I have a theory

Everyone should have a theory, don't you agree?

Here's mine.

My brain (and yours... and everyone's) is full of these little... brain guys. Minions, I suppose. The minions run around pushing buttons, putting things away in the filing cabinets, being ready to call up a video or some other form of replay at any time, and just generally standing by to perform their daily routines. To do the miniony stuff they were hired to do.

Today was a day off. But my minions have a routine, and they pushed the bladder button about 4:45 AM. So I got up and answered that call, and went back to bed.

Then I didn't get up at 5. My alarm clock did not go off, I did not worry about having to get to work... I went back to sleep.

And the minions freaked out. First they held a little minion conference in the conference room. They had to dust off the table, as it's been awhile since anyone was in there. A couple of them had to drag in chairs from the break room, and one of them didn't get a chair at all. He just sort of leaned against the wall, shifting his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot as everyone briefly discussed this appalling change in the routine.

They didn't even sit there long enough to talk much. First there was a bit of looking around at each other as they waited for someone to take charge.

Within a minute or so, Bossy, one of the older minions,  suggested this would be a good time to pick up the poker game they'd left behind in the basement last weekend, and they all enthusiastically jumped up and tore out of the room so fast they forgot to put their chairs back in the break room.

But they felt funny running through Central Control without doing something, so they randomly pulled levers and pushed buttons and even rang a few bells on their way to the elevator.

This started an unfortunate chemical combination that filled one of the vats in the mixing room. About four minutes later, (coincidentally just as they all picked up their cards around the table in the basement) the vat sloshed over. And started a migraine.

I woke up again about 7:20 and had to pee. I got up and did that, and felt some pressure in my head. But I decided that it was just because I was sleepy and off my schedule a bit, and went back to bed.

When I got up at 10, it was officially a migraine. And I officially needed migraine medication. I sat here awhile, waiting for it to either kick in or make me barf. It was uncertain there for awhile, but the medication finally decided to stay with me.

I tried to sit here and wake up, pondering a shower or food. Neither one sounded good, so I went back to bed about 12:30 or so.

About 2:30, the minions finished their card game. Bossy grabbed the deck and started to shuffle the cards, Stupid collected the poker chips and started dividing them, and Asshole farted.

One of the smaller ones (Mini... he's new here) timidly suggested that maybe they ought to get back upstairs before the shift change. He said, "What if the evening crew shows up and finds the place empty? We could lose our jobs. And you know guys, the economy sucks. It's been in the news and everything!"

So they reluctantly put out their cigars, piled into the elevator (Asshole farted again after the doors closed) and went back to Central Control.

Say what you will about the Minions... but they can be very efficient. They looked around at gauges and dials and decided that things were a little unbalanced. Added the appropriate chemicals and balanced things out a bit, and I woke up minus the headache.

I hope things stay that way for the weekend. The minions are used to me having a couple days a week that I don't have to be up and running... not that they care. I just hope they pay attention to the chemicals for the next few days!

And one last thing. I'm wondering if my minions are confused as to my gender.

No, I'm not referring to the fact I have whiskers.

I just seem to wake up awfully stiff in the mornings.