I'm kinda pissed part 2

Have you heard that medical schools are starting to use lawyers instead of lab rats for their experiments?

It's true.
There are three reasons for that.
One, the medical students don't get attached to the lawyers.
Two, the lawyers reproduce much faster.
And three? Well, you can get a lawyer to do things a rat wouldn't even consider.

(Have you ever tried typing lawyer? It keeps coming out laywer. Just thought I'd ask.)

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Here's more about Mr. Humanitarian Statesman and my work comp hearing.

Which took place February 5th, if you're keeping track.
Actually, even if you're not keeping track, it took place February 5th.Two tables with their ends butted against each other sat in front of the judge's bench. My attorney seated herself at the right hand table in the right hand seat, leaving the chair to her left and the left hand table vacant.

She told me that I could sit in the chairs at the back of the room with Eric,"for now."
Humanitarian showed up a few minutes after the rest of us were situated, dragging in an enormous scrapbooking case on wheels. Yeah, I know it was really a briefcase, but I amused myself by deciding he was gonna whip out the photo albums and paper edging scissors and cropping tools.

A briefcase is smaller. Compact. Businesslike... but this thing was a serious piece of equipment.

I wonder if the truss he almost certainly has to wear to haul the baggage in and out of his car matches his suit and hair, although I'm not likely to ask him anytime soon.

I have copies of all my paperwork and medical records and I can tell you for sure that my files, although extensive, did not take up that much room.

He hauled that sucker in for effect. "Look at me! I am a high priced corporate attorney! I am important! I carry large amounts of paperwork everywhere I go! So much paper! Must have wheels!! Hey! Look at me!"When he sat down, he sat in the right hand seat at HIS table, too.

Which means that when I'd have to move to the table, I would be seated next to him instead of next to an empty seat, which a gentleman would have recognized as a possibly uncomfortable situation.  Of course I wasn't dealing with a gentleman. I already knew it.

So Humanitarian sat next to where I was supposed to sit.
Anything to be intimidating, I guess.

Although I was already giggling internally about his suit and hair matching and snorted and had to cover it with a little cough when his trouser legs hiked up so far I could see his bony old man ankles.

So the judge said something like, "Good that you could all make it, nice to see you all here today."

I said, "I wish I could say the same."

Humanitarian barked.
Then I realized he'd laughed.
He said to my attorney for my benefit, "Does she know I'm not Mr. Philanthropist?"

It went over her head, but not mine. Which was his intention, I'm sure. He said it again a minute or so later, can't remember why.

He just wanted to make sure I knew he'd been paying some poor Schmoe to read my blog. I'm sure he didn't stoop to reading it himself. Too self-important for that. 

Now I've never been in court before for anything. Live a good clean life, don't speed, don't break laws... had no idea how things proceed.

My attorney sat down with me before the hearing and told me what questions she'd ask of me, but really didn't tell me much of what to expect beyond that.

So I didn't know that everything up to a certain point was off the record.

Humanitarian raised an eyebrow when he saw that there was a person in the room who did not need to be there. Eric.

"Your honor," he said, "I was not informed that there would be any witnesses."
My attorney turned and looked at us, then back at the judge.
"I have no witnesses other than the claimant." she said.

After the pompous remark to the judge about drawing the short straw by getting stuck with my case, Humanitarian wanted to play.

There was some wrangling. He wanted my attorney sanctioned for a frivolous case because one of his damn doctors who performed an "independent" medical exam had become confused between the left meniscus and right meniscus and lateral and posterior tears. Shit, I lived through all of it and it's confusing to me.

Evidently, there was a piece of paperwork that didn't get properly filed or some damn thing and he wanted that 'taken care of,' suggesting that it was frivolous and all but waving his arms and announcing it to the world. To listen to his gravelly voice you'd think it was as important as the 10 commandments.

I have to say though that I was impressed with his ability to sound commanding yet grovel at the judge's feet at the same time. I'll bet he's a real peach at home after having to maintain servility all day when he's attending hearings.

My attorney said that she had no comment on the possible error and would research it later.

She did not say it had no bearing on the case in front of us, but her attitude did. I was impressed.

There was much sorting of paperwork. Even with that big scrapbook case Mr. Statesman brought to court with him, he somehow hadn't managed to have copies of all the things he needed. My attorney politely supplied him with copies of this and that, the judge got copies of other stuff, and they all sat around labeling stuff. Exhibit 123a and 123b and 123c and 123d... I could go on and on.

They sure did.

I sat, holding Eric's hand.

Mr. Statesman was indignant that Dr. Slice and Dice, the surgeon who operated on my shoulder and did the ACL repair wanted six thousand dollars for his deposition. He was quite angry that it seemed excessive and much more than customary. He turned to my attorney and demanded to know how much she'd paid for the deposition.

She did not have that information at hand.

Eric and I exchanged grins, because to me it sounded like Dr. Slice and Dice just didn't want to talk to him. I found it amusing.

Finally, there was a lull.

Then the judge asked both attorneys if they were ready to begin.

Shit. Begin? I had no idea we hadn't started already!
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Speaking of starting, when I sat down to write about this I had no idea it would take so long and that I'd have so much to say.
There's a lot more.

And I'll continue it later.