How rude!

I'm probably the only one who does this.
I'm prepared to stand up and admit my teeny imperfection here where things are private. 
;)

But if you do this, or something resembling it, leave me a comment. You can remain anonymous... I just don't wanna be alonnnnnnnne. Obviously I'm not afraid to look weird, I work with children, so that's not a factor.
But the lonely?
Nooooo!
Don't want!

What is it I do, you ask?

I carry on a running commentary which I try valiantly (with mixed results) to keep in my head with all the people I see on the roads cutting people off in traffic or driving too fast or too slow or too erratically or if they get in my way. I direct thoughts at the people in the grocery store ignoring their ill-mannered children while they pull things off the shelves, torment their siblings, and generally tear the place apart. Have some fucking manners, willya? I'd have gone ape shit if my children acted like some of the kids I've seen in the grocery store.

And it pisses me off while giving me NO hope for the future. Really people? You're raising your children to think it's acceptable to act like that in public? Really???

I internally blast the foul-mouthed teens who are lurking in the parking lot and hanging out around the store's entrance... running over old ladies with their skateboards, spitting on the sidewalks, smelling all sweaty/cigarette-smokey.

And that's just the girls!

On my way home from my morning shift Wednesday, I saw a guy (Itty Bitty Hispanic Toyota Man or IBHTM) wait until traffic was almost to the 7-11 parking lot he was trying to leave... and then pull out in front of two cars, causing them both to brake, squeak their tires and turn the air a sort of smoky blue color as a torrent of profanity and obscene gestures poured forth from the open window of the Lexus in the right lane.

I fully understand being pissed off. IBHTM  just about caused a pileup. It would have involved at least three cars, and the other two who were following the first two would probably not have had time to stop, either. I was already mentally trying to locate the paper/pen in my backpack so I could leave witness information.

But the thing is, we've all had a brain fart now and then and done something stupid in traffic. There's usually no malice involved, just a screwup. (None of us are perfect, let he who is without sin, forever and ever amen... you know the litany.) I have just been lucky so far that when I screw up, I haven't caused any accidents. That I know of.

So the guy who pulled out in front of everyone else was roundly cursed and flipped off and honked at. Seems fair. But for goodness sake, let it GO already! Righteous Lexus Man (RLM) was PISSED as HELL! He followed IBHTM right on his bumper, honking and gesticulating wildly until IBHTM took a right turn, I think to get away from the harrassment.

I pulled up next to RLM  at the next intersection. He was fuming. Red faced, sweating, swearing and still waving his arms.

Geez Buddy. Really. You're gonna give yourself a heart attack. Or indigestion. Let it go!

I thought about rolling down the window on the passenger side to talk to him, (hey there Mr. Lexus Man, settle down before you piss yourself) but give me credit for a few brain cells. I decided to just let him go off toward Sprawlmart and I turned for home via the grocery store.

I had several things to do at the store. A couple minutes in the bank, a prolonged interval in the pharmacy while they tried to find the prescription, and then picked up the items I'd gone in for. Under the pleasant low tones of the pharmacy tech, the cashiers, the beeping of the registers and the wails of the little guy who wanted to take his blood pressure at the pharmacy but was being restrained by his mom, I could hear an occasional burst of profanity and snorting laughter.

Four teenage boys.

Now I (and anyone over the age of, oh, four) understand there is a disconnect between the brain of a teenaged boy and just about everything else in the universe. It's a natural law, like gravity. Can't get around it. We just have to wait for it to grow away. And I'm sure you're aware that in some cases, it doesn't, really.

But these boys? Needed smacked. There was a mix of people in the grocery store, several of them children, more than one older woman... and the teens were the biggest bunch of foul mouthed greasis boyus americanis I've seen in awhile.

I'm hardly offended by bad language, as evidenced by the liberal use of profanity on this blog and in personal conversation, but I don't go to the store and say 'fuck' in front of old ladies and children, either.

I have also (so far) managed to keep it OUT of my work vocabulary, although it is truly difficult sometimes.

But. There are places it may be a teeny bit inappropriate to shout words like 'fuck' and 'blowjob' while rolling up magazines and holding them up to your front and thrusting them at each other. While simultaneously laughing so hard you can hardly stand up. I'm just putting this out there.. but the grocery store may be one of those places.

And I suppose it's as good an argument as any against truancy. I'm all for kids going out and learning stuff even when they're not in school, but I'm not sure the lesson in this case was really all that valuable.

So I said all that to say this.

I listened to them for about 20 minutes in the store, rolling my eyes and wishing they'd go away and shut the hell up.

I escaped out the big automatic doors with my cart only to have them follow me about 10 steps behind, still making obnoxious remarks. Laughing at the old guy who was having trouble parking his boat of a Lincoln and making racist remarks about the Chinese woman and her two children who were puddle stomping in the far reaches of the parking lot.

And son of a bitch... the foul mouthed greasis boyus americanis were parked right next to me! And as they neared their car, I was climbing in to mine. And the leader of the pack said to his posse, "Do you know what I've always wanted to do?"

And I couldn't help it. Really.

I answered.

Said to him, "No, but I'm guessing it involves candlelight, a llama and some K-Y."

And while he stood there staring as the other three started to laugh, I started the engine and drove away.

My bad.