Heaping Helping of Profanity

Yes, a large plate full of bad words. Yum!


Since apparently we aren't going to be having heaping helpings of anything else for a bit.

Got up yesterday morning to an announcement on a fluorescent green card that our microwave had died. 

Actually, that's not what it said. It was unplugged, the cord was hanging over the front and this was closed into the door at the top.

So I visited our local Sprawlmart yesterday afternoon. I had 8 different choices, from small (no bigger than a fart bucket as my Grandma Fern used to say) to a deluxe model that apparently has an air fryer/convection/regular microwave thing going on. About $400.00. For something we use to heat up leftovers, I thought that price was a bit steep.

I found a basic mid-size model that does not have a turntable to clean under for $80.00.

I also learned that I'm not as strong as I used to be. 

Not that I wasn't already aware, but I could not lift the box from the bottom shelf into my shopping cart. I would have been able to scooch it onto the bottom of the cart if there had been room, but the box was too big. I also have a portable hand truck in my trunk, but it didn't occur to me to bring it into the store with me. I would have been able to at least wrestle it to the checkout. But nope. I had nothin'.

Had to go search for someone to help me.

I found a guy who was wearing the team colors (rah rah!) standing with a manager and having a conversation about the air conditioning and the air flow in the store. I asked if they could send someone to help me. He said, "I can do that," and followed me back to the aisle with all the small appliances.

He loaded the box into my cart, accompanied me to the checkout lane and walked out to my car with me. Deposited the giant box on the front seat of my little car. I tried to give him a tip, he said, "No, thank you. Very kind of you to offer."

I asked Lyssa about it later and she said accepting a tip when you work for Walmart is a fireable offense. Because of course they don't want anyone who works there to make a fair wage. 

Left the box in the car for Eric to bring in, which he did.

The microwave works fine, it's interesting to me that every time we get a new one, it works very well. It seems as the years pass, it's not as strong and takes longer to heat something up. 
Then it dies. 
Or you know, goes tits up. ::snort::

When I was setting the time on it, I mused to myself that at least we didn't have to replace our stove.

We've had the stove for at least 20 years. 
Our first with the glass cooktop. 
Fancy. We'd had it about two years when one afternoon I was baking cookies and the oven did not turn off. The cookies and the cookie sheet were both burned black. Had to unplug it, it wouldn't clear and wouldn't shut off. 

The electronic heart of the thing had to be replaced. It was around $120. Not cheap but less expensive than buying a whole new stove. About 10 years ago, we replaced it again, but it got broken because Eric slammed the oven door too hard trying to get the speed bake function to kick on.

I've thought about the first runaway oven incident three times over the last couple days. No particular reason. 

This afternoon I baked some chicken thighs in the regular oven. 
For no reason I can discern, my brain once again remembered what the appliance salesman referred to as a runaway oven.

I hadn't turned it off yet, I was going to bake some muffins. I went into my office space to grab my phone and the oven started beeping. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEPPPPP. 

It wouldn't stop. I went back into the kitchen and there was an error message on the display. When I tried to turn the power off, it would not turn off. The element in the bottom of the oven was glowing BRIGHT orangey-red and heat was just billowing off the damn thing.

While I was moving it out from the wall to unplug it, the smoke alarm closest to the kitchen started beeping.

It was a little noisy, I added to it by swearing. Ha.

I have some mobility issues, and one of the things that's most difficult for me is trying to grab or do anything that's close to the floor. Trying to get that 220 cord unplugged was not an easy feat. 

I tried four times. The fifth time, I got it unplugged. I had already decided that if I wasn't able to pull the cord out that time, I would move the cabinet in the laundry room to get to the circuit box and turn it off at the panel. Glad I didn't have to.

A half hour later I felt really nauseous, which is what happens to me when I get blasted with adrenaline. Yuck.


The great unplugging was 5:45 PM. At 8 PM the front of the oven and the outside of the glass were warm, the inside glass was still almost too hot to touch. I checked it again a few minutes ago and things are finally cooled off. There's a layer of gray ash in the bottom of the oven, too. Guess it got pretty hot in there.

So I get to go oven shopping tomorrow.
And then who knows how long it will take for an oven to be delivered?

Bet they won't do it for free, either.
Shit shit shit.

And get this... Today at about 2 PM I finally had our credit card paid off from my big trip in March. 

We have some things that go on that credit card every month, subscription services, a payment for this or that. I don't want any payments being deducted from my bank account, too many stories of huge errors that don't get fixed. 
So we use the credit card. 

Usually I pay it off monthly, but this was four months of paying a bit here and there. We had a couple other larger expenses during that time, too.

I was feeling happy about getting it paid off since I'm not working much this summer (3 hours every two weeks isn't much, right?) But still, bills were paid and we could still get groceries! Win/win!

So now I get to go charge that sucker up again.
My understanding is that it's a good idea to use a credit card for appliance purchases so if there is a problem or warranty issue, the credit card company will help with that. So far I haven't had to find out for sure.

Let's hope I don't this time, either.

Why can't I have a premonition that comes true about winning 5 million dollars in the lottery?