Barbarian Rituals

This isn't a post about scratching in private places, picking your nose, belching in public or tailgate parties.

Just thought I'd get that out of the way.

Didn't want you to be afraid I was gonna talk about ballsweat or something.

Although I'm sure you're not surprised that I actually have a story about that. I thought I'd already written it, but in a cursory search of my blog this morning, did not find it.

::making mental note to talk about balls soon:::

Yes, today's topic has been approached with my usual irreverence.


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Funerals.
My maternal grandparents were very proper people. My grandmother was from an old money Denver family. Maids, nannies and a whole lot of money.

My grandfather's family was also on the have rather than the have not side of the scale. They didn't get there by having it handed to them, though. They worked very hard for what they had. Years and years in the florist business, building things from the ground up.

He and my grandmother took over the business from his parents while his parents moved to a new town and started over. They had an entire city block under glass. Many beautiful things grew there, it was a favorite place for me to visit as a child and still springs into full bloom (ha) in my memory. I can see every nook and cranny of the flower shop, smell the Carnations and the Stephanotis and see the big blooms of the mums and hydrangeas.
It's been physically gone for many years, and doesn't exist except in my memories.
I'm glad to have it. :)

When my grandparents and their business did funeral flowers, they put a great deal of thought and effort into making them beautiful.

Giving people a proper farewell was then, and is now, a very lucrative business, but their heart was really in the right place, I think. Making sure the friends and family of the deceased are spoken to with compassion and that their wishes are followed is extremely important, and was something they were both very good at.

More of 'the customer is always right' philosophy.
Although I don't agree with the sentiment that they're always right, I do miss the society that spawned those ideas.

There was more compassion and more care then than there is now. A person who wronged you was often apologetic and tried not to hurt you again.

We've definitely changed.

For people who were in the flower business, and very conscious of their place in the community and keeping up appearances, my grandparents were surprisingly pragmatic and thrifty in their choice of funeral arrangements for themselves.

They both wanted to be cremated, and agreed that whichever one went first would wait until the other one went, then their ashes were to be scattered at the site of their first date.

My mom found it disturbing and odd that they chose cremation, particularly since they'd spent so many years helping others with their funerals and flowers. I think my mom's religious beliefs played a part in her discomfort, too. Or rather her religion causes her to be upset when things don't seem... normal for want of a better word.

She still has that inner business person, too. "What will people think!!??" sometimes to her detriment.

What started this train of thought was a conversation on Facebook in a group I'm part of. One of the members had driven family to a funeral, but was not attending. This person found the whole thing barbaric.

I do, too. Barbaric and astonishing. I hope my family honors my wishes when I am gone. I want to be cremated, too. I don't want a bunch of people to gather 'round and cry and moan and be sad. I want people to continue and think of me on occasion and be glad they knew me.

Of course, they might choose to spend a fortune on a completely unnecessary funeral and a cemetery plot. Useless, of course. But I won't care and won't be able to do anything about it if they do.

My great grandmother used to say of a man she had heard sing at many funerals, "When I die, I want him to sing at my funeral."
After she learned that he was a crooked businessman, she said she'd changed her mind and would like to sing at his funeral instead.
So what do you think about funerals?
What would you like yours to look like?