Awkward Conversations

Now and then I have to deal with bathroom issues.

Kids who get so busy playing that they wet their pants, kids who wait until the last possible second and then, when we're out on the playground suddenly run over screaming, "I have to pee right now!!"

This is not a good idea for them, because we have to get into the building for that to happen. So first I blow the whistle to let kids know it's time to gather at the gate to go indoors. After they all line up and I've once again counted them, we head for the building. But there isn't a restroom at the playground end of things, so we have to walk all the way down the block to the other entrance. There is no electronic badge window at most doors anyway, old building.

And just to be perfectly clear here, as this is not my first rodeo, I announce at least four times before we go outdoors that, "If you need to use the restroom before we go outside, this would be a great time to do it."

They hear me, but they're busy playing. It's usually the third announcement that gets them headed toward the bathroom and there's almost always one kid who's actually in line to go out who suddenly needs to pee even though they've had 20 minutes to decide to do that. And we all stand by the exit door and wait. And wait.

But at least once a week there's a sudden urge to pee while we are outside and we have to go in.
So sometimes we manage to make it back before whichever kid has to go actually goes... sometimes there are wet pants involved.

If it's a child who has frequent incidents, she (it's almost always a girl, not sure why) may have some extra clothing in her backpack. If she does not, a parent has to be called to come pick the child up.

The other kids are pretty laid back about it, no one makes fun or says anything derogatory. Most of them can remember having the same issue at least once in life, I think.

Another bathroom issue that was going on until about two weeks ago (it only went on for about a week)  was that some of my boys were, well, pissing everywhere in the bathroom. On the seat, on the wall above the drain, around the drain itself.

Not fun for anyone who had to go in after they were there.

So I hoped the issue was a mistake or a thing that wasn't going to keep happening, but after the third day in a row that I went in after all the kids went home and found the room reeking of urine and saw piss everywhere and had to clean the seat before I could use it, we had a group conference.

I did not separate the boys from the girls for our conversation.

I sat down with them and said, "Have you ever heard the words awkward conversation?"

I ascertained quickly that they did not. So I said, "An awkward conversation is one that makes some or all of the people in the conversation feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. And we need to have a talk like that now. "

The kids looked at each other. Shifted a little. Looked at me. About half of them looked guilty, which is something I really don't like, but institutional schooling.... well.

I started out by saying that no one is in trouble, but that we have an issue in our bathroom.

"You know we all have to use the same bathroom, right?" Nods and affirmative noises.

"And I don't get to go until you all go home. And for a week now, I have gone into a bathroom that has pee all over the floor in the evening. Now I know this isn't happening during school because I check the bathroom every day just before the bell rings to send everyone home. So what this means is that one of you is peeing on the seat and on the floor in our bathroom instead of where you should be."

There were more glances at each other, then one of the older girls snickered and elbowed the oldest boy I have. Marco is in 4th grade and although I hate to admit it, he's actually a kid I don't like very much. Long story, but mostly he's just arrogant and not very nice to the other kids. He's not terribly respectful to me, either, although it hasn't become a big issue. I have a feeling it might. Hoping it doesn't. I don't feel good about not liking him very much, but Eric pointed out to me that there are lots of humans I don't like much, and that I don't have to like all the kids as long as I treat them with the same care as I treat all of them.

So I asked, "Andrea and Marco, do you find this situation funny? Because I don't see it that way."

Then I addressed the group in general again.

"So you guys, would you want your mom to sit in that? Or to walk on the floor when there's pee all over it? I don't want to see this anymore. It's gross and awful and we are better than that. I want you to make sure that you lift the lid just like you do at home, please flush when you're done and don't make a mess in the bathroom that someone else has to clean up or step in."

A couple of the boys had  been looking down the whole time I was talking to the group. I can't say for sure that it was one of them, but those are the two most likely candidates, they'd been the ones who used the bathroom not too long before the end of the day and then no one else had gone in, leaving me to suspect that it was one of those two.

And since we had that awkward conversation, the bathroom has been clean. Well, as clean as a bathroom that's used by a lot of people all day every day.

I really don't need to know which kids it was as long as it continues to be okay

I'd prefer to avoid having any more conversations about the issue.