I'm a vegetable.

You are what you eat, after all.

I am eating differently.

It's been four weeks now, although it was not a New Year resolution to 'lose weight'. My desire for changes of all sorts (painting and redecorating, decluttering, writing a little in my book, a really big house cleaning) seems to come in cycles.

I actually feel it building up, and I dream of it, think about it at odd times during the day and start to plan whatever it is a month or so in advance.

Sometimes the day arrives and I don't pay attention. I don't seize the moment and all that drive and impetus I've built up drains away, leaving only guilt and angst in its place. Then, I do NOTHING about whatever it was for months. My desire to change my eating habits just happened to coincide with the New Year this time. (well, a week in)

I'm tired of how I look and how I feel. I don't do things that I used to enjoy because my body is holding me back.

I have no idea how much weight I've lost, but I know I have lost some.

My clothes are fitting differently and there is less of me to wash in the shower. (sorry about that last, for those of you who are visual... it ain't pretty)

I won't be stepping on a scale for a long time, either. The number on the scale isn't the point, at least not for me. The number in the waistband of my jeans is quite a bit more important, and how I feel is another indicator.

I need to figure out a way I can exercise that doesn't cause me so much discomfort that I quit and don't go back.

The exercise bike in our living room is literally a PAIN IN THE ASS. The seat is hideously uncomfortable, and not replaceable.

Because of my feet, which have bothered me off and on for years,(even when I was NOT FAT my feet hurt thank you very much) I have trouble figuring out exactly how I can exercise on a consistent basis.

My feet are getting worse. I get quite a lot of relief from chiropractic care, but I don't have that done every day.

The pain doesn't ever go completely away, unfortunately. Sometimes my feet wake me up at night. They hurt so much I'm surprised that no one can hear the deep low notes of their throbbing.

It sucks, but it's not unbearable, I mean I can do my regular stuff most of the time... I just sometimes take a few aspirin for a day or two until it subsides a bit. In the general scheme of things, sore feet is pretty far down on the list of bad stuff, ya know? I do hobble around a bit after I've been driving or sitting for any length of time, but it passes.

But I can't walk too far or run at all. Doing aerobic exercise that involves bouncing up and down isn't possible, either.

Running is also a problem because of the nasty spell that was cast upon me by the Boob Fairy.

I won't be too detailed here, but I will tell you that I have to custom order my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and that they're not anywhere close to the 20 dollars or so that most women have to pay.

Last time I bought some, I got three and it was well over a hundred dollars.

While looking at bras online, I found some silicone cushion things for my shoulder straps. I had never known such a thing existed, but I'm THRILLED that I found them. They fit under my straps, don't slip, and after they're warm, I can't even tell I'm wearing them.

I have permanent grooves in the muscles up there. I've only been using the pads for about a month, but the grooves are starting to heal a bit. This can only be good. It's far less painful to wear a bra all day, too. And just so you know, going without a bra while out and about is not an option.

(at our CPR class the other day, the instructor told us that
infant/child/adult CPR is now performed at the same anatomical location on each person... directly between the nipples. I refrained from raising my hand and asking how CPR performed in the vicinity of my navel would be beneficial, but the thought did make me snort a little. I had to pretend I was coughing. Yes, I'm a little juvenile at times.)

I finally resigned my Curves membership because I haven't been since I broke my foot in June , and was paying for, well, nothing. The left foot healed badly, and one of my toes is now turned. There's a large space between that toe and the next one, too. As near as I can tell, I broke two toes and one of the other bones on the top of my foot. It's hard to explain, but trust me, you don't want to see a picture of my toes. Who wants to look at hairy peanuts with toenails? I didn't listen to my man and go get checked out when it happened, and of course now can't afford to go have whatever damages that are fixable fixed.

My feet have been pretty bad off and on, (Lately more on than off) and I decided I could no longer afford to keep the membership going 'just in case' they got better. I may rejoin in the future, who knows?

I have considered an elliptical trainer, thinking that it might not be so hard on my feet. I'm watching the ads to find one that's not 30 miles away and not 300 bucks. I also watch the stuff at Goodwill.

The water aerobics class was fun and non-threatening, (there were many women of different sizes, and everyone was nice... plus I got to see Tami on class nights) but it just got over too late for my family. We run on short sleep rations too often for me to do it on purpose.

I've considered signing up for a yoga or pilates class, (so I can learn to do things the right way without injury to myself) but I am just not comfortable taking my accordion-pleated middle aged body in sweats to a class that I know will be filled with teeny little women in form fitting leotards. They will all look at me and shudder. I'll feel bad. Worse than I already do. I am just not that masochistic.

If you've ever been where I am, you totally get that. If not, well, good. You don't wanna know.

So meanwhile, I continue to eat stuff that's good for me. I haven't eaten so many fruits and vegetables in years. I feel pretty decent.

In a month or so, I'll let you know how it's going.

So now I figure you can either say, 'wow, now that's encouraging and I'm ready to make a similar effort', or, if you're already all skinny and buff, you can say, 'wow, I'm sure glad I don't have to deal with that.'

Either way, almost anyone can probably relate to something from my journey.

I'm an equal opportunity blogger, you see.