Paging Dr. Dirtball again

Saw Dr. Dirtball on Tuesday morning.

But first I had to get past the gorgon at the gate. :)

The office nurse came to the waiting room and escorted me to an examination room. She said, "You can put your purse in here and then come with me so we can get your weight."

I said, "Ahh.. no."

She said, "Pardon?"

"Unless you can provide me a more compelling reason for getting on the scale than I have for staying off the scale? No."

So she tried the winsome waif thing, although she's like six feet tall and as heavy as I am at least.

"Well, Dr. Tidball wants you to do it?" In a sweet, non-threatening, lightly questioning tone.

"Okay then, she can tell me to."

"Well, you know, for medication and stuff sometimes we need to know your exact weight."

"Okay. If she needs to know my exact weight then she can tell me so after I've talked to her."

"Well, I guess I can just write down that you refuse?"

"You can write down whatever you want. But I'm not getting on the scale."  And I smiled.

Then, we did the BP thing. I commented that I always find it very uncomfortable to have my BP taken.

"First, they pump it up until it hurts. Then they pump it up 10 more times. Once it reaches the level of excruciating, they can finally get my BP. I wonder why that is," I said.

She took it rather personally. I could tell by the look on her face.
She wasn't liking me much, I am a difficult patient, I think.

Then, she said, "Okay, what are you here for today?"

"Med check and some other things."

"What other things?"

And I smiled. Told her that I'd already done this dance with the receptionist a couple weeks ago. And that I'd talk to the doctor when she came in. Mentioned that I knew my appointment had been scheduled for a half hour, so there would be plenty of time for me to talk to the doctor.

She didn't like that. Scowled. Then, "Well, I am just trying to do my job."

I smiled at her again, although my smiler was starting to feel a little strained.

"I totally understand that. I appreciate it. But I have a lot of anxiety. I've been seeing my doctor for 10 years and it's hard for me to tell her everything. I've never met you until 3 minutes ago and don't know you at all. I won't be telling you anything."

She shrugged. I know I pissed her off, but it wasn't my intention to do so, I tried to keep a pleasant tone in my voice, but I won't be badgered, either.

Something that some medical professionals forget?

*I* am the customer. I'm paying them to provide a service, and am willing to take my business elsewhere if I am not happy with what I'm getting for my money.

So she left. Not happily, I don't think. I base that on the fact that when I left, I chatted a few moments with the receptionist, but Nurse* pointedly turned her back and found some paperwork to be busy with.

But of course that's not my problem, she can feel however she wants to.

::Shrug::

So I told my doctor about the anxiety ramping back up and how I've been doing. I know that a huge part of it is the comp claim and the endless worry over getting someone to listen to me who doesn't have an ulterior motive AND can help. I can't seem to find him or her.

The people who care can't do anything for me, and the people who could do something for me don't care. It does have its humorous side, when looked at like that, but really, it's getting a little old.

There are thousands of people right here in my state who have worse pain and more bullshit to contend with than I do, and I recognize that. In the general scheme of things, my pain is small and not very important.

But of course, it's kind of important to me personally, since I am the one feeling it.

The worry over all of it, the constant ache and the rude sharp pains in the middle of the night have taken a toll on me.

So we discussed my current medication. Because I'm not feeling as good as I did when it finally kicked in a year ago, and I'm not willing to just wait and see if I get better. I have finally learned my lesson on that.

So we have switched medication. I'm still going to be taking an SSRI medication, this one has an anti-anxiety component, too. I'm supposed to go back and see her in a month, but to call her if there are any weird changes between now and then.
I talked with her about my knee, too. Got some insight into a few aspects of work comp I hadn't considered or heard about, and we finished the appointment with me knowing that I do have someone else on my side if needed. Nice to know.

And I appreciate my doctor. She listens to me so well.
So that's where I am with the medication right now.

I'm hoping Effexor is going to help me cope.