I've read several things about bullying in schools since I wrote about it last month. (I wrote about it here, too )
This story has to be one of the saddest things I've seen since then.
Bully story CNN
I looked at the picture of that beautiful boy and read what his mother had to say and I sat here in front of the computer and cried.
I'll say it again. No amount of legislation, anti-bullying programs or 'educating' children about what bullying is will fix the problem.
Schools and administrators proudly pointing to their meaningless programs will not change the facts. Legislation will not change it either.
It goes on every day, and it breaks children into pieces. If they get through their school years alive, they're eternally scarred.
Ask anyone who was bullied as a child.
Until children are taught to stand up for themselves... and even for others, it will continue.
And many more mothers will have their hearts broken.
Jaheem Herrera was eleven years old.
Eleven.
My God.
This is why I stopped watching the news on tv and stopped reading newspapers. I can't stand it. I know it is going on, but I can't stand to see it. Thanks for the cry, Ami and the reminder of one reason I homeschool. Ugh!!!
ReplyDeleteMy adoped foster daughter is a special needs child. Oh My Goodness....she was bullied and harrassed all the way through elementary school, jr. high, and part of high school. Do you think anyone did anything about this at the school? N.O. spells NO! They have all these anti-bullying things going on at the schools, and it does not do any good. Last week, at the high school, another special needs girl was beaten up in a bathroom. A teacher tried to cover it up, because, don't you know, the "good" girls who did this were athletes, and, my goodness, "the team needs them." Baloney. They should have been kicked out of school for the rest of this year and next year. Homeschooling, I believe, is going to be the answer for a lot of families. It maybe isn't the best option, but at least the parent can protect the child better than the school can.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what the schools say, they do nothing. This is specifically why I have taught my children to defend themselves. I told them that if someone tries to bully you, you have my permission to take physical action to defend yourselves. Perhaps a broken nose or a few missing teeth for these bullies will make them think twice before picking on someone else.
ReplyDeleteGwinnett County in Georgia has a bully hotline and they don't call back or do anything. Calling the school, the counselor will call in both children and it is basically one child's word against the other. Snellville Middle school WILL NOT call the bully's parents! There has to be proof!! That is so wrong, like what other child is going to come forward. The worse part is that it was a girl hitting, pinching, poking, pulling my son's chair out from under him, etc. Because it was a girl nothing was done. What child says to another child "are you ready for your daily abuse session?". The school board needs to look into every bully hotline call and followup!!
ReplyDeleteI think the school administrators should have a P.I. on retainer and secretly watch those who have a complaint lodged against them. That way they will have the proof thru pictures and the Investigators word, much like they would follow a spouse suspected of cheating. It is then that the anti bully programs would be of some use.
ReplyDeleteI'll come back later and read about it further. I'm putting on makeup and getting ready for work so I can't break down right now. I can tell by what you said. I'm going to lose it.
ReplyDeleteMTV has a new show called Bully Beatdown. Maybe it's time to call in Mayhem.
Hugs!!
You know, it's bad enough when kids bully each other. What do you do when it's the TEACHER bullying certain kids. Labeling them as trouble makers, stiking them and pulling by the hair? We have this problem with a teacher at Mark Twain Elementary here in Colorado Springs. And the district ignores the problem! I just can't get my head around that!
ReplyDeleteNot watching the news is not a solution. Every single one of us needs to speak up. We need to speak up any where we hear this, grocery store, malls, streets, kids playing. It is our job as humans to let kids know it is wrong. I was bullied but because I am so small but developed tough skin. Children haven't lived long enough to know how to handle this kind of cruelty. Schools can do so much but it has to be consistent, in the halls, the classroom, the gym, on the grounds. Many teachers and others figure, we have a program to combat this so it isn't my personal problem. As long as they are on school grounds, it is the schools problem! It must be followed through in every area. Parents allow siblings to call each other names like gay. It should be stopped and explained, being gay is not wrong so why use that name. Teaching begins at home and is followed through at school. If everyone isn't doing their job 24/7, it is a problem for all of us. This makes me sick. He was a beautiful child with a loving mother and ignorance killed this child. I fought ignorance at my kids school in the teaching that masturbation makes you gay! It was an endless supply of stupidity and I sure wasn't going to have my kids think like that. It did take me years to get them to understand the entire situation and now they are trying to teach their children under 6 the same lesson. Let's hope the education continues. Any and all bullying should be dealt with severely and immediately and no excuse.
ReplyDeleteI think people are cowed. Not only are the children afraid to stand up, the parents are, too. They're told to 'leave it to the professionals' and effectively cut off from taking care of anything for their kids between the hours of 8 and 3 unless it's a school-sanctioned activity, then the educrats have made sure to let the parents know what they're allowed to do, ya know? A parent can help with fundraising, or help a kid color a picture, but they can't interfere between kids.
ReplyDeleteI think it's time for parents to start publicizing every outrageous thing that's happening to their kids in school. The system relies on the fact that there's not much day to day coverage of what's really going on.
I'm sitting here crying because this sweet little boy took his life. I can't begin to imagine how much pain he was in when he decided to leave this world. I am angry at the ignorant kids who bullied and pushed him over the edge. I suspect they learned such horrible behavior at home.
ReplyDeleteAs parents we have to teach our children to respect all others, regardless of sex, religion, sexual orientation, etc. We must educate!!!
It's tragic and all but c’mon, at some point you have to look at the parents. She said she complained to the school EIGHT TIMES. You know what? My kid has that problem in school after I complain the FIRST time, I let my son know that it's OK to defend yourself and if need be punch that bully in the FACE. Or, find out the bully’s name so I can contact his/her parents and let them know what is going on. My point is taking a PROACTIVE stance is the only to deal with that kind of stuff. By the way, I was bullied (or people would attempt to) all the time and the LAST thing I ever thought of was SUICIDE. What was that kid exposed to that he, at 11 years of age actually knew that he could hang himself by the belt!?
ReplyDeleteThere is so much the article didn't say. I think that the mother was doing what so many parents do... leaving it up to the school since the school was so proud of their anti bullying program. I'm sure they told her they'd handle it. That's what the school told me when my son was incarcerated there. I got tired of it and my husband taught him how to land a strong, accurate punch. After I told the principal it was going to happen, they finally cracked down on the bully.
ReplyDeleteKids are exposed to all kinds of shit... lots of it they learn in school. The group *I* work with was talking about 'what's suicide' about two weeks ago.
And I agree with your point. Proactive stance. In this case, proactive means that one will agree to back the child 100% when he or she fights back.
Even when the school will suspend both kids for fighting and not ever address the root of the problem.
I do not see where the young man was hit. If he were to attack the bullies, as someone suggested, he would be the one to be suspended and the bullies win.
ReplyDeleteI've always taught my kids that those who bully feel horrible about themselves. The only way they can feel good about themselves is to pick on someone else. So, my answer, and my kids' answer is this. "I'm sorry you feel so bad about yourself that you have to pick on me. But what you are saying are just words. They mean nothing to me, because your opinion of me means nothing to me."
Until kids are taught by their parents to stand up for themselves and until the root of the problem (parents of the bullies, rather than the bullies) is addressed, nothing will every change.
OH, this is a HOT BUTTON issue here for A LOT of parents. The middle school here had (and still has) a HUGE bullying issue. A new principal was brought in this year in hopes of solving the problems. You know what he has done? He now requires the students being bullied to WRITE down the names of the kids bullying then. Then he will give the letter to the bullies parents! HOW OUTRAGEOUS! If the student being bullied refuses to write everything down he DOES NOTHING! This way he can report to his superiors there is no longer a bullying problem.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100% the PARENTS must be the #1 advocate for their chid. Camp out at the school if necessary, SCREAM from the hills if necessary. But, advocate for your child.
I am sad and sickened by this. I have one son--nearly 10 years old. I pray EVERY night that God lets me keep him for a long, long time. To lose him by suicide? I cannot even fathom the depth of my dispair!! My son is a straight-A student and a gifted athlete. While any mother would be proud of that, what am I most proud of is that during conversations with his teacher she tell me he "looks after the other kids". He is the one that will pick the kids who aren't as athletic to be on his team. There is precious little a school district or government agencies can do to prevent this. Unfortunately, it lies with the parents who have taught the behavior to begin with!!
ReplyDeleteThis whole situation is just breaking my heart into a million pieces. I was discussing this with friends at dinner and I started thinking what if there is a way that victims of this abuse can charge their tormentor and/or the schools with 'Violation of Civil Rights'? Maybe then bullies will think twice about it if they know that they can be charged with a Federal Crime and that their parents can also be held liable and maybe even the schools? If the schools can have this hanging over their heads,perhaps then they will be more responsive.
ReplyDeleteI came back. When I read "the school board expressed condolences, saying the school staff "works diligently to provide a safe and nurturing environment for all students."
ReplyDeleteBullshit! They failed that boy! I didn't know that he took his life when I left my first comment. I'm so glad that we homeschool our kids. This is just only one of the reasons. Don't even get me started. My heart breaks for his mom and his family. Especially his siblings who were witnesses to how he chose to end his life. I'm going to read all of the other comments now.
Weird, our neighbor just took his life on the 7th and his wife thought he was having a good day before he shot himself.
Hugs!!
My little boy went to school earlier this school year and he loved it. We only took him out of it because we moved. During that time I taught him to always tell the teacher if someone was pushing him around. And yet when I talk to the teacher about it, she stated, "Boys will be boys." I'll tell everyone right now. When he returns to school in the fall, I am going to teach him the same thing. I also plan on telling the teacher to watch out for him and that if she fails to, I will not only sue the school, but the teacher as well. Because I, myself do not take bullying lightly at all. I too was bullied as a child and I learned to stand up for myself. I'm not afraid of a school, especially when we've got lawyers in the family.
ReplyDeleteThis article makes me feel sick to my stomach. What a waste of a life.
ReplyDeleteDee was bullied at school; thankfully we were able to get her out of the system by home educating.
I missed this in my reader before. As I'm reading the comments here and at CNN, I'm bowled over by the amount of people who say, "Just do this, and that fixes the problem." Everybody has a solution. It seems the whole "sticks and stones, etc." approach is suggested a lot, just tell them you don't care what they say, they're insecure, whatever. But saying it doesn't hurt your feelings doesn't keep it from hurting your feelings, and even if you don't break down and cry, the bully can tell they're hurting you. This is also the stance a lot of school Anti-bullying education programs are based around, and the main reason they don't work. Teaching children to hit back is just reinforcing the idea that hitting at all is good way to handle problems.
ReplyDeleteAnd let me just say, I Can Not Believe the number of people who suggest dealing with this kind of abuse gets kids ready for the "real world" ... I can't even fathom what life would be like as an adult if we were *forced* to be around abusive individuals daily with no possible recourse for their actions. The truth is, in the real world, when you report abuse to an authority (the police), they believe you, and the abuser is subject to the punishments of the law. These kids aren't being being taken seriously, and their abusers have no consequences for acting in a way that, in the Real World, is legally and socially unacceptable.