Building them up...

Molly has been with me two years now.
She's nearing the end of her second grade year.

Funny kid. She's roundish, blonde and brash. Highly intelligent. Deep thoughts for a small person. Big blue eyes and a great laugh. She is quick to anger, but doesn't usually hold a grudge. She sees herself as both the center of everything and the outsider. She has a really hard time deciding which role she's playing sometimes.
The first year I had her in my little group she was dramatic and often tearful, sometimes loudly melting down four or five times in an afternoon, usually over things that an adult would consider small...  like not being able to jump rope.

The jump rope utterly defeated her.
She would try and try... then cry and cry.

I told her that I could tell she was working very hard, and that if she kept practicing, I knew she'd learn it.Her reaction to many things was to cry and fall apart. Things like getting put out in a game of sprout ball, not getting the doll she wanted when they pulled out the dollhouses.

She was unsure of how to assert herself in a positive manner, instead becoming angry and shouting at the other kids or retreating... but not quietly. Oh no, not at all quietly. ;) Red-faced, crying loudly, stumbling blindly off to a corner to cry, then sit and pout awhile. The poor kid had a really difficult time fitting in at first.

She is one of those children who thinks everyone is looking at her.
So things like being put out during a game were simply mortifying. After being hit with the (spongy and soft) ball that I purchased because it is spongy and soft, she put her hands over her red face and stumbled off the gym floor, crying loudly and screaming, "I hate this game!"

I let her go and sit on the bleachers and wail a bit before approaching her. I don't generally hover over the kids. If they need a little space and time to run down, I allow it. If it seems that they need me to sit with them, well, I'm available for that, too. I've developed a feel for it. I don't know if my decision is always the correct one, but my intentions are good. I want them to be able to solve their own problems, but it's also part of the job to give them the tools to do it. So sometimes they need my help when crying and upset, sometimes not.

Occasionally assistance from another kid is what's needed. When another child steps in and tries to help someone solve a problem, I watch but don't interfere unless I need to. It doesn't help a child learn to solve things if the adult in charge solves everything. When a child is able to fix their own issues, either alone or with help from another child, it builds them up.

If you've been reading here awhile, you'll remember that Jennifer had similar meltdowns and hysterics on occasion. (three to five times every single afternoon....)
She has matured so much and turned into a strong and positive young woman. I think she has cried and been upset maybe three times this entire school year.

You can often find Jennifer helping the younger kids now... Molly included.

Stepping in to be a peacemaker when there's an argument.
Taking time to explain things.
Sitting with the new kid or introducing her to the others.
Showing her where we put our backpacks and coats at the end of the day, explaining the routine of our afternoons. She's very good at it, and it's even better because I haven't told her to do it. She just stepped up.

It was interesting to watch Jennifer's reaction to the meltdowns when Molly joined us. I don't know if she realized Molly's hysteria and over-the-top emotional state was quite a bit like her own, but she did notice that they're kindred spirits. They gravitated toward each other from the beginning. Oh, they argued a bit, sometimes they still do. But they're both maturing and learning to navigate the strange microcosm of society that is found in public school.
 
They're able to handle life a little more evenly.
They've both grown a great deal.

Molly is very proud to be on the Jr. Jump Rope squad now. All that hard work showed her that she could achieve a goal. She has a sense of accomplishment over it that no one can take from her. I'm sort of proud of her, too.

She has learned that getting put out in the game isn't the end of the world... or even the end of the game. Since we have such a broad age range, I often adjust the way games work. I balance the playing field a bit. Instead of being OUT of the game, we sometimes have an 'out for 15 seconds' rule. So the big athletic kids who are more coordinated and the smaller kids who are not can still continue to play the game.

"We don't play gym games so we can see who the best player is. Of course if you're in 5th grade you're probably going to run faster and be a little stronger than someone who's in 2nd grade. That's okay, but the reason we're playing is for you to get some exercise, have some fun, learn to play new games. And if you're a 5th grader who puts a Kindergartner out, and that person has to sit on the bleachers for 20 minutes, it's only the older kid who's getting the exercise and playing the game. But if you're out and then can go back into the game after counting slowly to 15, then you're still exercising and learning the game and being able to have fun with everyone else."

We do play games where the more coordinated kids are allowed to shine, too. But the kids get plenty of competition in their school days and I work hard to keep that competitive thing out of my program, because elevating one child lowers the other kids. It's not intentional. But that's what it does. Making one kid look good happens at the expense of others, regardless of one's intent and I don't like it. I avoid doing it as often as I can.

After you brush away all the little layers and nuances of my day care program, you get to my primary function.

Building children up and/or allowing them the space to build themselves up. All the curriculum in the world, all the craft supplies and projects, the gym games, the snorting of crumbs at the snack table, the inappropriate fart jokes... that's just stuff.

If, at the end of the day, children have felt cared for, cared about and valued by me, I have done my job and done it well.