::sigh::: Meltdown.

So Will had a meltdown Wednesday.

I have heard over the last week or so from him that he's been in trouble in class for 'not paying attention' or talking when he's not supposed to be talking.

On Monday afternoon he told me that his teacher had taken away "All my recesses. I didn't get to play outside today at all."

I can't say, "Well of all the goddamn stupid things to do! Take away a child's opportunity to run off the energy that's causing that child to BE wiggly and talkative in class."

I have to listen without a huge amount of commentary.

It's not easy, as I'm sure you can imagine.
But how frustrating for a little person to be expected to act like a big person.
And it's a shitty way to run a system. So unfair to small ones.

I don't know what being a classroom teacher is like. I understand that most of them have the best of intentions and probably got into the business thinking they were going to change the world. Starry-eyed and all that.

I don't think our system is respectful of children. It's definitely not the most efficient way to learn, and there is little to no joy in being a child in school. Unfortunately, this is the system we have. As I've said before, I try to take care of the child's spirit and self. To not make their lives more difficult or stressful. To be a haven in the middle of it all.

You couldn't pay me enough to be a classroom teacher. But I do know what it's like to have a large group of kids. In my old job I had 30. It's still a year or two in the future for my current program to be that large, but I have a large enough group for one person to handle. :)

When I have 14 of them, they almost always occasionally go in 14 different directions.

But we sometimes are doing the same stuff at the same time. And I have certain behavior expectations and rules that I expect them to follow. In the interests of harmony and safety, we have to.

Is it easy? No, most of the time it really isn't. Those little people have minds of their own, as they should. If they aren't doing what I've asked them to do, though, there is no punishment.

There is redirection, sometimes multiple times with the same kid in the course of an afternoon. That's okay, it's part of my job. Their job is to push boundaries so they can learn what's a good idea and what isn't such a good idea. They're children. They're learning.

We sometimes have to discuss larger behavior issues, and once in awhile a child does something I need to discuss with his or her parents, but mostly we muddle through on our own.

There isn't any reason to make them feel bad for the things they do.
They get enough of that at school, apparently.

So Will is a little wound up.
More than usual I guess.
He hasn't been allowed to run off much energy.

We went to the gym in the afternoon. Had a little free time, then played a group game. He became angry during the game because he didn't get the ball every time he wanted it and it seemed like he was the only one who was getting hit and having to sit for 10 seconds.
He started to get a little frustrated.

When it was time to go back to our little room and read, he was still unhappy and it showed in the set of his shoulders. As we got into our space, James said something to him. I'm not sure what it was, but it made him mad.

As he turned away from James, Hayden said something else to him that didn't make things better. Before I could intervene, he screamed, "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!"  and ran out the door.

But not the door into the hallway, which is something we've discussed before. He knows he can remove himself from a situation when he wants to, but that I need to be able to see him.

The door to the outside was closer, and that's the one he chose.
It's completely against the rules for a child to run outside anyway, but I can't see a child outside, we don't have a window.

I immediately went to the door and opened it. He was sitting on the ground directly outside. I told him that he must come inside.

"You can go to the hallway, Will, but you can't be outside. It isn't safe because I can't see you."

He got to his feet, came back inside and walked through the room. Some of the kids (Hayden, James... of course) wanted to engage him but he ignored them and went to the hallway. He was already sitting on the floor by the time the door clicked shut.

I set the timer for reading (we read 20 minutes every afternoon except Friday) and the kids started reading. I took some tissues out to Will in the hallway.

He was crying. I knew he would be.
I told him that he wasn't in any kind of trouble, "But you can't run outside, Buddy. It might not be safe out there, we don't know who's in the parking lot. And you know that unless you're in the bathroom, I need to be able to see you. Why did you go out the door? Is it because it was closer to you?"

He nodded. Sniffled. He was a picture of sadness.

I felt bad, it isn't his fault that he gets overwhelmed, and I was really proud of him because he has grown so much in the past year. He used to bang his head on the wall and take it out on himself.

I really thought (and still think now) that the lack of exercise and physical activity that kids get by being allowed to run around on the playground is part of his problem. So unfair to keep little guys confined like that.

We talked for a minute, I asked him if he'd like me to bring him a book or a drink of water, he asked for water. I told him that he could sit in the hallway as long as he wanted to, that he could come back in and join us when he was ready.

After the timer went off, he came back into the room and seemed fine. Joined James and Hayden on the LEGO rug.

I talked with his dad when he came to get him, told him about the meltdown, but that it really shows how much Will has grown when he removes himself from a situation instead of screaming or hurting himself.

On a slightly embarrassing note, I neglected to tell his dad about the 'you can't sit still so you have to miss recess' thing.
But I remembered to tell him this afternoon.Once again I'm proud of one of 'my' kids because although I can't take credit for his growth, I know that I've contributed to steering him in a positive direction.

I so love what I do.