uh. wat?

On my outer doors (both of them) are NO SOLICITING signs.

I suppose I should not expect something with no moving parts to work properly.
::sigh:::

Yesterday afternoon, Eric was stripping off his clothes in the kitchen.

No, not the start of some kinky ritual, just his routine when he gets home from work. Boots, shirt, shorts, socks and underwear come off (in that order) and go into the hamper and he goes to the shower.

So there was Eric in his underwear, poised on one leg like a stork next to the dishwasher, pulling off the last sock. Everything but his underwear was already off.
And the doorbell rang.

"SHIT!" he said.

"I'll get it." I told him. Although in retrospect, I should have just looked out the little window and realized it was some illiterate numbnuts fuckstick who wanted to sell me something. Which made him decide to ignore the fucking sign. I don't know why I opened the door at all.

I opened the other door, the one next to the driveway. That's the one we always use, and when someone rings the doorbell and stands at the other door it's a dead giveaway that it's an uninvited guest. He walked over to the driveway from the other door and started to talk. He stepped toward me with his hand out, but I pulled the screen closer to me, stepping inside, ready to shut it in his face and he halted.

You know, I ignore my telephone when I don't recognize the number. Usually when I look the number up later on my computer, it's a 'you won a cruise!!' scam or a sales call. Wyndham Resorts called me so many times over a six month period that I named the number. Every time "Ignore" called, that's exactly what I did.

Oops. I've digressed.

Point being, why didn't I just ignore the door? There is no law requiring me to answer my door or to be courteous to someone who's been rude enough to ignore my sign ( which is my official request for privacy in my own damn home), but my innate need to be polite, drilled into my head for many years by my parents takes over.

He started talking fast, as they all do. He opened with, "I saw your no soliciting sign and ordinarily I wouldn't bother you, but..."

He wanted to sell me siding. I waited for him to take a breath in his spiel, then I said, "You know, I really hate it when people come to my house and try to sell me shit."

He looked taken aback and wished me a nice day. Or rather he wished my door a nice day, since I'd closed it while he was still looking at me.

I was pissed off and I wished that I'd taken the business card he tried to offer me. So I could call the company number and complain.

This afternoon, as I was working on the dehoarding and organizing and getting stuff ready to donate, the doorbell rang again.

I went to the door that's in my bedroom, at the other end of the house, but couldn't see anyone standing outside. Decided to ignore it.

I went back into the kitchen about the same time the doorbell rang again and someone pounded on the screen door outside the kitchen. I looked at the arm-waving silhouette and thought it was Matt, so I opened the inner door. I reached to unlock the security screen and then realized it wasn't Matt, it was some chick who was either unable to read/comprehend 'no soliciting' or she was just stupid.

"Yes?" I said.

"Hi!!" she said, perkily. "I was just wondering if you'd like help cleaning your house. If you have stains that just won't come out?"

"I was wondering if you had seen my no soliciting signs."

"Well that's positive, Ma'am. You have a nice day."

Eric wanted to know if I'd called her a bad word or otherwise done anything, and the answer is no. I didn't. I merely closed the door and shook my head. I may have asked out loud, "What the hell is making people so stupid?" as I walked back into the back of the house.

But I refrained from calling her names or saying anything rude. She was a bubbleheaded teenager. Stupidity is part of her being. No reason to make her feel bad.

But I do NOT like people coming to my house to sell things to me. I don't care what they're selling or giving away ("We're not selling anything, we want to make sure you're going to HEAVEN when you die!!!") either. If it's Girl Scout cookies, well, I buy them from the kids at work. Anything else, I buy it from Amazon or Goodwill or some other damn place... at a time of my choosing. I don't like being bothered at home. I tolerate it from friends/family, and would never turn one of them away, but I prefer some warning. Either the house is a wreck (most likely) or I'm naked and covered with peanut butter. (not as likely, but it could, theoretically at least, happen.)

So please don't stop by and try to sell me something. You could come over and ask for a cup of peanut butter, I guess.