In reading this post from Katherine, I once again suffered from doubt.
Go read it.
It won't take long, and I think her observations are correct. They usually are. She's eloquent and deeply thoughtful as a person and a parent.
But yeah. Guilt. And doubt. They both jumped up waving at me and yelling and gesticulating wildly after I read her post.
Since of course, I work inside an institution, offering a program after school.
And although I try to back off and not drive, there is some regimentation necessary.
It's crowd control.
Has to be.
Coming up this week, there will be 27 kids on Thursdays. We have at least 20 every day.
We must follow the school rules. Period. We are IN the school, after all. On the sufferance of the district and the principal in the building we serve. Screw up the relationship and we're out.
And I DO control their play.
I control when they eat.
I make them wash their hands.
I control how they sit. (on their bottoms ON the seat... )
I don't allow them to run in the building. Or on the blacktop. Jump ropes are for jumping rope. You can't take that rope and harness a team of friends and gallop across the field. Someone might get hurt. And in my job, my number one priority is making sure the kids are physically safe.
I often teasingly tell them that they must be ALIVE and NOT BLEEDING when their mom/dad shows up so please stop jumping off the swings/running in the hall/pushing your friends/running up the slide.
And I feel guilty for contributing to the scheduling/marching in a line mentality.
For not allowing them to indulge in imaginings like driving a team of horses. Or games that involve guns or light sabers or anything 'violent'.
Of course if they're on the playground and far enough away that I did not HEAR them say 'light saber', how am I to know that's what they're doing? ;)
I'm radical that way.
But if I hear it, I am duty-bound to put a stop to it.
And sometimes?
Sometimes I hate that I must do that.
In my defense, I have to say I love the kids. And it's been pointed out to me that if I were not there caring for them and caring ABOUT them, someone else would be there. And that person might not care the way I do.
But still.
Am I part of the problem?
I sort of feel like I am.
And I spend an inordinate amount of time struggling with the issue.
Seriously.
What do you think?
Go read it.
It won't take long, and I think her observations are correct. They usually are. She's eloquent and deeply thoughtful as a person and a parent.
But yeah. Guilt. And doubt. They both jumped up waving at me and yelling and gesticulating wildly after I read her post.
Since of course, I work inside an institution, offering a program after school.
And although I try to back off and not drive, there is some regimentation necessary.
It's crowd control.
Has to be.
Coming up this week, there will be 27 kids on Thursdays. We have at least 20 every day.
We must follow the school rules. Period. We are IN the school, after all. On the sufferance of the district and the principal in the building we serve. Screw up the relationship and we're out.
And I DO control their play.
I control when they eat.
I make them wash their hands.
I control how they sit. (on their bottoms ON the seat... )
I don't allow them to run in the building. Or on the blacktop. Jump ropes are for jumping rope. You can't take that rope and harness a team of friends and gallop across the field. Someone might get hurt. And in my job, my number one priority is making sure the kids are physically safe.
I often teasingly tell them that they must be ALIVE and NOT BLEEDING when their mom/dad shows up so please stop jumping off the swings/running in the hall/pushing your friends/running up the slide.
And I feel guilty for contributing to the scheduling/marching in a line mentality.
For not allowing them to indulge in imaginings like driving a team of horses. Or games that involve guns or light sabers or anything 'violent'.
Of course if they're on the playground and far enough away that I did not HEAR them say 'light saber', how am I to know that's what they're doing? ;)
I'm radical that way.
But if I hear it, I am duty-bound to put a stop to it.
And sometimes?
Sometimes I hate that I must do that.
In my defense, I have to say I love the kids. And it's been pointed out to me that if I were not there caring for them and caring ABOUT them, someone else would be there. And that person might not care the way I do.
But still.
Am I part of the problem?
I sort of feel like I am.
And I spend an inordinate amount of time struggling with the issue.
Seriously.
What do you think?
I think these kids will never know what it is to harness "horses" and gallop along. It has nothing to do with you at all. Many parents would be appalled to know that some kids actually play with toys in an unconventional way. It's sad but true. You give them as much autonomy as your job allows while caring for them. And caring about them.
ReplyDeleteYou are not part of the problem. The problem has more to do with society. Makes me sad for our future generations.
Interesting. But we all "control" in some way. Sometimes to keep them safe, others to conform them into what we hope they'll be. Regardless of intentions, it's about balance. Yes, the kid's "Play" is contolled while at school, but last I checked around here, any parent could take them back to that same play ground whenever they wanted, or give them a jumprope, or build a fort out of couch cushions. Parenthood, schooling, growing as a person... it's all about balance.
ReplyDeleteBalance, and a whole lot of luck.
-J
Ami, thanks for the compliments. Please know that I'm all about teaching boundaries, etiquette, and rules. I definitely think its my job to control my kids until they are able to control themselves. That's just what mothers should do. So that when they are sent to teachers they CAN study.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think great teachers are angels. No less.
Its the larger systems of institutionalism I question. Ha ha, as if you hadn't noticed my opinions? :o)
I think that rules enstated with true love - without the selfish coercion of trying to make someone else BE someone else - wins out, regardless of what we have to do to toe our own employment or program-drawn line.
ReplyDeleteSitting on their bottoms ON the chair will not harm a child or their creative nature, being told or made to feel that they are bad or naughty or stupid for wanting to stand instead of sit... that's a whole different matter. Those children are so very fortunate to have you in their lives for a few hours every day after school.
Yes, Katherine is eloquent.
ReplyDeleteBut I certainly don't agree with much of what she said.
And I don't think you should be feeling guilty for a second about what you have to do at your job.
You and I have been down this particular road before....
xoxo
I dont think you can paint all "schooled" kids with one brush, any more than you can painted all homeschooled kids with one brush. Just because I went to public school and had to follow the rules didn't mean I had no imagination or never listened or couldn't play. She (and perhaps even you a little bit) are subtracting not only the 'schooled' kids' intelligence and imagination and sense of adventure as well as their parents experiences and help. While I get that some parents aren't involved, there are quite a few that are. Maybe her kids just picked crappy friends, or ones with parents that work so hard that they don't feel they have time to play, or never should have had kids and don't 'deal' with them at all. It isn't nature versus nuture or homeschooled versus schooled. It takes a village. I'm glad you contribute to the village around you for all those kids. Who incidentally, could EASILY play horse driver and team WITHOUT jump ropes. They'd probably just rather play light sabers. Having 'read' the playground rules for my daughter's future K-1 school --we'll have a lot of work to do if we plan on sending her there, you know like teaching her not to throw woodchips, or walk up the slide from the bottom, or push other kids on the swings. Yup. You read that right. They can't push each other on the swings. I suppose someone else's kid was mean and shoved another kid OUT of it, and so ruined it for everyone. Rolling my eyes here. As much as I'd love to homeschool K, I don't have the attitude to do it (as in, I have a bad one). That doesn't mean that I won't be teaching her as much as I can OUTSIDE of the classroom as well. There is a balance.
ReplyDeleteThey can't push each other on the swings at our school, either. Safety issues are foremost.
ReplyDeleteAnd the imagination and excitement and sheer kid-ness is what I love about the kids I take care of.
I just think they'd be better served by having the time and space to explore and imagine without all the adult 'help' we are always giving them.
I have only my own children for comparison, but the amazing directions they've taken in their learning would not have been allowed had they been schooled all their lives.
I can't say we did 'better'. Just different.
And I'm glad we were able to do that.
Many kids I work with do okay where they are. I just wonder how much more they could do if we didn't waste so much of their time directing them.
I had a lot to say.. Then I started reading everyones responses.. I second Julianna and Jason! We have been VERY blessed to be able to pick and choose when our boys go to school. I do not take for granted that my kids live a very different life then most kids (even other military kids).
ReplyDeleteWhen Noah needs more then the school can give him, he comes home for half the day. When Christopher explained what PE (cough** cough**) was all about I pulled him from the class. I also understand that I can not teach my children Algebra or Japanese.
Schools are meant to be a tool for children and their parents! Personally I think to many parents are so checked out from their kids that they just don't care. It starts and stops at home! Reading to your babies, playing cars for the 100th time in a week, and listening to your teenager go on and on and on and on and on (you get the pictures) about his friend that is a girl but no mom she is not really my girlfriend.
As far as your job I think those kids are so lucky to have someone like you, who has bad hearing and sometimes just doesn't hear about the light saber!
Ami and Sabine, your children were homeschooled for quite awhile, right? Do I remember that right? In any case, all y'all might be interested in research like this:
ReplyDeletehttp://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=3126538
I've never said any form of education is either/or, alpha or omega. I'm saying institutionalism, which very much can and does happen, comes as much from institutionalized parenting as from the institutions where we park our kids. And that the hallmark seems to be a siphoning of autonomy away from the children. For instance, most infants in the USA are neither allowed to sleep/not sleep when they choose nor are they allowed to nurse on demand. It just struck me as a deep parallel.
I think you are being too hard on yourself, Ami. For one, this is your job. Secondly, you MUST have control, especially with that number of children. Many people don't have the luxury of home-schooling their children and must rely on public or private education. I think there are pluses and minuses to both ways of educating kids. The social aspect is a BIG minus for home schooling, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words about my job. I do love what I do. I feel very fortunate to be where I am at this time in my life.
ReplyDelete:)
As for homeschooling and social development? You have the same idea about homeschooling as so many others... that homeschooled kids are sitting at the kitchen table, doing 'school'.
Au Contraire!
They're out and about. Play dates, science clubs, gym time, museums, libraries, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, gymnastics or Tae Kwon Do or garden clubs or rock hound clubs or classes in foreign languages or helping their neighbors or volunteering at the local food bank...
Homeschooling and Hermit both begin with the letter 'H'. That's where the similarity ends.
:)