And this is how I'm doing....

I just sent this to my manager person.

It wasn't too long ago that she emailed me a 'thank you' and said that she hasn't bothered me this year because she knows I have things handled, but 'that being said, if you ever need anything....'

And so I did ask for something.
Over and over and over and over.
Did I get it?

You guess.

SDC is Secret Day Care... not going to mention the name of the "organization". Haha... Organization. Hahahaha.
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I have some things that are clearly labeled to be stored for me this fall at the SDC storage. They're oddly shaped. Please take care of them. I will want them returned.

But I packed 44 boxes to be stored at the school after throwing out/recycling etc.

FORTY FOUR.
*I* did that.
Alone.

And although a small percentage of that stuff is my personal property, quite a lot of it is programming stuff that belongs to the SDC.

It wasn't my mess.
All the dust and dirt and heavy boxes and stuff stashed in corners and back rooms and filing cabinets.

Not.
My.
Problem.

That's why I repeatedly asked for help.
Why I repeatedly said 'someone needs to come out and help me'.

I am disgusted by the way things were handled.
Or not handled, I guess.

I told you more than a month ago that I needed boxes.
Had I not procured my own (and my own tape gun and my own tape) to start the process on my own, I would still not be finished today.

The boxes that I repeatedly asked for did not show up until June 16th.

Leaving me exactly one week to sort through the rest of the debris of THIRTY YEARS of stuff. Thirty years of worksheets and binders and piles of string and Christmas trees and garbage cans and crates and cupboards and boxes and bins with dime sized scraps of fun foam.

NOT my mess.

I wasn't just sorting during the last few weeks, of course. I was running a program, keeping the kids busy and happy during those final crazy weeks of school, dealing with a serious illness that had me working with a fever/cough/sore throat every day for a week, and still showing up on time and doing what I do so well.

I really could have used help with some of that.
Any of it.
Really.

Forget the disability and the horrendous physical pain I'm in today because of having to be on my feet for 19 hours over the last three days, walking on tile floors, carrying way more than my legal weight limit.
Over and over and over and over.
I can hardly walk today. I can't move without pain. I don't know how long it will take for me to feel better.

But never mind that...

Why was the responsibility of that mess dumped on me?

I overheard during Twitney's phone conversation with you yesterday that I 'should have taken those pictures'. 

No.
I shouldn't.

I TOLD you I needed help.
Suggesting that I send photos to show you what I'd already told you over and over... "It's a huge job and I need help" is the same thing as saying that I have no idea what I'm talking about.

"Prove it. Show me pictures."

You or someone like you should have known what was there and how large that task was.

It was beyond ridiculous.

Completely unreasonable for one person, even one who doesn't have physical limitations.

Instead of going to Secret School on Thursday or Friday to see the program space and be ready to transition into the camp I was asked to run starting this Monday, I haven't even had time to look at the materials.

I'll be looking at the supplies this weekend, I sure won't be doing much else.
I'm in too much pain.

But I'll have to show up early early to prepare for the next thing that's been handed to me.

You told me that "Unfortunately staff isn't something we have an abundance of right now."

My answer? "I can probably shed some light on why it's hard to retain staff. But that's a conversation for a different frame of mind."

And the, "I'm sorry you feel that way," that I received in return is why I didn't bother texting you back.

But that phrase, designed to negate someone's feelings and avoid acknowledging their validity was one of the little things I was told to say in endless manager meetings/trainings a long time ago.

I never figured out why more people didn't speak up in those sessions and mention that being dismissive/condescending is NOT a good way to build a relationship.

In fact, the last manager I had used that and other trite phrases like punctuation.
Pretty sure she never had an original thought in her life.

So I want to make sure someone understands here.

My program is stored in boxes on shelves in a dusty, asbestos-warning tunnel in the basement of the school.

There is zero portability.
To ask me to run a program in the fall without providing me with the carts I asked for and need is out of the question.

I will need carts for my program in August so I will have time to unpack and stock them. So I can have the things I need ready for the kids and to grow my program, something I thought the SDC wanted me to do when they hired me and something you assured me recently they really do want.

Susan