My sister in law, Snatchie, tossed me off her Facebook a couple years ago because I got into an argument with my brother Dick in which I said that people who claim to be Christians and don't love unconditionally are assholes and they make their god look like a petulant jerk.
It made me angry at the time especially because my brother was using my cousin Denette to advance his crappy book. Using her influence. Taking advantage of her. And he was too good to sleep in her house and then, after all she'd done for him, while saying goodbye, he hugged her and said, "Well, I don't approve of your lifestyle but I love you."
She is a better person than I am, she merely said she loved him too.
It makes me angry even now.
I have talked about my cousin here before. We did not grow up close friends for a lot of reasons, but when we grew up and had things in common, trying to build families and take care of our homes and just have a life, we found we had things to talk about. We ended up living in the same area for the first time in our lives and our relationship grew.
Denette's daughter became pregnant her senior year in high school. She chose to keep her baby rather than have an abortion. The baby was born six months before her mom graduated from high school.
At 17, most people aren't ready to be parents, and this case was no exception. The baby's father had gotten married (he was TWENTY FIVE when he was messing around with a 15 year old girl) and he and his new wife took the little girl when she was about five.
They tried to get sole custody and deny visitation to Denette and her daughter and the other members of the family. Denette took care of that and after court cases were over, it was agreed the little girl could see her mother. She flew back and forth for school breaks and summer vacations for a long time.
Fast forward to now. The little girl is 15 years old now. And recently came out as gay.
Her father and the person he's married to no longer want to have her in their home.
She's been sent to live with Denette and the rest of the family in Arizona.
There is so much wrong with this.
The worst thing to me is that she's in an entirely new school after growing up in the same place for most of her life. I know she'll be supported in her new life and that she's loved, but a 'loving' family doesn't toss out a young teenager because she is gay. Just disgusting.
This is not unconditional love, people.
And if you're reading here and you think a person who loves the same gender is somehow less than you or that your god doesn't approve of gay people, then you need to get your attitude and your life adjusted. Because you're the sick one.
Spot on, Ami. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI hesitated to share, actually. But Denette is fine being mentioned. I just didn't put the names of her daughter and granddaughter out there. People need to stand up and support the people they love. If they are ashamed to love someone based on a sentence in their bible, there isn't a lot I can do for them.
DeleteSadly this is why there are so many homeless teens. I feel so bad for them. I wish everyone had the heart to see beyond Leviticus to 'love everyone'.. I even love people who are being assholes to me. Maybe not immediately, and maybe it's difficult, but dammit, I try. Better than just turning your back. One of my friends told me that he was thankful there were Christians like me in the world. I really wasn't sure how to take it. I think everyone should be loving and accepting-- just makes sense... oh well. He and his husband live overseas and seem to be very happy. Much better than here where it's difficult for them. Yeah for HAPPY people who are productive members of society!
ReplyDeleteIt amazes me that families separate over such a small thing. A personal thing. The world is full of people with skewed priorities and perceptions. It's sad.
DeleteFew are more hateful than the self righteous.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. If I wanted to, I could point to all kinds of 'sins' in the lives of the members of my family. Those same people turn their backs on relatives because they're somehow more righteous and good?
DeleteMakes me angry and militant.
I loved my grandmother's next door neighbor. She was the coolest Sunday School teacher that I'd ever had. When we visited my grandmother her two kids ran and played with us as if they were another one of the cousins. In the early days of the AIDS epidemic her son came out because he was dying, He tried to get his family to talk to him just so he could tell them that he loved them. Instead, they chose to ostracize him. He died at Grady Hospital in Atlanta with only my sister and I visiting him. We weren't there the night he passed. He was alone. I heard that his mother died recently. My cousin said that she had cried inconsolably because she'd let her son die alone. I have often wondered what her grief accomplished. I hope it was true repentance.
ReplyDeleteThat's so sad. No one should have to die alone and feeling as if the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally no longer do.
DeleteDEFINITELY so much wrong. It's bullshit. I'm glad her grandmother/your cousin will accept her, because goodness knows 15 is a tough age, especially for gay kids.
ReplyDeleteOn a video game server I play on regularly, MANY of the kids there around 15-17 are gay and having a hell of a time with their parents. I'm known as "the server mom" and I get many messages from those teenagers when they've learned they can trust me as someone who will let them vent, and respond to them with encouragement to get their education, follow their dreams, and remember they won't be under their parents' roof forever - that in a few years, they can make their own life and live it their way, and seek out people who will love them just the way they are. I hope your 15-year-old cousin finds that. :)
Well, she's loved and supported and while my cousin and her daughter are there, NO one is going to treat her badly. But to have been uprooted from her dad and everything she knows because of sexual orientation... I just don't understand it. I thought you love your child no matter what? I understand not liking something a child has done, and even not liking the child on occasion, but not loving them anymore? I don't understand.
DeleteI don't understand either. Definitely not. Thank goodness there's family who will love her unconditionally!
DeleteReal love has no boundaries and it's sad that your young cousin is finding it hard to be accepted by someone who was supposed to love her and protect her. Perhaps now she will be able to find acceptance from her grandmother and the rest of the family. I wish her all the best.
ReplyDeleteShe already has the love/acceptance of my cousin, her mother, and the assorted relatives who live near them. She's a sweet girl, with a very kind heart. She is better off with the people she's living with now, but that doesn't take into account how much she must be hurt by being sent away.
DeleteUgh. I, like you, find it uncomprehensible that there would be any reason why a parent would reject their child ~ for any reason. Even if one of my kids did something horrible, I would still love them.....
ReplyDeleteWell Seasoned Fool said it well.
Yeah.. the whole unconditional love thing. I can't understand turning my back on my child. No matter what they've done. I can understand disappointment, but not walking away/sending them away.
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