Dear AT&T,

Fuck off.
Then, keep fucking off.

Keep fucking off until you get to a gate with a sign that says you can't fuck off past here.
Climb over the gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever.

I am SO TIRED of being huckstered by AT&T.
They've been accosting every single customer as they enter the grocery store for months. 

Oh, you can keep walking, but they follow you. 
They lead off with the same script, even though it's never the same young go-getter enthusiastically trying to sell phone service to us.

"Hi, how are you today?"
They don't wait for an answer, they move right on to, "Just so you know, we," and that's when Eric says, "We're not interested." 

We keep walking. Most of the time, that works, but some of those people are more eager than others and follow for a few steps.

It doesn't matter if we're deep in conversation as we walk in. It doesn't matter that we make a left turn to try to avoid them. Nope. They have to annoy me when all I want is to get my damn groceries and get the hell out of there.

Idiots.

We even joked about it last week... "Well, at least they don't come to our door."

Now, let's talk about what happened half an hour ago.

Oh holy cow I'm still fuming. 

First of all, my right ankle is doing the fun little 'I think I'm just going to lock up and cause you pain all day because you have SO MUCH to do!!' thing that it does now and then. 

Relevant to this...
I have a no soliciting sign that covers everything. 
I think.

This is the sign. It seems straightforward. It is, right???

So I'm sitting in my office space, staying off the ankle and finally eating something because I got hungry enough that I drove my office chair through the house for lunch when I hear someone knocking on the door. 

I thought maybe my husband came home early, so I got up, limped through the house, swearing under my breath and opened the door about six inches. We have a big security screen that stays closed and locked and can't be seen through from the outside. 

And standing on my front porch is some pipsqueak in an AT&T polo shirt, black pants and a baseball cap that did not help the look at all.

I said, "What."

"Um, hi ma'am. We're just in the neighborhood upgrading cell towers and cable. Do you have Verizon or Xfinity?"

"What I have is a NO SOLICITING sign. See it? It's right there, in front of your face. It means you shouldn't be knocking on my door."

"I can see you're busy, Ma'am, this won't take long."

"You got that right. Thanks for stopping by."

Slam.

I wanted to open the security door, reach out and grab him by the arm and throw him off the porch.

But alas. My ankle hurts.

Maybe next time.

He probably thinks I was rude.
But WHO WAS THE ONE KNOCKING ON MY DOOR AND DISTURBING MY PEACE???????

So, AT&T. Even if you offer me free phone service, I don't want it.