ADHD and me

 

It's never boring to listen to kid conversations.

Bailey has a tendency to monologue. She talks and talks, leaping from topic to topic, most of them appearing to be unconnected to anything. I do the same thing.

She gets started and talks over others and is almost impossible to redirect when she has something going on in her head. If we need to have a whole group discussion, she's the one who's whispering to her friends, bouncing up and down, fidgeting and unable to focus. I have to sit next to her and touch her arm or shoulder to keep her (sort of) quiet.

She tries. I can see how hard it is. She simply isn't wired like most kids. Her family is doing all the things I would do if she were my child, she's being cared for and cared about. But she just can't help what she's doing. LOL... or not doing.

I see myself in her. I was born in 1960. Girls who had ADHD weren't ever diagnosed with anything other than being 'willful' or 'stubborn'.
But I was so much like this kid.
I didn't figure out my own ADHD until late adulthood. I had no clue.

So I can't be mad at her when she doesn't listen and doesn't stop one of her little art projects to help clean up, or at least not without 10 prompts and eventual hovering. To get her to take responsibility for her own mess, I have to stand next to her and constantly redirect her back to what she needs to do.

I don't get angry. Kid issues aren't anything to take personally. She can't help being talkative and fidgety and frustrating. It's just how she is. But we have a rule about cleaning up after ourselves. It's not fair for someone else to have to clean up your mess. I help clean. So does my assistant. It's something we all contribute to.

Bailey just has a hard time with focus.

Like I said, I understand.

I continue to learn about how to live with my own ADHD. 

I redirect myself on the way from point A to point B all day long. When I'm getting ready for work and head for the kitchen to put something in my backpack and instead I end up in the bathroom brushing my hair and then back in the momcave putting on my shoes and then in the laundry room dropping off my dirty socks and then back in the bathroom to pee before I get on the road and then grabbing a jacket from the entryway.... I forget to put the item in my backpack. I might not even think of it again for a couple of days. Or, I will wake up at 3 AM to pee and go, "SHIT! I forgot to put ____ in my backpack!"

It's interesting to look back and see all the signs that were there.
The lack of focus that still plagues me, the ease with which I am distracted.

I procrastinate with everything. If I am supposed to leave for work at 12:30 I don't actually start getting ready until I'm going to end up being late if I don't hurry up. I do this all. The. Time. With everything.

Reminds me. I need to pile up my paperwork and drop it at the tax place. Every year I promise myself that the stuff will go in a box or envelope as it comes in and will be easy to just drop off and every year the mail piles up and I have to file an extension and then I still can't seem to get the tax papers to our tax place. Gaaaah.

I've done a little reading about ADHD, procrastination, ptsd and stress reactions. It's all intermingled. I'm not a neurotypical person and with the trauma I'm still processing, I have a lot of other issues.

I've mostly managed to get through whatever stuff I've had in my head and do life anyway, but it's interesting to me to look back and realize how many of the things I did and the way I am is because my brain doesn't work the way it should.

Another interesting thing is that I can both laser focus and/or not manage to complete a task.

I have a lot in common with the guy in this video.
It's 14 minutes long. But they're entertaining minutes and told me a lot about myself.
It is worth a watch. If you watch it, or even part of it, let me know what you thought. And if you see yourself in it.