The Olympics are over.
We watched a bit, but unlike NBC programming execs, we actually have to work for a living. So, we kept our regular bedtime schedule. Since the events they were televising occured hours and hours before they were shown, I find it difficult to understand why the stuff people wanted to see was on at midnight or 2 a.m..
On the AOL welcome screen yesterday was this gem: AOL News - 10 Suggestions to Boost the Olympics I don't know how long it will be up, but feel free to go look. Seems AOL's ratings are suffering, too. You might make one of the AOL execs take time out from listening to their customer's needs (HA! HA!) to rejoice at the boost in the ratings caused by you clicking on the link! But I digress. You may have noticed that already. I do it all the time.
Here are a few of the suggestions... paraphrased and changed so AOHell won't try to enhance their falling revenue by suing me for copyright infringement.
The first suggestion was to make the Olympics more like reality TV. Oh please. First, while lots of people watch that garbage, many more of us ignore it completely. And the idea of fitting cameras to top athletes so they can wear them 24/7... what crap. The worst thing about this idea is that someone actually gets paid to think these things up! I'm in the wrong business.
Another suggestion: Let viewers possibly vote in the competition. While they may not be able to judge, I'm sure they'd feel more engaged. And engaging them is the name of the game, right? Just like voting in a national election makes SUCH a difference. Can you see me rolling my eyes?
Suggestion 3... use technology to engage the people who are watching. Podcasting, text messages.. the one that cracks me up is making it possible to have a ringtone for your cell phone with 'Olympians saying cool phrases.' Can we pause a moment while I retch?
Moving on to number 4.
Play up the big rivalries. We could either feel like we're helping the underdog by rooting for him/her or join with the rest of the group by spitting on the underdog! Fun fun fun!! Just like seventh grade!
Number 5. Decide more medals by pitting all the athletes in an event against each other instead of the clock. It's not practical for every event, but this idea isn't actually too bad. The most exciting races I saw had the athletes going head to head. It's just not something that's going to work for most of the competitions.
Alissa Quart, author of teen marketing book Branded: The Buying and Selling of Teenagers, says that teens like to watch losers. The teens she's talking about (the ones who are brand conscious and obsessed with status) also like to act like losers, dress like losers, smell like losers. Let's toss the idea of deriving enjoyment from losers, and maybe the youth of America will clean up their act? I tell ya, we're looking for oil in the wrong part of the world... there are all these greasy heads within just a few miles of all of us. Damn, I am digressing again.
Offer "hip" music... and "hip" talk. The "hip" is in quotes because guess who decides what's "hip"? THOSE SAME GREASY LOSERS!! Again, while lots of people care about that garbage, the vast majority of us ignore it completely, in favor of things a little more intelligent. Carol Moog, a blues harmonica player and consumer psychologist, (now there's an interesting combo...) thinks that Olympic events need to be set to more current music. One problem with that is the stuff that's current isn't music. Not even close. Remember, you can't spell CRAP without RAP. Personally, I am very tired of the constant sound of what passes for music today played on every commercial.
Here are my suggestions for NBC and anyone else who wants to boost the ratings for the Olympics.
1. Get rid of Boob Costas. The man is a dumbass. Inane comments, (thinking back to the Athens Olympics here and recalling his remark as the team from Djibuti entered the stadium, 'you bet Djibuti'... and the man still kept his job!!) annoying smirk... the worst part is, he takes himself seriously. He's a tool... just not the sharpest tool in the box. At least we were spared Katie Couric at the Turin Olympics.
2. Show the events that people want to watch at a decent hour. You'll boost your ratings hugely by just doing that one thing.
3. Stop breaking up the coverage. If you're going to show ice skating, then show the damn ice skating! Don't interrupt the competition by switching off to Men's combined basket weaving and silverware washing! FINISH THE DAMN EVENT! Just because the program executives learned most of what they know by watching Sesame Street with its 15 second chunks of knowledge doesn't mean everyone likes their life arranged that way. You're NOT engaging us, Doofus. You think most of America has the attention span of a Cheerio, but that's YOU... not us.
Only two years until the next Olympics. Email NBC now!
nbcolympicsfeedback@nbcuni.com
Ami, I think you should be President of NBC. Let's hear it, folks. AMI FOR PRESIDENT!
ReplyDeleteI saw about a nanosecond of the O's this year and had only a couple of observations, one of which you covered:
ReplyDelete(1) Don't interrupt an event. I realize there are many events happening simultaneously, but it's not like it's the dadgum SuperBowl and we have to know what happened the exact second it happened. I don't care who won the women's ice skating. I came to watch them skate!
(2) Put the most popular events on at decent hours, and publicize the schedule so we can plan to watch.
(0kay, I lied.. I have a third observation)
(3) Don't let dumbbells give interviews. That otherwise cute-in-a-goofy-way carrot top snowboarder from (where else) California gave an interview where he said, "I was, like, so into downhill skiing when I was, like, a kid and my mom she was, like, freakin' out and wanted me to slow down so she bought me this cool snowboard thinkin' I wouldn't kill myself on it but, well, like, here I am."