Fairy Poop and Other Craft Materials

I save garbage.
What, doesn't everyone save trash for their job?

I have a bin full of paper towel tubes. 

Not TP tubes, though. 
Sanitation rules under licensing say no. 

You can buy unused ones online, made specifically for crafting, or you can save the paper towel rolls and cut them to size yourself.

I save cereal box cardboard, too. 
That same kind of cardboard can be found in pizza boxes and other food packaging. 
If it doesn't have food on it and is clean, I toss it in the tote with the other stuff.

I don't save corrugated cardboard because it's dangerous for kids to cut with scissors. Ever try it? Grab a corrugated box and the nearest pair of kid scissors and try to cut the cardboard. Kid scissors aren't strong enough, so they sometimes break. Corrugated cardboard is hard to cut, so sometimes the scissors slip and can hurt the person wielding them. 

Yes, that is the voice of experience and yes, I've had both things happen to me. 
Even using adult scissors is hard when one has a lot of cardboard to cut.  On one occasion I cut out squares to make 35 cardboard looms. My scissors were sharp but I still ended up with blisters. Corrugated cardboard is tough stuff.

So cereal box cardboard is the thickest stuff we use for building. 
We supplement with card stock and construction paper.

Once in awhile we declare a 'trash day' at my school and I bring in the bins, some masking tape, and let the kids just make stuff. 

In April, our company decided we were going to have an Earth Day fashion show and make outfits out of recycled materials. Er, trash. Make the outfits, take photos, get them posted on social media.

The request was sent out via our app six days before the project was due, asking people to bring in their trash. 
No one did.

Most people (people who aren't me) don't hoard trash all year long. 
I think there were six kids who managed to make something wearable, the other kids wanted to just make stuff out of the trash. 

So I gave them some masking tape and that's what they did.

When I have a project for the kids, there are usually several of them who don't want to do it. This is fine, I don't make them do the projects. I strongly encourage it if it's something the gang is making for their parent(s), like an ornament or craft for a special occasion, but even then they still get to decide for themselves if it's a thing they want to do. They have so little autonomy. 

There are children who want to play with LEGO, build things with magnatiles, do independent art or color a picture instead. There's a lot of socializing, they have friends there and we all know they're discouraged from chit chat during the school day.

I caught up with our curriculum person later and told her that the amount of trash I brought in actually took me the better part of a year to save, and that it would have been really difficult to do the project if I'd relied on donated trash. I suggested a much longer planning period if we're going to be expected to offer that activity at all our sites. 

Since school's out, I'm back in saving mode. I have two bins that I've been tossing stuff into in our spare room. This week I've received a couple packages that were padded with what my grandma used to call popcorn.

You may call it packing peanuts or styrofoam.

Nope. 

It's fairy poop.

But it's not just plain old fairy poop! 
No, it's the variety that's been made with cornstarch. If you wet your fingertip and touch it, it melts a little and becomes sticky. You can create little sculptures with it, like the one below.

found on Pinterest

I do not tell my kids that it's biodegradable styrofoam, either. 
I let them know they're supposed to call it fairy poop.

Aren't you glad you stopped by today?

Put a bandaid on it.

Tuesday afternoon as we were setting up the program, I moved our rolling construction shelf unit (known as a zone cart at the company I work for) up against the wall. The carts are birch plywood with a nice finish.

They're not cheap, between 400 and 700 depending on what you get. 



The cart isn't new, wasn't new when I opened this site in 2023. Seems to be wearing out now.

The front edge on top got me and a huge sliver went into my right hand at the base of my index and middle fingers.

Holy crap, that really hurt! 
Worse, it went in at an angle and was deep.

::sigh::

I tried to pull it out with tweezers and broke off the part that was barely sticking up, leaving the rest of it embedded.

Shit shit shit.

So I washed my hands, applied some antibiotic cream and a bandage and went back to setting up.

Covered the barely rough edge with some blue masking tape so no one else would have the same thing happen.

It was painful enough and buried deeply enough that I was concerned I wouldn't be able to remove it on my own. 

And since it was in my dominant hand, that made it even more difficult.

So as much as I hated to, I filed an incident/accident report in case I had to seek medical attention. 
Can you imagine? 
Work comp for a splinter. 
Sheesh.

So I did a lot of changing bandages and using antibiotic cream between Tuesday afternoon and Friday morning. Stupid thing. Every time I bumped it, it hurt. Every time I used my hand, it reminded me it was there. And never coming out, apparently.

On Thursday morning, I took my daily shower and noticed the skin over the splinter was soft and didn't hurt after the shower. So I told Eric that he was going to have to help me dig it out on Friday morning. He's off work on Fridays. 

I glopped unscented lotion on the wounded area and covered it with still another bandage when I went to bed on Thursday night. 

Got up Friday morning, found the skin soft and pliable and grabbed a needle and my tweezers and figured I could at least try. 
I got the damn thing out myself.
Eric was glad, he hated the idea of possibly hurting me.

It was almost half an inch long, yes, I measured it, and came out in two pieces. The 2nd piece was at an angle deep into the tissue under my index finger, but it didn't hurt to take it out, apparently the wound healed up a bit around it?

Score one for the good guys. There is no residual soreness. The rough edges of the skin I opened up are kind of a nuisance, they keep catching on my clothes,but I have lots of bandages. Tie dyed bandages. Of course. And no, I did not tie them. Or dye them.

Scrolling through some videos this morning I came across one from a teacher who has lots of video shorts. She talked about kids and how they always want bandages.
It's true. 

The video suggested that a bandage makes them feel better, so why not give them one?

I don't always read the comments, most of the time they're a waste or just aggravating, but there was some speculation that kids are 'just asking for attention'. 
As if that's a bad thing.
Of course they're asking for attention.
They're children. 

Why should asking for a bandage cause the adult in charge to get into big boss mode? It's just a bandage. 

Why not assume the child needs attention and get down off your goddamn high horse and SEE that child? 

Even if I had to pay for them myself I'd still give them to kids who think they need them. 

It makes them feel better. 
How is that wrong?
Sure wish I could feel better in such an easy way!

I don't question kids who ask for a bandage. 

They usually feel like they need to prove to me why they've asked for one, though. 
You can tell they've been questioned and faced with skepticism before.

They hold out an index finger with a tiny spot of dark pink or point vaguely to a spot on their arm or leg and tell me it hurts. 
They are accustomed to having to justify their requests. 
Ask permission to ask for help. 
Ever notice that?

I always give them one. I have bandaids in my clipboard and in the little first aid pack that goes everywhere with us.

I ask if they want to do it themselves or if they need help with it. 
Most of them are self sufficient and want to do their own. 
I hand them a bandage and watch.

Occasionally they're not as great at it as they thought they were, and they ::gasp:: wreck the bandage!!!

If you immediately thought they look aghast and embarrassed because they failed at putting on a band aid, you're right.

If they need another, I give them one. 
While saying something like, "I don't know why bandages don't behave better, always tying themselves in knots is not helpful!"

I may even lecture the new bandage. "Look, Buddy, behave yourself and go on straight! We don't want to have to tell you again!" 

Any time I can add humor and know the child(ren) will appreciate it is a good thing.

I've noticed that many adults, when faced with a crying, hurt child say, "Oh, you're okay, you're okay."

I don't like that. Even if they're just emotional and not physically hurt, it's still pain. It's not my job to tell them they're okay, it's up to them to let me know when they actually are okay.

I feel like people should ask, "Are you okay? Would you like to sit with me awhile and see if it starts to feel better? I'm sorry this happened to you."

It's similar to going to a doctor for help as an adult and being dismissed. 
The condescending pat on the arm or the leg and, "There, there," or something similar. "You're fine. Follow up in a month." Or whatever. 

People want to be heard. For the listener(s) to make an effort to understand them. Maybe offer to help fix the situation.

Kids... well, they're people. 
They want to be heard.
If they want a bandage or an ice pack, go get it.

It's a big deal to them.

A long long time ago...

Today is our 45th wedding anniversary.

I've been asked so many times what the 'secret' is, but there isn't a secret at all. 
It's mostly picking up the slack when the other person can't do whatever it is that needs doing and being each other's biggest fan and strongest supporter.

Another secret?  Realizing about 10 years in that by now, no one else would want either one of us. 
::snort::

Two kids who got married, neither one with a clue about what it really meant and no concept of the future.

Huh.

Time goes so fast.
Take advantage of the time you have with people you love.
I would marry him again.

Best Laid Plans

Ever wonder why it's 'best laid' plans? 
Has nothing to do with getting laid.
 
Or maybe it does and I've been going about the whole planning thing all wrong.

::snort::

All summer I've been saving links to different art/craft/science things in an email draft. I do that so I can send it to multiple email addresses all at once when it's done and not have to edit. Send to my work email, our programming specialist's email etc. 

For whatever reason, even though I pasted links into the body of the email, didn't type them, when I sat down to look through them this afternoon, they all led to the same place. The links all look different, but they all go to the same website.

I was about to have an old lady meltdown because I've been saving things all summer (and yes I know there are other ways to do it but that's what I did), but I found that I could still copy and paste the links into my browser and have it go to the various websites. 
Weird.

But all the stuff I found this summer that I wanted to try with my kids is still there, so I'm calling it a win.

Why did it take until today to notice?
Today I started my daily planning hours. 

Or rather, I started being paid today for the planning time I've been doing off and on since school got out in June. 

Now I'm being paid for 2.5 hours a day, four days per week through most of the school year. I'll still be thinking about the job and looking at projects and ideas forever, AM, PM, middle of the night waking up with inspirations... it's just part of how I do this work. 
I wouldn't change it.

Making a few of those little projects before school begins is part of my goal. 

Since we have upcoming trainings, some of that time will be spent in the office. I'll need something (or several somethings) to do with my hands. No way in hell can I just... sit. I fidget too much.

Don't sit next to me at meetings, you won't like it. 
If I didn't have to sit with me, I wouldn't. Haha.

The first month of activities is planned for us, if we wish to take advantage of it. 
I haven't seen what's being offered yet, so I don't know if my group will do it.
 
Our programming person isn't bad at her job, although I think she may be a little ambitious for what can be accomplished in a specific length of time. She hasn't worked in program enough to really understand how many curve balls there are in every single game. 
Er, day.

I've purchased a bunch of small things this summer. 
I do get reimbursed for things if I turn in receipts, but I also decide to purchase things that I want for my program that aren't necessarily needed and I don't feel that I should be asking to be paid back. 

Those items aren't being reimbursed, but that's my choice.

Every childcare worker in Oregon who qualified was sent a check for $500.00 earlier this summer. I can say I probably spent a quarter of it on programming. We're just gonna call it free money, okay?

I bought this foosball table. 
An item we do not need, but the kids will love it. 

I'm planning a once a month tabletop game day, which I know I mentioned. It should be loud, busy and slightly obnoxious. 
An ordinary day, in other words.

Last summer the local Buy Nothing group was very helpful in donating old costumes, old jewelry, goggles, computer keyboards and old phones with the keyboards. We stocked several boxes to go out to programs. The kids love it.

Well, last night I got a message from someone in the group asking if I still need stuff. I said yes and went out this afternoon and picked up a bag from a front porch. Scarves and Mardi Gras beads and a very interesting shirt. I can't imagine wearing it in public, but I think the kids will like it.

It was made from one of the old fashioned chenille bedspreads for this lady's mom. I am going to try dyeing it a solid color (it's white, not a good idea for a bunch of kids) and hope it turns out.

So with that I'm off to bed. I have to get up at a decent time tomorrow. Yippee.

Wanna come play foosball with the young humans? 

Huh. Here we are.

Welp, my strategy of telling myself 'I'll deal with that in August' has backfired spectacularly.

It's not only August, it's half-past August!
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I did manage some stuff, but if I want to get done with the rest of my list, it's time to step up my game. I got our storage room mostly put together, although the dye extravaganza last weekend messed it up a little, I think it can be put right in about 10 minutes if I just, you know, DO it. Lyssa and Mason are coming back this weekend for a rematch, Lyssa's sweatshirt needs more dye. 
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The biggest mess in the house is the room where I have my TV and movies and computer and all sorts of other stuff for work. I absolutely must get it straightened out this weekend. It should be a little cooler, when the weather's hot I don't feel like doing a damn thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm still trying to work on plans for the first month of school. Our company does put out a curriculum of sorts so that we don't have to plan, but I find that having a couple new projects plus some of the old favorites ready to go helps me adjust faster to the new routine.
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I haven't seen my group roster yet. I'll ask next time I'm at the office. But I know that I'll have at least five Kinders. I love them, they're so cute and everything is so new to them. Four of the pack are the younger siblings of kids I've already had for a couple years. Sometimes that's a little difficult as the bigger ones want to parent the smaller ones, and while I appreciate that they know their little brother or sister better than I do, I'd still like to see everyone doing their own thing, not monitoring siblings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven't even cleaned out my work backpack. Or, as the smalls like to call it, a pack pack. One more than one occasion, I've also heard back back. And yes, pack back has made it into the mix now and then. Makes me smile.

I have a spectacular pack pack, did you know that? 

It looks like this. Except a little more grubby.

Finally gave up the kind that hangs off the shoulders about four years ago. This one can be used as a regular backpack, but there's a little pocket in the back to tuck the straps in. I have never carried it on my back.

This thing has a telescoping handle, wheels and a bunch of pockets and a padded sleeve for my work laptop. The only thing it lacks is an engine.

I have everything I could possibly need in there. 
And more than one thing no one needs. Probably.

It has all the medications I take, not many, mostly things like Tylenol, Excedrin and the occasional heartburn pill, but there are also Benadryl caps and Imodium in there just in case. I still react to apples. ::shrug::

A first aid kit for my own use with bandages.  Tie dyed. Of course. 

I have some antibiotic cream for me. 
If I don't wash, put it on, and apply a bandage when I get poked with a staple or get a paper cut, I will get an infection in short order. 
Schools are germ factories.
But Polysporin isn't allowed for kids under licensing, so it has to stay in my personal supplies. 

Let's see, what else is in there? A Leatherman tool. Personal art supplies because the scores of meetings that could have been an email are borrrrinngggggg and NO ONE wants to sit next to me when I'm fidgeting. I'm going to skip a few meetings this year. 
I did last year, too. 


Fingernail clippers. I often catch and tear a nail while prying LEGO apart, for example. Or just while dragging rugs out to set up for the afternoon. I keep my nails utilitarian short, unpolished and plain. 

I've never been big on all that fancy girl stuff... I did go through a phase as a young teen, though. Remember me talking about how our little town was full of lemmings? Any fad that came through caught most people. One of my 8th grade friends got her own manicure kit for Christmas and suddenly we all wanted one. I even got one, and for awhile (maybe six months) I put on nail polish. Pain in the ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The adults keep our personal items in the back room (the kids don't go in there), and when we're not in the cafeteria, the door to that room is closed and locked. The pocket of my pack that contains medications is also locked with a teeny little padlock. The two zippers lock together. The key is on my keychain in my pocket. I can't leave home without the key to the back room and to the padlock because they're attached to my car key.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I emailed our trainer regarding the fact that Alfie Kohn is now doing podcasts. He got back to me, asking me about doing a presentation about how and why I don't use a reward system to obtain compliance. Just those words make me bristle. Grr.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So do you have things to accomplish on your list? Do you ever complete that list?
How do you feel about pushing the big rock up the endless hill?

Recruiting Kohnheads

Have you read Punished By Rewards?

It was published in 1993, I think. 
Let me go look that up for ya.
Yes, first printing in 1993. 

I have to say that I did not give rewards and trinkets to kids before I read this book, but after reading it, there was no way in hell I was going to do that to any child in my care.

Prizes for being quiet. For lining up 'correctly'. For remembering to hang up their coats. For being nice to someone else. Caught being good is the phrase. First, kids *are* good. There's no catching them doing it, it's what they are. When they make mistakes, does that mean they're not being good? That's what we're implying.

Little prizes for being part of the cleanup effort when they're the ones who made the mess in the first place? Yeah, no. 

On the occasions when a child who doesn't know me very well asks, "What do I get?" at the end of cleanup time, I say, "You get to participate in our activities and help put things away when we're finished."

One of the problems is that so many people don't know the differences between compliance, motivation and manipulation. 
They think that doing shit like 'secret scrap' is a motivator and is a good idea for dealing with children.

Have you ever seen anyone do this to a group of kids?

The adult announces at clean up, "There is a secret item (or scrap) and whoever picks it up will win a PRIZE!!!"

They scramble at first. Then they start to fall apart a little. Every 10 seconds or so, another child will approach the adult and ask breathlessly, "Has the secret scrap been picked up yet?"

Now how does the adult answer that? They can't say yes, even if it has been picked up. (If they even bothered to note an item in their mind, that is. A lot of them don't bother, just arbitrarily say after everything is done, "Zippy got the secret scrap today!!") and hand Zippy some little trinket that usually gets left behind because it's lame and boring and useless.

The answer to the 'is it picked up' question must always be, "Not yet."

If one answers yes, then how are they going to continue to manipulate and condescend to children during clean up  or any other time?

Their only goal is compliance. 
To make the lives of adults simpler by "motivating" kids. 
What a bunch of horseshit. 
Let's call it what it is. 
Manipulation. 

Secret scrap is another time I'd ask the adult, "Is this something you're doing for the kids or something you're doing to them? It isn't beneficial to the child to make them comply. It *is* beneficial for them to understand that they're an important part of our group and that all of us are better when we work together to accomplish our tasks."

The thing is, our lifetime conditioning is hard to escape. 
People do this shit because this shit was done to them.

I had never been a reward system person, but until I read Alfie Kohn's book, I saw it as relatively harmless. Now I don't. Now I see it as damaging, condescending, manipulative, overbearing and rude. It pits kids against each other, too. "Look at what a wonderful job Lisa did cleaning the art area!" translates to "Lisa is better than the rest of you at cleaning the art area." And in another this shit was done to me moment, who doesn't remember the teacher's pet? And the not-always-covert bullying that happened to the pet when the teacher wasn't watching.

We should not be setting kids apart in that way.

I would love to think the idea of simple respect for our young humans would preclude people from behaving this way. I would love to be the reason at least one or two or five people stop doing these things to children because of something I said or a podcast or book or essay I introduced them to.

Alfie Kohn is now doing podcasts. In his very first one, he does a role play and speaks as a principal would speak at a back to school night in a perfect world. Well worth the time I spent listening.

A bonus to the podcast format is that, um, how do I say this diplomatically?

Sometimes, stereotypes exist for a reason. I've mentioned before that I've seen my IQ visibly drop about 15 points in someone's perception when I tell them what I do for a living. 
It's annoying, but I can't control what other people think of me. 

The public generally views after school care as babysitting and the adults who do the work as babysitters. 

Quite often, the adults who are working in the programs think of it that way, too. 
You don't have to be brilliant or well-read to do the job, but it helps to at least read a book!

I can say that I have encountered more than one person who doesn't read, research, analyze or really care much about the why of what they do in program, only the what. 

What do I want them to do and how can I make them do it?
How can I make them 'be good'? 

Those people aren't going to read about the job. 
They're not going to live and breathe to constantly improve, either. 

Having a podcast to listen to is something that can be shared in a training session or two and a company that operates on the edge of budget constraints and can't afford to have someone like Alfie Kohn come talk to them can still share valuable information in that way. I'm already planning to share the links with our trainer. 

This is important to me. I feel that a token economy may be the biggest thing we get wrong when dealing with our program kids.

Had a little boy in my group years and years ago who melted down because another child was breaking the rules on the swings. We're talking serious meltdown here, because (and I quote) "HE'S DOING IT WRONG!!"

I'm not quite melting down, but when I hear about the prizes being ordered and people are chatting about 'managing children to obtain compliance' I want to say it to them. "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!"

What do you think? Should rewards and tickets and trinkets be a thing that we, as day care providers inflict on children?

Or could we be a little more intentional? 
Be like Alfie.
Be a Kohnhead. 
::snort::

Please Share Your Ideas.....

For a long time, the people I love (and even a bunch of people I don't love but am acquainted with) have told me I should write a book about my work with kids. The funny stuff they say, the ways of dealing with the busy-ness, how to defuse and redirect and make things fun and to give our young humans a safe space to be who they are.

I think (?) maybe(?) I am ready to start putting everything together. I've been writing this blog for almost 20 years, after all. So I'm sure I can pull a book out of what's here already.

But I get stuck on how I want it to look. There's SO MUCH I think anyone who wants to do this job should know.

I'm considering the idea of making it at least partially a Q & A format.

So if you would, please, think about it for a minute or two and then ask me a question.
If you were going to suddenly be tossed into an after-school program with a bunch of young humans, what would be your burning question(s)?

I even have a working title now. 
Which I've already gotten attached to.

One of the things kids love to do is to write their own books. 
I love it when they do, but we have a rule about it. 
Yes, you may write a book. You may write 20 of them if you want. 
But you won't be stapling the pages together until they're completed. 
The reasoning behind this is sound... teaching kids not to waste their supplies. 

And what happens is this: A kid staples five or six pages together, starts working on their book, and fun happens instead. The book gets left on the art table and the young author wanders off to build a cup tower with some friends or play ping pong and leaves their book.

When it's time to clean up, the book is tossed into the recycling bin. 
Now guess... will that same kid do the same thing again and again if we don't address it?

So to address that issue, I save a book now and then from the recycle bin. I remove the cover, as I'm not trying to single out the perp. And when we have our meeting, I show them the stack of stapled pages and explain that I do want them to feel free to write a book. That they're welcome to do it every single day if they want to, but that we don't want to waste paper doing so.

One of my kids made a book last year and the cover made me smile.

I took a photo and saved it.

And that gave me my book title.

You're officially the first to know.

The After School Booch.

Coming soon.

Any questions? (PLEASE??)

School's out. Decompression time.

If you've been reading here for awhile, you know that I love my work. 
I'm one of the rare humans who absolutely loves their job.

Still find it interesting that working with kids ended up being my super power. 
Never saw that coming.

I've been at it 20 years now. 

However.
When the school year is over, I am wiped out. 
Depleted. 
Exhausted. 

Apparently I'm not getting any younger.

Last day of school was June 12th. I've been doing a little catching up here and there, but mostly it's 'sit lumpishly and look at all the stuff that needs to be done while not doing any of it' time.

I did my CPR/1st Aid refresher this week. Hours and hours in front of the computer watching videos and taking little exams. Then yesterday was the hands-on portion. So that's done for another two years.

I'm not working summer program again this year. 

Last year, I chose to take the financial hit and stay away from other people's crazy programming. If you're new here, this is what happened the first summer I worked with this organization.

I raised a little hell over the disrespect and meanness to the kids. 
Actually a lot of hell. 

I'd reached the point in my life where I was no longer concerned with the opinions of most other people. 

(I'm still there, in case you wondered. I now speak up at every opportunity and can see a time in the near future where I'm going to raise a lot of other daycare worker eyebrows. Can't wait.)

But not everything that happens with my employer is a negative. They really are constantly trying to improve. 

One of the things that they've implemented because of me are some traveling boxes. They go out to our programs on a rotating basis.

We have several different types of dramatic play bins. A mad scientist bin, costumes/dress up bins, restaurant bin. Cash registers and play food and lots of clothing to change into. Restaurant order pads, menu folders. 

There are two Rube Goldberg machine bins. Stocked with a ton of dominoes, marbles, ping pong balls, string and rulers and weights and spoons and tin cans. Some sliced lengthwise pool noodles to tape together for longer marble runs. Miscellaneous items, little blocks and wooden wedges and paper towel tubes.

It's supposed to work like this: show them this video

and then some of the how-to from Baker Stem Lab. Then hand them the box and let them experiment.

That would work better if some of our staff weren't so power trippy, many of them think they need to control ALL the experiences. Another thing to address in training. 

We have another traveling bin with 480 plastic cups.

I know I've mentioned them before. I won't run a program without them.

Here's a photo of some of my kids from 2018 and a structure they built in the gym at my old school.

I've been spending a little time at the office, too.
I'm not working with kids during summer program, but I decided to offer some help to the people who are coordinating everything. I go in on Wednesdays and pack up all the supplies for both camps. 

Everything needed for all the crafts on Monday goes into the Monday box. 
Same for every day of the week.

I put it all in large, medium or small ziplock bags, labeled with the name of the activity, which week it's for, which day of the week the activity is supposed to happen etc. Then put them on the shelves in the warehouse to be delivered on Fridays to the summer sites.

It's not difficult work, but it's time consuming and last summer our programming person did all of it in addition to the planning and procurement of supplies.

Summer is also the time she's writing up all kinds of stuff for the school year, too.
She's busy. I'm not. So that's part of what I've been up to.

Our programming specialist has been receptive to all my ideas. 

When we first met, she asked me what I thought would help improve programming. I immediately said, "We need dramatic play. Babies, dishes, fake food."

"Isn't that really a preschool thing?" she said.

"No. It's something that every group I've ever worked with enjoys."

She looked skeptical, but since dramatic play is something I added to my site, she was able to see it in action and see how well it works. 

Now we have those traveling boxes.

I got an email from the VP a couple weeks ago, she was interested in talking to me about that programming person. Since I work directly with her, she wanted my feedback and input about her job performance. It was supposed to be 15 to 20 minutes, and we ended up signing off an hour and a half later.

The conversation went in a couple directions after we'd discussed the job review.

Turns out VP used to work for the evil empire, too. She was at the corporate offices for Champions (division of KinderCare). She said that if she were asked to describe the company in one word, it would be TOXIC in all caps. I couldn't argue with that.

I told her some of my ideas for improvement, using the same phrase that's popped up here now and then. 

I'm not a fan of standard programs, but I really feel like we need program standards.

So now we're talking about fall restock budgets, things that should really be at everyone's site and how to make that happen. 

It's surprisingly gratifying to have ideas that work and be listened to by the people I work for. 

In other news, both my kids had a birthday a couple weeks ago. Now they're 38 and 32 and I say it every year, but where did all that time go?

Now that my dad is gone and my mom seems determined to follow him pretty soon, I've been continuing to process growing up with an abusive parent and a passive abusive parent. I've done a lot of reading and a lot of thinking and I seem to be getting some clarity. 

I may take a page from Mary's book and tell some of my stories here. Not sure.

So there. We played catch up this evening.
Now I'm going to bed. Today was office day and while the work isn't heavy, it's a lot of lifting things and walking around. As mentioned above, not getting younger.

What's going on in your life? Anything exciting?

 

What to Watch...

I don't remember the source, but about three years ago I came across an article about people who re-read books, sometimes many times. Or they watch the same rotation of movies and TV shows over and over.

The theory (and it makes sense to me) is that it's helpful for people who have anxiety to revisit stories where they already know what's going to happen. When I am watching something for the first time, there's a 100% chance that I will be consulting the internet to find out what's going to happen next and whether the hero(ine) will survive to fight another day.

There are some things I have watched multiple times because I loved them the first time. 

And the second and the third and the fourth... yeah, keep going, there are many movies and series titles that keep rotating through my watch list.

Right now I'm watching Big Bang Theory (for the first time). I picked it up at Goodwill, or at least the first seven seasons. I may end up buying the rest of them.

But I have this wish in the back of my mind to watch Firefly and Serenity again, so I may do that soon. It's like a compulsion. Tell me you've watched it. If you haven't WHY NOT?!? It's amazing. 
Turns out Joss Whedon is an asshole, but that's not a surprise and was known before Firefly. 
Still worth watching. 
Apparently repeatedly.

The Cast of Firefly

I'm also reading Stephen King's latest, Never Flinch.
So far, it's great. Holly Gibney is a character I fell in love with in Mr. Mercedes.
Quirky doesn't really cover it. Relatable, empathetic, humorous. Steady and smart and dealing with life as best she can.

Sometimes the first reading of a book causes me to skip ahead and find out what happens because I honestly can't stand the suspense. I know people say, "ZOMG NO SPOILERS!!" but I'd rather have it spoiled so I'm not... fraught. I don't mind knowing what's going to happen, I still like the journey.

What are you reading? What are you watching?
I'm going to have a bit of time off work this summer. And while I have a lot of stuff that needs to be done around here, and some thrift store shopping and other things, reading and watching stuff happens, too.

Twenty.

If you'd told me 20 years ago when I started this job that I'd still be doing this work, I would not have believed you.

Hell, if you told me right now that I've been doing this for 20 years, I'd find it hard to believe.

But here we are.

I took the job because it fit into my schedule and would give us a little extra money.
No other reasons, really. I figured I could tolerate it for 10 hours a week, which was what they offered me in the beginning.

That was October 10th, 2004. At least I think it was the 10th. Doesn't really matter, I suppose.

By December of that year, I was working 25 to 30 hours a week. For three years in the early part of my kid work, every paycheck I earned went into braces for my kids. Worth every cent. Neither one of them will ever have to go through the crowding and all the issues with Wisdom teeth. And they have great smiles.

It's been helpful financially, but what's been great is how much joy I've derived from what I do.

I know, it's not for everyone. And it's okay if you think I must be missing a chunk of attic insulation to still be having fun working with kids, but I feel fortunate to be doing what I do.

So yeah. October 2004.

Except for the pandemic, that's what I've been doing ever since. During the pandemic, I kept in touch with several of my kids from the program I'd been running. I met up with them once or twice a month with a craft pack I made up. Low contact in the grocery store parking lot, hand them a bag of crafty stuff and then we'd all go our separate directions. Using their parent email accounts, we then exchanged some pictures of the things we made. It was almost like making it in the same room.

So I just accidentally fell into what I was meant to do 20 years ago.

I was greatly helped by being assigned to Sunshine's site. She explained everything she did and taught me a ton of stuff about licensing and the practical knowledge of just keeping kids amused.

It was my choice to stay there as the site teacher for five years, too. I hadn't planned to ever move up. But the idea of health benefits and my own program was eventually what I wanted to do.

Now I've been successfully running after school programs since 2009.
I can't say my employers have all been great, sadly. But I have a good one now. Guess being treated like crap is a good thing, because I wouldn't have moved on if I hadn't had such crummy managers.

Y'all know the saying about how people don't quit companies, they quit managers.
I'd have to agree with that.

I know I won't be doing this for 20 more years, either. I have to admit there are days when it's too much for me physically. Occasionally too much emotionally/mentally, too. Like the past few weeks with Bob.

I have three years until I can collect social security AND make as much money as I can at the same time without penalty. Of course I'll never be wealthy doing this work, but I really can't complain too much, I get paid to play.

How much longer will I do this? Not sure. But I know I'll continue to enjoy it and be glad I can build up young humans and have an excuse to make craft projects at the same time I'm juggling/herding cats.

::WHAM:::

I started getting sick on Friday. I couldn't figure out why I felt so bad, it didn't seem to be a regular illness at all. I thought maybe it was blood sugar issues, although I've had those mostly under control for over a year now.

On Saturday, I was in pain everywhere. I had a small fever, but not enough to be feeling that bad.

We did our weekly shopping, but it was really hard.
I realized that I must be coming down with something big.

Sunday night, after two days of aches and more aches and joint pain,  I threw up all night long. Now to add to the fun, my stomach muscles and ribs hurt allll the way around my back.

I missed work on Monday. I almost never miss work. I HATE missing work. I love my job, yes, but part of my issue is that I'm a control freak and it really bothers me when I am not there to keep things nice and to set things up right for the afternoons.

I messaged my manager last night and said that she should plan for me to be out for today and that if I felt better, I would let her know. Better than waiting to see how I feel and then going or not going, depending and managers having to scramble to staff the program.

Then, I still felt really awful today.
I was glad I had told them to plan for me to be out.

I realized about 8 this morning that I still had a Covid test here in the momcave.

Guess what??!

Go on, guess.

Yep.

Which explains why NOTHING made me feel better. Aspirin. Motrin. Naproxen. No, I didn't take them all at once. We're talking half doses and 12 hours apart. By the 2nd hour after each one, I knew that they weren't working, though.

This happened to me last year in October. I promised myself that I would not try to work through a big illness ever again, it really kicked my butt. I miss being at work, and I love my kids, but I don't need to be breathing Covid air all over them, either.

I did a little reading this afternoon and learned that the Omicron strain of Covid includes vomiting.

Why yes. Yes it does.

As I write this, it's about 9 PM. I left the Momcave a few minutes ago to grab a snack. I had my flashlight (Eric has already gone to bed, he goes about 7:30 or so because he gets up around 4) and I needed a light to wander around. I saw a black shadow move fast from right to left on the floor in the hallway. I thought it was a mouse. We don't HAVE mice in the house... at least I don't think so, but it was too big to be an arachnid.

Nope. It was a spider. One of the largest ones I've ever seen in the house, actually. I grabbed my large glass jar from my paint supplies and upended it over the spider, then went looking for a sturdy piece of flat cardboard, like from a cracker box. Found one and sent that big guy out to build a website in the front yard.

It was as big as this one that Eric found under the house a few years ago.



I admit to being a little freaked out. I don't kill things in my house, or try not to, but now I'm going to think there's an 8 legged freak lurking around every corner. Geez.

From the 2013 movie, Big Ass Spider
Hilarious movie.

So that's the news.
Covid is making me feel like crap.
At least one large spider has been sharing our home with us.

Pretty exciting update, huh?

This week in Fun and Games or My Personal Circus

I've mentioned it once or twenty times... it is my circus and they are my monkeys.

Kindergarten started this week, so I had several new kids. One of them is Olivia. She's an adorable (and pretty bold for five) little girl. She's bothered by transitions from one activity to the next, so when school gets out, she's upset by the noise and activity level.

Her teacher decided to take her out to wave goodbye to the school buses every afternoon before bringing her to my program. A little one on one time with the teacher and some activity (walking from one end of the building to the other and outside) to wind down.

That seems to have helped.

Olivia is biracial. I only mention this because it was the cause of some hilarity this week.

The first three days of the week, she was picked up by her (white) mom. I had met Mom at the family night just before school started, so I did not ask her for identification when she arrived to collect her daughter.

On Thursday, her dad came to get her. My assistant was closest to the door, so she asked him for ID. Olivia, who was gathering up her little art project next to me, was mystified.

"Why does my daddy have to show Miss Lindsey his driver's license?"

I explained that when we don't know a mom or dad of one of our kids, we ask to see their ID so we know they're the right person to pick up their kid.

She sat a moment, considering. Then, she flipped her hair over one shoulder, quirked an eyebrow at me and said in a tone that I'd describe as sarcastic even though most K age kids aren't strong with verbal nuance, "Do you see any other black kids here?"

I did not laugh. I told her that we don't decide by skin color, we make sure that the driver's license matches our paperwork.

She looked skeptical, but got her stuff and left. Funny.

We have a child who does not identify as male or female. It's not up to me to change someone's mind or even comment on something like that to a kid. I asked Chris if they would prefer male or female pronouns. And got a sideways little grin and, "It doesn't matter. Really. If you call my by my name, that's close enough."

We have a guy we had in the program last year. Aaron's in first grade this year. He decided to experiment with growing his hair out. His dad has long-ish hair. So his mom has been putting his hair up in assorted rubber banded styles. He gets different chalk colors in his hair, too. Just experimenting with self expression, I think.

So on Friday afternoon, Olivia was sitting by me and said, "Hey. Is that kid a boy or a girl?"

Of course I thought she was referring to Chris and I was formulating a response when she pointed at Aaron.

"Aaron is a boy, " I told her.
She looked at him again. Said, "He sure has a lot of hair, doesn't he?"
When I agreed, she said, "'Kay. Bye," and skipped off across the room to play with the stuffed animals.

::snort::

I drove over to the office on Friday. As I was heading out toward the West side over the Marquam bridge, I saw a ladder lying in the breakdown lane but sticking out about 2 feet into the travel lane. Not a good thing. So I called 911 to let them know. Dispatch told me that two other people had called in the last few minutes and that they were on their way to remove the hazard from the freeway.

Most of my kids came back. Two of them moved away during the summer and one family had a relative move in with them so Brandon is going home on the bus instead. But other than that and one school district transfer kid, they're all back again.

One of the things I have to do under licensing is make sure we have a couple drills within the first ten days of school. After that, a monthly fire drill and a monthly 'other' drill. So we did a fire drill and an evacuate the playground drill this past week. Other drills will be earthquake, lock down, move to a different room of the school. Fire drill every month.

For being new to school and small, the Kinders did a good job. We had conference time at the table before we did the drill. I explained that knowing what to do in case of an emergency is really important. That it's not as scary when you know exactly what to do in any situation and that is why we practice.

Then I told them the story about the hornets boiling up out of the ground near the swings during summer camp back in 2015. I told them how many people were stung and about how all the kids were in a panic because they didn't know what to do.

I explained that we had never practiced what to do in an emergency if we had to get off the playground fast, so, "Now we do a drill for that at Mental Daycare."

My signal is three short blasts on the whistle, a pause, three more, another pause and three more. If for some reason that's not sufficient, I repeat the pattern again.

I'm not looking forward to the lock in drill, we'll be hiding out of sight and endeavoring to keep quiet during that time. I have to hang up a sign on the door where parents arrive and let them know we're doing a drill and that we won't be able to answer the door for the next three minutes.

In addition, I have to teach them what to do if there's an actual emergency and one of them is in the bathroom.

I'm just a babysitter.

Speaking of licensing, Monday is the annual licensing visit for my program. I met our new license person last year. She seems nice and is focused on doing a good job. Licensing isn't there to nitpick rules, they're actually there to help us succeed in making a fun and safe place for the kids. So I don't freak out when I know they're coming.

I don't freak out when they drop in once or twice a year, either. All the paperwork is in order and I know where our flashlight is. First aid goes everywhere with us, along with the bug out bag the company provides.

Refrigerator has to be at a certain temp. Play structures and bark on playground need to meet certain specs, too.

It's a huge list, but there isn't anything on it that's hard to do.

My temporary assistant turned in her notice the week she started working with me. I mean, she turned it in before she came to my program, but doesn't matter, it just means I don't have a steady person until Jim comes back. Right now we're looking at November for that.

::sigh::

So that's my week in review. I'm tired. My feet hurt. My brain is going in 75 directions at once.

Why we have to lock children in buildings instead of locking up the people who would threaten them is beyond me.

Anyway, my life isn't boring.
And kids are still hilarious.

Art Attack

When I was in the 4th grade, I was doodling on the corner of a piece of notebook paper after I'd finished my spelling test.

I drew a bird with a big cartoon eye and what seemed to me a sarcastic expression on his face. I was enjoying the little doodle.

My teacher walked past my desk, stopped, backed up a few steps until she was standing next to me and said, "You know, you're a wonderful singer. You have a beautiful voice. And you're so good at reading and imagining. Maybe you should focus on what you're good at instead of trying to draw."

And she moved on.

I sat there feeling... well, a lot of things. None of them were happy things.

I never drew a picture again.
Because I knew that I wasn't good at art.

All the rest of the way through school I looked with envy on the art work of others, knowing that I couldn't do that and never even bothering to try. I knew mine wouldn't measure up. I never signed up for an art class. I wanted to be an artist, but I'd known I wasn't one since I was 10. It would have been embarrassing to take an art class with all those talented kids when I wasn't one of them.

Since you can fast forward when you write, let's skip a whole lot of time and catch back up with me when I was in my late 50s.

Remember all those work comp injuries between 2009 and 2011?
Haha, I have feelings about all that, too.
DO NOT EVER WORK FOR ANY KINDERCARE COMPANY.
Morally bankrupt fucksticks.

I spent a LOT of time in medical facilities. Waiting rooms. UGHHHHHH.

Could not focus on reading a book in that environment.
What's wrong with the environment?
From a post about 9 years ago:

Unsupervised children run around screaming and messing with the water cooler (last time I saw some stupid asshole sit and watch while his coughing and snotting kid got a drink of water, then replaced his cup back into the bottom of the dispenser for the next person.) I told the receptionist about it, but I don't know if she did anything, I was called back to the exam room at about the same time.

They have television screens mounted on the walls with constantly running advertisements about the doctors who work there, the need for everyone to get the (23%!!!) effective flu shot, schedule this exam or that, come to the "Wellness Seminar" etc.

Nickelodeon for Old Folks.

The place is total sensory overload for me, it's noisy and drafty, and the chance of picking up some ailment or disease I didn't have when I walked in seems imminent. I can't put on my headset to block some of the noise because I won't hear them when they call me. It's anything but relaxing and soothing.

Then, I get called back. Usually somewhere close to on time.


Oh yeah, where was I... I wasn't a phone person. Never have been one to get out the phone and scroll through stuff while waiting somewhere. I don't do it when I go out with friends or family, either. Oh, I have the usual screen-centric existence in the evenings, but I don't do it while out and about.

Had zero interest in movie magazines or which celebrity was boinking which other celebrity.

One of my friends suggested I try Zentangle.
She showed me some of the designs she'd made and guaranteed that ANYONE could do it. I don't know if that's right, but I was able to draw some interesting patterns and create things that were pleasing to me.

Then, something happened in my brain.

I started looking forward to being able to sit down and draw my little doodles. I got better at it. I started to branch out and make some small cartoons and recognizable flowers and little critters. I started hoarding pens and really nice papers. Started taking supplies with me everywhere I went just in case there was going to be time to draw.

I started drawing coloring pages after discovering Johanna Basford's coloring books.

Then I started making copies of what I'd drawn for the kids.

They were always so excited to know that I'd done those coloring pages myself. I got a bunch of kids started drawing their own stuff, too.

Then, (fast forward again) the pandemic hit. I was home alone for 12 hours a day. A local children's art teacher began making take home painting kits and doing a weekly online paint along tutorial. She made it look easy, so I signed up to take a kit home.

It was fun, but really rudimentary. One afternoon I was scrolling through FB and a long distance friend posted a series of step by step photos of a pair of quirky ostriches she'd painted from a tutorial.

I watched the YouTube video. I realized that *I* could probably do that.

I was right. I did it. It turned out great. I kept looking at it and could not believe I'd made that. I was incredibly proud of that little picture.

And I've been following tutorials ever since. I signed up for an artist's Patreon page so I could access all her tutorials. She's an excellent instructor, although she moves along too fast for me. :)

So I watch the full tutorial. Then I get out all my supplies and paint while I watch the tutorial. The pause button is quite helpful. Rewinding is great, too.

I haven't tried doing paintings from my own brain, but I don't think it  matters.
I enjoy the creative process so much.

So do I have to paint my own originals?
No.
What following tutorials did was awaken possibilities and make me feel good about doing art, something that was taken away from me as a child.

So if you've ever thought you weren't an artist or didn't think you could paint, here's a link to the ostriches, which was the first painting I did from a tutorial.



Tryyyy itttt.... you know you want to!!

 

Oh yeah... here's my rendition...

Almost time...

I'm rambling here.
Lots of stuff on my mind and writing it down seems to help me figure things out.
Feel free to wonder what the hell I am doing here. LOL

If you've been here for any length of time, you know how much I love the work I do.

I have the best job in the world. 
Because I've found an employer I like, it's even better.

Yeah, I get tired (I'm not getting younger. My goodness am I not getting younger!!) and want a break now and then, but there are moments of joy in every single shift. 
I love the young humans I've been entrusted with.

In October, it will be 20 years since I started doing the after school thing.
In case you wondered (and even if you didn't), that's actually quite a long time in this line of work.

There's this madly spinning revolving door for child care workers. It's not a prestigious or highly paid line of work. (I need to add here that I feel I am fairly compensated right now. My employer values and supports the people who work there. But I will never become wealthy doing this job.)

So. Not a lot of prestige. People ask me what I do for a living. When I tell them I run an after school program, I can see by the way they look at me that I just lost about 20 points from my IQ.

A large percentage of people who do this job don't make a career out of it. Sometimes a person will take a child care job as a stepping stone. They aren't invested in it, it's just a pause on their way to 'real' work.

Others sign up thinking it's babysitting and therefore easy.
It's not either one of those things.
Again, if you've been reading here awhile, you probably have a bit of understanding about that.

Sometimes a parent comes to pick up their kid and there's a lot going on. Maybe I'm settling an argument, tying a shoe, getting a bandage for a paper cut, cleaning up a spilled water container at the art table and making a phone call to a parent because their kid had a pee accident and doesn't have any clean clothes. Try doing those things simultaneously sometime. Not babysitting. Not easy.

Parents sometimes observe everything that's going on and say something like, "I don't know how you do it, it would drive me crazy."

I don't respond with, "What makes you think I'm *not* crazy?" I just laugh it off and say how much I love what I do.

So yeah. 20 years.
I didn't expect to stay that long, didn't really have any expectations. It was just a way of making a little extra money back in our still homeschooling days. It fit into my schedule and I could still be with my own kids.

The company could only offer me about 10 hours a week at first. Perfect. Came out to an extra 350 bucks a month. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it made a difference.

I started in October 2004 with that part time work, and by December, it was 35 hours a week.

I stayed at my first placement for five years. I really enjoyed working with Sunshine, she was a wonderful mentor. I wasn't interested in moving up, the expectations of site directors at that time were pretty ridiculous, especially considering how underpaid we all were. Site directors were expected to handle billing, making monthly phone calls to the parents who had issues paying their bill on time, doing buttloads of paperwork. I didn't want anything to do with it.

Then they changed some of what was expected in 2009 and because I would be able to get health benefits and vacation time, I took a site director position.  I stayed at the new school for almost seven years. I'd probably still be there if they hadn't hired that shitbag Sherri Burks as a manager.
She came in and wrecked everything.
Stupid and mean.
I'd still like to kick her in the taco.

But you know the saying, people don't quit companies, they quit managers.

I quit, along with 12 out of 15 long term and loyal, hardworking people. When I say long term, I'm talking a decade or more from each of us. There was a problem, and although it was widely reported and we tried to do something about it, nothing was done. Oh, unless you count retaliation. There was quite a bit of that.

The regional manager, Rob Martin, was fired. Well-deserved. Found him on Linked In awhile back, he's managing parking garages in Seattle. Better use of his time 'cause concrete structures don't need someone who is a decent human, I guess. You can't retaliate against a parking place.

It still took Champions TEN DAMN YEARS to get rid of that cow Sherri, but they finally did. 

Too late. They lost a lot of good people. Serves them right, really.
The only thing that company is concerned with is money and how to avoid spending anything on their programs. When the person running the program has to spend their own money for paper for kids to draw on, there's something profoundly messed up about the company's business model.

I worked for the YMCA from 2016 until January of 2023. When they decided to be disrespectful to me by not allowing me to be paid for my planning time, which had to be done at home, and took away the 10 hours or so a week that I would have needed to keep my vacation time going, I left. Not without really trying to work things out. But yep. I made the mistake of allowing Champions to treat me with disrespect for way too long. Decided not to allow it from the Y.

Which brings me to my current gig.
They're really a great company to work for. It's family-owned and operated. I haven't sorted out all of who's related to this person or that, but it doesn't matter.

I'm not there to take over.
Or even be promoted.
Found my niche.

The owner is an amazing person. Intelligent, focused on what's important. She knows everyone by name and is present at team training sessions as well as frequent appearances at our sites and in the office. I admire her and am always happy to see her.

But you know that tiredness I mentioned?

I was utterly exhausted by the end of the school year.
It was the cumulative effect of a lot of different things, which I've had the leisure time to consider over this summer.

First, I don't like big changes.
Changing jobs is ridiculously traumatic for me.

I know, I know, 'people do it all the time', 'what's the big deal', 'everyone has to do things they don't like', 'just handle it ya big baby'.... but that isn't me. 

And acting like my feelings aren't important 'because other people handle it/have it worse' doesn't help, thanks.

I quit my YMCA job on a Thursday and started my current job the next day.
I spent a week driving to our offices and going through what they call the onboarding process. I don't know why that particular phrase annoys me, but it does. Almost as much as 'looking to hire'.

I took several classes via computer in the main office. They issued me a company laptop that I was able to use. It's sitting in my backpack right now, in fact. Haven't touched it all summer.

Anyway. Spent a week getting up too early and driving across town to sit in front of a computer for about six hours a day. Part of my trip was about 10 minutes on the 217 AM and 30 minutes on it PM.

The 217 has been under construction since Herbert Hoover. (slight exaggeration) Saw the aftermath of several accidents, although when it's a construction zone on the freeway and you're supposed to be going 40 and you crash at 60, that would have to be classified as preventable.

Then I got dumped into a crazy and wild and out of control site. And dammit if I didn't still have to take the 217 twice a day.

I still can't think about the first program they placed me in without a bit of stress.
It was a madhouse. If I had not been doing this as long as I have, I would have walked out at the end of the day and not gone back. It was seriously nuts.

I keep saying this, but kids need a LOT of things to do.
You cannot provide a calm haven for the youngsters without offering them a ton of choices.

Not only is this good for them, it's good for the people who work with them.

They're quite capable of managing their own behavior, but they're not just adults with short legs. They have short attention spans because they're learning everything in the universe.

Squelching them isn't healthy in any way and makes my job harder.

There should be so many good choices that even if they switch activities every few minutes, they won't run out of things to do in the typical 3 hour span of an afternoon.

After being confined all day long, being told what to do, when to do it, what's good enough, when they can eat, when to pee, when NOT to pee... they deserve to be able to decide how they want to spend their time.

This should not be a radical concept, but it seems to be a revelation to many adults who work with kids anyway.

If they don't have other things to do, they act like children. They run, they yell, they shove each other around and once the energy level goes up, it's difficult to get it down again, especially if they're not accustomed to listening to their caregiver(s).

Another thing I had trouble figuring out at that first location was why the previous directors had allowed kids to just sort of... wander around like toddlers with their food. It was normal to see one kid sit at four or five different tables during one 10 minute snack time. Instead of placing tables and activity carts in some sort of intelligent order, those things were just sort of haphazardly tossed out into the program space.

This place hadn't had any continuity in care providers. I started the beginning of February, and was the THIRD site director that year. So in the first five months of the school year, two other people had been running(?) the program.

It was chaotic. Extreme high energy levels. The end of school day care was only around 2 hours for most of the kids. School wasn't out until 3. So after throwing their backpacks halfway across the room toward the baskets, a standard practice I immediately put a stop to, the kids washed hands, had a snack and we went outside. There was absolutely no other option for that group. Out of about 40 kids, 10 were girls. "Experts" will tell us there's no difference, but those experts generally don't work with kids. They learned about them from books. Some of them even write books. They'd do better with some practical experience. Those boys had HUGE energy.

Because of the energy levels and the lack of things to do indoors, we spent a large amount of time outside. It was the safest option.

I made it through the rest of the school year. I brought in quite a few things that were mine and was getting things into some semblance of order.

The company owner I mentioned told me that the difference in the program after I took over was night and day. And said how much she loved seeing it happen in real time.

When I asked to be put in charge of starting one of our new programs, they were very willing to be accommodating.

But I was just wiped out. The idea of working over summer just filled me with dread. So I considered it and decided to ask for the time off instead of running or working a program.

Summer program was not being held in my school, so I didn't feel like I needed to be there. I have different feelings when it's my site. My stuff. Yes, when I take stuff to work, it's with the understanding that it might be destroyed or lost or broken or pilfered. That doesn't mean I like it, but it's not a surprise when it happens.

When I am monitoring things, though, there's much less destruction.

I'm very glad I took time off.

I've reached the end of the season and have figured out a few things.

I do feel better physically, I've made a lot of changes in what I eat (and what I don't eat).
I was able to start a program from scratch, so it's been under control since the beginning.

But I have been off balance since January 2023. The job switch, jumping immediately into a new job, being thrown into a crazy program, not feeling well physically. And then the whole shitshow of the summer program right after finding out that every single thing we had brought into the school had to be taken OUT of the school at the end of the school year. Yeah, that was fun.

Last summer was not my favorite ever. I wrote about it here.
Shortened version is that many of the adults were overbearing, power tripping assholes who were intent on controlling children and not allowing them to act like children. There was yelling. The kids didn't have enough to do. It was hot. Chaotic. Poorly structured. Overwhelming for the adults, which got taken out on the kids.

Did I mention there were not enough activities for the kids?

I wasn't feeling well, either. I know now that I was having blood sugar issues.

Had a bunch of apparently unrelated symptoms that I finally connected.

I've changed a lot of dietary things and so far am doing much better, but I was really feeling bad. In addition, when the weather was like 105 and already miserable, I had a cyst behind my right knee. It happens from time to time, can't remember what they're called and I'm too lazy to look it up, but it's not the first one I've had. Just the worst one. Ugh.

It was so incredibly painful that getting out of my car took minutes. I had to grab my right leg with my hands and maneuver it very carefully out of the car. We won't talk about how much fun it was to get up from the, er, throne. But it was so bad. Add the inflammation from the blood sugar issues and I was in really bad shape pain-wise. Working the smaller  half-day program mostly worked for me, but it was one of the more difficult summers I've had. Can't lie.

I wanted to die. That's just almost not an exaggeration.

Then I started my new program in September. It went well, but I wasn't feeling great physically yet. My right knee was still horribly inflamed and painful, I was still adjusting my diet, and I was wiped out from the other stuff.

Then my dad got sicker and sicker and died on Thanksgiving.

I wasn't terribly broken up about it, but after we got back from the funeral I started processing all the years of abusive behavior and found myself really angry about it.

I won't make this post 800 words longer, but it really affected my outlook on life.

So I spent the better part of a year off balance and not having time to decompress.

By the time the school year ended in June, I was just done.

I've spent a good deal of the summer in decompression mode.
Actually, that's not accurate.
I spent the last half of June and most of July in stunned mode.

I finally started feeling like doing stuff August 1st.
I've cleared my workspace so I can do actual activity plans and have everything I need all in one area. It's not done yet, but it's usable.

I have a bit left to finish, but I can actually see that it's going to happen.

Good timing. Since I go back to work on the 20th. Which is a week away.

Party Time

Last month I got an invitation to Jennifer's graduation party.

We've been in touch over the years, so it wasn't a complete surprise to receive it. I accepted the invite, figured out a way to creatively wrap some cash and got her a card.

I went to a local park and met the extended family today.

Jennifer (not her real name) has grown into an amazing young woman. She's confident and intelligent. Happy. I met her boyfriend. Good looking kid. They seem to be having fun together.

Met her grandparents, assorted aunts and uncles and cousins.
Her family has always adored her. She has a wonderful support system.

No surprises there.

What *was* surprising were the family members who introduced themselves to me and said they'd heard a lot about me.

Considering I stopped working for the evil empire in 2016, I was surprised I had such a reputation in the extended family of a child I worked with so long ago. Can't deny that it made me feel good, though. Like I really do make a difference.

I mean, I know I do. But to have it shown to me in that way is new.

I didn't spend a lot of time talking to a bunch of people I don't know, it's really out of my comfort zone, but I did have some conversations with several about our Jennifer.

I printed out 50 pages (yes, really) from my blog about her for her mom. Had this photo printed from Snapfish to add to it. I could have printed 50 more, I think.

I hope she enjoys reading it. Jennifer gave me great blog fodder for quite a few years.
Told her today not to forget me when she's rich and famous.

She's going off to college (has already taken a few courses) and is going to do something psychology based. She'll be good at it.

So that's what I was up to today.
What are you doing?