But it's something I've done my entire life. My earliest memories of obsessing are all about what might have been in the closet. I had to have the closet doors OPEN at night. If the door was closed, I couldn't see inside. I wouldn't know if there was a monster lurking, although I don't think 'monster' was what my mind seized on. Just... 'something' might be in there.
I was only three years old when every time I "misbehaved" my babysitter told me that she would put me in the closet and the devil would come get me.
Although in retrospect, having raised a couple kids of my own, at age three there really isn't a whole lot of misbehavior.
Whatever. Woman gave me a complex.
I've obsessed and stressed forever, though. And would have, even without the help of the elderly lady who
I have some stuff going on at work. It's all relatively minor in the general scheme of things, but of course the issues are important to me. I am frustrated, I am tired, and did I mention frustrated?
A manager from the closest school district we have programs in (convoluted enough? I'm tired... have I mentioned that? and can't seem to figure out how the words fit together tonight) has accepted a position in another state.
She left for greener pastures last month. Not that I'm calling her a cow. Not that I'm not calling her a cow, either.
And now our manager, who was more or less shaping up to be one of our better ones, is going to be managing MORE areas. When she was already kept running trying to keep up. Disappointing. Of course my kids won't get shortchanged, since *I'm* the person making sure things run smoothly.
If there's one thing I've learned in all the years I've spent doing this job it's that I'm the only 100% dependable person I know. Sad but true.
I woke up this morning at a quarter to 6. I got up and did the usual stuff, (pee, flush, wash, take an aspirin for the mild headache) but it didn't do me any good. Could not go back to sleep.
Go ahead and guess why.
I'll wait.
Did you guess that I was obsessing? If you did, you win!!
I stayed in bed until about seven. Lying on my left side didn't work, couldn't get comfortable. Roll over to the right. Work like hell to get the blankets JUST right. Then I was too warm. After all that work, you know. So I threw the blankets off. And three minutes later, I was cold again. Back and forth and back and forth. My hips started to annoy me. Took a sip of water. Contemplated more about the issues at work. Looked at the time.
I finally got up and took a shower. Started a load of laundry. Started a fire in the woodstove. Checked my email. Put away the dishes. Loaded more into the dishwasher. And under all of it, like a theme song in a movie?
:::obsess obsess obsess:::
FAAACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
Been doing it all day.
So I finally sat down and wrote an email to my manager, outlining some of the issues on my mind.
Concerns, I guess you could say.
Not all of us are dedicated to the kids in the same way.
I have said before that it is not a prestigious line of work. The job doesn't exactly attract Mensa material. It doesn't pay much, either. Most of the time, I don't really care. My job pays for our groceries. Our medical insurance is also through my job. I am willing to put up with quite a lot for the peace of mind the insurance provides, although our income is small enough that we could qualify for government assistance in our healthcare.
Anyway. Wrote an email to my manager.
Then, because there are separate issues, composed another. They're both still sitting in drafts because I want to make sure they say exactly what I mean them to say, and the best way I know of doing that is to let them sit.
I'll read over them again on Monday and see how they look. Adjust the tone a bit probably and then send them.
I don't know if that will keep me from obsessing tonight or not, but taking a step in the direction of solving problems is at least trying to move in a positive direction, right?
Bah.
Anyway, time for bed.
I'll try not to obsess.
What's on your mind?
I'm obsessed with work when I have something that must be done - an interview, perhaps, or writing a column until one is good enough and accepted. Then I visibly physically relax. My shoulders drop, the tension leaves my face...
ReplyDeleteI used to obsess at my previous job.....I had hives, migraines, etc. At my new (almost a year now) job I think the one thing I have obsessed over is just making sure we have the proper Dr on call when we hit the "we ain't open no more" voice mail.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, it's great.
Now, I can obsess over other stuff, like insurance and the like. Because I still don't have any, and I really hate to think of giving the federal government 3% of my pay for the year because I don't. Hmmmmmm.
It will all work out, it usually does. I hope you sleep well tonight.
If you want a laugh, you can go to my blog to view the rainbow, unicorn, butterfly kitten. :-)
I can relate, unfortunately. I will say that since becoming an administrator in our FQ group, that keeps me insanely busy and provides less time for me to obsess about other things, which is probably good. When things are slow, I still revert back to my normal obsessing.
ReplyDelete