I told you about my husband's step sister a couple weeks ago in this post.
I haven't seen her since 1982, when, towing a 4x6 Uhaul trailer with everything we owned in it, (room to spare!!) we left Looseyanna.
We'd had a discussion on FB, which isn't really the best forum for serious introspection and enlightenment, and she ended by lamenting, "What the hell happened to you?"
Because of course if we don't agree in life, the other guy is wrong.
There's no room for differing philosophies or ideas in the world view of people like her.
So therefore no point in discussion.
I won't try to change her mind, she is who she is/how she is.
There are many good and decent qualities there, her political ideologies aren't the only things that define her.
She's family, and if she needed help and I was able to help her, I would.
I have friends and family who hail from a lot of different viewpoints along that crazy zigzaggy line that goes from faaaaaaaaaaaar left to faaaaaaaaaaaaar right.
It doesn't mean I don't still love them.
But it does mean that I'm not going to waste my time and theirs in debating those issues and differences.
We're all capable of extrapolating our own viewpoints.
It's sometimes amazing, and often amusing that, when presented with the same sets of 'facts' (which aren't always factual) and information (also slanted), that we arrive at vastly different conclusions.
But I draw a very definite line at evangelism, something that makes me bristle no matter what 'church' it comes from. I don't like it in religion, in multi-level marketing, politics or education, which is another area I hold very strong opinions in.
I respect your right to believe how you believe. But do not expect me to believe your way, and don't try to drag me in that direction. I have stepped back to allow you your beliefs and thoughts, please extend the same courtesy to me.
She keeps sending me video links, wanting to 'prove' her point(s).
But that's not really what she wants.
What she's hoping for is that I will watch one of the videos, experience the emotional equivalent of angel choirs singing a song of enlightenment and fall to my knees, expressing the error of my ways and vowing to go and spread the good news.
Which isn't going to happen.
I haven't engaged with her about anything political since then, she 'liked' a post I shared with Pixel blending into the chair in the momcave and we had a little shared 'isn't she cute' discussion.
I haven't seen her since 1982, when, towing a 4x6 Uhaul trailer with everything we owned in it, (room to spare!!) we left Looseyanna.
We'd had a discussion on FB, which isn't really the best forum for serious introspection and enlightenment, and she ended by lamenting, "What the hell happened to you?"
Because of course if we don't agree in life, the other guy is wrong.
There's no room for differing philosophies or ideas in the world view of people like her.
So therefore no point in discussion.
I won't try to change her mind, she is who she is/how she is.
There are many good and decent qualities there, her political ideologies aren't the only things that define her.
She's family, and if she needed help and I was able to help her, I would.
I have friends and family who hail from a lot of different viewpoints along that crazy zigzaggy line that goes from faaaaaaaaaaaar left to faaaaaaaaaaaaar right.
It doesn't mean I don't still love them.
But it does mean that I'm not going to waste my time and theirs in debating those issues and differences.
We're all capable of extrapolating our own viewpoints.
It's sometimes amazing, and often amusing that, when presented with the same sets of 'facts' (which aren't always factual) and information (also slanted), that we arrive at vastly different conclusions.
But I draw a very definite line at evangelism, something that makes me bristle no matter what 'church' it comes from. I don't like it in religion, in multi-level marketing, politics or education, which is another area I hold very strong opinions in.
I respect your right to believe how you believe. But do not expect me to believe your way, and don't try to drag me in that direction. I have stepped back to allow you your beliefs and thoughts, please extend the same courtesy to me.
She keeps sending me video links, wanting to 'prove' her point(s).
But that's not really what she wants.
What she's hoping for is that I will watch one of the videos, experience the emotional equivalent of angel choirs singing a song of enlightenment and fall to my knees, expressing the error of my ways and vowing to go and spread the good news.
Which isn't going to happen.
I haven't engaged with her about anything political since then, she 'liked' a post I shared with Pixel blending into the chair in the momcave and we had a little shared 'isn't she cute' discussion.
I can see that superficial type of relationship continuing indefinitely if she will stop trying to change my mind.
Toward that goal, I copied most of this post and pasted it into the private message she sent to me this morning.
She can respect my boundaries or piss off.
Either one is fine.
I don't have a deep investment in our relationship, I've been doing okay without her in my life for nearly 40 years.
How about you? Is there room in your personal philosophy to believe you don't have all the answers and may not even have the truth? Oh sure, we all think we know. But do we?
Toward that goal, I copied most of this post and pasted it into the private message she sent to me this morning.
She can respect my boundaries or piss off.
Either one is fine.
I don't have a deep investment in our relationship, I've been doing okay without her in my life for nearly 40 years.
How about you? Is there room in your personal philosophy to believe you don't have all the answers and may not even have the truth? Oh sure, we all think we know. But do we?
If they were still all alive, I would have 56 first cousins. Two are so far out in left field I just leave them be. Another is a stone racist and I wont have anything to do with him. Anytime three of us are together, there will be five political views. Worse, talking about hunting and firearms.
ReplyDeleteIsn't family fun? I can't spend a lot of time with most of my family, it hurts my heart to hear how much they hate.
DeleteIt used to be important to me for all 'my' people to be like me. I don't feel that way now. When she asked me in such a wounded way, 'what the hell happened to you?' I should have just told her that I grew up.
I have a lot of cousins. Most of them I can be civil to. One family, though, the Bigots who live just across the river in Washington, could drop off the face of the earth and I'd be okay with that.
Funny thing about Father Bigot... he works for a local city, and way up near the top in his position. They proudly sport 'Hate is not a ____ value' with the name of the city in the blank on city-owned vehicles.
But he hates a LOT of people. He hates brown people, gay people, people who have abortions, people who have different religious beliefs. Pretty much hates everyone who isn't like him. He throws the N word into general conversation, wouldn't allow his children to see his sister 'cause he was afraid the gay would rub off... in general, the guy's an asshole. And no, I don't tolerate his presence.
That's why people like him like tRUMP. tRUMP hates all the same people they do. And tRUMP says it out loud. How he got elected... oh wait, the electoral college.
DeleteI have right wing friends. When we get together we don't talk about politics. Two of them liked to send me right wing talking points. It would never take too long to prove them wrong. They finally quit sending me stuff.
DeleteHave I posted bad info? Sure. But I'll go back and correct the post. That's why I only try to repost things from trusted sources. It saves a lot of research time.
I like to throw this out every once in a while. "The only thing that proves science wrong is better science."
The whole electoral college thing... if they abolish it now, then two urban areas will elect all our presidents. Oh wait... they already do that. It would just be more blatant.
DeleteFunny thing, I don't believe Hair Fuhrer hates anyone. He's so far above everyone in his mind that he doesn't even realize other people exist. He has no soul, therefore can't recognize it in others.
At first I thought some perverse sense of wanting to prove himself would cause him to at least TRY to do a good job, but I don't think that happened. And seeing the way he 'handled' the pandemic and the nepotism he's practiced since day one... well, I don't think a 2nd term is a good idea. (yes, massive understatement).
I have friends/acquaintances who are right wing. Like you, I don't discuss politics with them. Pointless, we're not going to change each other's minds. But it's not that radical to just be decent to other people... is it? Asking for a friend.
apparently it is pretty radical. most of my family is all for him 'because he's different'.. they don't understand that different isn't always BETTER necessarily. But they vote on party lines no matter HOW bad the person is. As long as they are in charge, it's fine. Because 'their kind' are okay. They don't see how they raised me to love and consider others isn't how they are acting. I may have lost my mind about it a few weeks ago on facebook. My SANITY was questioned by a cousin and now she keeps saying everything I say is not true (like my home school experience and how others treat me)... people couldn't POSSIBLY treat anyone else like that.. and yet it's my experience. She doesn't get why I'm pissed at her. She literally called me a liar (and then said she didn't say I was a liar).. and tried to say she thinks what I'm doing is great. You know, I've not had anyone in my family compliment me. It was only okay BECAUSE they knew someone else (a man) who also helps home school his kids in their area. THAT impressed them. Me? Not so much. But it was given credence because of him. Major eye roll. Not a surprise I've never done anything right in my 'only female child, college educated, married before kids'.. life. The boys, with their high school educations and kids before marriage are the BEST! Even though I was threatened to be kicked out of the house if I got pregnant (never even had kissed anyone)... Again, eye roll.
DeleteCan't choose the family you're born into, but you *can* choose who to surround yourself with.
DeleteI do hope you've stopped following the people who are such a bunch of assholes. I don't follow most of my family, my mom, my sanctimonious brother/his wife. Several school 'friends' are also on that list. I don't dislike them, I just don't like them very much. And don't want to waste time reading any of the stupid crap they post. The sister in law I talked about in this post puts up video after video after video. (Too lazy to read, I think) and of course only those videos she agrees with.
As for the 'kick you out for getting pregnant' thing, even as a teen when I heard that I said, 'wow, those parents have failed as parents'. No matter what good stuff they had done, throwing away your daughter means you're doing a shitty job.
And you know what I think about homeschooling... I remember predicting that you'd end up being a homeschool mom waaaaay back when.
I love being right. :-D
You might be able to change my mind ~ it depends on what your agenda is. If you like a certain type of tomato for salad, you might convince me to try it. If you want me to vote a certain way, you're probably not going to be as successful, because the requirements would have to be logical and make sense ~ and reach me in a meaningful way, knowing what my on point issues are. That's a lot more difficult. But I do appreciate a discussion, I just don't appreciate a knock on the head. :-)
ReplyDeleteYeah, she doesn't discuss. She knee jerks. It's a wonder she has any facial features left. ha.
DeleteI don't try to convince anyone. I will, if it comes up, state what I think, but not forcefully or in your face. I try to remember that most people have given things a lot of thought and are capable of thinking for themselves.
I don't like tomatoes. :)
I do my best to learn all of the sides because I feel like as a society we are basing our opinions off of headlines. We don't take the time to read the story. Good luck with the family.
ReplyDeleteIt's really up to her now, she has not responded to the message, but she hasn't dumped me from her FB, either. I'm perfectly fine either way, as the issue isn't me. Life has been unkind to her in many ways. Unfair. I won't add to that by being mean to her or trying to make her feel bad. She just needs to stop preaching to me.
DeleteAnd yes, headlines, sound bites, the grumpy old fart who lives up the street... it seems like it's mostly based on who yells the loudest/longest. It's so important for everyone to do their own research. We'd all be better off without the breathless plastic people on the news.
DeleteYes, we would and I think the media is going to have to do a better job if they want to keep their jobs because more and more people are turning away from mainstream media. One news outlet I enjoy right now is called Axios.
DeleteI read a lot of stuff. Axios is good, I read from the BBC, Al Jazeera, a ton of blogs, and our local ABC affiliate so I can get weather and some local news. I have a little cousin who's an on-air personality and I watch her stories now and then, although she's in another state. Mostly I look at things and decide that some of it may be true, some not, and that I can't really trust any one source.
DeleteMy parents are 100% fox news ALL THE TIME. And it makes them really paranoid and really angry.
I'm Agnostic so I don't think I have all the answers nor do I worry about it right now.
ReplyDeleteI am an atheist. So I probably have most of the answers. ;)
DeleteI really don't understand the divisiveness we are participating in right now. I do understand passion and drive and belief in issues, I just don't understand hurting people you love over politics.
Holy cow.
I definitely don't have all the answers. I think we all know I'm just flying by the seat of my pants here. :) I think we all have our biases depending on the points we are in our lives. Some people like to include other ways of thinking, some do not.
ReplyDeleteI strongly disagree with so many people. But I don't hate my friends and family for thinking differently. I don't understand how they see things they way they do, but I am not stupid enough to waste my time trying to change them. I am once again in the position of voting against rather than for. That's true in several races. And it's depressing and aggravating and causes more than a little anger. How will arguing help?
DeleteAlso, I feel like everyone is hurting. And being mean to each other isn't going to heal any of that.
But I thought you knew Mildred Ratched is the know-all be-all Queen of EVERYTHING...oh, dear! I've failed miserably, haven't I? Now, I'll go either lock myself in my closet or go cry in the shower or maybe I'll do both as long as I can bring a bag of Oreos with me and a tall glass of milk. I'm a dunker! I guess that might get rather messy in the shower. So what's a good shower snack? I guess I'll have to ask a duck. A duck should know, right?
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the right...oh let's not! I'm tired and need a nap instead. It's a miserable rainy day from all that tropical weather out in the Gulf of Mexico. I'm just going to hunker down and do some genealogy research (one of my other passions) and hopefully, I won't find out I'm related to Trumplethinskin. That would be a fate worse than death.
"Mildred!I am your father!"
Delete"Noooooooo!"
Oreos aren't my favorite, but my husband loves them. That means he can buy them and they'll still be there when he goes to get one for a snack. Other cookies aren't as lucky.
Take care in the storms, I hope everyone will be okay down there!