Lost my shit.

In June of 2020, I was contacted by the then-principal of the school where I worked.

I was asked to remove all my program supplies from our space in the school.

His email said that *everyone* in the building, from counselor to SPED to custodial staff were being asked to remove anything that did not belong to the school district.

It wasn't like I was going to be able to refuse, ya know?
So I went to Lowe's and bought a bunch of boxes so I could go and get things out of there before a manager person went in and removed the rest.

I wasn't paid for the four hours or so I spent at the school, as I was not on the company payroll at the time.

I was told to get only my personal items... but the 12 packing boxes I brought weren't enough to get everything.

There were so many things there that belonged to me personally.
Two big bins half full of LEGO, one with Bionicles. Blocks and craft things and dollhouses and furnishings and specific punches and sport equipment.

Origami books and papers. All three of the first Perplexus designs.

Mazes you hold in your hand, they have little holes drilled in them, the object is to move the little ball along the path without the ball dropping into any of the holes.

I had yarn and string (no, they're not the same) and pony beads and paper edger scissors.

A bin with about 400 red plastic cups.

Marble runs.

Bunchems. Although when I looked for an image of them online, I learned that people are kind of dumb and kids are even more dumb (sometimes) and there were a TON of photos of the stupid things caught in children's hair.

I have used them for five years in various groups and never had an issue.

They look soft and squishy, but they're spiky plastic. They stick like velcro. The kids love to play with them, although they're not an activity that keeps their attention for more than a half hour or so.

So obviously almost everything that was in a bin came home with me, too. But I was assured that anything that was labeled with my name would be put in one place and that it would all be fine.

You already know that wasn't true. And I should have known, but I wanted to trust them. I also don't live in the world's largest house. Storing all that stuff for any length of time was problematic. I didn't know what was going to happen job-wise, I had no idea where I'd be working when schools opened again. I had a feeling that this shitty school district would pull the exact crap they pulled and I'd end up kicked out, too. I fucking KNEW it.

So my losses were large on several levels.

A whole huge bin of sporting equipment. Some of it belonged to my employer, but the bicycle pump and 5 amazing basketballs, regulation sized but lightweight, frisbee ring things and jump ropes. When I try to start typing out the list of all the stuff that's just gone, I get pissed off and emotional at the same time.

Emotional over the loss of my place at the local school.

Pissed off that my stuff is just gone.

Yeah, I have quite a bit of it here at home. And some of it has made it to my new locale, too. But until I have the place cleaned up I can't bring in the things that make my programs amazing, and until I have taught the kids there that they have to treat things with respect that won't happen anyway.

But there are still tons of things that will take time to replace. I have asked my employer to order several things, but I know I'm going to end up spending my own money again and I resent the shit out of that, too.

I'm emotionally drained right now, I'm tired physically from lack of sleep. I wake up at least three times every night with one aggravation or another upsetting me. I also wake up to pee. Often.

I had a hell of a few weeks. Finding out where I'd be running program. Trying to learn the new route, getting ready for Lyssa and Mason's reception, Bob's visit. I am emotionally wrecked over a bunch of stupid toys and items... but goddamn it, those things were *supposed* to be placed where they'd be saved for me. And it didn't happen.

 As I write this, we have just returned home from the airport where we dropped Bob off for his flight. It's 10 PM. We are up at 5.

Join with me now as I sing my current favorite, I'm An Angsty-Doodle Dandy.