More trouble... same double

James seems intent on making life difficult for himself. And everyone around him.


On Wednesday afternoon he was just... rude. Obnoxious. Aggravating. His dad picked the boys up, and we didn't get much time to talk.

So I wrote a little email to his mom.
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It's always hard to have any sort of conversation at pickup time.

I did tell James Sr as quietly as possible this afternoon that I'd had some issues with James, but it's more than an afternoon with a couple issues.

Not sure if it's end of school year blues combined with attitude or???

Most mornings he's a little crabby. He annoys people one by one. Each person asks him to leave them alone. But usually I have to reinforce their requests multiple times,and then get a little stern for him to do what they've asked.

He comes in after school already unhappy. I'm not sure why. But from the set of his shoulders and the little tucked lines next to his mouth, he's had a long day.

Then, he goes around the room aggravating people. Pretending to knock over someone's block tower construction, ignoring multiple requests to stop, stealing stuffed animals from behind the person playing with them and then saying he didn't,  'accidentally' kicking people under the snack table and then blaming the other person, calling people names like stupid and jerk and denying ALL of it each time I say, "James, we don't do that here."

"I WASN'T!!!!"

"Dude. You know I can see you, right?"

It doesn't matter though.

He can do it, know that I see him doing it and will deny it until the end of time. Today, after I asked him to 'please leave the other kids alone,' he said he wasn't bothering anyone, I said 'I can see you' and he told me I was a 'stupid liar'.

When I force the issue, "James, you need to leave that area and find another activity, please. You're not being kind and he has asked you to stop pretending to knock over his blocks," he says,  "I didn't TOUCH them!!"

"That's not the point. You are bothering him, he asked you to stop several times and you haven't. Please find another activity."

He sits and glares at me. Makes faces. The other kids point it out, I tell them that James can look silly if he wants to, and repeat on an endless loop.

I sometimes have to ask him many times.
And then TELL him that he must find a different activity. Now.

What I have tried.. I try to make sure to check with every child at the end of the school day. Ask them questions about how their day was, tell them I saw them on the playground when I came in to work, what did you have for lunch, come here and let me tie your shoes,  I love that shirt.

You know, positive interaction. After everyone is checked in and snack put out for them, I'm available for a game of checkers or whatever. Craft projects. Commentary on LEGO creations, cheerful joking around.

I have tried suggesting something for him to do. Showing him the new books I've picked up at Goodwill in hopes that he might want to sit alone a few minutes and decompress.

I make an effort to do what I ask of the children, too. To be kind in our interactions and try to suggest/redirect rather than being bossy.

I'm always trying to pay attention to what's going on  with all the kids, too. To stop situations before they escalate.

I'm just not sure which direction to go with this and wanted to let you guys know what's been going on with James.

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His mom emailed me back. He's not just a handful for me. She apologized, saying that she is sorry I have to deal with him this way and that she appreciates my patience with the kids.

I responded with something along the lines of that it's all part of the job and that I don't take it personally.

I really don't. It's kid stuff. He's not a problem, he just has stuff going on.
There are many nice things about James.
My personal opinion is that he's having a hard time being 'good' all day long in school and feels comfortable enough with me that he sort of goes waaaay in the opposite direction of expected behaviors.
Being a twin has a whole set of issues, too.
Not having anything that's just his. Having people call him by his brother's name. Often. And they're not James and Hayden to most of the kids and adults, they're 'the twins'. He has to share everything all the time.

I've said it before, but when a kid feels comfortable being their worst in front of me, it's actually a compliment.

Not that I like dealing with it, but I do understand it. And James, like so many other kids I've taken care of, will eventually outgrow the issues that are making the adults around him a little edgy.

Today was a little better, but he still can't seem to leave other people alone. He gets in their personal space. He deliberately tries to aggravate people. Breaks rules on the playground, even when I'm looking right at him.

He also comes and gives me a brief hug a few times in an afternoon.

Best moments of the week with James?

He was really excited on Tuesday when he read his first book from beginning to end.
Green Eggs and Ham.

He walked in the door after school, book open, reading each word quietly, completely ignoring the chaos around him. Climbed into one of the tall chairs, still reading. When he finished the book, he clapped it shut with an air of great satisfaction,  skipped across the room and bounced to a stop next to me.

"Guess what?!?" he said.

I knew, but acted like I didn't.

"What?"

"I just read this WHOLE BOOK!"

We high-fived.


I told him, "Dude. That is the first book I ever read to myself!"

He was suitably impressed.

Then, I told him it was also the first book that Lyssa had ever read from beginning to end.

I told him the story of how she'd read it to the whole family and how excited we all were.

"Then, she ran off to her room. About five minutes later, she came back to the living room in a costume she'd made, carrying her book and her teddy bear."

"I. AM. SUPER READER!!"

"I took a picture of her, James. I'll try to remember to bring it in to show you."

Today, I did. And although that photo is now 21 years old, it's still one of my favorites.
 

James was happy to see the photo. He asked if he could show it around to the other kids. I watched as he went from person to person and told them an abbreviated version of the story I'd told him.

When his mom came to get him, he couldn't wait to show her the picture and tell her that I first learned to read from that book AND my daughter did, too!

James is a neat kid in a lot of ways.
And we'll get through the crazy, I'm sure.
But I have to admit I'm looking forward to summer. He doesn't go to day care during summers.