Color my day...

I've always had vivid dreams, which is the downside of having a great imagination.

As a child, my nightmares were so clear and close together that I laid awake as long as I could every night, thinking I'd stay awake all night long and then I wouldn't dream.

Of course I always fell asleep. And dreamed.
The scary images I saw haunted me. Followed me to waking hours. I'm a little more mature now and I don't always have bad dreams, but much of what I see in my night world still affects my day.

So if you've been reading here for awhile, you probably remember My Dream Girl
I've seen the same little one in so many dreams that I am beginning to wonder what it means.
Or if it means anything at all.. who knows?

(and if you haven't been reading here long, then go back and read those posts, because I'll take any advice you have... it's getting a bit weird, even for me.)

When I first wake up from a dream of her, I'm as conscious of this child as I am of my own children. Like all moms, part of my mind looks for her to make sure she's okay.

I'm always surprised when I'm fully awake and I don't find her in this world.

She's been with me so much lately that she's almost really mine.

Thing is, my dreams about this child have become more ominous and more compelling each time I dream of her. I am consistently cast in the role of her protector, and the circumstances are always... otherworldly.

We are placed in different situations and on different worlds. I sense that where we are is sometimes familiar to her, and sometimes not, but that she always has confidence that I will keep her safe, even if I'm not sure I can.

In the past three or four weeks, I've seen her in my dreams nine times. Some of the dreams are not clear to me upon waking even though I say to myself that I won't forget them, but the one I had last night has stuck with me all day long.

There's been a translucent layer of that dream over everything I've seen and done all day long, and it's colored everything for me. I've found myself worrying about her as if she is real. Wanting to sleep so I'll at least have a chance to check on her.

So last night (that would be Monday night, since this is Tuesday evening) I dreamed about her again.

Again I was carrying her.

Her little arms were locked around my neck, and she was trembling.

She smelled of the same shampoo and soap that I noticed before, and her little pink sweater was fuzzy and warm. Her hair was clean and soft around her face, and it kept tickling my neck.

She was warm and solid and so... real. As she always is.

I don't know where we were, but it was dark. I was making my way through some sort of overgrowth, vines brushing against my face and things slithering away from me as I walked.

There were creatures hunting and dying all around us.

I could hear them roaring as they hunted. And the unfortunate ones who'd been caught? I could hear them screaming.

Each animal sound made her startle, and as the screams of the dying creatures and their hunters came closer, she began sobbing silently against my chest.

I was afraid, too. I didn't know where we were, I didn't have any idea how to get out, and worst of all, I was thinking her trust in me was misplaced and that I wasn't going to be able to protect her when the animals came for us.

I vowed to myself that I WOULD protect her. That I wouldn't allow her to be ripped apart. That nothing would touch her.

I was ready to fight and bite and scream and tear.

We finally reached a clearing. Just on the edge was a tree with branches low enough that I thought I could place her on a lower branch and climb up to her... and move her to a higher place, climb again, move her again.. until we were high enough to be safe until dawn.

At least that was my plan. As we approached the tree, I started to unwrap her arms from my neck in preparation for lifting her up. And she wouldn't let go. I tried again. She tightened her grip.

So I explained to her what I wanted to do. She didn't want to let go of me, but I was able to persuade her to allow me to lift her up to the lowest branch.

It was really tough to put her up there, the trunk and branches were like glass. Gray, cold glass. Even as part of my mind was aggravated and frustrated at the difficulty of getting her up there (and getting me up there, too) I was pleased. Because if it was difficult for me, it would be even harder for the hungry, murderous creatures to get there.

I got her onto the lowest branch and had several horrible moments as I tried to get up there, too.

It seemed like ten minutes for me to finally get there, but it was probably only 30 seconds or so.

I followed her up, and continued moving her from branch to branch. It got easier as we climbed, there was actual bark growing the higher we got.

We finally found a scooped out place formed by a curling branch and some leaves and I made us a sort of nest. I laid down on my back, and she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck again. As she laid against my chest, listening to my heart, her panicked breathing slowed down, and she drifted off.

I didn't.

All the rest of the night, I heard screaming. Too many times to count, a creature stopped below our tree and made frustrated sounds. A few tried to climb up, but did not make it because of the slippery bark.

I never did fall asleep in that tree.

And as the first pink and yellow started to show in the sky above us, and the screams were dying down, my alarm clock went off.

I jolted awake.

And I've been haunted all day.

Tonight I'm torn between wanting to get back to the dream (yes, I can do that... I've mostly always been able to do so) and not wanting to get back to the dream.

What if I can't keep her safe?

Okay, amateur or professional dream interpreters.

What the hell is this all about?