Well. How's the weather?

I love my mom.
I love my dad, too.

Everyone has faults. I admit to some large ones.

But loyalty to my friends and family isn't negotiable.
I get frustrated with my mom when things like that come up.

For example, by pretending that there was no trouble or issue, "Everything's JUST FINE. FINE I tell you, FINE," she and my dad refused to support my cousin and her partner, now her wife a couple years ago when Denette's oldest nephew graduated from high school.

From May 2015, this: "They visited my cousin Bigot and his wife, Bigette and all the little Biggles up in Washougal. Biggle #1 was graduating from high school and Biggle #2 from 8th grade. There are two other Biggles. The youngest is a boy, aged 12.

They're very controlling, the Bigots. They don't want their children to be exposed to all the scary things out there. Television news, for example. My mom had to have Bigette fix the remote for her, as the parental controls were on. Mom likes to watch the news. I'm sure it won't surprise you to learn she enjoys Fox News most of all.

Anyway, the kids were raised ultra-religious. One of the things Bigot said to his sister, my other cousin, when he informed her that she wasn't allowed to visit anymore was that he 'had to protect his children' from people like her.

I'm not sure what sort of threat a middle aged lesbian presents, but whatever it was, the kids are safe from her. She hasn't been allowed around them for a long time."

There was more to the story. Go to the link and read it if you're so inclined.

My parents pretended there was nothing wrong at all. My dad self-righteously told me that he was 'refusing to take sides'. But of course by not standing up to his nephew and telling him that unconditional love means unconditional, he was taking sides. I can't deny that I was angry about it and disappointed in what I saw as a lack of integrity.

This afternoon, I was having a conversation with my mom on Facebook. She and Dad have some 'friends' that they had invited for Christmas, Chuck and Sherry. Chuck is an overbearing asshole. He's always treated his wife like crap, publicly humiliating her and being extremely bossy. She's not allowed to think for herself or make any decisions on her own.

He's been blatantly rude to my mother in front of my father. And in typical my dad fashion, Dad has said and done nothing to defend my mom. Sort of the same way he stood up for her in front of my grandmother. That's another really LONG story, but basically he liked/loved his mom more than MY mom and the times he was forced to choose (my grandma played manipulative and nasty games all the time, pitting them against each other) Grandma won. And that made the next little game easier for her to win. Until she died.

A partial list of Chucky's issues...
When invited to visit, he tells my parents they must lock up their dog.
"I don't like dogs. Put your dog away."
And my parents put the dog away.

Chuck and Sherry brought a hot dish for dinner.
When it was time to take it out of the oven, my mom handed him her 'Ove Gloves'.

"These are STUPID," he pronounced. "I won't use them. Give me a good oven mitt."

After that, he brought his own widdle hotpads when they came to visit.

I have met him. He's a very condescending person. Being a woman who's seen her share of "superior" men, it's more than obvious what he thinks of us. Because he was presented to me as a friend of my parents, I was polite but distant. I don't have time for that shit.

Despite the fact that no one should even invite such a butthole in for a glass of water doesn't matter, my mom invited them for Christmas this year.
Worse, she is not inviting one of their closest friends.
Why?
Well, it seems that Chuck had an argument with her a few months ago. And he doesn't like her.

Mom is also not inviting another good friend who she knows will be alone and lonely over the holiday, also because Chuck doesn't like her. And there is another couple who won't be invited. Why? I bet you can guess.

I do have some pity, Chuck is terminally ill. But often an elderly person who is ill and taking a lot of medication can have large lapses in judgement and demeanor. Since he was one mean S.O.B. already, being ill hasn't improved his attitude or outlook on life. He needs help. And he refuses to accept that he does. We have talked about him before.

So we had a little conversation about it. I sometimes try not to be mean and bitchy. I'm not successful in my efforts, though.
" Mom: Chuck has gone off the deep end and won't speak to anyone at church besides us; and won't take sherry out for Sunday dinner anymore because of her walker. In fact he was waiting for us to pull out of the handicapped space where we park so he could pull in there to pick Sherry up. He's also decided she can't watch Christian DVD's anymore or listen to her Christian music CD's either. We are the only ones in the entire church that he will speak to at all. We can't invite Dawn for Christmas dinner because he got in an argument with her months ago at the Outpost and royally chewed her out. Sherry told Dawn and me this morning that he will only talk to us in the church and no one else. Weird is what it is!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: it sounds like he's having cognitive issues and needs help. It's not weirdness, he's ill and needs assistance ~~~~~~~~

Mom I don't really want to upset the apple cart to invite Dawn but I hate to see her alone for Christmas dinner. ~~~~~~

Me
It is your home stand up if he doesn't like it, then HE is the one with the problem ~~~~~~~~

Mom He doesn't want any help that is the problem. Sherry is really having a struggle with it. He will let her go to the 2nd Saturday breakfast, the ladies luncheon at church and in January he might let her go to the Tuesday morning Bible Study if she asks long enough, but that is it. He doesn't want her inviting anyone to their home but us, and that seems strange. Dorothy and daughter Katie drop by sometimes but he really doesn't like that either. ~~~~~

Me why would you place the opinion of a sick man over who you invite into YOUR home??? that's really sad I understand that Sherry is your friend but why would you allow him to dictate to you? stand up for god's sake ~~~~~~~~

mom We are doing what is necessary because I don't want conflict and we invited them first. ~~~~~~~~

Me well, it's nothing to me whether you do the right thing or not but wow I think it's appalling and shameful ~~~~~~~~

Mom I haven't asked her (Sherry... so Sherry can ask Chucky if it's okay, I guess) about inviting Pat either but I will and chances are Pat won't come either.

~~ me
It amazes me that you will ask other people who it's okay to invite to your house kissing one person's ass and inconveniencing at least 5 other people there's something profoundly messed up ~~~~~~~

Mom I imagine so, but I'm sort of a stubborn old gal ~~~~~~~~

me no, you're not, you're a doormat and it makes me sad ~~~

Annnnnd... in typical Sally fashion, we shift to the WEATHER!!!!!
Mom: It started spitting snow again awhile ago I'm not sure for how long.


My mom can't deal with eww-icky-that-conflicts-with-my-world-view stuff, she never has been able to.

It's all related to how she was brought up. And it's not really her fault. My grandparents were business owners in a small town. So as the child of the business owners, Mom was to be quiet, polite, make no waves, never, ever stand up for herself and no matter who wanted to abase/humiliate her, she was expected to just put up with it.

But that's what caused her to be unable to stand up for her children, too.
My dad was, well, my dad.

And her lack of support for me helped me make the decision to leave home a couple years early.

The whole not making waves thing is so ingrained that it's dominated her life and governed the way she squares off with the world.

Remember the perverted asshole pastor who yanked my son's underwear up his ass when he was 8 or so?

That same oh-gee-I-can't-make-waves-what-will-everyone-think-of-me attitude caused her to be more concerned with what that asshole thought of her than what might have happened to her grandson. I am not angry at her for it anymore, but sometimes her thought process makes me a little crazy.

So I stopped the conversation. Unfortunately, I was sort of bitchy before I managed to walk away from the keyboard. I don't feel bad for saying what I think, I seem to have escaped that particular issue, but I don't love making my mom feel bad, either.

But sometimes I really want to shake her a little and ask if she has ANY idea about what she's doing.

And I don't understand how she can let one nasty-tempered old fart ruin everyone's Christmas in HER home.

Does anyone have a normal family, though?
Asking for a friend.