It's a big deal.

One of the things I've learned over the years in working with small humans is that everything is important. I never tell a kid who's having trouble navigating a relationship or having an angry interaction with another child that it's not a big deal.
I won't make less of the things that are important to them.

I may not attach the same importance to everything that they do, but I spend about 4.5 hours a day with the kids. I have 19.5 hours in a child free environment.

To me, it's a small thing in the day, an unimportant little argument or disagreement. Their disagreements are almost always something I'd consider silly or trivial. But they're not, not to the kids.

Tears and shouty voices and that pouty lower lip are their way of letting me know how important their interactions are to them.

There are adults (sadly some in my profession) who are dismissive of those occurrences. 

On Friday afternoon, we only had 9 kids in program. We usually have between 19 and 26. But between gymnastics meets and playdates/sleepovers, illness, 'it's Mom's week to have Ari and they don't use our program' and early pickup from school, it was a small group.

I got out the bin full of red plastic cups. No idea how many of them are in it now, we started the school year with 480. Every time we have them out, we lose four or five. They get stepped on, or there's a crack in one and I tell the kid to toss it in the trash.

They like to build their own little houses, line them with their coat and 'live' in them. The drama and stories they come up with are elaborate and specific.

I felt like it was a good time to get the big bin of beanie babies out, too.
We have a ton of them.There are very popular ones and others that kind of work their way to the bottom of the bin. The only way to make it fair is to draw names. So their names are on popsicle sticks in a jar. I hold the jar under the table so I can't see the names and lay them out one by one on the table top

They are allowed to choose two to start with, but they can get back in line as many times as they want to. There isn't a lot of fighting over the critters that way. 

The kids make up all kinds of games and tell stories. Fun to watch those flights of fancy take off.

But our happy little group found a way to have an argument despite the precautions and small attendance.

Shelly's family has a cat. I can't remember his actual name, but they affectionately refer to him as a big dummy. He's crosseyed and sometimes bumps into furniture or walls. He runs across the living room and ends up falling over, his feet can't keep up with the rest of him.

So when Mom picks Shelly up, they often talk about the cat and tell me the latest story about him. All good fun.

Bella is six, in first grade. She was first to choose animals on Friday and she chose an aardvark and Louie, a little brown rat with a golden wedge of cheese necklace that says his name on it.

The other kids had various creatures, some of them were still lining back up until their arms were full of animals.

Bella and Shelly had built houses for their animals. They were playing seriously, ironing out the rules of their little game.

"I get to be the oldest," Bella said.
Shelly replied that she was sixteen, and Bella said, "Fine, I am seventeen. That's all grown up."

They had a little yard for their animals to play in. They were playing when Louie the rat knocked over a small stack of cups. That set off a chain reaction and a bunch of other cups fell. Shelly said, "Oh Louie, you're such a dummy."

Bella completely lost it. She shouted at Shelly, "That is SO MEAN and you are not nice!" Then, she added the words that devastate every kid who hears them.
"You're not my friend anymore!"

Both of them started crying, Shelly got up and stumbled to a corner of the room where she covered her face and started sobbing loudly.

Bella ran to Maria, her big sister, and said, "She insulted my rat!!"

Shelly shouted from across the room, "I meant it in a cute way!"

Maria was incensed. How dare Shelly insult the stuffed animal her little sister was playing with???

OH. MY. GOD.

Pandemonium as kids started taking sides, trying to out-shout one another.

So first thing is to shut down the war.
I went to the two groups of kids, separated Bella from her allies and Shelly from hers. Told the others to go play and started sorting out what had happened with the two girls.

Shelly was still in her corner, Bella sitting at my table. Both were crying.
I talked to each of them separately, two times each.
The first question is almost always, "Can you tell me what happened?"

They eventually do. A little bit of the story from one, a little more from the other.  Back and forth, seeking enlightenment.

Meanwhile, Bailey had grabbed the box of tissues from our parent table. She was bringing tissues, support and hugs to whichever girl I wasn't talking to.

We kept passing each other in the center of the room. She is such a kind little person. She offered hugs to each one (they accepted) and then just sat quietly next to them, handing them tissues. 

After I am enlightened,  then the harder task of repeating their grievances back to them so they feel like they have been heard.

Then the biggest job. Getting them to talk to each other. And once again repeating their words back to the other. 

It's a cumbersome process. I can't rush it or skip over bits. It all has to happen so they are once again in some kind of harmony. 

I can't teach them to solve their problems by solving them myself, I need to offer support and guidance.

So "Oh my gosh you guys you're making a big deal out of nothing, go play!!" isn't going to fix anything. It might shut things down, but it will build resentment and frustration and won't be helpful to the kids.

I spend as much time as I can building them up. They deserve respect.

We did eventually solve the issue. Everyone went home happy. These little things happen all the time. I do occasionally feel impatient and want to roll my eyes at them or throw up my hands and say, "OH MY GOD I AM SO TIRED OF THIS!" But (so far, at least) I just keep listening and encouraging them to be kind.

You know, quite a few of them are getting better at those interactions. There are adults who could learn from them.

So I guess it *is* a big deal.