Well that was difficult.

After going out for breakfast with Matt and Amy, we took Lyssa to the airport this afternoon. She told me that she didn't want me to cry at the airport, because she wouldn't know what to do.

Okay then. I managed to keep from doing so only because I knew it would upset her and I don't want to do that. I didn't want her to leave with mixed feelings or think it was somehow wrong to go. I want her to face her new life with excitement and joy and not be conflicted.

I have cried a little off and on this afternoon.
I'm sure things will eventually be fine, but it does hurt and make me sad. We've spent most of her life together with very few separations, and it hurts my heart.

I want her to be happy, and I know she's going somewhere good, so that helps a lot. I will feel better once she has arrived safely, too.

We went to Goodwill on our way home.
There was a man and woman with a baby. They were making a big deal of the baby while their little girl, about 3, was playing with a camera she'd found. She hid between coats and peeking out, was saying, "Smile!!" to people passing by and pretending to take their pictures. I found her adorable. As I got closer, the woman said to the man, "Where's your kid?" He barked out, "Kaylie!!" She came back toward them. Held up the camera. Said, "Smile!" Her 'father' said, "You might as well throw it on the shelf it's broken anyway," turned back to the woman and the baby. The woman said, "What time do we get to drop her off with your ex?" in a tone that suggested she couldn't wait.

Neither one of them noticed how utterly adorable that little girl was with her camera. How cute her little voice was and how excited she was with that tiny toy camera as she peeked out from between the coats.
They couldn't wait to be rid of her.

I wanted to take them and shake them and ask them what the fuck was wrong with them. To tell them that, "This moment and thousands of other ones are going to pass you by and she will grow up and be gone and you won't even realize what you've missed."  I wanted them to feel ashamed. To see. Of course I said nothing. Swallowed back the tears and went and found my husband and got out of there.

When I have sent Lyssa to visit friends in other places in the past, I knew she was coming back within a certain amount of time. I want her to succeed in life, however she defines it. I take a lot of satisfaction that I am sending out a wonderful and decent person into the world. One who won't hurt other people and be careless with their hearts. One who will notice playful little girls with toy cameras and see them for the wonder they are.

But it's not an easy thing, saying goodbye.