Just getting my shit together...

Surgery is this coming week.
Of course I didn't get the 8 AM slot.. oh hell no.
So I get to starve all day long.
Because scheduling.
Wahoo.

Talked to my mom last night. I say talked, but what we did was message on Facebook. That way we can both wander away from the conversation to pee or let the dog out or whatever, it's acceptable for there to be a minute or three between sentences.

Apparently she has forgotten our discussion about my surgery. She didn't know what the surgery entails and has been really worrying. So I was glad to set her mind at ease. I promised her that Eric will call her first when I am out of surgery.

It's really a pretty simple procedure. I have a cyst inside the right ankle joint that sometimes just sits in one spot, causing no problem... and sometimes shifts and gets stuck in the joint and then causes the ankle to lock up without warning and be unbearably painful. And that *is* a problem. ::sigh::

Nothing I can do but stand in one place and wait for it to let go. I cannot move. I can't limp on it, I can't hop on one leg... I have to just stand there.

This has happened several times and is getting worse.
Of course.
So for the past month or so I have been taking a cane everywhere I go. When it does lock up on me, I can manage to hobble somewhere I won't be in everyone's way and wait for it to stop.

In early June I had to go to our local Best Buy. I parked directly across the little street that runs in front of the store, was walking across when BAM! my ankle was suddenly so painful that all I could do was freeze in place. In the middle of the road. It seemed like 20 minutes or so, but in reality was probably more like three. No one drove past. I just.. stood there. Looking stupid.

And that's when it hit me. "This has been going on long enough. If there is an emergency situation at work and I'm trying to protect/save kids from a threat and this fucking thing locks up on me, I am going to be useless. I am going to go back to my podiatrist and tell him I changed my mind about the idea of surgery... and get this fuckin' thing taken care of. Bonus? Won't have to work with the C.O.C. over summer. Win/win."

Except for the post-surgical pain. But it's a scope surgery. So yes, it will hurt for a couple days. After that, I imagine it won't be as bad.

I've been working on my mom cave.
Or should I capitalize that?
Mom Cave.
Yes, I like it that better.

I have a big corner desk that I paid ten bucks for. Amy's grandma closed and sold her house last summer. We went to the yard sale and I bought the desk. She made it herself many years ago. It's sturdy and well made and fits perfectly in the corner where I wanted it. Grandma is in assisted living now. She has poor physical health but her mind is sharp. She was having a hard time letting go of things, but it was necessary. So when I'm completely finished with the room, I will take a photo of the desk with everything on it and around it and make sure she gets to see it. She was really happy that the desk was more or less staying in the family. And even though she's not my grandma, having the desk she made is more meaningful to me than just buying one at Goodwill or something. I'm happy to have it. It's oddly shaped and one of a kind, but it is exactly right for me.

Almost all my crafty stuff has migrated to this room. All my colored pencils and coloring books and art supplies. A brand new pencil sharpener that doesn't eat so much of my expensive Prismacolor pencils. My computer. Some books. My stereo. A television, DVD player, the printer. There's a twin bed in here with a mattress that's been slept on about 16 times total. I found a brand new set of sheets at Goodwill the other day for 12 bucks. 600 count cotton in gray. They're beautiful, not that anyone will be looking at them. I even have a sweatshirt, a couple extra blankets and about 14 pillows of varying sizes and shapes.

I plan to recuperate in my Mom Cave, at least during the day. Eric won't be home after the 2nd day, so getting to the bathroom and everything else will be easier than trying to navigate the king sized bed and other stuff in my bedroom. And of course everything I could ever want is in this room.

Well, except for food. But it's not far to the kitchen.

Matt is going to help me hang up the curtains on Monday. I went to Goodwill and spent half my bonus money (remember the family who gave me a hundred dollars at the end of the school year?) and bought a comforter, some sofa pillows that still had the Target tags on them, and curtains to cover the whole lonnnnng window. All for less than 50 bucks.

Right now, though, there are cardboard tri-fold boards in the window. They're black on the side that's facing the room. Can't get much more low rent than that. I should take a photo. :)

Anyway, that's what's going on.

I have done some work on my resume, but I'm still not sure I am ready to take that step. Ready to walk away from what I have built. I have so much conflict.

You know how it is when you can't decide which course of action would be better, right?

Pondering and heading for the shower...