Does he seem okay to you?

I had a conversation with Jackson's* mom on Friday afternoon.
She came in to pick him up, and he was absorbed in a marble run activity with Alden* and didn't want to leave.

She gave him five more minutes, and sat down at my table to talk with me while she was waiting.

She said, "Have you noticed that Jackson has trouble focusing or following your instructions? Does he seem, you know, okay?"

I answered, "Well, he's seven. I'd be suspicious if his attention didn't wander from time to time."

She smiled a little, but I could tell that the answer was important to her
I guess his teacher has suggested to her that he be evaluated for ADD/ADHD because he moves around a lot and seems to have a short attention span.
So I expanded on it a bit. I said that yes, sometimes I have to work a little to get his attention, but that our environment doesn't require him to focus and be quiet/pay attention except during reading time, and that he does fine with that.

That sometimes he pushes boundaries a little, but that the standard sit down and chat face to face/conversational tone is always enough to get him pointed back in the right direction. And I reiterated that his behavior is not strange for a boy of seven, in fact, he's behaving in a very age-appropriate manner. I added that all of the children in my care have at least one trait I could point to and suggest that it's a sign of ADD or some other thing, but that everything they do is really characteristic of being children.

And that Jackson is a nice little boy.
A boy.
Who is seven.

Let's look at his classroom environment. There are 32 2nd graders IN HIS CLASS with one teacher. They have three recess times a day, 15 minutes each. Other than that and lunch, he's expected to sit quietly and do school work. To focus. Not be disruptive.

I'm 50. I can't sit quietly, focus, and not be disruptive.

She went on to say that this coming school year his 3rd grade classroom will have THIRTY EIGHT children, she's afraid that he will be lost in the shuffle, and worried that 'possible ADD/ADHD' will end up in his file and follow him all the days of his life.

A rational worry, and one that I used to have when Matt was a little guy incarcerated in his particular public school.

She isn't sure what she is going to do. She is worrying over it. Agonizing. She and her husband are adamantly against medicating their child. She's done her research and has several reasons why she doesn't think that's the best course of action for her particular child.

I agreed with her, saying that I don't think he needs to be medicated, either..

And she said, "What if I'd said we were considering medication? What would you have said then?"

I told her, "I would have said, 'good luck, I hope it is effective for you' and left it at that. I think as parents we second guess ourselves enough without someone who doesn't live in our home or have a stake in raising our kids telling us we're 'doing it wrong'."

She was really pleased with my answer.
I have often thought I'd do something different as a parent than some of the people I come in contact with, but you know, I raised my kids. It's my job six hours a day to take care of other people's kids, but not my job to correct or guide the parents. They all have more than enough to cope with.

So I can't tell her what to do. I told what I did after taking Matt out of school, but homeschooling may not be something she can do right now. I think she'd like to try it, but doubt she will.

I do understand that there are some kids who need to take medication or have other behavior modifications. A lot can be controlled by diet.

The thing with Jackson is, he seems like a regular seven year old boy to me. Sometimes says things that are inappropriate (ever know a seven year old boy OR girl who doesn't think farts are hysterical?) and sometimes he's a little loud. Sometimes he has to be redirected. Sometimes I have to remind him to pick up after himself.

He seems okay to me.

But of course I am just a glorified babysitter.