Where the golf ball rolls around and around then goes into the cup?
I heard that sound Tuesday when I got an email from my manager person.
I rolled my eyes so hard I thought they were going to fall out.
Let me backtrack a little before I get to the why.
I met with the school's counselor that morning. I told her about the idea of giving Louis a special toy or two and his own little space for when he feels overwhelmed.
I explained what the manager's email had said.
She looked incredulous.
"Really?"
I said that I had responded and said that it seems counter-productive for him to get toys and his own space when he was having issues.
"Not only is it unfair," she said, "But I don't want him having something different during your program than what's available to him during school. The function of a cool down area is to give the child a sort of toolbox to assist them in learning to solve their own problems. I don't think it would be terribly helpful to the school for you to give him toys when he has a meltdown."
Then she told me that the school would appreciate it if I am offering the same sort of reset area to Louis (and any other kids who need it) as what's being offered during the school day. Logical, of course.
I met with her before I got home and read this second response from my manager person.
"For
the time being we are going to go ahead and find a spot in the room for
him to be a reset space. I completely understand your concerns, and I
didn’t mean to
imply it had to be magnets. Just something that is interesting enough
for him to refocus his energy. It could be fidgets or whatever else you
think would work (books etc.)"
She also told me that she would encourage me not to think of it as a prize or privilege.
Don't you love the 'we' thing?
"We" aren't doing a damn thing. I'm alone in the
trenches. I don't have anyone helping me at my site and none of the manager types
know what I'm up against. I can write it up, I can tell them everything
that's happening, but they have NO clue.
There is no 'we'.
It's all me.
And I don't think of it as a prize or privilege (I've been doing this awhile and I understand the underlying principles) but if I were to stock his little corner with special toys you can sure as hell bet that the other kids would see it that way.
I could take the time to explain what I meant to the manager person but it's not really necessary. And she wouldn't get it anyway. We're just not on the same page. Can't be since we're reading different books, I guess.
::sigh::
So I emailed Robin and told her that the school has asked that I (I did NOT say 'we') utilize their methods when dealing with Louis and this situation. I let her know that the school's counselor had provided me with a complete set of laminated items to place in the area.
I then emailed our supply person and requested a tri fold board in either blue or green to mark the little area.
We'll see if I get it.
My manager is a very nice person. She doesn't have the years of experience with children or running programs that I have, but that doesn't make her stupid or useless. She's smart and she tries to support me without getting in my way.
I'm guessing that it won't matter what we do for Louis anyway, he will not be able to function in a predictable or steady way and will end up being documented out of the program.
That makes me sad, by the way. I want to be the perfect place for all the kids, but I know that's not possible.
We're just not on the same page. Can't be since we're reading different books, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to steal that.
Feel free. Then, the next time I consider being mostly useless, I'll remember that I inspired you!! :-D
DeleteUmm, Yeah, I agree with you and the counselor, you may not view it as a prize or special treatment but the others children certainly will. Trust your gut and experience and set the child up for success. Even if he is not able to stay in your program it gives him a better chance that the alternative
ReplyDeleteThe easiest thing to do is to document every single thing he does and work to get him OUT of my group. And that's tempting, because it's hard to have him there. But he's just a little boy. He's only six. I have to try to do what I can to show some compassion. So I am documenting the big stuff and hoping that I can make a difference in his life.
DeleteCan't help but think that even Louis may think of that treatment as a prize. Kind of like the way some prisoners act up bad enough so they get sent to solitary. Not that your program is a prison or anything, it's just a metaphor!
ReplyDeleteWhat about a discreet video to capture some of Louis' antics as additional documentation? If it were in the name of 'security' would there be a big fuss about privacy, etc? Especially if the video were only shared within your administration.
Suppose a site visit is out of the question?
Sorry - engineer brain trying to fix things.
Louis would most definitely think of it as a prize if I were to stock it with toys. Even if they weren't something special...just the idea that it's a space for him would do that. So I'm presenting it as a space for whoever needs it. I work to avoid singling kids out whenever possible, this is no different.
DeleteThere's no disbelief from management regarding his behavior, but recording it might be difficult. If I have an opportunity I could try, though. Hadn't considered it.
Site visits. Hm. Considering that I've been working for this company for more than a year and still have not had a manager even visit... well, draw your own conclusion here.
I have to admit that I'd rather have the hands off approach from management rather than the micromanaging bitch brigade I was stuck with at my last job, but it's sort of aggravating to do good work and have no one notice.
The folks at your company and the school are also trying to avoid possible litigation/due process from the parents if they remove the lad without trying everything possible and documenting every step of the way. But in this case, obviously the needs of the many to be safe from flying chairs, etc. outweigh the needs of a single child to be in the program. Unless the parents want to fund a 1:1 aide or work with the local park district to provide one (here the local Special Rec. arm of the Park District can provide trained aides - usually the parent has to pay part of the cost).
ReplyDeleteJust want to add - we were those parents (in the eyes of the local school district) when we had to go to due process eons ago for appropriate services for our son with autism. later, his fraternal twin was not the only boy to leave a Scout Troop when the adults there decided it was more important to keep a disturbed (to put it mildly) boy with the troop for his own benefit than ask him to leave. I think the porn on the forbidden media device he would sneak into tents during camp outs - when the adults stayed in their own tents and did not supervise this boy - was the tipping point. That and the stealing, profanity, etc.
DeleteSo I have been on both sides of the picture.
DeleteI really want Louis to succeed. I am trying to balance everything so that I can keep track of everything he does and where he is in the room and what he's saying to everyone all the time. He's exhausting. They are doing some different things at home and school to try to steer him, but I can't talk about it here. I am hoping that some of the ideas they're putting into place will help. I don't think he will ever be 'fine' but maybe fit in???? :::crossing fingers:::
DeleteOh I feel for you! It has to be so difficult to deal with kids nowadays. I hope it works out for all involved
ReplyDeleteI take it personally. I want Louis to succeed because it will make ME feel good. I know, not as altruistic as one might like... but it's true. If he has an adjustment and can attend my program I will feel very good about that.
Delete