Da. Fuq. Traffic Edition.

On my way to and from work I often see interesting things happening on the roads.

Last night, as I drove home in the dark, I waited to turn right at a red light. Cars were crossing in front of me, left to right. I inched forward. Heard horns honking and some sort of commotion off to the left.

I saw a man on one of those gigantic skateboards. Almost but not quite a surfboard. He was skating IN THE LANE of traffic. Wearing all black. Even a black hat. People were swerving around him, honking. Yelling at him. And he was yelling right back.

"Hey! Fuck you!!"

"Yeah? Well you're a motherfucker!"

As he passed in front of my car, he nearly collided with the poor schmuck on the corner holding the Liberty Tax sign. You know the guys I mean, right? They dress them in this horrendous fucking blue green dress with the spiked hat and all and make them wave their signs. The exploitation of those poor guys means that the last place I'd ever go to have my taxes done is Liberty tax.

After the near hit, he stayed on the sidewalk with his skateboard, allowing traffic to resume its normal flow.

Crazy.
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Today, as I was driving to work in the afternoon, I was stopped at a red light. It turned green, but I could hear sirens coming from the right. I could see lights flashing, they were just around the curve. Close. And coming fast. So I didn't go. Neither did the car facing me on the other side of the intersection.

The guy behind me didn't take kindly to that. He beeped his horn at me. I ignored him. He beeped again as the ambulance started into the intersection. And then he hit the gas, whipped around me and came within a gnat's ass of being creamed by the police car that was right behind the ambulance. It was seriously close. I don't know how either one of the vehicles avoided colliding.

The thing that really pissed me off about it was that the cop was on the way to whatever event required the ambulance, so he didn't even have time to chase down the moron who just about wiped him out.

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Then, on my way home tonight, I was the third car in a line waiting to turn left at a light. Car #1 was on the line. Car #2 had left approximately 4 car lengths between her front bumper and the rear of car one. As I approached, slowed and stopped behind her, she moved up about a car length. It's kind of a wonky left lane, there is often not enough room for all the cars waiting to turn there during rush hour. Customarily, everyone crowds up to try and make room for the guy behind them.

So when she moved up, I did, too. I saw her flick her eyes up to her rear view. She put her car in reverse and backed up until she was about six inches away from my front bumper. No gestures. No comment. Just backed the fuck up.

There was a line of cars behind me, so I couldn't have backed up even if I'd wanted to, but ???????

Then, when the arrow turned green, she just... sat. Two or three people squashed in behind me honked their horns, but she just... sat. When the light turned yellow, she hit the gas, squealed her tires and zipped through the intersection, leaving the train of cars I was in to wait through another cycle of the lights.

I seriously have no idea. None.