Okay, so I messed up...

 In my last post I mentioned my kid is working for the same company I am.

Guys, I messed up.
You see, she worked with me. And with Sunshine.

Both of us know what we're doing. And Lyssa does, too. But she's working with a site director who hasn't been doing it long enough to have gotten good at it/didn't work with someone who really *gets* kids.

I've talked before about the token economy thing, or as I like to call it, Bribery and Bullshit. It's a way of controlling children instead of helping equip them with the skills to learn self-control.

I really have no patience with people who think this is a respectful interaction with kids.

(Note: I'm not casting aspersions on what people choose to do at home with stickers or trinkets or other rewards... what a person does in their family is whatever they do.)

But I won't do it on an institutional level. If I had a religion, that would be against it. LOL I've already made it very clear that I won't participate in treating kids this way and that I won't allow it in my program. The only exception is if the school and a family have come to some sort of agreement to help implement a behavior plan. I won't like it, but I'll do it. Otherwise, no.

This is a way of telling children, "I can't trust you to do the right thing (the thing that I want) without a bribe."

Condescending. And so damn unnecessary.

Apparently Lyssa's site director is 100% on board with the play money and the earning of trinkets for being 'good'. Which as we've already discussed, is subjective and often very uneven, with adults who don't like certain kids deliberately overlooking the good things they've done. It pisses me off instantly.

And. The other site assistant has no sense of boundaries, allowing the kids to hang off her arms and be in her personal space.

There are people who have no clue that being physically close to kids in that manner is actually grooming behavior. That 'adult' is not modeling the correct behavior or boundaries for the kids. Here's an excerpt of something I wrote here: (and I just went and re-read that whole post and highly recommend that you do the same and seriously, WHAT THE HELL is WRONG with people???"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jill, by allowing Barbara to climb all over her (a safe adult, right?) while the other kids watched triggered Emma to climb on a complete stranger 'cause he was wearing the uniform shirt and therefore HE was a safe adult!

Further, Emma now thinks that playful touching in our day care, which is what was being done with Jill/Barbara is not a thing to worry about. How long before she thinks playful touching in other situations is fine? And will there be a predatory adult watching for signs that it's okay to take advantage of a child's innocence and confidence that friendly adults are safe adults?

We have to be on the front line of defense. If we're breaking down barriers while children are in our care, we're not defending them from predators. Quite the opposite.

I've been through many, many hours of RRCAN training, which is the acronym for Recognizing and Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect. Raised two kids. Have been in the kid care business 19 years.

And even though Jill isn't seeing it, what she's doing are grooming behaviors.

I don't think she has any bad intentions, and I'm pretty sure she'd do just about anything to keep kids safe. But she's helping break down that child's barriers to other adults. An adult with bad intentions looks for kids who have areas of vulnerability to exploit.

And this is why I will continue to raise hell as much as I can when I see potential danger to kids."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yes. It is a big deal to add touch and physical contact to your interactions with children. And as a professional day care provider, one should be keeping that fact in front of them at all times.

It aggravates me that something like this should really require zero contemplation. I don't allow kids in my space. I say, "Hey, you're inside my invisible hula hoop! Please step back, I like my space!"

Works just fine. Sometimes they want a hug. I provide that, always sideways hug. That way no one plants their face in my boobs. Which, you know, is awkward and inappropriate.

The site director at Lyssa's new program doesn't want programming extras 'until the kids learn expectations'. She's a 'sit on the carpet and I will loom over you and tell you what to do and what's good enough' adult. Ugh. She even controls the WAY they sit. They must sit (and it hurts my fuckin' fingers to type this) 'Crisscross Applesauce'.

GAAAHHHHHH.

So my employer hired my kid. Who is very very good at working with kids. And she's stuck at a site with idiots.

I feel bad. I'm the one who told her she should work there.
You guys, it never even occurred to me that it might not be a good fit.

And again... GAAAHHHHH.