22

22 years ago today I was gifted with my beautiful daughter Alyssa.
I found out when I was about five months pregnant that she was going to be a girl. I was surprised, as I'd just figured I was having another boy.

It didn't matter either way, of course. A healthy baby is something to celebrate, and the ultrasound showed everything checking out just fine. Matt was with me when I had the ultrasound. The technician told me that she had a boy and a girl of her own. And as she looked at the screen, she said, "And you're going to have a boy and girl of YOUR own, too. You're getting a baby sister, big guy."

Matt was excited.
When we went out to lunch at Sizzler to celebrate, just the two of us, I remarked to him that I didn't feel very good, that I was very hungry and that I hoped our waitress would hurry.

When she got to the table after a short wait, he told her, "I'm glad you got here. My mom is pregnant with my sister and she's HUNGRY."

Eric was so pleased to find out we were having a girl. He used to come home from work in the evenings, I'd waddle myself out to the truck to say hi to him, he'd hug me and then pat my tummy and ask, "How are my girls today?"

I sat on the living room floor with Matt about two weeks before her birth, wrapping up little packets of Hershey's kisses and tying them with pink ribbons. He was excited to hand them out to his friends and family after the baby arrived. She was due while he was still in school, but didn't arrive until a week or so after school got out. He ended up handing out those little packets of kisses to people at the hospital instead.

After three days (yes, really) of labor, she arrived.
Pink and perfect and yelling at the top of her lungs.

And that childhood zipped past in what feels like a matter of months, I kid you not. I have no idea how 22 years have gone by.

The babyhood and the toddler years and Lyssa learning to read at 3 and Girl Scouts and homeschool activities and all the art work and the incredible stories she made up... all behind us.

Alyssa is funny, smart, a blast to be around and one of the most quick-witted people I know. She has an amazing sense of humor and is completely unafraid to just say what's on her mind.

It's impossible to explain how compassionate she is. How kind. She cares so much about the people around her. She gives great hugs. A pretty fair shoulder massage, too.

I'm really proud of my daughter. She's amazing.

She isn't home this year for her birthday, but she's always in my heart.
I miss her every day.

She's off living her own life on the other side of the moon in North Carolina.

When I had babies, I thought about having babies. You know, the sweet little dampish bundle that nestles next to your neck and makes cute little squeaky noises and has a little rosebud mouth and fluttery little eyelashes and soft hair?

I tell you now, it never occurred to me that my babies would grow up. And become people with their own lives and that they might move somewhere FAR FAR away.

I really am okay with it for the most part. Of course I miss her. Hell, I even miss Matt, and I still see him on occasion.

I would never want to hold my child back from happiness or adventure or exploring the world.

So happy birthday, former baby of mine.
I love you.