Politics is a dirty word and I'm swearing.

I am not a Republican.
I am not a Democrat.

I would rather repeatedly poke myself in the head with a fork than give my allegiance to either of the major political parties.

I find their antics and tactics disgusting, juvenile, and completely disrespectful of the process and the citizens who are stuck knee deep in the crap that is spewed everywhere during every major election.

The whole 'my team is better than your team.' attitude that I suppose we learned while growing up institutionalized is just stunning to me.

Is that where we got it? I don't know. Ideas?

From where I sit, it looks suspiciously like a big messy bucket of school spirit (Go Team! ) slopping over into our adult lives. I hated that shit while I was in school. I hate it today.

I see fervent political party pride as an expression of narrow minds, and when I see an otherwise intelligent individual standing up and doing everything short of a chest-thumping, loincloth-dancing ritual about how great their party is, I want to slap 'em. Hard. Repeatedly.

I am particularly irritated by the childish name-calling.

"Repugs."

"Democraps."

Argh.

Grow the fuck up.

My perception is that no matter which of the major political parties one is affiliated with, the members of that party are more concerned with advancing the party/trash-talking the other guys than doing what's right for the people they've been elected to represent.

From the top job down to small town mayors, I've seen it over and over. Haven't you? (and if you haven't, where the hell have you been?)

I see ideas from both parties I agree with, and ideas from both parties that I vehemently disagree with.

The people chosen by both major parties to run against one another in the upcoming presidential election give me the shivers.

Why can't a candidate stand before the nation and say, "Here's what I stand for," talk about his or her position without calling the other side unpatriotic or stupid or liberal/conservative and get the hell off the stage?

I'd love to hear it. It would be refreshing. It would allow people to do their own damn thinking.

But no. We get the following:

"My opponent is a dirty asshole who picks his nose, has single-handedly raised the temperature of the world eight degrees in his lifetime and porks his Siamese cat in front of small children. If it were up to him, old people would be thrown out with the trash. He loves cats, hates children, hates old people, and hates YOU.

If you elect my opponent, the temperature of the world will rise another 10 degrees, old people will die, babies will die, the economy will die and you will probably die, too. Don't take chances... vote for me!"

I cannot possibly be the only person in the good old US of A who listens to the speeches and finds that when you strip away the grandiose words and gestures, what they're all saying is, "I'll give you anything you want if you elect me."

Past experience should show everyone in the known universe that it's all bullshit. Every bit of it.

Who does not know that once a person is elected, all the promises go out the window? Anyone who disagrees, just shout right out, okay?

::crickets::

Who really doesn't know that there are only two kinds of politicians in higher office? Those about to be corrupted or those who are already criminals. That's it. Not one of them gives a shit for you or for me. And if you don't know that, you're just one step short of oblivious.

Okay. That's my political rant for today.

As the election approaches, and both major parties call our telephone number over and over and over and over (and over and over) in an attempt to influence our vote (one of the perils of refusing to register as a Democrat or Republican), you'll probably get at least one more good rant.

And if you're one of those 'it's my party and I'll fight to the death for my right to go rah rah' people, go take the World's Smallest Political Quiz .

You may find that you're something else entirely.