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Parenthood is hard!
When I decided to have a baby, I thought about having a baby... you know, a little round-headed cherub with a heavenly smile at one end and a wet diaper at the other? Someone with soft little hands and an affinity for snuggling into that little hollow at the side of my neck. A little person who smells good and melts your heart just by smiling at you.
Well, I did get that. Twice.
But then, they grew. I comforted myself by thinking that as soon as they reached the next stage of development, I wouldn't have to worry so much about them.
As in, "As soon as I don't have to worry about SIDS, I can relax."
"As soon as she's sleeping through the night I won't worry so much."
"As soon as he's no longer in diapers, I can stop worrying."
But every new stage in their lives brought me both great enjoyment and more worries.
And eventually they started going places and doing things on their own. You know, growing up. Now that's not what I signed up for. I signed up for babies.
::sigh::
Matt met a friend in one of his early classes at college. They occasionally have time to hang out (both of them are busy, and his friend has moved to another town to attend a larger college), so not often.
Saturday night, they went out with a group of guys to play pool and see a movie. I told Matt I don't care what time he comes in (a lie, as what I really want is for him to rewind to a younger version, let's say, hmm, about 14?) but that if he was going to be later than one to give me a quick call so I wouldn't worry. (Another lie, because the moment he leaves the house, I worry. Every time. I worry about Lyssa, too. Every time she goes anywhere. It just about kills me to let her go away for any length of time.) So he called me about 12:45 and said he'd definitely be later than one. I thanked him for calling and actually managed to go back to sleep. He wandered in around 3.
Now I know he's not going to drink and drive. He turned 21 in June and has yet to even take a drink of alcohol. Just not interested, he says. We have a history of alcoholism on both sides of the family, and I've done my best to teach both kids as they grew up to watch for signs of addiction and to be careful. I don't want to see such a horrible thing happen to my kids.
And he knows that if he ever drinks that he can call us for a ride and we won't be angry at him. He's of legal age, after all.
(geez, I'm wandering all over the place this morning... this is what I get when I don't write my post the day before and get all the editing done at my leisure.)
ANYWAY. I know he isn't going to drink and drive. But I don't have any control over what the other people on the road may do. I don't have any control over who he may encounter while he's out.
And I worry.
The bad part is, my mom tells me that she still worries about me and my brothers. We are 48, 45, and 40.
I don't think I'm going to be able to stop worrying any time soon.
Yes, yes, yes, to everything you said. We have a similar family history and the older kids know of my battles with addiction. When our son started driving, I wished I was teaching him how to walk again. Nothing about them getting older gets easier. I think that's just one of life's great myths.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I'm glad that your son isn't interested in alcohol. I wonder if our kids will be curious since we've tried so hard to keep them from it.....*sigh*...
Hugs!!
Yes, my mom says the same thing. And it is scary that you can't control the other people out there.
ReplyDeleteI have decided my boys will not age beyond 13....
ReplyDeleteI think some people worry more than others. I know what you mean about worrying about different things when they are older. The other night the kids phoned to ask if they could stay out to 2 or 3 instead of 1. I gave them permission and they got home at 10 am. I didn't know they weren't home because the oldest was going to take the van to the neighbours and sleep there as she is house sitting. They didn't feel it was safe to drive when they were done playing the games at the other person's house so a bunch of them stayed over night and then they had to drive their friends home, a half hour from our place. I was more annoyed they were so tired for our family activities and have informed them they won't be going out Easter weekend.
ReplyDeleteYou mean they stayed out all night and didn't call?
ReplyDeleteI would have been beside myself.
I wish I didn't worry quite so much. It's hard.
I know it is hard not to worry. I've had to take the stand that worrying isn't going to change the outcome of anything. If something happens, something happens. Worrying isn't going to stop anything from happening...except sleep :-)
ReplyDeleteI wish I could just go, 'ah, worrying won't help'. I mean, I can do that. I just can't do the next step... actual stoppage of worrying.
ReplyDelete::sigh:::
You know, I am not a parent, but I am a child. (Well, a teenager anyway) and I can see your view. Parents job is to worry, and from what I hear, it never ends. My mom tells me she worries if I walk outside to get the mail, walk round the block in the mornings, meet a friend at a cafe for the afternoon. If she did what she really wanted, she'd text and call me the entire time I was out, just to make sure I was okay.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think worrying comes along with the parent contract. Problem is....there is no rule book that explains these things BEFORE the twinkle in your eye becomes that baby!