Sharing my head with the Hormone Hag

I've been in a state of high pissoff for a few days.

Hormones.

At least during this stage of my life, I recognize the cause of my foul mood and don't think I'm going over the edge into the abyss. Back in my mercurial teen/young adulthood, I sometimes wondered about my sanity.

Little things that ordinarily would make me shrug and/or just laugh make me so frustrated instead!

For example...

I bought a brand new adjustable desk chair at Goodwill a few months ago. June maybe? It's a really nice chair, adjusts in many different ways and fits very well at the desk.

Well, now it's bent somehow. It still works, but it's not comfortable (makes my back and butt hurt) and I'm going to have to replace it. Next week, I won't be grumpy about that, but this week? Total Grrrr.

On my chosen route to work, there is a large intersection where I have to turn left. The turn lane starts back from the intersection at quite a distance, and splits from the regular lanes of traffic by the width of at least one lane. This is necessary so that cars turning left won't smack the cars turning left from the opposite intersection. A solid white line separates the turn lane from the buffer zone, and the buffer zone is striped diagonally with white.

Yesterday, as I coasted to a stop at the light, a woman in the lanes of traffic that were supposed to go straight decided at the last possible second to turn left instead. She whipped her car over to the left, through the CLEARLY MARKED buffer zone and into my lane without even looking over her shoulder to see if anyone was in her way while she did her ILLEGAL activity. I stood on the brakes and swerved quite a bit to avoid hitting her.

The stream of invective that instantly poured from the depths of my soul would have amazed and impressed you, I'm sure.

I lowered the volume when I noticed that the windshield was starting to melt and that I was spraying spit on the steering wheel.

I did not honk at her, or gesture or do anything physical, but since the light was red and we had to wait at the intersection, I had a really difficult time not getting out of my truck, walking to her car, yanking her out by the hair and kicking her in the shins.

I kept up the muttering and swearing and growling until the light turned green and she zoomed off like a maniac.

Again, something I would usually laugh off. We all get a brain fart now and then and do something stupid on the road. I knew it was unintentional. Certainly not personal. Pissed me off anyway.

So when I get like this, there are other things I don't like, too. I'm so very tired. I don't wake up in the mornings, it's more like rising from the dead. I feel sludgy and slow until noon. I have to force myself to do things around the house, and sometimes it's only the guilt of not getting anything done that keeps me functioning.

I have been eating things that are much better for me than my usual fare for three weeks. I chose not to weigh myself before I started, feeling that last time I started a better plan, I was once again fixated on the scale instead of on what I eat and how I feel.

Well, now it's been 22 days, and I'm pissed off that I didn't weigh myself so that I could see if I am making any progress. I mean, I know I am, but I don't know I am. Don't worry if that doesn't make sense. I wrote it and *I* can't make heads or tails of it myself.

Friday, I will start feeling better. Saturday, I will be back to my more human form. By Sunday, I'll be someone else.

Can't wait. I find it hard to live with me right now.