I know... I know...

Where have I been? Right here. I have partially written things all over the place.

I have things I want to say. Lots of them.

There's some work stuff going on, but you know, I've had unwanted visitors here before. I'm not completely without discretion (edging closer to it all the time, but so far, I still have *some*...) I am frustrated because I sense dishonesty in the message I am getting from management and I don't have a place to go for real answers. It's aggravating and disheartening and I sometimes wonder if what I do is worth it.

Obviously there must be some reason I've hung around for more than eleven years. It's not for the pay, which is mediocre at best. I appreciate the health plan that covers my family, and the money I bring home that covers groceries. That's basically what I work for... insurance and grocery money.

One does not do this job for financial gain. I'm glad Eric is the money earner and is willing to back me up while I not only earn a small salary, but spend a bit of it to continue supporting my own program.

We have a person working, hm, can't say with us, since she thinks we're nothing but idiots. Maybe working against us? No, that's not exactly right either. Not part of the team, though.

It's really sort of horrifying, if you want to know what I really think.

She is someone that I would not leave my own children with EVER and I'm becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the things I am hearing from people in my school regarding things that are happening in her school. I was actually approached by a parent in my program who knows a parent with a child in the other program with concerns. I can't say anything to the parent who came to me, it would be unprofessional and wouldn't help anyway. I thanked her for the information, gave her the phone number of a person who might be able to help with the myriad of problems that are going on.

I have mentioned the issues to the first person up the food chain, but that's really gone nowhere.

So I'm working on addressing it. Taking care of children is what the company I work for does.

And it's my calling. It should be the number one priority of everyone who does this job. Putting the needs of kids first should be more important than anything else we do, and I don't feel that is what's happening.

I really can't say more about it here and now, but knowing me, it will probably come up in a week or two.
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One of my bad boys got kicked out of school last week for an afternoon. He did not have a major infraction but apparently had a lot of trouble listening to the teacher all day long and by afternoon she had finally had enough.

So he got sent home with a pink slip. Mom was not happy. The little guy felt bad, I could tell, but he also was mystified as to why he was being sent home. He's little. And I've said it before, but it bears repeating... those little people are so clueless. We expect so much from them and it's so hard for them to be 'good' all the time. It's been several days and his mom said he still doesn't understand what he did that was so bad.

The environment they're forced into isn't suitable for, well, anyone. And a five year old or six year old is not a young adult. They are children. They need to move. To dance and laugh and run around and touch things and throw things and see how high they can climb and jump off and they need to be allowed to laugh at farts and build things and draw things and listen to music.

For seven hours every school day, most of those things are not allowed. It isn't healthy. It's not possible. Even the little guys who are good at sitting still and being quiet are at the end of their endurance by the time their school day is over. No wonder they are so nutty when I get them.

This morning, before school even started they were rowdy.

I try to just let them play. To create art, play with the Hot Wheels cars and tracks, play ping pong, throw a beach ball, build things with magnets... activities with a lot of movement. I don't squelch them any more than I must... I do have to remind them to be less noisy and to walk in the cafeteria, but in the mornings, they're allowed to act like (gasp) children.

I can't change the system.
But I can work to make kids feel like they matter.

Now, if I can just get someone to make me feel like *I* matter. :)