrugged it off, said, "I haven't seen that." And did nothing.

A girl came and worked with me after working with that horrible woman in the school just up the road from me and told me about what was going on in her program. It would be dishonest to call it anything except abusive. She is a shit and I utterly hate her for what she has done to the kids under her 'care'.

Things have gotten nothing but worse. They played games with the summer application, retaliated against the people who spoke up this spring, both about the changes in our programming and about the nasty person who was handed the reins of our break programs.

During Spring Break, they ALL treated Carey like shit. It was obvious from the things they said to her that Fluffy had discussed everything with them after the big fish had talked to her.
Another really shitty and unprofessional thing.
No such thing as confidential with her.

Carey was (finally) offered a very small shift for summer. They knew she would not be able to work such a small amount of time and be able to survive. They just didn't give a shit. She asked them for more hours, but Fluffy Jr is a really nasty little thing and said that she had worked 'very hard' on scheduling. Then, they gave LARGE, as in seven or eight hour shifts to Fluffy's friends. Nope, no favoritism here.

Fluffy Jr did that shit to me once, too. She pulled Lyssa from my site and sent her somewhere else for a week. She sent Lyla to me. Lyla had just finished working with Twatwaffle at her site. Which is how I found out how Twatwaffle was treating kids.

Fluffy Jr's little asshole game (You want to go to management? FINE, have some retaliation!!) backfired.

It backfired with Carey, too. Carey won't be returning in the fall.

Sunshine was replaced as our director and offered a very small summer shift as well. Fortunately, her asthma is really bad, the building is really old, and she got very sick several times last summer. I say fortunately because it meant that her doctor said she could not work this summer.

I was offered a shift, too. It wasn't a bad shift/amount of hours, but I wasn't interested in working with any of the turds people that Fluffy has dropped.. er, hired. Thank goodness for pain and agony and not being able to work!!!
And I've given it a great deal of thought. I have not used anyone's real name. As always, the name of the company doesn't appear in writing that *I* wrote... I have not said what school I work in, what district I live in or anything that someone who doesn't already know me could figure out. In short, I've preserved the anonymity of the company, although they don't deserve any more protection or loyalty than they've given me, which is pretty close to zero.

I will probably end up posting the letter here soon, at this point the only thing I have left to lose is a job that no longer brings me joy and a company that treats me with complete disregard and such a lack of respect that it takes my breath away.

One of the benefits to being away from the craziness is time to really think. To be able to really *see* the progression from stable programs, growing enrollments, happy co-workers and joy to constantly shifting focus, peremptory orders tossed at us in a barrage of emails, people who would not know an educational opportunity from a peanut butter sandwich and mentally ill assholes who really don't care who they shit on.

So I have spent a great deal of time doing exactly that. Thinking.
And I think I may not be able to wait until they finally get tired of their games and go to a new playing field.

Time to hit post and go work on my resume.

Well shit.

Not a whole lot to report, let's go with stream of consciousness, shall we?

Good news. Joseph has been moved to a rehab place and will be working hard on his recovery. I'm making up a care package. A lot of what I'm doing will be a little time consuming, so I'm starting tomorrow with a goal of getting it all done by the weekend so I can make sure he gets it sooner rather than later. Not going to say what's in it just yet since Tami reads here occasionally and I'd like her to be surprised, too.
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I've had a headache for four days. I'm glad to have migraine medication, but I don't love the side effects. The pain in my brain goes away for awhile, then comes back. Had an epic race with the medication on Sunday, wasn't sure if it would take effect before I threw up or not. Thankfully, the medicine worked and I didn't barf.

But the damn headache just won't give up.
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I have a really cool bruise on my right ankle. You can see where the injection went in, then there's a sort of half-flower design all in reds and purples. My sock covers it. And I don't spend a lot of time looking at my ankles, either. So when I spotted it on Sunday, I was quite surprised. It doesn't hurt, though. Well, the bruise doesn't. The ankle still does. Although being off my feet has been very helpful since school got out. A lot less pain in my knee and my ankle.
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I have had occasion to drop in at summer program twice now. Once on day 1 and once on day 7.

I am not impressed. It looks so drab. Uninspiring. We always had SO many decorations and there was such a fun environment. This is... generic. So unlike the usual. The things that we've built our reputations on. We have worked so hard to build this summer program and they've taken it and shit on it and ruined it in one season.

Day one, even though we TOLD them that we always go over numbers (15 kids) by 7:15 AM, they chose not to schedule a 2nd person until 8:30. And the person who opened that first day had 16 kids waiting outside the door at 6:30 in the morning.

The person who was to show up second happened to come in early early. Otherwise they would have been operating outside legal ratios much longer.

I ran into Fluffy coming in as I was leaving that day. Called her on it. "Once again, we told you something and you didn't listen. I don't know why we bother, really."

She was quite offended, not that I give a shit.
She texted me later with 'just to clarify, we were not out of ratio'. So she was offended AND is a liar.
Surprise, surprise.
(pants on fire!!!)

Fluffy Jr planned summer without the input of veteran staff. She planned it badly. But they didn't want our input. They played games with that bogus application, then deliberately didn't tell us who would be working until almost too late to find summer employment. They're working on driving out the veteran staff so she can have her cavalcade of cunts in charge. It's working, too. I know some people who have been with the company for a LONG time who will not be returning in the fall.

I found out that she has been lying to the custodian and principal, too. She told them the reason that Sunshine and Carey aren't working over summer is because they 'stole' the hours last year and it just wasn't fair, so they 'had' to do it this way.

I'm sure she flapped her hands helplessly and tried to look earnest.
They're not buying it, either.
They don't like her. And are making phone calls over her head. And over the head of the person I talked to earlier this year, too.

Parents are not happy. They're also making phone calls. If they call Fluffy, she won't be passing the information on. It's my understanding that the phone number for the boss of the big fish has been given out.

I went to summer site on Tuesday this week. Needed to drop off some of the craft projects I made for the unit study they're doing. And some other supply items.

There were FIVE adults on site for 19 kids. They quibble over buying markers for our programs and bitch when someone stays an extra 10 minutes past legal ratio... but they are way overstaffed for summer? And of course they're Fluffy's friends.

GodDAMN I hate that woman.

I lost respect for her quite some time ago, but my feelings didn't move into active hatred until I learned that she was not only allowing someone to emotionally abuse children, she protected her and made it possible for that twatwaffle to continue doing so.

And of course has told so many lies that I'm sure she can't possibly keep them all straight. If everyone she has lied to confronted her at once, she'd have a difficult time of it. I know that eventually that stuff comes back to bite you in the ass, but I am a little tired of waiting for that to happen.The kids were so excited when they saw me. They mobbed me. One of them has been with us a couple years, a few of them are 'my' kids. One of the boys begged me to stay when he found out I wasn't going to be working.

"Why??"
So I explained about having surgery and that my doctor wasn't going to allow me to work for the summer.

The look on their faces made me feel so bad. And Dave told me sadly, "I don't like it here. It's not fun like it was before. I wish you were going to be here. I don't like our new teachers."

Then he pointed. "And that one, I don't think she likes us at all."

It was that stupid twatwaffle. I couldn't tell him that he's correct, that she hates children and that I have no fucking clue why she still has a job. This is just disgusting. It really is.

I can't do anything about it. I have two unit studies for the kids, I was asked to do them way back in April. I wish I'd said no. But since I said yes, I worked to make them very hands-on and entertaining. Not school work at all. I use the total immersion method. So for the unit on trees and birds, there are several things to make and take, a CD with bird calls on it, lots of things to touch (big slabs of wood so they can count the tree rings, different leaves to identify) and model magic to make birds or whatever they want. Lots of games to play to learn about birds, venn diagrams for the teacher to draw while kids shout out answers. I started it by telling the teacher to 'sit the kids at a table... and sit with them. No need to tower over them. They already know you're in charge.'

I doubt they'll do it that way, Twatwaffle is a power tripping asshole. But I tried.

Anyway, it was awfully hard to walk away when kids were begging me not to go. One of them even had tears in his eyes.

If I weren't having surgery, I would be working. Even though I hate those assholes and their asshole games, I would be there for the kids. I'm very sorry that I can't be. Twatwaffle was scheduled to work in the other district all summer because Fluffy and Fluffy Jr knew that we would be watching her every move. Now that we're not there, they've moved her to the location closest to her.

And she's running a day care business out of her home, too!! So competing with the company while she is working for the company.

Have I mentioned how much I dislike these people?
They can't be gone soon enough for me.
I really hate to be the one who has to leave.

What's best for children.

So Carey, one of my co-workers, is working elsewhere for summer. For some hypothetical company, of course.

Fluffy and Fluffy Jr. shit on her regarding hours, so she found a summer job and told them that she wouldn't be able to work for them this summer.

Here are two completely simulated photos of where Carey might be working.

It's completely appalling. If I were a parent, and I went and scoped out that location, there is no way in hell that I'd take my kid there. And it's ridiculously expensive to do so, too. The simulation looks like a refugee camp. What a pit. Embarrassing.

The kids would be bored out of their minds if this were the place they were attending.

Gee, I wonder why. Hm.

I can't imagine that anyone can look at this and say that this is what's best for children... but what do I know, I'm just a babysitter.

But you know, I've been supplying my own site for a long time. We all do it, because if we don't, we have bored and unhappy kids. And it makes our job suck donkey balls.

Do they reimburse people for their expenses?
No.
No they do not.

In fact, they threaten people with disciplinary action when they spend their own money on their programs. The amount of bullshit they give people for supplying stuff for their own programs is truly ridiculous.
Do they appreciate the contributions of their dedicated employees?
ANY of them?
HELL no.

They also expect people to earn money for the company and then they fail do the whole equal pay for equal work thing.

Shit wages paid to the people who do the actual work.

So this morning, Carey stopped by and I loaded her car up so she could do her damn job over summer.

She could not have been more grateful.

I figure it helped me because now I don't have to haul it all to Goodwill.
And a bunch of bored kids will now be entertained. Win/win.

Nothing if not interesting...

I did hear back from Fluffy Jr.

She is one of those people who thinks she is really wonderful at communicating but isn't. She thinks she's really smart, despite people having caught on to her nasty little games and calling her on them.

Her written sentences are sort of coherent, but the whole piece doesn't flow. She segues from topic to topic and then back. Reading what she sends isn't easy, I had to read it four times before I figured it all out.

She started off being pissed that I hadn't asked questions before now.
Apparently she doesn't like ME waiting until the last minute, but it's perfectly acceptable for her to do it. I refrained from asking her how SHE likes being strung along and not knowing how things are going to work. How she likes not being a priority.

She gave me some song and dance about how I was chosen especially for the two units she assigned me. Sure I was.

It's really more like this...

Fluffy: You know, we probably should let some of our staff do the nit-picky work of filling in the blanks on activity plans. So they think they have some choice.
Fluffy Jr: Oh Fluffy! You're so SMART!!!! You have the BEST IDEAS!!!!

I assured her that I've been immersed in the material for a couple weeks (true) and that I'd get it done quickly. (Also true. It's not difficult.)

Then, I asked "Can you explain why we are segregating children by age this summer?"

No answer so far. Not that I'm surprised.

Our summer location is the tail end of the digestive system of the school district. It's a sphincter of a place... an OLD school, crumbling and falling apart. Our program for summer is located in the basement of the building. But not an underground basement... two sides are exposed to direct sunlight for most of the day. So it's a hot and dusty asshole. No AC, crappy ventilation, dust and dust and dust... can't get the place clean no matter what.

Sunshine has worked there with us the last few summers, but every summer she spends a great deal of time in the ER or at the doctor for nebulizer treatments. She has serious asthma, and it's not a good place for her. We have had a couple kids who have experienced flare ups in their asthma while attending summer, too.

It's a crappy location. There are stairs, which is difficult for me, of course. The ramp that leads down into the cafeteria is so steep that it's unsafe for wheelchair use. Anyone who uses a wheelchair must enter at the other end of the building and use the elevator to get to the basement.

There are a couple other choices of locations, but not really.

One of the locations, where we were a few years ago, and have been more than once has a custodian who really is a complete dick. He emigrated from Russia about 15 years ago, and the school district not only employs him, it employs his family members and various friends from the same group.

He comes in the early morning, waves his badge in front of the little window to show he's there, then he and his cohorts get back in their cars and go out for breakfast. They come back about noon, run the vacuum in the hallway, replace a roll of paper towels and check the mailbox, then they go out to lunch. They come back about 5 and wave their badges in front of the little electronic thing to show they're leaving after 'working all day'. Good work if you can find it, I guess.

The last summer we were there, he didn't do a THING for most of the summer. Then, two weeks before school was to start, he freaked out and started yelling at us for being in his way while he needed to paint and clean floors and do this and do that. He was pretty pissy. One of the large, walk-in refrigerators melted down that summer. It was not the fridge we were using, we were using the one at the other end of the kitchen.

The melted down fridge had ice cream bars and popsicles in it, left over from the end-of-school year parties in various classrooms. When the melt happened, the stuff melted all over the inside on the floor of the fridge. He confronted Sunshine about it and she refused to clean it up or have any of us clean it. This did not make the Mad Russian very happy. He pitched a screaming fit, ending with smashing a trash cart against the wall and calling Sunshine a bad name.

She retaliated by telling the principal of the school about how Alexander hadn't done a damn thing all summer. The principal of that school had been the principal at Sunshine's school for six years, so they're well acquainted. Alexander got in a lot of trouble for being a lazy asshole who gets paid to fuck off all summer... and now when our "manager" tries to arrange the use of that particular school, he pitches a fit.

So we're relegated to the asshole of our schools.
And today, Sunshine's doctor told her that she is not allowed to work in that school for summer break.

Carey, who I've worked with for years... this is her site, by the way, was offered a very small amount of hours for summer. A very insulting amount.

No reason except that Fluffy and her minions are nasty and mean and don't care that Carey supports her family on what she earns. Carey is nice to the kids, dedicated to the job and worth more than they pay her. She's been shit on by work comp, too. And is one of the people making less than new hires. She just keeps doing her job.

She's going to try to find a summer job where she can get a decent number of hours. Apparently (gosh, I can't understand WHY) she doesn't want to be homeless?

I see my doctor in about 12 hours. Results of MRI etc. I would much rather be sliced and diced and in enormous pain for half the summer than work with those shitty people. There just aren't even words to express how much I hate them and how furious I am at the crappy way we've been treated and the stupid asshole things they've done to us and to our programs.

There are parents in my program who don't like her. They tell me about calling her regarding billing issues or other things and say that she's sort of odd. That she somehow tries to blame THEM when things aren't going right. "She turns things around and tries to make me feel like I'm the one with a problem."

Let me tell you, it's difficult to smile and nod and NOT say, "Oh I hear ya, she's a bitch and I hate her."

I hand them the business cards for the big fish, refrain from a sardonic laugh as I say, "Give this guy a call, he can probably help you," and man is it ever hard to not say something like, "You ain't seen nothin' yet, she wants to fuck up ALL our programs! Look for a whole new bunch of shit this fall!!"

So Carey is looking for a summer job somewhere else, she can't afford to lose the hours they've taken from her for no good reason. Sunshine can't work for medical reasons. If I need surgery, I won't be there. And that, people, is the entire powerhouse team in our area. We have built our programs into what they are over the course of years. Being the reliable and amazing team we are.

And in one short 9 month period, they've wrecked it so much that it's not even recognizable as the same group and program.

They've worked hard to turn summer into summer school and will be working hard to turn our programs into classrooms starting this fall.

If the three of us aren't there over summer, it definitely won't be the same for the kids. And that makes me sad, they deserve better.

The decision was made to not offer the flexibility in scheduling this year, too. Instead of being able to choose only the days they need care, families are being told it's x amount PER WEEK and there are no other choices.

So the kids belonging to firefighters, police officers, nurses etc... who don't need care all week, just a few days on a rotating schedule... will not be taken care of. Their parents are scrambling to find different care for summer, and very sad to have to do so. Some of those kids have been with us four or five years.

So I suppose the next step is the appointment with my podiatrist in the morning.
It's just totally fucked up that I'm hoping he says I need surgery.

The Fuckery Continues

This post, and the rest of my blog contains OPINIONS.
It's what I think.
It may have no basis in fact.
It may be lies.
It may be composed of half-truths and stuff you'd find inside a squid.
Or, it's all just what I think.

This caveat brought to you out of prudence.... the last time everything was going to shit for me and I wrote about it, the asshole attorney and assorted work comp fucks decided to send a link to my blog to the company I work for. It's okay for someone to do that now, really. Since no one has listened to me so far, perhaps this would get the attention of the right people. Although I doubt it, it seems that we have a lot of useless and clueless drones. None of them could do my job to save their lives. Many of them probably shouldn't even be around children.

I have never mentioned the company by name... not because I wish to protect the reputation of a company that doesn't need or deserve it, but out of respect for the privacy of the kids I serve. I don't use their real names,or the name of my school. I don't share this blog with people I work with now or have worked with in the past. I have never sent a link to any of the parents of kids in my programs, either. 

Full disclaimer can be found at the bottom of the page.
Read it.
Let me know if you have questions about any of my OPINIONS, which is what this entire blog is composed of.
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The latest... we're going to segregate children by age/grade level over summer. Because... um. I don't know.

Another shitty idea, brought to you by the people who think it's a good idea to leave a verbally abusive asshole in charge of children, pay different people different levels of crap wages to do the same job and when it's pointed out, act like it's all your fault somehow. Then, when you take your concerns to management up the line, they retaliate by doing mean things.
By using their position within the company to shit on people.

They even feel okay about it.
Because they're probably narcissistic assholes.
I'm not qualified to diagnose the first half of that... but definitely qualified to recognize the second. 

I sent this off this evening to Fluffy and Fluffy Jr. They think that they're making me part of the 'team' by calling me TEAM and asking for my input on two of our units for summer. I will find out on Tuesday if I'm going to be stuck working with/for them all summer or I can be sliced and diced and go through an enormous amount of pain and have a shitty summer which would be totally worth it to avoid them. There aren't words to describe what assholes they really are, but I keep trying to educate them anyway.

The hostile work environment has already cost them several veteran staff members, and I happen to know they're about to lose at least two more. I'm sorry to see them go. You'd think someone at corporate would wonder why so many long-term employees in the same bunch would quit at once... but so far, it seems like no one really gives a shit.

We're widgets. Poorly paid and not respected.

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If you can please get me a paper copy of the parts of the curriculum I'm supposed to address, I can add my (scrawled in notebooks and piled on the kitchen table) notes to those pages when I find out exactly what you want and hand them back to you this week. That would be a lot easier for me.

I'm not entirely clear on what you need from me regarding the summer stuff anyway... it's all written up and laid out. All that remains, if we are to follow the curriculum, is to look at the book and do the stuff in it.

We read the book, we do the activities, modifying them as needed for the group across a broad age range, fill in around the edges with more hands-on stuff and move on.

All of us are very good at that. If our supplies are provided in a timely manner (at least one week ahead of each unit) then we can organize them and plan and be ready for the week's activities.

More hands-on... For example, there is nothing in the curriculum that explains or demonstrates capillary action, something that trees and other plants use, something that would be fun for the kids. Do you want me to write up and add stuff like that? How do I know there will be time to do those things?

Are we going to be allowed to use the kitchen this year? Last year the person who represents food services decided that we wouldn't even be able to use the refrigerators owned by the school district because she was angry that we weren't going to do the summer feeding program.

I would hope that we would appeal such a decision to the school district if the situation arises this year, as we have never harmed anyone's equipment and been good stewards in the places we use.

So the things that require cutting up and serving food may be problematic and we might have to substitute other activities. It would be nice to know that now instead of later.

One of my recent Goodwill purchases is a brand new roll of bulletin board paper that's green and leafy and perfect for a backdrop for both trees and birds and insect and arachnid project display. I think the more stuff we make and display, the better.

I have a few projects to add to ( or replace) the ones already presented in the book. Some of the things these people come up with are inefficient, not as fun, or can be done better and with less trouble. I think I have most of the supplies needed for those projects, too.

Examples.. instead of printing out a piece of paper talking about tree rings, I will bring in a couple large slices of an actual tree so the kids can count the rings... smell the wood, feel the bark, touch an actual tree.

Instead of planting a tree and measuring its growth, which will be slow and not change much in the two weeks of that unit, let's plant seeds and send them home with the kids after watching them sprout and grow a little so they can watch them grow and bloom over summer.

We can still bring in a tree to measure and watch. I may even know someone who would give us a tree in a pot to watch and take care of. But other than an Alder tree, which is considered a junk tree and probably won't be found in nurseries, trees simply don't grow fast enough to generate any excitement.

Since it's summer, we can't use fall leaves, but it would be awesome to make leaf pictures. We could identify the types of leaves, what kind of tree they came from and display our creations. We could also use leaf punches and brightly colored/tropical colored papers and make our pictures more like summer. I have a copy of this:

http://www.amazon.com/Look-What-Did-Leaf-Naturecraft/dp/0802774407

I was happy to see a butterfly garden as part of the supplies. It's something I did with my own kids more than once.
That was one of my ideas before even seeing the curriculum book, so I'm excited about it.

I own an eyeclops bionicam.
http://eyeclopsbionic.com/eyeclopsbionicam.php

Perfect for looking at bugs and assorted things like leaves. I'll bring it for summer, whether I'm there or not, but it's for adult use only. Adults operate it, kids watch on the TV screen. :)

Paint and brushes. I have those. A lot of them.

I have pipe cleaners. Duct tape. A ton of things that can and should be used over summer.

Regarding making the big group projects from papier mache... flour and water paste is not as efficient as white glue and water. It gets moldy and ferments quickly, especially when it's hot and there is poor air circulation, both big factors in our summer location.

Also, with so many kids being gluten intolerant, the flour is an allergen. Am I supposed to be pointing things like this out?

The curriculum calls for play doh, but model magic is less expensive and also contains no gluten. Play doh and many other products are made with flour. We'll need to order a case of it, but that's easy to do.

Please clarify what you'd like to see.

I'm very fast at typing/writing down my thoughts and can get whatever you want done in a very short amount of time, but I'm not entirely clear about what you need from me.

It would be very helpful for those of us working together this summer to have a chance to get together and brainstorm before summer program starts.

I have supplies at my site that I can contribute to summer.

We all do.
Not asking us about it and not giving us an opportunity for input is not cost effective or efficient. If we'd all been able to meet and plan we'd probably have a good portion of summer supplies already accounted for.

It would be nice to share the ideas we have with each other in an open forum for other sections of curriculum and general summer activities, too. Dividing up the book/plans is sort of... insular.

We've done zero planning regarding our summer environment, (that WOW factor we're famous for in our area) what material contributions we need to make for decorations etc for week 1,  we've had no commentary or input on bike/scooter days, water play days or any other special activity plans.

With the decades of experience we have as a team in conducting a great program for summer, one that people return to year after year,  it doesn't make sense on any level to have left us completely out of the general planning.

It makes your job more difficult and does exactly the same thing to us.

A little slow on the uptake...

I have done a bit of reading.

My boss is a narcissist. No wonder she can't fucking listen. Can't learn from her mistakes. Can't allow anyone any autonomy. Pretends that she feels wounded when someone disagrees with her. Makes everything about her. "I'm disappointed that you feel that way," "But I'm trying to make everything better! Work with me!"

The underlying narrative there, of course, is, 'you are being unreasonable and I'm just trying to help!'

I'm not dealing with a rational human.

There isn't a lot I can do about it, either. But now that I know, I will stop trying to fix stuff. I'll do my job. Will continue to document and report to whoever I need to report to as needed.

I've mentioned that Fluffy and her coven have done this before. They move in, bring in all her little hairball friends, mess everything up, then just before one of them is to be let go, they all walk out. En masse.

I have changed my mind, too. I was bummed out that I couldn't report this to our big fish, since finding out about it means that the last place they did this to broke legal boundaries... violated employee confidentiality. I didn't want to get anyone in trouble.

Now I think it's fucking hysterical. Big fish is going to be lucky if Fluffy and her coven don't end up taking him down on their way out. He has turned out to be an asshole himself, although not the same brand of asshole as Fluffy.

I have NO idea what Fluffy said to him to be able to keep her job, but I know she and her bevy of bitches are walking on eggshells around a few of us. They're being quite professional (still quite snatchy, of course) and mostly leaving us alone.

I don't even want to use that to my advantage. I just want to do my job and be left the fuck alone. Which I suppose *is* to my advantage.

We are still being yanked around, they're still playing games regarding who will be working summer program and who will not. There is no reason for them to behave that way, of course. But they want to show who's in charge.

I wonder how I ended up this old before encountering a narcissistic boss?
I suppose I should be grateful.

Okay, well no cobwebs yet...

I didn't get an answer, of course. The question inviting our 'manager' to give me just one example of how I've been respected in the past eight months or so. I *did* get something like, 'gee, I'm sooo disappointed that you feel that way.'

Horseshit. That's a horseshit response that dumps all the blame on me. As if my feelings are the problem. The problem, of course, is a complete lack of regard or appreciation for the people who've built the amazing school year and summer program. They're hoping to capitalize on how well we've done summer in the past. I'm sure they'll be more than happy to take credit for it, too.

But Mary showed up at my site this morning. All friendly-ish. "When can we meet?"

As if it's going to make any sort of difference.

I have zero trust in her now.
I don't care what she says, what she offers or how she comes across, I have heard enough from others to know better than to trust her in any way.

I also know that whatever I send her via email is going to the big fish. Because she's somehow trying to make me out to be the bad guy. Sunshine has talked to him, too. As well as a couple or four other site directors. She is copying him on all the emails, I think to prove to him that she's trying to salvage the situation and keep the veteran staff happy. Also horseshit.

It didn't start out personal. I don't care for Mary much, but I utterly loathe the twatwaffle (Skanky Baggs) who is treating children so horribly and I will never understand how it is that she is getting away with it. One of us was told, "Well Mary has a lot on her plate," as if that excuses verbal and emotional child abuse that she's allowed Skanky to get away with.

Makes me physically ill.

And now, it is personal. I will do everything I can to get rid of this group. They have done similar shit before while working for other organizations. They don't know that *I* know it... maybe I'll find a way to use that against them.

I will document everything I see. And I won't send it to the big fish again. Because I have friends who know people, I know where the information needs to go. I sincerely regret not sending the information there in the first place. Won't make that mistake again.

I'm also watching the ads. I may find an organization who appreciates my talents and will pay me to come do the same job for them. That's not my first choice, but then, neither is a hostile work environment.

Meanwhile, I think the heartburn has subsided a bit and I can now go back to bed. I got up to have alka-seltzer and sit here and write a little bit.

I'll try to have something a little more entertaining for you tomorrow. The kids are nothing but hilarious about 90% of the time, and I haven't lost site of the fact that I'm there for them... not for a company that doesn't give a shit about the people who work for them.

Do Not Call. And Please. Fuck off.

We dumped our land line a few years ago after realizing we almost never used it.
It felt kind of weird at first, we'd had the number for 25 years or so. I felt like I should apologize to my poor little phone number for ditching it.

But we all have our own numbers. Eric actually has two, since one of his is for work. I made sure to add our numbers to the do not call registry. Mine's actually been registered there since 2003.

I read that you're supposed to register your number again every two years. Then I read somewhere that it was every year. But the web page for the registry says once you're on the do not call list, that's the end.

But lately, I've had two to three calls every week from various numbers. It's not even really an annoyance since I don't answer my phone most of the time. The ringer is off when I am trying to sleep. The ringer is off while I am at work unless I'm expecting a doctor phone call. I don't answer in the car either.

When I look up the numbers, they're always scam calls. Or spam. Either way, I'm not interested. I don't like talking on the phone much.

But it aggravates the shit out of me to be bothered by these idiots.

Eric has a personal cell phone for emergencies, mostly so people can call us in the middle of the night when mine is silent. And now his phone is getting calls, too.

Of course the aggravation of a few phone calls is nothing these days. Believe me, I have plenty of things to complain about.
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I'm trying really hard to try to figure out a way to keep my job.
I don't know what I'm going to do.

What I want is to be left alone to do my job.
I do it well. I take care of everything that needs to be taken care of.
I'd like to be respected, too. Just addressing us all as "Team" (Hi Team, do this. Do that. Do the other thing. Thanks for all your hard work, Team) doesn't really mean we're a team. I was trying to recall a time this school year that I have felt respected by the company I work for. Unfortunately, I drew a blank.

I get all kinds of respect from the school I work in. Our principal is very involved with the program. I have one of his children IN my program. He says good things about my program behind my back. The custodian loves our program. I think the fact that I try to leave the place clean every day, that I try not to make extra work for him and that I treat him with respect probably has something to do with it. I have a good working relationship with several of the teachers. There are some kids that have required a little extra from me or from them, and on occasion, I've talked with them on a professional level.

The office staff, the cafeteria staff and the librarian are all people I enjoy talking with and working with.

It's kind of sad really that I get so much respect and appreciation from the school district people and none from the company that employs me. Zero.
How the fuck does that happen?
Never mind, I know.

We have been through several managers. Some were good, some weren't great. But NONE of them treated us like crap. Until now, of course.

We lost another site director today.
I won't say it was a pattern of harassment.
I will say that in my opinion, showing up at someone's site All. The. Time. and finding things to nitpick is sort of over the top, though. Going to someone's site, being critical and rude enough to make a person cry and then repeating that same thing many times... sometimes three times in one week... just might be a little unfair.

I also will not comment on the fact that the people who may or may not have been harassed were physically handicapped. I won't speculate that their disabilities have anything at all to do with why they were or were not targeted.

The one who left today is not going quietly, though. Paperwork has been filed. Medical personnel are involved. There may or may not be legal issues.

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Our summer shirts were delivered to our sites today. They have an interesting design and I like the color. What I don't like is the fact that I can read through them. Seriously. I can put the shirt down on one of our headcount forms and read the words on that form through the shirt.

I have a problem with that. I figure my lingerie is my business and that it's not appropriate to show it to the children I work with. I don't think their parents need to see what color my bra is, either. I'm funny that way.

We have been informed that we will wear our summer shirts every Friday to create excitement for summer. I'm not sure that will help much, to tell you the truth.

It's hard for parents to get excited about something they can't afford.
They've changed the pricing (No more attending one or two days if that's all you need, nope, now you pay for the whole week. Period.) and aren't responding to the concerns of the families we've served for so long, they're putting a world-class jerk in charge of programming, placing her above all the people who have invested so much of their lives and heart and soul into the program every summer... well, I don't know how much excitement we can stand anyway.

So I emailed the manager. I said that I have no issue wearing a summer shirt from the last two summers on Fridays, but that I'm uncomfortable showing my bra to everyone. "And doesn't our dress code prohibit showing our lingerie?"

I'm waiting for an answer.

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I'm also waiting for an answer to this question I posed today when I questioned the idea of having sites compete for 'best poster' for summer program. I said I'd be happy to work on posters with my kids, that I'm sure they'll enjoy creating. But that competing with other site directors doesn't lend to the team spirit.

I got back a reply that contained words to the effect of 'we ARE a team!'

So I couldn't just let that go, could I? Refraining from something juvenile like, "MY ASS!!!", instead I sent,

"Team? Please give me one example of how my years of experience and expertise have been respected in the last eight months. Just one. Just calling us 'team' doesn't count."I'm sure I'll be waiting a long time. I will probably die while I'm waiting. I can see it now, I'm 102 years old and still sitting here in front of my laptop, cobwebs from my wrinkled up face to the front door and back... and still no answer. Still no respect. Still being treated like widgets. And the assholes who are treating kids badly will probably still have their goddamn jobs.

I just hate that things have gotten so hostile so quickly.
I also hate that my job is so important to me that all these things are keeping me awake at night. Who cares about their job that much????