Letter to a parent

I sent an email to Benji's parents Friday night. 
It's just been one aggravating thing after another for about a month. 

I have done all the things, we've had sooo many conversations about giving his big brother his space.

Benji doesn't have the ability to shut off the physical aggression.  He's not being 'bad' he's just an impulsive little boy who enjoys bothering his brother. 

It's become routine for his parent to check in with me before their first interaction with him and let his behavior set the tone for their greeting each evening. 

Trepidation is all over his little face as he watches from across the room where he's collecting his backpack. I don't like seeing that wariness.

His dad (usually Dad picks up, occasionally Mom, I know he works closer and has a little more flexibility in his schedule) is a nice guy. He speaks to Benji calmly and is never mean during the interaction. But Benji doesn't like it when his dad is disappointed in his behaviors, and it's very obvious.

It's been bothering me quite a bit. 
On my mind as I fall asleep. 
While I'm doing this and that around the house. 

I know part of the reason it's such a big deal to me. Matt attended public school for two years. The second year he indulged in a LOT of normal childish behaviors and was sternly squelched both by his teacher and by us. 
We were disappointed in him for behaving like a child and we let him know. 
Daily. 
It was 1994 and it's now 32 years later and I still feel guilty about it.

I don't want to be part of that dynamic. I want Benji to rejoice wholeheartedly when he sees his parents. I want them to be able to focus on greeting and hugging and whatever excitement is planned for the evening or weekend. 

Telling them he climbed on his brother's head or told me no when I asked him to help clean up his own messes isn't more important than that bond between parents and child.

He's five years old. He needs me to understand that he's a little kid and can't control himself all the time.  

So I sent an email this evening. 

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Dear Parents,

At the beginning of the school year until fairly recently, I watched Benji get really excited to see his Dad or Mom at pickup time. Because he's been having some trouble with rules and he knows I'm going to be talking to his parent(s), he doesn't greet his parent with the same feeling he had.

I don't want our impending conversations to be a factor in the relationship you have with your little guy, I want him to look forward to reconnecting with you at the end of the day without apprehension. That open joy is so important.

Toward that goal, I was wondering how you'd feel about me just saying, "Hey, I'm going to email you!" if there are the regular issues instead. 

Those behaviors are those of a small human around the age of five. They're not over the top or indicative of anything other than being a child with an older sibling he looks up to and is familiar enough with to bug.

I don't want him to be apprehensive when he sees a parent.
I mean, I'd like it if he stopped smacking/climbing on/harassing his brother, but having grown up with a couple brothers of my own, I can definitely relate to his impulse-driven behaviors. He's a great kid (they both are) and I am so happy to have them both in the program. 

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There was a bit more, told them to get back to me at their convenience but no rush and was able to get it sent before my shift ended. I have to say that doing so made me feel better immediately. I hope the change in our communication will make him feel better, too. He's such a great kid.

I consider it a privilege to be where I am. 
I don't want to be someone that comes between parents and their children.