Huh. Still hurts.

I had the day off on Friday, which was really nice. I'm enjoying quite a bit about my new job (despite that feeling of being adrift) but no matter how long I do it, getting up at 5 in the morning will never bring me joy. I had intended to sleep in, but ended up having to get up and peeeeeeeeeee at 5 and never got back to sleep. So I stayed up instead of sleeping in until 7, which had been my original intention.

I needed to visit Goodwill, the dollar store, grab a couple grocery items in preparation for 'the storm of the century' and had to mail some stuff at the post office.

Lyssa has been home pretty much 24/7 since she got back from her summer vacation. I invited her to come with me on Friday morning. We got to Goodwill a few minutes after it opened, which is really the best time to go there. Not so crowded and frantic.

As I rounded the coat rack, I saw Sarah and Joel, a brother/sister team from my old school. They were with their mom.

I was so happy to see them. They were some of my favorite kids. Ah, who am I kidding... they're all my favorite kids.

We talked for a few minutes. Apparently the letter I sent did not reach them. I don't know what happened to it, I specifically remember addressing it, reminding myself that when I first had Joel in my program I had transposed a few letters in his last name until I finally learned to spell it.

I know I sent the letter, but I also remember that there were two different addresses on the paperwork and I didn't know which one to use. So whatever, they didn't get my letter.

On the first day of school they were shocked that I wasn't there because they'd had no notice. That was one of the reasons I sent the letter... wanted my families to have a chance to prepare the kids to see a new face in the place or to find a different day care if they wanted to.

She asked me what happened, but I didn't feel that I could really say too much. I didn't want to talk in front of the kids. So I gave her my email address and asked her to email me.

She said that the program is NOTHING like it was. Said it several times, in fact. "It's just not the same at all."

She said the person they hired to work there is nice enough but 'clueless' and that she had personally recommended my program to some friends who signed their kids up. She said that she feels like she needs to keep telling them that, "It's not the same. Not even close."

During the course of our conversation, I kept feeling my eyes fill up and kept using the sleeve of my jacket to wipe the tears away. I was surprised by the depth of my feelings. Once again, angry with that goddamn Fluffy for fucking things up for me.

But it was nice to see the kids, I asked if I could give them both a hug, which they allowed.

I'm glad I was able to say at least a little to their mom. I hope she does email me, I will send her a copy of the letter I sent to parents and fill her in a little bit.

I'm not sure if I regret keeping most of the details to myself, but in the end, the details really only matter to me. I'm gone and the reasons don't matter, they'll either stick with the program or not, as their needs dictate.

I don't expect people to try to find new care for their children in a show of solidarity, having day care right in the school is a good thing for families. I know that when Matt was a little guy in school, I was horrified by the idea of him riding a school bus or being transported from school to a different location. There is a promise of safety when your kid just has to go down to the cafeteria instead of getting in a van or bus and going somewhere else.

I do regret having to leave, though. I don't know if I will ever get past that. Probably not.

I worry every time I go to Goodwill that I'm going to run into that goddamn Fluffy, though. I scan the parking lot for the Bitchmobile and if I don't see it, breathe a sigh of relief. But I know she likes to shop there, and I'm worried that eventually we will run into each other.

Know how you plan ahead for things? I don't have a plan for that.
Probably should, huh?