Doctor Doctor

 Well.

I got the medical equivalent of 'I'm sorry you feel that way'.

She was 'sorry you didn't feel heard'.

To which I answered, "No, I didn't 'feel' that way, that was exactly what happened. I wasn't listened to here at the clinic or in the ER. No one gave a shit about what was going on, no one called me to see how I was later, no one seemed to understand the meaning of a medical emergency. Those aren't feelings, those are facts."

She wanted to know why I think my BP is down, why I haven't had so many migraines, why I'm feeling so much better.

Um, really?

So I told her I'm pretty sure the heartburn medication I was taking wasn't good for me. I said that was the first example of not being listened to.

I told her a little about the hospital visits and told her about my efforts to get someone to listen to me at the clinic while she was on vacation. I think she believes that since she wasn't there it had very little to do with her, but that's not true. She was the very first one to refuse to listen to me or consider that the heartburn medication was causing me problems.

I have a reputation for being good with words, and if you only know me from here, it's understandable for you to think that way. I write, I edit, I change things, I write and edit some more. I mess with it until it says exactly what I wanted to say.

There are times I come back a week later and fix something.

Occasionally an error gets past me and I have to fix that, too.

So I have control over writing, and can take as long as I want to.
Not the same in a personal conversation.
Dammit.


When I'm in the middle of a situation, it's hard for me to think quickly enough to have answers ready, sadly. Most people will say the same, when they look back at an event they say, "Oh I should have said _____." Or, "Why didn't I tell her ______?"

I managed to say a little, but not enough.
I just didn't have it in me today.

It didn't help that the early morning hours (3 to 6-ish) were filled with a huge thunderstorm, complete with flash after flash of lightning. I  couldn't stay asleep longer than a few minutes, and when Eric got up to go to the bathroom, I woke up again. 
So like 8 times in a 2 hour period. After not managing to fall asleep until close to midnight.

Ugh.

A large part of the problem with Providence is what they expect of the people who work there, from custodial staff all the way to doctors. They expect them to do more than is reasonable and instead of improving the situation by adding more staff they're nasty to people who can't complete all the work that's expected of them and they get discouraged and they quit.

Not only did I lose Dr. Dirtball, but more than one friend/acquaintance couldn't take the BS anymore and left. I've known at least five through my work (parents of my kids) who had a whole lot to say about Providence and the working conditions.

I could have said a lot more, but I'm okay with how things ended up.

My prescription is filled, I have an appointment with a different doctor in a few weeks and I'll see if I like her.