While You Weren't Sleeping

On Monday night I wasn't resting very well.

There are a bunch of stairs at our Spring location, and I am sorry I went up and down and up and down them, because the left knee, the one that has never healed right? Hurt. Kept waking me up.

It hurt so much I dreamed that I was going to a doctor and then to a physical therapist.

And it kept waking me up when I moved.

I finally wrapped it up and got a little rest before it was time to get up at 6.

But I was trying to keep a grip on the things that wandered through my mind while I was not sleeping, because some of it was entertaining.

But I didn't want to try to write anything down because then I thought I might try to stay awake on purpose and instead of letting my mind just... drift, force my mind to wander in order to write something for my blog instead.

So, here's some of what wandered through my mind in little wisps and larger chunks.

There are many stupid things on television.
Eric records most of them.

I don't really mind, he has the television, I have the computer, we still hang out... I am just mostly not interested in what's on television. Except I've been enjoying "Frozen Planet" which he recorded from the Discovery Channel.

I'm a sucker for a good documentary.
I think it's an acquired taste, probably acquired when I watched Mutual of Omaha's WILD KINGDOM with Marlin Perkins as a child.
 
Not that he was a child, I was.
I mean, he probably was a child, but not when I was.

But Eric records GOLF. Yes, golf tournaments. Always a complete bore to me, but the advent of stupid morons yelling 'get in the hole!!' when someone tries to sink a putt has taken broadcasting of it to a whole new level of dumb.

The break time program has been fun so far. The kids seem to be enjoying the activities and the free time. We try for a balance of free time and directed things, but there is always a choice. If they're not interested in the science thing or other stuff, they can continue to draw pictures or make animals from pony beads or play a game or read a book or just sit and chat with their friends.

But I got 'caught' on Monday. What always happens at break programs is that some people have difficulty signing up via computer, and end up dropping in unexpectedly, making a staffing crunch. We have to have a certain staff to student ratio, and if we're even one student over that ratio, we must have another adult on site. It's a good idea, really. But for whatever reason, staffing was not planned for emergency overage, so everyone who worked on Monday ended up staying for extra time.

I worked 7.5 hours without a break. Not that I am worried about breaks, as long as I can go pee when I need to, I really don't care. It's not like my job is strenuous or terribly cerebral, ya know? Except for the goddamn knee, it's really not all that tough.

I figured out going in that I'd probably end up staying extra, so I brought some food.

While we were at the store on Saturday, I bought a container of strawberry cream cheese. It's a rare treat, but I do like it with wheat thins on occasion.

So I grabbed an apple, my crackers, the cream cheese... stuffed them in my pack in case I had to stay longer, and headed out.

I knew not long after arrival that I'd be staying, but since I brought food, I figured I'd be fine. And I was until I opened the cream cheese. It was sort of... orangey. Not the pinkie color it usually is. So I looked at the label.

SHIT!! I bought SMOKED SALMON!!!

So what the hell, I tried it. One cracker, one taste. Hm. Not great, but one more taste to make sure I don't like it. Second taste... said to my co-worker, "Ya know, there is no MSG on the label, but this stuff tastes like it's full of additives."

Tossed it in the trash can. Yuck.

And within the 12 hour time frame, I started getting a migraine.
And because I did not want one, I tried to deny it. Didn't work. Had to take medication.

::sigh::

Then, I laid there in the dark, counting the seconds between blinks of the little red eye on the smoke alarm (I am great at 30 second intervals) wondering if this would be the time I would spontaneously combust from the headache.

I wasn't sleeping and there it was, staring me in the face. My mortality.

"They" say that one of the symptoms of anxiety is a concern about that, but of course I've never been anxious for even a single moment of my existence, so "they" are obviously wrong.

My brain also thought about tie dyeing. My parents about to take a road trip. My son who is almost never home because he spends a LOT of time at his girlfriend's house. My daughter, who is hopefully about to start her first job. Financial stuff. Car trouble and brake jobs. The sheets feeling a little loose, making a note to myself to fix the bed BEFORE getting into in on Tuesday evening.

The idea that on Tuesday I'd be off at 2 instead of 5:20. I thought, 'hey, I may feel shitty and tired but maybe I can catch a nap on Tuesday afternoon.' Which of course I did not.

And now it's 8:40, I am getting the headache back, my neck is tense, my knee hurts, I need to unload the dishwasher, toss a load of laundry in, brush my teeth, find a bottle of water and a migraine pill to stick next to the bed and maybe, just maybe, I will rest after that? Until 6. Because I have to work at 8 again.

Not that I'm complaining.

I'm just... tired.