I know. I can't save the world.

So our little Terra has been quite the handful lately.
Not that she isn't always a handful, but more than usual.

I talked with her teacher this morning and we agreed that she seems to have regressed a great deal in the past few weeks. Obviously we can't know what's going on at home, but sometimes when there's a large behavioral change in a child, things happening at home can be part of the reason.

The appropriate people in the school are paying attention to what's going on with her, of course, but I can't talk about what they're doing to help the situation.

I'm not sure what's going on with her cognitively, she seems to have a disconnect between her brain and everything else in the universe. She doesn't seem to hear me when I ask her to stop climbing the furniture. (feet on the floor please, Terra...) or to stop running (we walk in this room, Terra) or to leave things that don't belong to her alone (if it's not yours, don't touch it) or to stop rolling the chair and riding it like a skateboard (the rolling chairs belong at the table, Terra, if you can't sit in one safely then please choose one of the chairs without wheels) or any number of other things that should not be happening.

The kids aren't supposed to open the whiteboard sliding doors. I got my fingers caught between them the first week in our new building and I still have a spot under the skin of the index finger on my right hand that HURTS when I touch it or bump into something just right.

I'm guessing maybe I chipped the bone? I don't know, but it's been a year and a half and it still hurts and I don't want little people getting their fingers caught in those damn doors.

She's decided to just go over and open them at random times. I don't know why.
There isn't anything in those cupboards that the kids are supposed to get out, it's mainly snacks and teacher supply. Lots of things like card stock, watercolor paper, stamp pads, craft materials, glue, decoupage. Things the kids can use with permission, but I'm the one who's supposed to get those things for them.

I have to physically remove her from hazards. I do it gently, of course, but I do have to grab her (often just before the damn chair tips over or something falls on her head from a table or just before she ruins someone else's artwork) Again.

I encircle her with an arm saying something as I do, "Terra, Esme doesn't need help with her art. Let's go find something else to do." 
It's usually more of a little hug than anything else, I  am so, so careful about it.

Speaking of hugs, she comes to me at least three or four times in an afternoon for a hug. She puts her little head against my chest, arms around my neck and just stops moving for a moment.

It reminds me of my own kids at about age 2. They'd explore and run around happily, then suddenly realize they were NOWHERE near Mom... and come visit me.
Either climb up on my lap for snuggles or stand in front of me and enjoy being close in a hug. A quiet moment, touching base with your anchor.

It's toddler behavior, and I truly believe that she didn't have that as a little one so she needs it now. I am not supposed to be hugging kids, but I won't reject the affection of a child. I'm always in full view of the windows into the hallway as well as a room full of kids. I say, "Thank you for the hug!" so everyone can hear.

She doesn't want to stay near me all the time, though.
She runs away from us outside when it's time to come in. I finally have figured out (and should  have a long time ago) to go get her first.

After I have her with me, I blow the whistle and to give her something to do, have her yell at everyone that it's time to come in. On the way in or out, I have to hold her hand because she runs away and does not listen when I ask her to stop and come back to us. 

If I call her name she completely ignores it, she seems unable to stop whatever stupid/unsafe/willful thing she's doing. When I say that I don't think she hears me, I really don't think she does. I think she's heard 'Terra Terra Terra Terra' so many times in a day that her little brain dismisses it.

There are instances of her becoming angry over it, though.
"Don't say my name anymore!!!"

I always try to take a few minutes to talk to her, to explain that if she doesn't want me to talk to her about what she's doing, then she needs to think about her actions.

She thrives on negative attention.
I wonder if she is like that because she's not getting the attention she needs at home.

She isn't the center of anyone's universe, unfortunately.
Her dad mostly pays very little attention to her. He sits out in front of our building every evening for a half hour to 45 minutes, talking on the phone.

He fancies himself some sort of mogul, I think. He's become so important that not only does he ignore his daughter when he picks up (at least five if not ten minutes late EVERY DAMN NIGHT) he ignores me, too.

Knocks on the door, which I open to see him talking into his special Borg Implant, signs her out on the clipboard next to the door, strides across the room arrogantly, gets Terra's backpack and coat, and grabbing her by the hand, leaves.

No interaction with her. He doesn't say hello, he doesn't hug her, he doesn't act as though he's happy to see her in any way.
This is at the end of a ten hour day for her.
A long day for anyone.
Terra's a tiny little five year old person.

It's really sad to me that she knows not to talk to him, too.
She isn't his priority at the end of the day.

He's important, don't ya know. Always talking to someone about how much it should cost to tear out a bathroom or, "One guy is $150 an hour. If they'll pay that, then that's what we'll charge and we'll 'need' a second guy."

When we first met, he tried to impress me by telling me how big the contracts he'd sold the week before were worth. He did it in an offhand way, like he was making sure to tell me but pretending that it was all just so regular and routine so I wouldn't think money was terribly important but that he was.

I know people don't get that way unless someone has made them feel less than... repeatedly, over the course of many years. He's small in stature and not terribly handsome, or at least I don't find him so. He's the kid in glasses that other boys picked on in school. None of those things matter in my interactions with him, but they've all combined to make him who he is.

A really young, distracted guy who has more time for almost everything in the world than his little girl.

She always has adorable clothes.
All the latest toys. I often have to make her put them back into her backpack, we don't allow toys from home in program.
She lacks nothing in material possessions.
But there are no hugs, at least from what I've seen. No hugs on parting, no hugs when she is reunited with her dad or stepmom at the end of the day.

And I learned this week that her dad and stepmom are having a baby.
I'm pretty sure that's not going to make her life easier.

::sigh:::


I worry about the little critter. I want to fix/help.
All I can do is what I'm doing now, though.