One, Two....

One of the things I particularly dislike with my current employer is that most of the site directors use Tim as their biggest threat to try and stop misbehavior.

He's one of the upper managers. I'm not sure what he actually does, although I know that just like the other managers, he puts in a lot of overtime and doesn't have much of a home life.

They like to promote those young and energetic people. They know old bats like me wouldn't want those 'promotions', as I've said before.

So some of the other site directors have a graduated system of threats.

Instead of telling a kid what's expected and then making them live up to it, they hand off their authority to someone who isn't even there.
::sigh::

And there's this (sorry) dumb fucking thing Tim tries to get people to use.
1-2-3 MAGIC.

Here's how he explains it. When you see a kid poking another kid, for example, you look at him and say, "Ferd, that's one."

When he does it again (and he will, Ferd's an asshole) you say, "Ferd, that's two."

If Ferd does it a third time, then Ferd needs to find something else to do after you sit down and talk with him for a few minutes about why he needs to stop poking.

And if Ferd miraculously stops poking Jacob after the first warning and decides to pinch him instead, that's not two. That's ONE. And you're supposed to tell him that.

"Ferd, that's one."

So theoretically, Ferd can poke twice, pinch twice, step on Jacob's toes twice, throw objects across the room twice, steal someone's toy twice... and fucking get away with it. And believe me, Ferd will do that. Daily. Because he's been TOLD that he can! He's been given permission.

Sort of like how a person can be driving along in his car and run a stop sign in front of the police officer. The officer of course just lets it go. Twice. Oh,wait...no.

Knowing you're going to get away with something twice makes you DO it twice. The guy who invented this method apparently doesn't know any children.

Half a minute while I look it up... sounds like one of the dumb things educrats like to use. Oh. Yep. It's a whole "parenting" program. You can BUY it!! And as an educator, you can use it TOO!

From what I was able to glean in the short time I read it, Tim's doing it wrong anyway.

The site directors who use it are what I think of as the worst sort of educrats, too. They're the ones who sit down with their kids at least once a week and go over ALL.THE.RULES.

They have them written down, either on a poster or a big piece of cardboard.

They point to each one as they explain it.

"When you break rules, we have to have a talk. If you break the rules again,then we have to talk again AND we talk to your parents. If you break them over and over, then we call TIM and he will come here and talk to you!

Oh good heavens. They're making so much work for themselves!
Although it does fill up about 15 minutes of program time, that rule discussion. The kids have to sit down and shut up and listen to a recitation of the rules.

It's a little insulting to kids, too.
With very few exceptions, they all know what's expected from them.
And 90% of the time, they are pretty great.

So I don't do things in the prescribed manner.
(I'm sure you're surprised.)

About a week into the school year, after they've had time to explore the toys, figure out our routine, learn where things are, I sit down with the kids at a table and have a meeting.

We call it conference time.
I have a list of things I've observed. It's not all about mistakes/missteps, either. They do a lot of really great things. They want to do the right thing.
We discuss.

Everyone can talk if they want to, although we try to be polite and listen to each other and make an effort to avoid interruptions.

I get them to explain the playground rules to me.
I have them tell me about what's expected from them during the school day, too. We figure out together that most of the rules are about safety.
Some are stewardship rules, too. Like cleaning up after ourselves and making an effort to put games and other things away how we found them.

Not difficult.

I have mentioned before that most programs I've worked in (including Sunshine's, I am sorry to say) force the kids to sit in a group on a big rug or just on the floor and the adult in charge stands over them and lectures.

Sunshine was pretty nice about it, although she's more schoolish than I am. I don't think it's a personal flaw, it's more that she has never been outside the educational system the way I have. All those years spent homeschooling and studying how kids learn have affected me and changed my way of thinking.

So I sit with the kids. We talk about what the rules should be, but I don't write them down on a big piece of paper and point to each one as we discuss. I don't hang up a list on the wall, either. I've seen that list become the focus of adult/child interactions too many times.

It works better for me to say to a child, "This is what I expect from you," rather than marching him over to the chart, pointing to rule #1 or whatever and saying in the pedantic tone universally recognized as THE BOSS addressing a subordinate, "The RULE says _____."

I'm not sure why my method works better, but it really does.

During that important first meeting, I also let the kids know what they can expect from me.

I tell them that I will try to be honest, will not be angry with them when they make mistakes, that we're all there to learn and have a good time.

I don't let Ferd poke anyone more than once, either. If, for example, he's picking on Jacob every day, then I won't let him play with Jacob.
I will tell him that.
"Ferd, we have already discussed this. If it wasn't okay yesterday, it's not okay today. Please find another activity and perhaps you can try hanging out with Jacob tomorrow afternoon."

There is no argument, no threats of telling his parents or ::gasp:: calling TIM.
There is also no, "Ferd, that's one."