Stirring things up...

I've been against the whole reward kids with stickers/stars/numbers thing for ages.

Even before I could articulate exactly why I felt it was wrong I hated it.

But now I've been in the kid care business for enough years to have a deeper understanding and be able to say why I feel it's wrong to treat our young humans that way.

I wrote this post about Mark nearly 13 years ago.
My feelings have only gotten stronger since.

Why are we so mean to kids?

My new employer, even though there are tons of things they're doing right, advocates a system of rewards like stars or stickers or little trinkets to (and I am quoting this from a recent meeting) 'Obtain compliance'.

They referred to it as positive, too.

Dear god.

I considered saying nothing. Since saying something about those methods of 'caring' for kids in the past has gone exactly nowhere.

Then I decided that even if people think I'm crazy, I will at least try to stand up for kids. If I get even one person to see how damaging treating kids like dogs (Sit boy! Speak! Good boy!!) really is, then at least I haven't wasted my entire damn life.

So when our inclusion specialist, who is in charge of all that kind of stuff emailed me today to find out how things are going, I answered her.

Thanks for checking in with me. I am gradually learning the things I need to know to run the program at New School, and enjoying the great kids who attend there. The parents have been welcoming, too.

A huge amount of information has been tossed at me in a short time. If I hadn't been doing this job a really long time, I think I'd be more overwhelmed, but I'm sure that being able to utilize the information I've been given in context rather than on a computer screen will help a great deal. Learning the names of 38 kids has helped over the last couple weeks. I know support is available, and I often think I will just figure things out rather than asking for assistance... fallout from working for more than one place that really didn't offer much in the way of a support network.

I actually do have a question/issue.
It's not pressing, doesn't involve specific children, more a concern about the whole 'reward/compliance' system that is accepted practice at New Employer.

With the peer reviewed research (if one cares about peer reviews... I don't, except lofty degrees and those who flaunt them are often respected more than they deserve) regarding extrinsic/intrinsic motivation and the long-term ineffectiveness of charts and praise, I am surprised that this is something we advocate as an organization.

We're trying to control children rather than equipping them with the tools to learn self control.
The latter takes longer and considerably more effort, but long term is of more benefit to kids.

The number of stars/stickers/dots a child has 'earned' through compliance often becomes the basis for the first interaction with their parent/guardian after a long day of being separated. 

"What's my score?" or "How many stars did he get this afternoon?" rather than, "I missed you and I'm so happy to reconnect with you!"

Little person thinks Mom will love them more if they get more stars, Mom thinks it's healthy to encourage earning stars and trinkets and we go round and round.

Parent is more effusive with praise and hugs when the child is 'good' rather than that healthy connection of the heart and acceptance of each other exactly as they are, rather than how a childcare provider perceives them.

In addition, what's "good" is subjective in so many instances.
I can toss personally observed anecdotes out all day, but not today.  

But one example, adult caregivers who are tired of a child's antics so they deliberately don't see the desired behaviors but make a point of noticing when the child steps out of line. "No stars for YOU, Kid!" 

It's definitely something I won't do to children.
I'd love to see this commonly accepted practice reevaluated as it's something that's potentially emotionally harmful to children.

Huh. Guess my thoughts about this are more in order than I'd realized.

I highly recommend  Punished by Rewards (Alfie Kohn) as a starting point for anyone who'd like to learn more about the topic.
And while not peer-reviewed or scholarly, there are some TED talks regarding this issue and the fallout issues surrounding it.

Sometimes that's helpful for people who don't want to wade through academic jargon or a long book, especially because the carrot and stick approach is something people have done without ever really thinking about why they do it and what they're really teaching kids.

Alfie Kohn has a website, too. When I emailed him regarding the fact that people like me don't necessarily have the knowledge base to wade through a lot of educratic words and phrases, he suggested I share some of the articles from his website, which were deliberately written for people like me.

Thanks for checking in.

What do you think I'm gonna get as a response?

Should be interesting.
Perhaps I'll invest in a new saddle, since I know I'm tilting at windmills again.

But I'm finally old enough to say what I think and deal with whatever consequences are tossed at me. And I won't stand by and watch kids be condescended to.