Friday Afternoon

I was actually getting ready for work and happened to look at news headlines on my computer while getting my shoes on. That's when I saw what had happened in Connecticut.

I didn't spend a lot of time looking at details, just headed out to work.

As my kids were arriving, one of the third grade teachers stopped by and asked me if I was going to 'be okay'. I said I thought things would be fine, and she reminded me that the counselor was still in the building until four.

The principal had sent home a letter with the kids, telling them to just take it home to their parents and talk. They weren't supposed to talk about it at school.

Some of them did want to talk about it, and came to me. Penny* and Liam* were particularly serious about wanting to discuss. So I told them to take a couple beanbags to our 'quiet corner' and talk, but that no one else could join in the conversation. I think the reason they really wanted to talk was because it was forbidden, because they were only over there for about five minutes, then off to build the restaurant. We had a new girl on Friday who joined in quite happily.

Steve* wanted to talk to ME about it. So I invited him to sit with me, and mostly listened to him.

First, he was quite clear that what happened this week at the mall and then in the school were unusual occurrences. He said, "Stuff like that almost never happens. It's really, really rare, isn't it?"

I agreed.

"And we're in a safe place."

I agreed with that, too.

He said that one of his friends had said that it might be better to just stay home where you'd be safe.

"And what do you think about that idea, Steve?"

"I think it's dumb. What if an airplane crashes into your house?"

"Well, it's pretty unusual for planes to crash into houses, isn't it?"

"Yes! And it's weird for bad people to shoot kids, too." He thought for a moment and said, "I don't think I ever heard of it before."

I didn't tell him that I had heard of it more than once. I just waited.

He was quiet for a moment again, then he said, "Well, I'm gonna go play."

And joined the restaurant, already in progress.

I found that parents were much more upset than the kids (of course!) and many children were hugged extra upon pickup.

So it affected the kids, but I think what really affects them when something horrible happens are the adults around them saying things like, "Don't you feel awful? Of COURSE you do! Everyone does!!"

Implying that if you DO NOT feel awful, there may be something wrong with you. Many schools call in extra counselors and suggest at intervals that kids need to come talk to them if they're not feeling okay.

I don't remember having battalions of counselors available as I was growing up. Not sure it's needed as often as it's used.

The children in my program will talk about Friday's events off and on, but kids process things differently. Some kids dying somewhere aren't nearly as... immediate as Christmas coming. By the time they come back to school in January, they will all have completely forgotten about the incident.

Children are resilient. It's their nature. Their memories of events aren't as long as their memories of feelings. So it's our job as adults to make sure they feel safe and cared for wherever they are. I hope that the kids in my program aren't sitting in front of the television news this weekend, and that parents are following their lead in discussing or not wanting to discuss the events. They need to work through it in their own way. For some, that means that they aren't going to worry about it at all, and for others, they will be concerned and wary about their surroundings and cling to the people they trust.

But they'll get past it a lot easier than we will, I'm afraid.

Do you remember being a child? The horrendous events on the nightly news were so... distant. I remember hearing things, but just going on with life in general. It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that I was young and didn't understand how short life really is. I was busy growing up and having friends and going to school.

Now I'm old and I still don't understand, but my understanding is.. bigger. I can look at enormous events and realize just how awful they are.

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said about those families who lost their children. I can't even begin to imagine how hurt they are and how wounded they will be forever. I'm angry and confused just like everyone else.

Here's something I think is important, though.

So often these cowards take themselves out after killing a bunch of innocent bystanders. Feeling that since they don't amount to shit in life, then by god they'll be notorious after death.

And our media obliges them by plastering their names and faces all over the news, talking to everyone who ever knew them, shoving microphones into the faces of their mothers, fathers, grandparents, neighbors, husbands, wives... MAKING their wish a reality.

I'd like to see them called 'the killer' or 'the murderer' and not... glorified. People who are on the edge of unstable and fucked up wouldn't get their moment of glory on the news. No photos of them. No mention of them 20 times a day by name. In the crazy messed up minds of potential mass murderers, with that option gone, maybe they'd do the world a favor and only take themselves out.