How things are... a 'get my thoughts in order' post.

I'm down to the last week or so before my surgery.
Still have a lot of things to do around the house, and it's not helping that I decided to sit here and write instead of doing those things.

I have not showered yet, it's after noon and here I am. I did do some dishes and started a load of laundry. I got out some supplies because I need to mix up some different dyes, a little more pastel than the batch from earlier in the week.

Actually chilly enough for long sleeves and jeans.
I'm planning to wear one of the shirts I dyed this week. It's soft and comfortable and not too thick. Just about right.

I definitely appreciate the cooler summer weather, as last summer was horrendously hot and ugly and I was stuck working in the Pit of Despair.
At least I was with people I enjoyed working with.
I don't know if I would have done things differently had I known that it was the last summer we'd be spending working together. I like to think that we all did our usual stellar job, enjoyed hanging out with some great kids and gave 110% to make sure the kids had a fun summer. There are three people now who won't be back when school starts. It's a shame, they were all dedicated and full of amazing ideas. And we shared the same priorities. The kids are #1. But maybe I'd have tried to spend a little more time appreciating the stellar qualities of the crew. None of us are highly paid and with the addition of Fluffy and her squad, there isn't a whole lot of respect for us, either.

I've spent a great deal of time thinking about why I am looking for another job.
I have written bits and pieces about it, and I'm glad I have. I think sometimes with the perspective of time away and distance from crappy circumstances, my mind paints a nicer picture than what's real.
Kind of like a figurative Dorian Gray... I have to consider the reality and not the lovely picture of what we used to have.

I can read those things again and know that my instincts and feelings are correct. I'm not being silly or too sensitive.

I wasted time meeting with Fluffy TWICE, thinking that she was a rational being. What a fucking joke.

It makes me disgusted and sad and angry that we ended up with such a shitty person as a manager and that our regional manager is so completely fooled by her. I had thought he was astute and intelligent. I was fooled by his 'we do what's best for children' mantra. I'm embarrassed that I thought he was better than that.

I've mentioned before that she has done this exact thing in at least two other places she's worked. Come in, hang out awhile and get an idea of how things work, then trash all of it and try to make it look the way she wants it to. I understand the differences in ways people manage, but I don't understand her assumption that if it's not her way, it's wrong. And needs to be fixed.

Of course I can't tell management that Fluffy has the same M.O. everywhere she goes, as Fluffy's former employers have breached confidentiality by sharing what they know about her.

The last place she worked, she was literally hours away from being fired. All the paperwork had been done and the person who was to give her the news was mentally prepared to go in and hand her the paperwork.

She knew it was coming. So she got all her stuff taken out of her location and turned in her keys etc. before midnight. And she took Twatwaffle and Snippy with her. (Haven't talked too much about Snippy. I don't like her, she's horrible to the children in her care... although much nicer to them than Twatwaffle is to her charges.)

One of the things I saw when I visited summer camp was Twatwaffle's stash of goodies on the stage. Candy bars, diet Dr. Pepper. She has those things in front of the kids every day. Several times during Winter and Spring breaks, kids commented on it and she very arrogantly told them that she is an adult and 'can eat and drink whatever she wants and that's just too bad, isn't it?'

Insensitive at best.
Having treats in front of children and lording it over them shows what a shitty person Twatwaffle is in a way that words cannot.

Isn't it lovely that Fluffy brought her bevy of bitches with her?

I don't get a lot of comfort from the fact that after she's ruined one place, she moves on. Because currently she's still in fuck things up mode and hasn't moved on. Of course things will never be the same when she finally does go. She's really wrecked a lot. And she isn't finished. I already know that she wants us to have little classrooms at our sites. To make the children sit down and do school after school every day.

I won't comply. If I haven't found a suitable job before school starts, then I'll refuse to turn my little haven for children into still more 'education'. What she wants isn't "best for children" at all. She craves notice from people who think like she does. She preens and puffs up under their regard. She's a REAL EDUCATOR!!

You don't have to spend a lot of time here to know what I think of that.

It makes me sad, I have devoted 12 years to this job and seven to the same school.

I know I can enjoy hanging out with kids at any location, and undoubtedly can find someone who will appreciate my talents with kids. I know that life isn't fair. Shit happens. All the platitudes.

And I can just stay where I am. I will still have health benefits, I will have the respect of the school where I work, the families who have been with me for years and years, one child after another, the principal who can't say enough good things about me and my program and who has entrusted his child to my care... all that can still be mine.

Balance that with my knowledge that new hires into my position are being paid more. Were given bonuses at the end of the school year for staying at their job for a few months. That Fluffy is a mentally ill narcissist who, while not being completely unpredictable, is a complete stranger to logic and only knows how to do what's best for her.

She has no respect for any of the people who built these programs. She has no regard for the staff unless they're her hand-picked bunch. Hence the extra hours and higher pay and respect.

She has pointed out the site that Twatwaffle runs as our 'model' site. You know, the site where she demeans children, withholds physical activity and craft projects when they don't do exactly what she wants when she wants it? Yeah, that site.

And Twatwaffle was guaranteed full time work over summer, too.
Something that those of us who weren't part of the ass-kissing chain weren't allowed.

Fluffy and Fluffy Jr. made up a huge four page summer application for the peons to fill out. It was the most ridiculous crock of shit... contained at least four questions that are ILLEGAL under ADA.
It was designed to weed out people who had mobility issues.
It was personal and arrogant.

We were told that we had to fill it out completely, which would have taken more than a couple hours, too. OF course we were to do it on our own time. Applying for a job isn't generally a paid occupation, after all.

It asked questions they already knew the answers to. Questions about leading songs and doing crafts and what kind of activities we could bring. Fluffy watched us work together for TWO SUMMERS. Either her powers of observation suck or she was playing games. And since she probably doesn't miss very many details (narcissistic people like to use everything they know about you against you) it was one of her games.

It was a crock of shit and they expected us to just fill it out without commentary.

In addition, they waited to get the application out. You will never be able to convince me that they didn't have a little timeline in their heads. Not only did they want to reject specific applicants, they didn't want those people to be able to find a summer job elsewhere.

Since the illegal application was given to everyone in our area, probably about 35 people, we had a base for a class action lawsuit. I doubt it would have been too difficult to get people to sign on, either. Fluffy doesn't care who she shits on and many of us are frustrated, angry and yeah, have hurt feelings.

And when we emailed this application to the head of HR, Fluffy and Fluffy Jr. got their little hands slapped. But instead of admitting that they put out an application that was not run through proper channels and vetted and full of questions that broke the law, they chose to tell all of us in writing that 'the application was pulled nationally'.

They think we're stupid.
That was not a national application.
That was their own concoction of bullshit and as far as I know, they still think we believe their story. They used the same phrase every time the application was brought up. Same words, same inflection, same eyes-wide-sincerity-apparent tone of voice.

"They" (ahh yes, the ubiquitous 'they') "Pulled the application nationally!"
Thereby absolving themselves of any blame. Because of course we're supposed to infer that the same 'they' were the ones who wrote the application in the first place... certainly our own managers wouldn't be so nasty!!

And after they got in trouble for the application, they did a much shorter one.
We had to apply for our own jobs over summer. Even though we built their summer program and had it running smoothly and well for several years before they showed up.

They waited until mid-May to offer summer hours to the staff. Really too late for most of them to find employment over summer. I'm sure that was their intention.

Tell ya one thing... if I am still with this company next summer, I won't work over summer again. It doesn't help pay the bills, and my insurance premiums (which are astronomical) have to be paid anyway... but I don't have to hang out with the cavalcade of cunts, either. A fair trade.